To Kiss a Snake
by Darkon Shadows
Summary: It's obvious that things couldn't have been as simple as Naruto wanted it to be... but then again he just had to go and do something so litterally. Being married to a slender woman should be every man's dream but this is just ridiculous.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any other character here except myself.

Darkon: I'm finally writing again and even though I have a penchant for not finishing a story, Its more likely because I don't want to think of any story as ever ending as life goes on no matter how you try to end the story, there's always more to put behind it.

Trio: I helped with this story some because Darkon didn't know how to write romance and needed severe help dude.

Sir: I'm just to test the idea as more feasible then the others Darkon has had in the past and still posted.

Primell: I help with the plotline writing because Squee asked me to help.

Darkon: Warning if you have a problem with bestiality you might have some problems with this story, however I or my team don't write any real lemons so it won't matter, but there will be a relationship between a human and an animal, in fact this story involves two such relationships and a normal relationship between same species as well as maybe a few mentions of cross species interactions, we're an open minded lot we are.

Primell: Then will you marry me squee?

Darkon: No.

Primell: Awwww….

Story: To Kiss A Snake.

Chapter 1: The kiss that should have killed.

It was an average day in the world of ninja and one boy with blond hair and blue eyes who in a fit of loneliness and somewhat limited intelligence because people abused him physically and mentally all his life, finally decided to end it all when he heard that getting kissed by a certain snake in the forest of death would cause a quick death.

People pointed him in the right direction hoping that under some circumstance that the boy named Naruto would die violently by the fangs of some of the most poisonous snakes in the world.

Too bad nobody told this particular individual that the kiss in question meant you had to get bit by the snake and not an actual kiss; this was one of the good mistakes the boy made…

The other was meeting a described dangerously deadly snake that happened to be born without poison glands as well as the ultimate fact that this snake had also been born fangless due to birthing complications on a day a demon attack konoha while heavily drunk off its vixen ass on demonic alcohol because of a frog summon slipping her a drug in the hopes of getting lucky with the giant demon vixen.

And this is how they met…

Naruto was crying, he didn't care if the hokage cared even slightly for his plight or that those at the ramen stand would miss him he wanted to die and stop all the glaring, whispers and beatings, he knew he didn't do anything wrong so if he died he hoped that he went to a better place than this.

Which is why he was making way for the forest of death and came across one of the snakes before reaching the forest which confused him but it worked for him if he could end it all sooner and then that's when things got awkward.

The snake that didn't have a pronounceable name in human tongue was a long green and white beauty with black and brown markings all down her back that looked like kanji that could be translated as 'She who fights with hugs' which was a horrible coincidence that that was how she was forced to lived; she had two decorative flowers somehow sitting on her slightly heart shaped head marking her as a female she was at least five feet in length and the same age as Naruto as her species was equally long lived so she was in fact nine and a half years old like Naruto.

(Not really a part of the story, but if said snake was born with fangs she probably would have kanji down her back that state 'She who fights with hugs and kisses' and a snakes kiss is deadly unlike this circumstance dude)

The three biggest things about this snake was that one she had no fangs, two she had blue eyes and finally like almost anything from the forest of death she had a human level of intelligence, thus why she was staring at Naruto who was staring back at her as he approached her.

Current thoughts running through the snakes mind where, why was this human approaching her and why did he seem to not be a threat despite the fact that humans are somewhat demonized by her clan of non summon snakes that had some of the most deadliest poison fangs around, in fact no ninja could summon them as they were considered wild and deadly animals.

Carefully Naruto got close staring the snake in the eyes which sparkled brightly in the dim sunlight, he wasn't aware that the snake didn't have fangs and even if he did he didn't know how poisonous it was to meet one that did, he was told that a kiss from this kind of snake could kill him and he damn well was going to get that kiss because he wanted to leave this world and he didn't think getting bit would kill him as he was specifically told to kiss it, he did this with no regrets except maybe for the ramen stand people and screw the old man for letting those people beat the tar out of him every year.

He quickly grabbed the snake by the neck near the head startling her as he puckered his lips and brought the snakes mouth to his as it tried to struggle from his sudden intrusion of her space, she had recently eaten and she had to snap a rats neck and that took some effort so she was a little tired when this happened.

She was born with some boa constrictor in her blood and that at least gave her some form of protection as she was physically strong enough to kill a normal human… key note being 'normal' by choking the crap out of them and even managed to kill a ninja once, but it was a traitor of the leaf and the guy was left to her once it was known what kind of snake she was.

Nobody wanted to bother this type of snake so they carefully and quickly removed the harmful stuff from the body that could hurt her at the behest of Anko the snake woman of Konoha, the meal wasn't all that appetizing but the snake didn't need to eat for three days after that and actually wondered why the human left their brethren in pieces for more than one snake to enjoy, but food was food.

Back to the story at hand Naruto's lips met the snake and it was unknown who was more surprised by what happened, the snake who instead of resisting opened her mouth and started giving tongue or Naruto who reacted in turn to getting tongue, by giving it back as they both closed their eyes and wander each other's mouth with fervor.

Naruto felt happy, 'so this is what dying felt like' he stupidly thought as he felt like he was getting lightheaded as the kiss continued on into its third minute and the snake was not letting up any either as its mind was blanked out on the fact that it was marking a human as its mate or the fact that it accidentally did this after he started it, because her kind pick mates by enjoyment of shared tongue and saliva, this was a glorious but odd occasion as she didn't know how this relationship would work in her less than simple animal mind if he managed to complete her.

While the snake was thinking in terms of accidentally marking her possible mate, Naruto was still thinking of death, eventually it became apparent that he was still breathing through his nose after five minutes and that while he was not dying he felt fulfilled somehow in kissing the snake.

He thought this was posed to kill him not make him feel so good as he moved his tongue just into the right spot in the snakes mouth causing it to convulse violently, finally he let the snake go wondering if he hurt it; Naruto was not aware of the gender, however when he stared into the snakes eyes it seemed to stared at him longingly and then it smiled.

Its smile held no fangs not that Naruto knew anything of snakes, he just thought this would kill him and the snake was smiling at him as if it liked him and after he just hurt it… or did he hurt it… it wouldn't be smiling quite like that if he did.

The snake was just happy that Naruto found that sweet spot in her mouth and that his tongue actually managed to touch it, she didn't care about mating at the moment because right now the princess of the deadly chakra poisoning snakes was currently smiling about the fact that this human crossed her path and managed to fully perform the ritual of marriage, the ritual of marriage always invoked instantaneous love among the snake that finally finished the kiss with their life partner.

She couldn't transform into a human as she was not a demon and it was unknown if she could use chakra or not but she was so damned pleased by the events that occurred that she didn't care if it was a human that would likely kill her kind if he had a chance, she didn't know how he knew of their ritual for choosing a mate but she could care less as this human was hers and nobody else would stake claim unless she says so, of course she never thought she'd end up in a marriage ritual this young but whatever, when she was old enough she'd figure out a way to mate with him.

Naruto after coming off from his first kiss; a rather raunchy one at that with an animal, high, quickly became depressed suddenly causing the snake to look at him pleadingly wondering what was wrong with her new found mate.

The snake for her salt understood emotion well enough, why did completing the ritual invoke sadness in her mate… maybe he didn't know of the ritual and thought he was doing something else, she slithered up his leg around his torso which she had to admit was very nice as torso's get and would be the most attractive thing to a snake, before finally resting around his neck and looking him in the eyes before quirking an eye in a questioning gaze.

Naruto of sound mind and body didn't have a single clue what he had just set in motion, just that kissing this snake didn't kill him, but it did feel very nice and when he felt it slithering up his body he felt it gently wrap around his neck before looking into his sad eyes and quirking one of her own in a questioning gaze that Naruto tried to understand why she was looking at him like that.

After a moment and given he's only been in the Ninja Academy for about three months and had spoken to a Aburame that once quirked its… his… her… whatever's eye like this, Naruto asked why he was looking at him like that and he said he was wondering why Naruto wore bright neon orange jumpsuit, the gaze was one from someone who wanted to ask a question.

This was what little Naruto could learn about body language as his education was being trampled on by every single person in the academy including the student themselves, he had no dreams of being a hokage now after all the disillusioning suffering he's faced, but being a good ninja was still what he wanted to be all he had to do was learn the basics then drop out and leave Konoha behind him unless he was required to come back for whatever reason or mission, he just hoped that never came up as he's not becoming a konoha ninja.

"Oh, I guess you want to know why I kissed you… are you a girl? I'm sorry but I really don't know much about snakes." After Naruto spoke the first bit the snake nodded once stopped then nodded again, her species did regulate learning how to understand human speech so in some circumstance they could understand anything a human might plan out loud, which is why when they lived outside the forest of death before that her clan avoided being burned alive by fire spewing humans who needed the space for building their bodies to extremely phenomenal strength that humans were known for having, in other words they were pushed out of their home for humans to build training grounds and they were much better for it as they thrived in the forest of death.

"Well… I guess I don't know what to say I heard from someone that getting kissed by a snake like your description would kill me and well… I wanted to die, but you had to go and ruin it." Naruto said remorsefully as he really didn't blame the snake, who didn't understand why the human wanted to die but she would make sure he would want to live no matter the personal cost, she was going to live with this human and make him as happy as feasibly possible even if it killed her as he was her life mate.

This was the beginning of a rather interesting relationship and the world's first self trained nin-snake, which also happened to have quite damning high ability in genjutsu skills that no villager would soon forget.

End Chapter.

Author Notes: I think we did pretty well for an opener don't you?

Primell: The snake's character design is Viper from Kung Fu Panda, only she has a slightly thicker neck and she's not in a Chinese based valley of animals so honestly this isn't a crossover but mild fusion rules apply, also can we get ninjutsu cats into the plot?

Darkon: I'll think about it, next up 'The Academic Snake VIPER'.


	2. Chapter 2

Darkon: Despite the theme of this fan fiction it's mostly in a sense of humor and to make sure Naruto stays far away from Konoha as much as possible while moving around in the world, this will come up more later, also no M-rated content between the snake and Naruto will occur, there will be girls that Naruto will be getting along with that are human, one is Haku and the other is Shion but this isn't a harem and either one of those two will be Naruto's human interest as much as the snake will allow.

Chapter 2: The academic snake, VIPER!

He carefully stirred in bed and tried to remember what he shouldn't do in the morning because Naruto was tired after last night's training session it's been three and a half years and he still failed to remember not to yawn in the morning.

He opened his mouth to yawn and something was inserted into it swiftly the instant he did, he didn't scream or over react like people thought he would if you were to wake up to having a snake kiss you in the morning in fact it didn't bother him one bit that the snake did this with tongue, after it finally let him go he sputtered indignantly at the now older and slightly larger snake.

"VIPER what did I say about your wake up calls in the morning and I still refuse to believe I married you, it was an accident and I don't believe that you still won't take no for an answer and you keep forgetting the one important fact that I'm human" Naruto had named her Viper since it sounded right to him and she was as cruel as any snake could ever be, but Viper just quirked an eye at him and hissed vaguely in question as Naruto wasn't entirely in the right state of mind to be reprimanding her just yet.

Viper was the most patient snake in the world and Naruto whether he knew it or not accepted her into his life after that first day of screaming finding a snake in his bed and her being summarily dropped off back in the forest of death by that human Anko, she didn't like that at all and quickly made it back to Naruto's in time to learn what would become her new favorite food other then Naruto's open mouth of course.

"So what if I know the reason why the people hate me it doesn't mean I'm a demon, why do they treat me like that, can't they see I'm human" It was true Naruto grumbling about being one hundred percent human in his morning induced haze and in answer Viper shot his question back in his face with a hiss that sounded exactly like a female voice to Naruto's ears, it was because he learned to speak snake which wasn't that easy to begin with because snakes have a long list of insults to toss at each other, but otherwise the basic language was easy to understand though.

"So what if I'm a snake, it doesn't make your company any less enjoyable and I hardly think anyone does enjoy being with you for who you are and not what you contain as much I do, oh and you told me to wake you up early for your last day as the prank king didn't you" Groaning Naruto had to give her that one as he found out after the first three weeks she didn't like the role of pet, so Naruto gave her the title roommate which she took to using quite literally because he keeps waking up with a snake in his bed even after he tried to build her a nice spot to sleep in, that was away from him except she just used it to rest and not for the reasons he made it.

He slowly got up to go prepare his day, today was the genin exams today and he would fail spectacularly since he learned that it was impossible for him to pass anyway given he has no skills in genjutsu other then deflecting them as soon as they are cast in his direction.

Admittedly it was because of Viper that he could do even that as she was a wonder at genjutsu and even bothered to join Naruto in his trap and stealth abilities in the way of pranks and she frequently used genjutsu on the villagers for the last three years after they tried to beat him into the ground on his birthday after the first time Viper witnessed it and made a solemn vow that she'd figure out some way to protect Naruto from that torment ever again.

Thus Viper became one powerful snake, she sat in on lessons at the academy for the last three and a half years and might have been caught up on a few human terms but Naruto helped her learn about those as he was curious himself, after that though Viper discovered quite a few bits of knowledge that didn't seem very obvious from the start.

Theoretically the Inuzuka dogs should be capable of doing jutsu on their own instead of having to bum chakra off their humans in the clan, it was also strange that there were humans here that might accept the kind of situation Naruto is in with her except they didn't know he was being followed by a snake or that the snake was pursuing a one sided relationship, but she wasn't as lazy as the dog she actually cared if she could fight things bigger then her.

If all things had chakra then why not have the dog Akumaru train his chakra until he could do jutsu on his own incase Kiba was ever incapacitated, that also brought up the fact that humans were stronger then animals just because they were bigger and that is why Viper invented a taijutsu or combat style that took advantage of the human body completely as she could beat Naruto in a spar but that wasn't saying much as he wasn't being taught how to fight by anyone other than her, but at least he could fight on somewhat more decent grounds than if he were to follow his instructors.

It was aggravating but today was a whole new day, though she knew Naruto would never succeed at becoming a ninja of the leaf if he had to do genjutsu as it requires subtly of injecting someone with chakra or filling the very air with an illusion and her chakra was a little different from a humans making her genjutsu all the more harder to find out and dispel not to mention she was of a non summon type clan of dangerous snakes that can poison chakra with a bite; exception that she doesn't have the capability so she makes up for it in other methods, she was considered an assassination attempt the first time she was caught in bed with Naruto and she never got caught after that, but that still confused her as she didn't know why someone would want to assassinate her mate… well except because of the Kyuubi but that was a different story.

It was known that Naruto couldn't do any genjutsu, he couldn't even perform a **shape shift** until he accidentally performed a modified version that was a ninjutsu **shape shift** instead of genjutsu, it was the reason why he couldn't do a simple **clone** genjutsu and Viper had even made it clear that he couldn't, but he excelled at ninjutsu to the point that she labeled him the 'ninjutsu howitzer' which was quite true of his nature as he learned any ninjutsu Viper was able to get for him.

Speaking of which Viper took her education at the human facility seriously whereas Naruto never did except for the practical portions, so she had to make up for his lack of academics by being the smart one and helping him stay in the middle of the pack, despite the fact that she hardly had any capability for ninjutsu she could hold the **modified shape shift** for about an hour before it tired her out.

Ninjutsu was just not for Viper as it was draining to even do a **substitution** and she primarily had to do it without hand signs which was a feat in and of itself when she finally learned how to do a **substitution** especially without hissing the name of the jutsu out loud in her language which took forever for Naruto to learn, that is the language as well as not yelling his jutsu out loud which Viper made note that it was better in the act of actually surprising someone being a ninja and all.

It was Vipers favorite part of the day which was morning, she had woken Naruto up early like he asked her too, she got him moving by tickling his belly where that seal that held the fox was and he yawned as expected giving her the opening to instigate another success of operation: lip lock, Naruto didn't deny her any fun in that department but he wouldn't admit to liking it either and that unsettled her.

But what she really was after in the morning other than a kiss from the human that held her heart's desire was what the human ate in vast quantity called Ramen, the stuff was addictive to Vipers palette and it wasn't unhealthy for her either as all she mostly needed to live was protein which meant she needed to swallow meat every now and then, but ramen was something special.

A bit of ramen noodles didn't hurt her eating habits at all it was just getting Naruto to eat anything else but the stuff when he argued that she could survive off this stuff so why couldn't he, which led to the counter argument that she could survive off insects and rats, even if ramen was a delicacy to her.

Naruto begrudgingly liked her for the fact she was as ramen addicted as he was, though she still argued he needed to eat healthier food, which is why he took up gardening and cooking as a pastime; he got seeds from Viper to start a hidden garden behind the hokage monument and eventually found a few thrown away cookbooks that would fit his needs.

Viper's pastimes was stealing information, reading up on anatomy (Doesn't sound innocent does it?) and picking up jutsu scrolls; which was another form of stealing information, for Naruto to learn from.

She also had the other hobby of reading up on psychology and advanced level genjutsu books which she thought half of which was complete rubbish, she had under three in a half years learned a lot about humans, the biggest fact was that Naruto was the only trustworthy one in this entire village of idiots, there was another hobby of helping Naruto with tending his secret garden but that was just what she does for lunch as she ate any invasive pests that bothered their plants.

With that Naruto went to take a shower while viper got out the two packs of ramen and waited, being a master of genjutsu of a higher level than the fabled mistress Kurenai had really stroked the snakes ego when she managed to get a genjutsu on the woman without her noticing it until after woman obviously discovered it after she didn't feel any pain from injuring herself and that was yesterdays mission Viper set for herself as the woman was probably still searching for the genius that did that and she would never find the person because she obviously believed it would be a human she was looking for.

She had heard that Kurenai was the highest order of genjutsu users in Konoha and if she fell to Viper that meant she was the best genjutsu user in konoha, mostly because Kurenai didn't think outside the box like Viper would, Kurenai's genjutsu only attacked sight, sound or sense of touch which are good and all but there was more to genjutsu then that.

Like how even if a bloodline carrier that had eyesight based ability could still be put under a genjutsu even if it wouldn't affect their eyes, that says nothing about all the other parts of their bodies that could be affected which is why when the hyuuga clan was wondering where all that evil cackling was coming from as it took them a good seven hours to figure out each one of them was under a genjutsu that they thought they were immune to because of their eyes, hah they embarrassed themselves badly and they tried to blame Naruto but it wouldn't stick as he couldn't have done it, she even had a genjutsu she only used on the nastiest people who would hate her Naruto too much.

The genjutsu in question was called the **Viper Vomit Technique (when spoken it sounds like hyper vomit) **which as the genjutsu suggested it induced vomiting through anyone's sense of smell and taste, there was an unfortunate downside to the genjutsu that Viper really disliked but it involved ingesting and smelling the most disgusting things you could imagine, snakes had strong stomachs for stuff like that so when she ingested rotten eggs blended with all manner of things that were the most disgusting foul flavors that ever entered her mouth that a human couldn't possibly stomach as she could recreate every ounce of horrible stimulus she incurred on herself some of which even she had to puke up and she ate the puke to add an even more vile taste to her genjutsu that instantly weakened any persons stomach immediately, she needed a lot of what humans called mouth wash afterwards but the effects were worth the price.

There was also another genjutsu and she found that it was Naruto's favorite that was the opposite of her vomit inducing genjutsu called **Happy Mouth Technique **it made the target taste fresh ramen and smell a hot bowl of the stuff in all its glories as it came in several flavors, but the only reason why Viper made it was for Naruto who when he got bored in class became susceptible her genjutsu which caused him to have a attention span as Ramen excited him as much as it did her, she also teased the Akimichi named Choji with it.

Naruto was dressed in his day glow orange jumpsuit when he walked into the kitchen to see Viper lazily thinking about something he couldn't even begin to know about, but he needed her for the most massive village wide prank ever devised but it would require her services to keep everyone occupied with other problems while he painted the hokage monument and set up the entire anbu headquarters with paint bomb traps and set fire to the hokage's private collection of perverted novels in the sarutobi family home because Viper suggested it in return for doing her part.

Everyone will be distracted by the Akimichi clan when Viper drops off a bunch of weight loss and diet plan pamphlets to cause a stampede of big boned people that says it's from the council of Konoha as suggestions for their clan, all this as well as a few other things was in store for Konoha this day, the property damage alone was going to be enough to be noticeably crippling on the villages already crippled budget from the kyuubi rampage mostly thirteen years ago.

After he finished making the ramen and cutting up a carrot into his own bowl he set down a bowl in front of Viper and sat down himself and with a word they got their chopsticks and ate, it was a little awkward at first but viper managed to learn how to use chopsticks with the tail end of her body just to properly eat ramen so she didn't have to rely on Naruto feeding her.

After they finished Naruto asked the big question he was wondering about because even if he is stealthy he wasn't good enough to steal the big secrets because he wasn't as hard to catch as Viper was in any act, that and Anbu could sometimes follow his chakra which was larger than most peoples whereas Viper could go anywhere like a phantom.

"So… what would the teams be if I did pass?" Viper looked dully at Naruto telling him he seriously didn't want to know or wouldn't want to be on the team he'd end up on from the apparent dissatisfaction etched on her face from the expected team roster if he did pass.

"Okay… so do you want to take any questions I don't answer on my test?" Nobody knew the only reason why Naruto wasn't suicidal or why he was still in Konoha was because of Viper being his only friend that happened to think she was married to him, then again she had convinced him to stay long enough to get a full ninja's education before leaving and whether he admitted it or not Naruto knew Viper had a lot of pull with him in what they did together but she wasn't stifling his creative nature at all.

Viper simply nodded before slurping some noodles, she was already planning an exit strategy and she knew when Naruto was not wanted and even expressed the idea to Naruto who if he didn't pass wouldn't be on the missing ninja list for killing or capturing, which is a far better fate than being stuck with that asshole who wore the dog anbu mask, who Viper could honestly think had a grudge against Naruto because of the Kyuubi, so Naruto getting any training from this Kakashi Hatake was not likely because he'd miss at least three hours of training a day when they were going to train and that was counterproductive in the long run as well as the fact of who Naruto's teammates were going to be.

Uchiha Sasuke was one of those people, it was downright disturbing that the council would provide a team of the likeliest people to get Sasuke to be their friend and if he were to kill one of them he'd get an upgrade to his eyesight bloodline it's like they were literally wanting to kill Naruto off and if they could power up the Uchiha in the process…

"Well screw that, that's why I'm having Naruto follow his backup plan since that day he kissed me to strike out on his own as to become a ninja of his own making and not at the control of a three ring circus that is Konoha" Viper thought adamantly, the council was in control of too much stuff for her liking but Naruto was a civilian so they couldn't stop him from leaving the village if they wanted too, even if he does has some resemblance of shinobi training, they can't mark him in the bingo books unless he managed to somehow kill one of their shinobi. (Trio: Hint in the making dude.)

Then there was Sakura Haruno, the ugliest and loudest girl in the world, definitely ugliest in personality and it was a joke if she were to pass as a ninja on book smarts alone because that was dumb not to mention they were planning to put her on a team with Sasuke; maybe for breeding purposes which was also dumb who in the hell wanted pink haired Uchiha, and she would be even easier to kill then Naruto as she never trains, she never does more then read books and spouts the knowledge she learns from it but she really never takes the time to understand or use that knowledge and finally she constantly berates Naruto without just cause and it was likely started because her mother dislikes him for again the kyuubi, she was permanently on Vipers shit list as well as that of the Ninjutsu Cat Corps. (Yay squee used my idea)

The NCC was started for the very purpose of targeting people on Vipers shit list; that is after she taught them how to use ninjutsu and Tora was a particularly good leader when Viper named him as head of the clan as she was a snake and wouldn't be around to lead, like Kakashi and that man now feared for his life every time he saw a black cat smile his way which actually gave him a reason to be late and no one would believe him about fireball breathing cats of doom and Sakura because of Vipers recommendation and the fact that she blew out multiple cats ears with her outrageously loud voice, they have yet to start operations on her because they had too much fun targeting Kakashi, but they would get to it eventually now back to what Viper thought of Sakura Haruno.

Viper in short thought Sakura was the most retarded mindless banshee crossed with a harpy fan girl to ever exist in the academy class that Naruto was in or to ever exist period, Viper would say that Ino was more likely to be worthy of Naruto's time because she actually trains her ninjutsu even if it is pathetic and forced on her by her father because she is of a ninja clan.

As she was thinking this she slithered into the academy having subconsciously done everything she needed to and waited for Naruto to arrive, there was already pandemonium going on all around the village and that's when Naruto dropped down next to her none the worse for wear, nobody bothered to understand or notice the fact that Naruto was going to be the best stealth and trap making expert to go down in Konoha history and to think he never once read a book on those subjects.

Viper never minded the day glow orange because if he could hide efficiently while wearing an eye sore color then he could be invisible while wearing black in broad daylight standing in the middle of an empty street of a different color then black such as to say white, not to mention he's managed to trump village security about…

Viper took a moment to count and then nodded when she got the final number of at least seven thousand two hundred and forty one breaks in village security including exposing Danzo's ROOT with a simple prank because they didn't know that those Anbu; the black operations of the village, were illegally trained people that once tried to kill Naruto and make it look like an accident, apparently the emotionless shells that dared call themselves Anbu level capable ninja were ten times more susceptible to genjutsu then a person with emotions and feelings which actually helped in protecting against genjutsu's, that and it stood to reason that they were more susceptible given Danzo trained his ROOT organization ninjas through ripping up their emotions with… wait for it… genjutsu… he sealed his own death that way and some of the villages power shifted to the hokage but Viper still didn't like the old man's ignorance of pain, suffering and loneliness of her mate.

Viper arguments about staying here was simple… this village couldn't guard jack shit if it couldn't protect Naruto from civilian mobs and their own thrice damned ninja, not to mention the council was always out for his blood this place just wasn't tolerant of those who were different and she could only wonder what would happen if they found out he was in a relationship with her because so far nobody had noticed her stealing information from just about every corner of this village, how else would she get that tornado launching ninjutsu for Naruto and he never used it where anyone could spy on him when he trained in his hidden vegetable garden which he was going to dig up before they left, this village could hardly fend off a snake and a human that hardly had anyone to help him so it's any wonder why she wanted to leave before it's too late.

Case and point of those who were different and weren't well liked were the Aburame and their bugs and the Inuzuka because of their half demon heritage; not that people knew about it, which means they in fact doing unmentionable things with their dogs that used to be proud wolf type creatures that sadly weakened so badly over time that they became a lot like Akumaru and no one questioned it because they were very reclusive clans only known for their combat skills not whatever else it is they do.

"Alright class… CLASS" The only teacher that took Naruto somewhat seriously was Iruka who was having problems controlling his class as they were all talking about the village being in so much chaos, Sakura was blithely pointing out that it couldn't have been Naruto as he couldn't have set all that up while wearing bright orange and she was half right, because Naruto didn't set all that up on his own but he was in fact wearing neon day glow; bright as heck, orange and he still got away with it as a testament to his skills.

Nobody could prove he set off the Akamichi stampede, the exploding notes in that store that tried raising prices on him that one time he tried to honestly buy supplies instead of refurbishing used crap he found from stuff ninja carelessly left behind and the Yamanaka flower shop suddenly being invaded by the insects that the Aburame raised and that was Vipers crowning achievement next to causing all the toilets in the shopping district to flood with some help from the NCC, but that helped put out the shop that caught on fire as it was in the ninja shopping sector next door.

The class quieted down and waited for Iruka to give them the genin exam the written portion, of which Viper wanted to do to make it seem like Naruto was smarter then he appeared by making sure he aced this test thus causing confusion to the two teachers who she learned from in the shadows despite one obviously having it in for Naruto.

Iruka couldn't pin the entire mess of the prank on Naruto because he knew Naruto didn't have any friends and couldn't be in more than one place at a time so he was still wracking his brain trying to figure out how Naruto pulled it off, Viper after being taken back to the forest of death that one time by Anko was very careful about not being seen and had taken it as being one of the biggest parts of being a ninja.

The test was passed out and Viper poked her head out of Naruto's jumpsuit after slithering into the legging and up to his chest to see that this wasn't a genin level test Naruto was handed and she smirked, if people thought Sakura was smart they were about to be proven wrong as she had silently hissed in Naruto's ear a plan that was both brilliant and evil at the same time.

Naruto smiled and performed a cloudless **replacement** before Sakura put her name down on her test, now he had to hope that Viper could write Sakura's name as she would on one of her previous test papers in other words she was going to need to forge Sakura's name to pull this off as Naruto's hand writing was surprisingly worse than a handless snakes.

Near the beginning of the test Viper managed to sneak a peek at how Sakura wrote her name and studied it carefully she moved back into Naruto's jumpsuit and tapped her tongue to his chin as he leaned over his paper signaling that Sakura was almost done answering their questions for them, then checked to see Naruto's answers for the questions of the genin test and nodded that most of them were good moving her tail into his sleeve to write down a grade for Naruto using his arm to look like he was writing down something when it was her tail on the inside of his hand manipulating the pencil.

Viper then started to carefully erased all of his answers and then wrote down Sakura's name in a near complete duplicate of how she would write it, before hinting to Naruto to perform another **replacement** in the next few minutes with the paper face down so that when Sakura's paper is graded… heh revenge was best served without knowing how it happened in the first place, she had the nerve to call Naruto an idiot when she's the pot calling a kettle black.

Viper hissed silently enough to do a **replacement** now and Naruto put his hands under the table and did the **replacement**, no one could convict him of cheating when his test wasn't the same as Sakura's without implicating someone was trying to fail him; which was his objective but he wanted to go out with a bang in moderately high scores, he watched as Viper looked over the answers and tweaked them to look like Naruto wrote them all, before she smiled to herself and made sure Naruto read these answers and thought about how these answers came about from the question as he never knew when he might need this information.

After Iruka took up the tests to personally grade them after he got all the results from each test he moved them out to the fields to test their throwing skills they had to throw twenty five kunai and twenty five shuriken which would be scored upon with the test and finally the technique portion.

Sakura did worse then everyone but still managed to hit a target enough time to count as decent, Naruto threw his shuriken with far better accuracy and his kunai flew out of his hands in a funny manner but still struck their targets point first, probably because Viper was in Naruto's sleeve wanting to practice her kunai tossing on at least twelve of them and they mostly hit vital spots and Naruto threw the rest, they got a good score better than most girls(fan girls suck at this stuff) in the class and three other boys from their respective clans. (In order of failure from the three mentioned clan guys, Shikamaru, Choji and finally the worst Kiba who is never seen using kunai after this point probably due to nearly hitting his instructors or some such nonsense)

Finally was the jutsu portion where Viper hid under the two ninja that were issuing the test, the one that wasn't Iruka was named Mizuki, he wasn't a good person as far as Viper could tell and she sometimes wish she had fangs so she could bite him righteously for always putting Naruto up against Sasuke Uchiha as there was no growth that way and Sasuke suffered just as much as Naruto did because of it without rotating fighters to make them challenge themselves on new tactics of other opponents.

The reason why she was underneath the two ninja was to screw Sakura over again, there was no way that long pink haired loud mouthed girl was going to become a ninja and Viper figured she was doing her a favor and dropping Sakura's uppity attitude into the pits was just a plus side as far as Viper was concerned when the said pink haired -insert best derogative name here- was more likely to die then Naruto in a fight.

Sakura walked in, cue vicious snake smirk, that poor unsuspecting idiot that didn't actually want to be a ninja for the reason she should want to be a ninja.

Sakura performed the substitution correctly, but when she did her henge Viper cast a genjutsu at the same moment Sakura used her chakra and all that happened was that Sakura seemed to have henged into herself… just without any clothes on other than her underpants… the girl flushed bright red with embarrassment but the instructors didn't get nosebleeds (this is Sakura people, she's flat and couldn't excite an old guy if she tried, in fact we're sure that Jiraiya would become gay if she was the only girl left in the world and they were closer together in age) and she quickly cancelled her jutsu to only do it right after the second try where she henged into herself except with a hot pink Mohawk that had the words 'kill me' written in green on both sides of her genjutsu made hair trauma.

Viper was having fun as she snickered victoriously and now the coup de grace when Sakura went to do her **clone** jutsu…

After a few more people Naruto came in, did his two primary jutsu then did his **clone** jutsu only for them to turn out sickly and half dead, but he never actually put chakra into the jutsu and let Viper do the genjutsu for him as she needed to build her already good stores further, then Mizuki suspiciously said they should pass him on this portion and Iruka denied it, Naruto just walked out of without a word but there was a smile on his face after he closed the door and he was followed by a smiling snake.

"So what do you think, failed close enough to barely fail?" Naruto said with a somewhat cheery smile, Viper shook her head no causing Naruto to wonder what was wrong as a frown crossed his face.

"Not with that test you aren't, it wasn't a genin level paper test and Iruka could score you higher just for that, but Sakura has been failed spectacularly but once it is known you cheated you'll still fail and we can be out of here by the end of the next day, if they try to pass you bring up your cheating immediately… then again they might pass you for the ninja tactics if that happens… we will need to make a break for it before they can implement your ninja registration or else your made of bones." This was followed by Viper hissing despondently as she knew that if they get a chance to register Naruto all the council has to do is push Naruto out of Konoha long enough to label him a missing ninja, then he's good as dead.

"The correct term for it Viper is 'I'm boned' and I agree, there's nothing tying me to this village except the fact that my father and mother died here, I don't blame dad or the fox, I blame the people and that damned toad for getting the fox drunk while she was having her period" Naruto knew things about women that made him blush and he wouldn't have otherwise know if it wasn't for the fact that the demon fox taught him the physical side of how to treat a woman in a curteous manner, whereas Viper mentally prepped him and even hinted at wanting some kind of attention just not in a sexual manner which Naruto promptly ignored much to her chagrin and then there was the fact that Viper studies anatomy in plain sight of Naruto which has given him a accurate ability to understand the female gender, that had actually led to the **Mod Shape Shift** ninjutsu Naruto made.

(It is a quirk of any Naruto and Kyuubi story that nobody draws attention to the fact that Kyuubi is in fact a fox thus there are already plenty of bestiality stories, so saying this story was wrong is like saying a kyuubi transforms into human story is wrong and some of them are T rated like this, but this story isn't going to go far enough to hit M-rating but there will be teasing and maybe some snake cuddling and petting, the bigger quirk in these stories is Naruto doesn't understand women and I nipped that one in the bud right here, because Naruto has two women in his life that set him straight, one is his age and the other is far beyond it and they are the only ones in konoha that would ever bother to set him right or help him in this regard and Hinata was background noise that didn't do anything to help Naruto during the beatings for the first ten years of his life but watch him so why should he care about her as he doesn't know the first thing of her)

Naruto left to go train behind the hokage monument after sitting on the swing for a few moments and then dig up all his vegetables, because he wouldn't ever come back here if he could help it, because tomorrow after he gets his test score, he was getting out of here, but before he could get too far he was stopped by Mizuki and told of a fairy tale of extra portion of the test, Viper wasn't amused and neither was Naruto who kept a poker face and the cheered excitedly about learning a jutsu on the scroll Mizuki told him about.

By the way… End Chapter.

Ninjutsu listing because I've seen other people do it, if we name a taijutsu style it gets listed as well-

**Shape Shift**- genjutsu- target area: self- effect: hides ones true appearance, can be used to hide wounds so that people don't target them and for infiltration in civilian level areas… useless against other ninja unless they are really bad at detection or the ninja are of low level in skills. (Rank has nothing to do with it as this technique might fool a chunin level ninja; key word is 'might' so again rank has nothing to do with it as it is skill of the opponent and user that determines success)

**Mod (modified) Shape Shift**- ninjutsu- target area: self- effect: changes ones true appearance, can't be used to hide wounds, used for infiltration from civilian to low contact ninja level, used for evasion when being tracked by less skilled ninja and can physically temporarily warp gender however impregnation is impossible if target was male beforehand when changing to opposing gender.

**Substitution**- ninjutsu- target area: self and inanimate object- effect: swaps user with nearby inanimate objects, used to avoid imminent death, used to ambush enemies with active explosives and used to defy the laws of nature that there would be a freshly cut log of proportionate size anywhere nearby that doesn't have anything living in it or even mold on it.

**Replacement**- ninjutsu- target area: Self, inanimate object and other live target- effect: upgraded version of substitution but has a much higher energy cost, used to make enemies kill their own number, used to swap places with a teammate in danger, used to steal enemies weapon on hand for a useless object, used to steal important documents from enemies and used to cause confusion on the battlefield when conjoined with **Shape Shift or Mod Shape Shift**.(think kakashi and Naruto in survival training standards with shadow clones)

**Viper Vomit**- genjutsu- target area: single, multiple or selective live targets- effect: causes targets to experience the worst thing the user has ever eaten or smelled at the same time to instantly induce heavy vomiting for even bigger effect if the stuff that caused the user to vomit is eaten after being regurgitated the effect is rate is upped exponentially and this genjutsu is fast acting making it almost impossible to stop before it takes effect also the smell and taste can vary if a worst taste or smell comes along, used to weaken opponent, used to damage opponents throat with own stomach acids, used to immobilize opponent with painful vomiting, used as a quick escape tactic and used to induce projectile vomiting if a target pointed toward another target to cover said target in vomit and thus starting a chain reaction and saving on jutsu energy usage by only having to use it on one person but the range is very short and situational for chain reaction damage.

**Happy Mouth**- genjutsu- target area: single, multiple or selective live targets- effect: causes target to experience the best thing the user has ever eaten in a context of the users choice which works better if the user and targets applied like the same food, not entirely useful for combat, can be used in place smelling salts, used as a minor distraction by causing bliss in the opponent, used to distract a person from tasting poison, used as a attention focusing tool, used in place of comfort foods and used as a party trick as user can eat something and then project that flavor to everyone in the room if it has a positive taste.

**Clone**- genjutsu- target area: around the area or on same spot as the user- effect: creates images of the user that can't interact with the environment or make sounds other then the users voice because of this incapability the effectiveness of this jutsu can only work on civilians as the clones that are made are slightly transparent therefore a keen eye can instantly decipher where the real person is, used as the lowest of levels of genjutsu distraction, used in a way that it could move out from your body while you are standing still, used to make the user appear faster then usual and used as a neat trick at parties as it isn't all that impressive.

Darkon: Next up in 'To Kiss a Snake' Viper and Naruto escape Konoha and heads toward an unknown destination in a more action packed chapter called "Slither for your lives".


	3. Chapter 3

Darkon: I've decided to throw in Isaribi as a candidate (because she has scales and will have be the same general age as Naruto for it to work) for Naruto eventually being another love interest in a human, Naruto will only have Viper and one other person, the other already mentioned girls will be more of a sister like ambition if they don't get Vipers approval, in fact none of them might pass for Vipers approval as she could be that greedy.

Trio: In the continuation of this chapter you may have an idea of what we have planned, IE Naruto might be meeting Isaribi first, but we'll confuse you with the next chapters title no doubt about it, oh and there will be a minor time skip if Darkon does it that way dude.

Sir: I would like to point out that Darkon pokes fun at the main story in that it is always done the same way in this chapter despite the obvious interference to make it not happen at all and we hope you don't mind the cameo's that Primell wanted us to include as she can be very demanding when it comes to that sort of stuff.

Chapter 3: Slither for your lives.

Viper and Naruto had a long standing tradition of thinking of plans, then not following them at all unless it was a prank and this situation was no different as winging it as you go along had always worked for the two and this day would be no different after having stolen an important object.

Naruto was the offensive and front line monster with his healing ability all he needed to do was out last his opponent while focusing on rapidly firing ninjutsu as Viper suggested he was a 'ninjutsu howitzer', Viper was also a front liner but in a defensive fashion as she could attack physically while using genjutsu at the same time, also because of her anatomical studies she knew what pressure points to strike to make a person vomit as well as plenty of other ailments, it was just that Viper really had a sick fascination for making people vomit as while she couldn't poison someone personally she could be like one when it came to attacking someone slowly working her way through someone's defense slowly weakening the body with her **Living Whip** taijutsu skills and then getting them to hurt themselves with their own weapons should they try to stab her with a kunai or other small bladed weapons.

Viper never liked shuriken's, holding them or catching them with her tail was a pain and even throwing them with that or her mouth also could lead to more pain, it's why she primarily focused on using kunai as a main weapon but after tonight she was going to start training in the art of the ninja parasol as her choice of weapon which would give her a much needed boost in offensive abilities as she wanted to be all around in every area with a weapon that she was able to attack and defend with effectively, plus a ninja parasol was a somewhat simple if elegant weapon befitting a growing lady like her when she can finally find one to suit her specifications, then it was a matter of getting Naruto to buy it as a token of love.

The major thing to Viper was she never stopped thinking of new genjutsu to use as not only does genjutsu attack the senses it can even control the actions of another to do something highly predictable if it was well thought out and predictability was the greatest weakness ninja's have when they stuck only to something that works for too long or traditionally like the hyuuga who have become failures at detecting genjutsu despite the fact that their bloodline should be really useful for making them and yet they waste the potential on their petty taijutsu only life style while maybe using academy level jutsu for the rest of their lives. (Predictability will be brought up next chapter)

Viper was the one who came up with the **Null Pain** genjutsu as she was currently thinking of originality in her field in comparison to the staunch Hyuug a clans never change what works personality, it was a genjutsu with medical applications in case you need to keep a person awake and calm while giving them medical attention as a positive use of genjutsu… or if you want them to not suffer in their dying breathe… she hoped that never came up with Naruto as she made it just in case she wasn't able to protect Naruto from another beating, the other side of the application is deactivating the genjutsu at the right time and causing the ninja while having the precursor that said ninja was unknowingly injured to feel pain at the wrong moment thus making themselves entirely open for attack if they are injured in the part of the body where the genjutsu is placed in as it could target individual parts of a body quite easily and that makes the genjutsu hardly noticeable, genjutsu was powerful if one were to actively think outside of a box and that was the one she used on Kurenai without getting noticed.

Naruto however was going to rely on kunai, shuriken and the more lethal trap making gear that would be used in place of his prank making gear, he was a ninjutsu specialist but even he recognized he was lacking a real close combat style other than his instinctive moves in combat and the **Academy Primer** taijutsu fighting style after Viper led him through the forms using her body to move his arms and legs to how he was posed to move them after the academy instructors tried to mess him up; leading Viper to creating the **Living Whip **as she had a good understanding of how to manipulate a humans body with her own, the primer was simply just a building block for learning other fighting styles, he was going to search out a style for close quarters combat as his long range to mid range abilities were already good, he just needed a more better style that could go with his most favorite ninjutsu which was the first he got from Viper on one of her outings called the **TORNADO CANNON** a hybrid taijutsu/ninjutsu attack, it wasn't lethal on its own but hit enough times with it and it could kill, it only gained more range the more chakra put into it so it never grew in power but it does hit hard when done at point blank but mastering it without doing hand signs was really slow progress as he wanted to do it on an instant where his enemy wouldn't have time to maneuver away while he was busy with his hands.

Speaking of ninjutsu, the ninjutsu Naruto recently learned was a lot cooler then the **clone **as it was a ninjutsu called **Shadow Clone **and it was involved in the events that were happening right now, because he just stole the forbidden scroll that now was in his current possession… the same one that happened to be made and written by his father and that wasn't all he got, he had several letters he was posed to get when he turned eight and ten as well as the other letters that just spoke of family heritage all in one neat little package, not only this but he also stole a beginner and intermediate books on sealing techniques when he detoured to the Konoha library after using a **Mod Shape Shift **to bring down the old pervert who was still mourning about the loss of his one-of-a-kind autographed collection of perverted novels with a gender flip and the sex appeal of his female form, that knocked the hokage flat from blood loss and the people who said it was a stupid and demeaning to women obviously don't care for the outcome or effect like Viper did because she thought it was a good idea for handling someone who didn't get his position by sitting around and signing papers all day.

Naruto was tired and he had done it, he had learned to make shadow clones after Viper had carefully looked over the technique of course and made sure Naruto read about every single trait a shadow clone would possess for his awesome new jutsu, the learning aspect was the nicest trait and with Naruto having as much chakra for ninjutsu as he does was just given a boon for how to use genjutsu when he was normally incapable of it and didn't have a talent for it, unfortunately Viper couldn't do the **Shadow Clone** as it might kill her to just try it.

Naruto could at least now do genjutsu… just not personally, his shadow clones however did have the capability for genjutsu and given how many he could make he could throw a literal storm of genjutsu in all directions but the effectiveness of it was cut because his mind wasn't geared toward it quite like Vipers but it would still be useful and now he didn't have a reason to not be balanced if he stuck to learning a few low level genjutsu by having his clones who had less chakra then he did when made use them, as they were one hundred percent capable of whatever he was and more considering the free thinking aspect to the jutsu as so his clones would be able to come up with more ideas and given that they would put more control into the jutsu since they had less chakra to work with… this really excited Viper but Naruto obviously didn't see what this ninjutsu did for him in the ways of being a ninja and Viper would bring it up with him when time was available as Iruka had just arrived to find Naruto alone while Viper hid in the surrounding area keeping careful watch of the situation prepping the genjutsu she'd cast in her mind as her body coiled beneath her waiting for someone to make a wrong move so she would strike from the shadows without ever leaving them.

"NARUTO WHAT ARE DOING, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE DONE" Iruka yelled as he finally found Naruto when he dropped into the clearing that the blond haired blue eyed academy student 'soon to drop off the face of the map' looked to Iruka knowing exactly what it was he did but Mizuki told him to do it and if he can finally nail that bastard for all these years of pitting him against Sasuke then he would be happy to have at least done one thing for someone in Konoha and that was Iruka who had to work with the jerk and who once bought him and secretly Viper a lot of ramen, though the thirty nine bowls was pushing it and Viper needed to work it all off, they eventually got back into shape as did Iruka's wallet.

_(Insert classic scenes of Mizuki implications up until the point he launches the giant windmill shuriken, with except that there is no kyuubi reveal scene)_

"Iruka –sensei… why did you…" Naruto was staring horrified as after he explained to Iruka who told him to do this, Mizuki appeared and has yet to drop the Kyuubi line that inevitably comes up in every other Naruto Fan Fiction that follows the plot closely had thrown the oversized shuriken at Naruto when he was running and Iruka took it in his back, but Iruka was ignoring Naruto's question in turn for listening to Mizuki.

"Funny, I didn't think you would do something like that Iruka why are you protecting him don't you know that he's the…" Mizuki said in a tone that Viper knew where he was going with this and sighed as she place her tail over her snout and shook her head sadly.

Why wouldn't anyone believe a giant nine tailed demon of death and destruction was female, roofied and went crazy because she was in her period and drunk, the giant toad in question that did that to the fox whose name was actually Kyan Ubira didn't get the chance to capitalize on the opportunity of the drugged fox before it was slaughtered as the fox stumbled around before ending up at Konoha's gates and after having been bitten by a few of Vipers family and breed of snakes for passing through their territory in the forest of death, she had been slowed down in the rampage enough by the poison so a different toad and a man that was Naruto's father could seal Kyan into him, it was just coincidence that she tried to say her name during the entire thing that it came out sounding like she was yelling kyuubi slowly when she was actually trying to say her name was Kyan Ubira as people kept calling her the kyuubi, she swore off drinking forever from the inside of Naruto's seal where she really didn't do much except play solitaire with a mentally made deck of cards or healing Naruto as she felt bad about killing his parents.

"NO DON'T… THAT'S A S-RANK VILLAGE SECRET AND…" Iruka shouted only for Naruto to interrupt the cliché by throwing a bit of intelligence into the mix, because he seriously saw the reason why Viper said this village couldn't guard jack shit.

"HOLD IT, WHY DID YOU DO SOMETHING SO STUPID IRUKA-SENSEI, I AKSED YOU WHY AND YOU JUST IGNORED ME" That outburst caused the two men to turn to Naruto and stop ignoring his presence.

"Naruto what do you…" Iruka was shocked trying to ask about it before he was promptly cut off because Naruto had officially hit 'angry rant small burst of intelligence' mode and Viper decided to go off and catch a rat and made it back just in time as he was finishing his long speech, maybe helping Naruto to learn to question things in case he couldn't deflect a genjutsu wasn't a very bright idea after all.

"You damn well know what I'm talking about, how in the hell did either of you make it to Chunin because you were both born after the last shinobi war ended, which makes me wonder if you are even ninja at all, Iruka why didn't you throw kunai at the windmill shuriken or deflect it personally while still holding one, also you could have shoved me out of the way in a way that you wouldn't have gotten yourself hurt and you could even change course of that giant shuriken with a single smaller well placed shuriken it doesn't matter where it went it wouldn't have hit either of us and furthermore Mizuki who in the hell fights with windmill shurikens and to any great effect at that, sure it's good for long range and surprise attacks but here you are out in the open and chasing me down with one at close range with no likelihood of ever hitting me, what's funny is that I was going to use a substitution until the person who as a student I'm posed to look up to goes and does this, what kind of fucking ninja are you two idiots and how in the hell did Konoha fall so far that only it's clans actually have any amount of skill left and that's mostly because of bloodlines and private practices that probably anyone could do if they figured out how to in first place, I'm talking about the fact that you guys are loud and are both not acting like ninja at all right now and what's with all the talking if you have time to stop and chat then you have plenty of said time to kill each other as you are both each other's enemy at the moment".

(As for private practices that anyone could do… Akimichi, Yamanaka, Nara and possibly Inuzuka which you probably don't want to know about, Sakura just sucks period as nobody forced her or even got her to train seriously until Tsunade and by then she's still the weakest ninja in Konoha and mid to long range would be her ultimate weakness, not to mention she's slow and required Chiyo to control her body to fight effectively for once in her life and that was because she was much better as a live puppet, I'm sorry but bashing Sakura is just that easy and also how often does she ever use her what I assume to be a onetime used cherry blossom blizzard genjutsu)

Both ninjas sat there in silence, Mizuki just stared blankly at Naruto and so did Iruka who was silently berating himself because of the fact that he was right about chasing someone down with a windmill shuriken as being highly ineffective as was using his body and maybe his spleen to shield Naruto from injury not to mention how they were talking when he could be busy preventing Mizuki from spilling the secret by throwing kunai at him instead of sitting on his ass and letting him do that, if one were to look one would see Viper happily slithering back onto the scene with a bulge in the center of her long slender blue eyed form.

Iruka would make a recommendation to be rotated out of the academy every now and then to train and go on missions because being in the academy has turned his brain into non ninja mush if he couldn't accurately understand when a person was ready to be a ninja because he has grown so complacent forgetting what being a ninja was truly like while talking about it like he still did, Mizuki was thinking along a similar line about the academy but he thought 'screw it' as it was too late to stay in Konoha so things continued on like they should with Iruka stupidly twiddling his thumbs waiting around for Mizuki to spill the beans except Naruto didn't say anything about that or protecting Iruka; he was at least a freaking Chunin he shouldn't need Naruto to fight his battles for him like this, and just summoned fifty shadow clones and let them beat the tar out of Mizuki while he stood back and watched.

Apparently Mizuki was all talk and years of just teaching the academy style really screwed him over as his taijutsu sucked and he barely had the chance to fight back before he was swarmed with shadow clones that started kicking him in the nuts, stabbing him in non vital places with kunai and punching the dumb look off his face, ranking apparently didn't mean much in this village if a Chunin got his ass kicked by an academy student and the only reason why Naruto was using the clones was plausible deniability.

Viper told him if he had to reveal anything about himself that no one knew about, it would have to be the thing he was told to learn on the scroll so he could easily deny having learnt anything else or having any extra abilities that no one was aware of come into question as he was leaving the village anyway, but not learning anything else from the scroll after tonight was impossible and it would come up shortly because the Anbu who took their damned time finally arrived or were just waiting for the drama to finish because one of them was a jerk like that.

Before Iruka could give Naruto a headband or specifically his own and claim Naruto a Genin, Naruto quickly turned to the Anbu and said something to the effect of getting Iruka to the hospital in a panicky and dumb voice that sounded more like the Naruto Iruka knew of and to take the scroll back to the hokage, in truth Naruto saw that look in Iruka's eye and saw it coming a mile away what he was about to do, the Anbu didn't question it as Naruto handed over the scroll and given that they knew the entire story as they had been there they didn't need Naruto to come in and left him out in the forest to find his way own way back.

This was the Anbu unit that had the dog masked one after all which is why they were late to the party, but the other three Anbu were actually more loyal to the previous and current hokage's wishes where Naruto was concerned and had to be ordered to stay out of the scuffle as Naruto made himself look stupid by expending all that chakra on clones that fought and worked together poorly, obviously Kakashi didn't see the threat Naruto possessed quite yet given how dumb he looked when he charged Mizuki even after giving a speech about how they gave ninja's a truthfully bad name.

Viper slithered out and looked questioningly at Naruto when she was sure no one was around, well he didn't need her assistance with that and if he did they were going to need to push themselves harder to make up for it, now all they had to… wait why was Naruto smiling like he just won a lifetime supply of ramen, that to Vipers calculation would actually only last for about two months between them and if they were given an entire years worth on their idea of how much it would take to fulfill them for said year, whatever company that made the ramen would have to file for bankruptcy.

Naruto seeing his best friend's; he was avoiding the fact that the Viper saw him in a different light, quirking look walked behind a tree and pulled out the scroll, causing Vipers mind to blank for a second before it rebooted… 'he didn't'… Naruto continued to smile cheekily at her and her eyes widened 'he did'.

"If that's the scroll of sealing… what in the hell did you give the Anbu operatives?" Viper slowly hissed trying to make sure she was seeing this right, Anbu operatives just took a fake scroll and have not likely noticed their mistake at all because they underestimated Naruto, though she had to admit the fake scroll was a pretty good rendition of the originals outer appearance.

Naruto looked away from Viper and started whistling innocently, it was a tune Naruto would whistle when he had a semi-lethal prank planned and considering his history of trap making… Viper guffawed, she just burst out laughing in a lilting tone that not many would expect of a snake, in fact hearing a snake laugh is a once in a life time thing except when you have Naruto and Viper together, Konoha security has lost yet again so that would make it seven thousand two hundred and forty three, he got one for beating the hokage with a seemingly stupid maneuver and the other is tricking that asshole dog mask and squad.

After she calmed down Viper looked to see that tonight the moon was full, everything was bathed in its glow and it was very romantic and one thing stood out above the rest to Viper who would always try to get a kiss out of Naruto, she pointed with the tip of her tail and Naruto looked at the moon.

"Uh yeah, it's very beautiful but… what…" Slowly Naruto's eyes turned to Vipers who was coyly smiling at him while keeping her nose below a part of her own body, that look in her eyes spoke of a certain kind of intent of what was coming and Naruto realized what time it had to be considering the position of the moon, so that would mean...

"Aw s…" He didn't even get to finish his sentiment as Viper shot at him with her eyes close and her mouth open wide and slammed her mouth over his and quickly got her body around his neck, under his arm pits around his torso and touching his left leg to the best of her ability as he was knocked onto his back by her sudden attack.

Viper's one move special taijutsu she made just for Naruto was what she called **KISS OF THE FLYING SNAKE** it wasn't actually a taijutsu move it was just something her family was good at that was meant to take out creatures with one really fast lunge and a single bite before the prey could react to it but she couldn't do that but she still used the lunge to catch food and Naruto's face apparently.

Naruto silently wondered why he had kissed this particular snake years ago and thought better of it as this snake was the only person in the world thus far to state that she wanted to be in his company and to be married to him despite the complications; again ignoring Vipers insistence that they already are, that come with the fact that they both shouldn't be together like that even with Kyan muttering in the back of his mind to just lay back and accept it as she already has, the reason why Viper was kissing him was because it was a really romantic moment and it was in fact past twelve midnight meaning she got her daily dose of Naruto earlier than usual.

After she finally finished kissing Naruto it finally sunk in for Viper that they should probably be running right about now before anyone gets wise to the fact that Naruto pulled a fast one and now has the village's penultimate jutsu scroll and found out he actually kept it, Naruto moved their plans ahead of schedule but there's a large plus side to it at least, she quickly hissed at Naruto to grab their stuff and run to the outskirts they agreed on as the exit strategy while she goes and make sure they aren't followed to soon, she had some cats she needed to let out of the bag and boy would the graduating genin be surprised when Tora ripped them a new one especially if Kiba and Akamaru were involved, the cats have finally had it with the dogs being able to do things they couldn't, that is until now and if they had to make a few people's lives a living hell because they really deserved it to learn from mistress Viper then so be it.

The next day Iruka was in the classroom with bandages and a medical jutsu healed spleen, he was sitting at his desk as he was informing people of their test scores.

"Sakura after what you did and considering the score on your test paper, not to mention your horrible throwing scores that even Kiba beat despite his wild… erm… enthusiasm, you failed horribly and there is no chance of you ever becoming a ninja unlike everyone else in this room with the kind of mistakes you made" Sakura just sat there and looking horrified, she thought that Iruka would forgive her for what happened when she went to do the **Clone** jutsu, apparently not and she left the room her entire world destroyed and Vipers ultimate revenge nearly complete, because Sakura would probably peruse Sasuke in a civilian setting thus the Ninjutsu Cat Corps would certainly make all her attempts at getting Sasuke's attention flat out impossible even if Sasuke were to take interest in her and he never had to begin with for the mentally broken girl who wouldn't stop her pursuit of what she thought Sasuke to be and not what he was.

Iruka figured Naruto wasn't here today because he was tired from last night's problems and after hearing about the kyuubi he did a jonin level ninjutsu without a word and then beat Mizuki into a bloody pulp and afterwards it looked like he gave up on life in general when he told the Anbu to help him and to take the scroll back to the hokage, they executed Mizuki this morning in his sleep after Inoichi Yamanaka; Ino's father, learned some interesting bits of knowledge about him after getting inside his head…

Iruka had graded Naruto's last test paper and then looked at it again when he realized it wasn't a genin paper test and it was actually for the next upcoming Chunin exams and Naruto got every answer correct that would have put him over the top even if he hadn't learned to use **shadow clone** he might have passed just on the principle of being able to answer the questions on this test without a plant in the room to cheat off of, so he decided to give Naruto a higher grade than usual.

What Iruka didn't know was that he just failed the student who actually answered all the questions on the test and was currently being ambushed by twenty cats in a violent massacre of the ear drum busting girl who tried to scream for help only to get a gag shoved into her mouth as if the cats were expecting her to try and scream, which they were and it had yet to be discovered that Naruto had already left the ninja village because the cats were doing all they could to make sure people saw something orange, so that they'd think it was Naruto when in fact it was just Garfield the laziest genjutsu using cat of the NCC who actually liked Naruto's appreciation of good food and was covering for him for just one day only by causing havoc in only the way Garfield could, by eating other peoples food and causing destruction of public property on a wide spread scale all the while having dyed his fur from brown to orange and used simple genjutsu to make himself seem like Naruto.

The biggest thing about today was that Garfield wasn't being lazy at all… he was being hellfire to the people of Konoha and after learning of what a certain Anbu did last night, that Anbu has just lost his entire collection of signed perverted novels which he loved above all else to Garfield's claws and he even got his best friend Odie from the Inuzuka kennels to do some pretty nasty things to the populous as well as keeping any of the dogs from wanting to track Naruto when it became known he's left the village, today wasn't a good day to be a Konoha citizen, oddly enough the ramen stand was untouched in all the recent destruction that befell Konoha and an orange cat was seen being picked up by a girl named Ayame who was asking why Garfield was all orange and went to scrub her cat down hoping that his fur wasn't stuck like this, but then again Garfield would go on to become a great mascot of the ramen stand because of his self induced oddly colored fur, he was also incidentally dating the Haruno's rare pink furred cat Arlene and boy was Sakura in for it when she finally managed to get home… can you say ailurophobia? (Sorry we couldn't resist throwing in the cameo's because of Primell dude)

It was several days later with Viper and Naruto, it seems Naruto had finally been discovered (remember nobody other then Anko and a few people that were at the thing with the falsely accused assassination attempt has actually seen Viper) to have stolen the forbidden or sacred scroll when his trap finally set off causing even more damage to Konoha and they were trying to figure out where to go, Viper wanted to go to Grass country as she liked grassy fields, Naruto wanted to go to Wave country as he heard they had decent ramen and they both liked the idea of heading to Sea country as it would have them avoid all these dang border patrols that moved off the borders and on their tails as Konoha was scrambling around with their pants down trying to catch Naruto who has already managed to lay traps that had moved some of them out of the way and Naruto has yet to kill, well… he has killed it just wasn't in his own species yet so there was no shock value as he has killed rats and a few other things for Viper to snack on, she was his… precious person he guessed… even if it was awkward that she wouldn't quit kissing him.

They were at a cross roads while looking at each other they could go any direction and they needed to choose fast on their options, both Naruto and Viper had very little in the way of idea's of where they were going, but they would work it out eventually as this was the first time they've been outside of Konoha, Viper always did want to see the world outside the forest of death and thought of this as a first opportunity honeymoon having learned of the human word for vacation with your significant other.

Naruto didn't like the idea of going towards grass country and reasoned that sure it was perfect climate for a snake but they would need to cross the borders something that would definitely be watched by Konoha ninja, not to mention the ninja of the lands they'd enter along with any missing ninja that was probably going to be coming after them as Konoha had tons of loose lips so everyone knew by now that Naruto had the scroll of sealing, that was currently sealed on the inside of his jump suit as his shadow clones helped to learn how to quickly if barely able to make a written seal that could hold things (his hand writing is worse than Vipers, penmanship is critical in the sealing arts), he was still having problems getting his clones to use genjutsu, they were going to need chakra exercises to give his clones some semblance of control over the chakra they are given to work with as a temporary extension of Naruto.

Viper agreed and thought about why they should not go to wave, it was where missing ninja's and bandits went the most and that was because there was no ninja village there in the elemental countries and it wasn't near the borders were ninja's travelled, that left Sea country which probably had minimal amounts of ninja if probably none at all as there was no reason to go that way for a ninja and missing ninja and bandits hardly did so, so she voted Sea country to lay low for a while.

Naruto still stubbornly wanted to go to Wave, but he decided to go with Sea Country as well when Viper looked at him sadly wanting him to at least head in a direction that wasn't likely to be blocked by anyone that would attack them constantly and wouldn't lead them to an early grave because Viper would die before Naruto could if she could help it thus they set off in the direction of Sea country only to meet some trouble on the way in the form of a average team of ninja intersecting their path.

"Damn it" Nearly taking a hit as he dropped out of the tree nearly getting a kunai in one of his legs Naruto got up and saw the team that barred his way, they didn't look so tough but he wouldn't underestimate anyone as there were a lot of powerful people in the world and he wasn't one of them yet, but with Viper at his side he would become as great a ninja as possible, he pulled out a kunai and prepared for combat against these three male ninja.

"Well, well, well, what do have here if it isn't the Kyuubi brat and he has no one here to… h-ulp…" Before the man who was obviously the leader of this team of three could get any further Viper decided to target him because he was just another one of those kind of assholes and within a seconds of the genjutsu striking him he was already barfing up whatever he had for lunch which seemed to be from the looks of it… tempura and rice cakes, Viper just couldn't get over the fascination of seeing what other people ate come spewing out of them.

The two other ninja's jump back looking slightly green as their friend was puking up a storm to distracted and weak to do anything for right now apparently his upchucking made him unable to carry out whatever threat he had planned for Naruto, '**Viper Vomit** has struck again' Naruto silently chuckled as he ran past them followed by Viper while they were distracted and not looking down at the puke as even that could even ruin his stomach for wanting to eat ramen, Viper even trained him to deflect genjutsu using it… on an empty stomach of course because he didn't want to waste any ramen by throwing it back up and because he always took the **Happy Mouth **genjutsu head on except when Viper was suggesting she could improve its strength by kissing her, Naruto didn't take the bait and he still got kissed, but it tasted great in retrospect.

The two ninja gave chase as they were the ones that weren't incapacitated or weakened by a bout of what was thought to be bad food poisoning, which seemed to come up a lot in the last three years in Konoha but nobody thought much of it, Viper was pleased that nobody ever discovered her special nasty attack genjutsu as it was hard to detect for the extremely short duration it took to take effect , nobody could try to reverse engineer it without knowing the mechanics in the first place and she didn't exactly do hand signs so it was impossible to tell what hand signs she was exactly using so not even a Uchiha could copy it as they required hand signs or movement to copy things and she could do this genjutsu sitting completely still, not to mention the Sharingan is only effective for copying other humans or humanoid movements and she doubted a Uchiha could copy a taijustu style where you had to be a snake or different animal to perform it and given most people couldn't or didn't even know of the existence of the **Mod Shape Shift** she doubted it would ever come up or would even be useful to one if it did.

She watched as Naruto; leaping gracefully from tree to tree as she did, deflected a Kunai thrown at his back with his own and went through some hand seals as a wave of shuriken thrown by the other guy was about to hit him and he couldn't change his direction in mid-air as he jumped while deflecting the kunai, but Viper knew that particular sequence it was a ninjutsu she wished she could do as **Replacement **used up to much energy to be useful to her and being able to do it would give you results like what Naruto just did, but he had enough chakra for it to be very useful but it was still impossibly draining to switch with a live target even for the amount Naruto had as you had to account for the chakra difference to make an effective swap.

The guy who threw the Shuriken watched in horror as his own friend had appeared where all his Shuriken were flying and he took them into his body, on a fortunate side Shuriken were never immediately lethal to the target as long as they don't pull them out before they got a medical kit out and they never sunk deep enough into the body to kill it unless it was shot out of a rotary cannon, but you only hear of those in snow country.

Naruto appearing where the guys friend was when he threw the shuriken had two kunai out and he swung randomly at the brown haired ninja who deflected his blows quite easily with his own as the guy had more experience as a ninja even if he did just injure his own teammate and he held off Naruto with little problem and managed to stab him in the left shoulder which Naruto tried to retaliate after as he had been knocked down losing one of his kunai only to get stabbed again in the right side of his chest, the ninja had him on the ropes and he gave a loud hissing sound as if he was in terrible pain after nearly getting stabbed again getting sliced across the lower part of his chest creating a thin stream of blood while having his other kunai get knocked away.

"Heh you're a few years too young to beat me you de…" as he raised his kunai to strike down on Naruto Viper barreled into the back of his head putting her full weight into the blow causing him to become dizzy as he tried to stop himself from falling forward he dropped the kunai from his left hand into Naruto's waiting hands and he promptly got stabbed in his inner right thigh causing him to scream in pain.

Quickly fighting the pain off the ninja went to stab Naruto with the kunai in his right hand only for it to be redirected by an unknown force into the top of his left kneecap causing him to scream in agony and this is where he finally notice the snake wrapped around his body, neck and right arm, he stared dumbfounded at the snake who smiled demurely before unraveling and leaping off of him only to receive a **Tornado Cannon **to the gut seconds later via Naruto's left palm vertically pointing up and his right palm pointing down while held flat, it sent the ninja flying back into the one who had shuriken in his body that was started to recover from being hit with so many shuriken only to be blown down by his own teammates body as it slammed into him after being tossed by a twelve foot long tornado sprouting from between Naruto's palms where he thrust them in a twisting motion.

Not giving the guy that vomited any time to catch up to them as he probably recovered by now, Naruto turned tail and bolted hoping he was going the right way with Viper hot on his tail making sure they weren't being followed, they were officially on the run now that they actually got into a serious but short fight, Naruto was used to being hurt so the injuries didn't mean that much but it still broke Vipers heart to see him like that but Naruto needed the combat experience.

And he ran, he ran so far away… but he got away, End Chapter.

Jutsu listing, we will only list what's new-

**Living Whip- **Taijutsu- target area: single target- effect: A taijutsu style made for a snake that involves striking sharply with the tail mostly to hit pressure points and damage a person's body like they were struck with a whip and the style also adds the ability of wrapping around the opponent to control some of their movements through manipulating specific muscles and nerve endings with as minimum effort as possible to save on stamina, used to redirect the force of an opponent's attack, used to cause physical damage and pressure point ailments and used to pin down an opponent.

**Null Pain-** genjutsu- target area: self, single, multiple or selective live targets- effect: a genjutsu that can be easily focused to a small area to cause a person to ignore pain where applied which usually would cause a genjutsu to dispel making this a crowning achievement in genjutsu usage however the more area the genjutsu encompasses the more noticeable it is otherwise it's hard to noticed until it is removed, used to ignore injuries and poisons that only cause crippling or deadly pain, used to drop a person's defense while they are unknowingly injured under the effects when removed, used to help a person in horrible pain to calm them down in medical situations and used to make a person who is dying not feel the pain as they do giving them a peaceful death.

**Academy Primer-** taijutsu- target area: single target- effect: a basic taijutsu fighting style for learning more advanced fighting styles, used to fight civilians, used as self defense when all else fails for low skilled ninja and for exercise purposes.

**Tornado Cannon**- taijutsu/ninjutsu hybrid- target area: direction the user is facing- effect: a forward twisting motion that hits a double vertical flat palm strike while launching a tornado that's range is powered by the amount of chakra used thus also making this a mid to long range jutsu with the exception that it's most powerful at point blank where the users strength adds to the damage the tornado does, the tornado itself doesn't grow more powerful with more chakra and it is impossible to overcharge the jutsu the taijutsu portion is dependent on the users strength along with the ability to strike the target, used to knock back opponent, used to damage the opponent, used to make a powerful taijutsu combo and used attack a group of enemies moving in a line.

**Shadow Clone-** ninjutsu- target area: any open space within one to fifty feet of the user depending on skill- effect: creates phyiscal clones of the user that can attack, speed up learning and train chakra abilities, used to gather important information without endangering the user, used to distract or trap opponenet, used to fight opponents, used to take non piercing hits for ally or user, used to train mentally in informatio, chakra or taijutsu movements and used to be in more then one place at a time.

**Kiss of the flying snake- **?- target area: single target- effect: While technically not a taijutsu art Viper made up a name for it as it is a powerful lunge she was taught by her family when she was younger that makes a snake look like it's flying through the air, used cover short distances with relatively high speed, used to perform silent sneak attacks and used in conjunction with **Living whip** taijutsu to get to and wrap around any opponent swiftly.

Darkon: So far neither Viper nor Naruto has met a decent challenge because they've done everything from the shadows and haven't actually garnered much combat experience; if you want to complain about the Garfield thing take it up with Primell.

Trio: Ahem, you forgot to tell people about the next chapter and their waiting dude.

Darkon: Right well, Naruto, Viper and a new person who has taken up sealing arts in a spectacular manner because Naruto and Viper are incapable of it on their own joins them in a fight against the tracking team of genin sent to capture Naruto in "Losing Combination, Inept-Shaken-Choked" next time on 'To Kiss a Snake'.


	4. Chapter 4

Darkon: Today we'll be breaking down two ninja faults predictability and repetition; we'll also cover how to disassemble what seems to be a jutsu that works one hundred percent of the time with relative ease by dissembling them in story and explaining ways around them along with a bit of amusing bashing of Team Asuma and how horrible at being ninja they are only relying on clan techniques, also none of this is actually plot related at all, so in fact I'm not telling the truth.

Trio: Yeah we're still trying to work out which of the three girls can actually get Naruto's wife Viper to approve of them, we tossed in female Haku because let's face it Haku looks like a girl and has a pretty sad sack story dude.

Sir: We tossed in Shion for her future predictions of people's deaths and she'd be constantly predicting Naruto's death if we were to choose her as the main interest (After Viper of course because she'd have to go through the her to even start a relationship with Naruto) for Naruto or something like appearing where she wasn't posed to do to the change of time like in many Naruto time flaw universes.

Primell: I tossed in Isaribi because she could be modified by story to have more snake like qualities then fish.

Darkon: But all of you have to remember I'm the one that gets the final say on them, the only reason why I'm considering it is because Shion is a rare fan fiction character to write into a story effectively, Isaribi's transformation is never fully expanded upon as having any other side effects then good swimming and breathing underwater which I will do as you'll see eventually and finally Haku since many people have a problem believing she isn't a girl and I would want to make a lot of gender confusion jokes about her trying to be a boy while staying entirely nothing like one just to make it a running joke.

Sir: With that said cue chapter title.

Chapter 4: Losing combination, Inept-Shaken-Choked.

It's been three months and Konoha was still in shambles from Naruto's fake forbidden scroll and everything else he managed to do within a short amount of time to nearly collapse the economy, the hokage was not meeting Team Kurenai in the tower because as anyone could tell in the background it looks to have collapsed, it was a good thing that only one person got hurt and that was the guy that opened the fake scroll named Ebisu who was was in the running for most arrogant ninja of the year, now the current hokage the old man was meeting them in a different building.

"Hmm… I have catching Tora…" The old man was looking over available missions for them and didn't get any further when he saw Kurenai and her teams reaction to hearing the word Tora.

"YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE!" Kurenai ; Viper's short lived idol, shouted as she slammed through the closed glass window and made a break for it laughing insanely, Kiba and Akamaru pissed themselves and whimpered in the corner with a constant muttering of 'No' and 'I don't want to go' made along with whining noises that was very afraid while huddling in each other's comfort zone, Shino tried to drink insecticide to save himself and the hive the torture of facing Tora but luckily the Anbu managed to stop him before he could harm himself, but it does beg the question why he would be carrying something lethal to himself and his insects.

Hinata was the one with the most diverse reaction by jumping to the ceiling with her back facing everyone and her head did a one eighty and she growled at the Anbu and sent one of her chakra laced hands towards them as they tried to get her down with a stick.

The old Sarutobi sighed and had to get Team Kurenai taken to the hospital as well as making sure his Anbu caught Kurenai before she either escaped or ended up at Anko's again, he honestly did not want to know what caused the Hyuuga's reaction or how she survived having her neck bend like that, one of his Anbu muttered something about her being a possessed Hyuuga.

The wife of the daimyo actually released Tora on purpose so she could help with the economy and help the cute little genin in their training and just knew that Tora loved playing with its best friends the ninja as every generation of Tora before her or him always became so happy when they were away from the daimyo family for odd misunderstood reasons, but the ninja never knew this when she assigned the mission that it was just so she could give the current Tora all the exercise it needed.

"Anbu catch Kurenai alive and calm her down, make sure the Hyuuga gets to a hospital with her, get the Inuzuka checked up while you're at it and take the Aburame in to get a psyche evaluation" The hokage lost more ninja this way and he didn't know why, while standing on the window sill behind him looking into the room through the shattered window was an evil smile being given off by Tora who disappeared when the next team of Genin entered the room to see the broken glass and the hokage sitting there calmly like it was an everyday occurrence.

Asuma was a little put off by his 'relatives' lack of reaction to having a shattered window in his new office, but he asked for a mission anyway.

"Well after what happened when I suggested the first mission I'm currently suspending that mission from the roster for today until things cool down about it, now I have painting the fences, walking the Inuzuka dogs and this special long term retrieval mission if you want it" The hokage never exactly saw eye to eye with Asuma but he was going to give Asuma the ability to do what he wanted and hoped that he would be able to see him in a better light and hopefully Asuma would do him proud by actually training his students to be great ninja, instead of going to smoke himself into a early grave.

"Okay I'll give what's the special mission about" It occurred to Asuma that the hokage was hinting at a lot of free time and being away from the village, also training his students and that is a problem because Asuma is as lazy as Kakashi except he's punctual and courteous about it.

Off to the side stood his three students, first of which was the smart guy Shikamaru, he was a tactical genius but when it came to physically fighting and actually training he wasn't very good at anything except making plans which as most plans do, they fall apart upon entering a fight due to unseen or unknown factors and considering how average he wants to be in his ninja career, he was setting himself up to lose all his friends and family; the Nara clan, because he was too lazy to save them, he only knew the academy jutsu and his family's **Shadow Possession **hybrid jutsu which won't actually get him very far when it comes to light how you can easily beat it through multiple methods.

The second student was the muscle(read as: wide loaded)guy Choji that Viper used to tease with genjutsu, his family the Akimichi clan had a particular trait of eating a lot and being incredibly slow on the battlefield because of their weight, even with all power their jutsu give them and how much chakra they contain being a slow ninja tends to lead to death nine times out of ten even with enough physical strength to crush a boulder you won't be able to hit a single thing that's able to move faster than you which is why the **Shadow Possession** jutsu is used to stop targets from getting away or out maneuvering a Akimichi using their **Body Expansion **jutsu too easily and this requires extensive training on the Nara clan members part to be effective, not to mention the Akimichi clan has a huge weakness to being poisoned when they use any jutsu that require change in size or mass as it pumps blood through the body faster, they also become easily effected because they create more area for a person to attack them with making some jutsu all the more useful on them. (Trio: I swear it's like we all know what's going to happen to the Akimichi dude)

The third was Ino the token fan girl of any group with the smallest clan in the trio the Yamanaka clan who specialize in mind and body infiltrating jutsu, they have the problem with not being able to keep their bodies trained as it is their clan specialty to not really be in them half the time and should their bodies take an injury any jutsu they are using instantly falters and the cast time on some of the jutsu is also pretty bad not to mention a Yamanaka is easily beaten by a person who has unerringly high mental defenses or someone who set up those defenses for them, a Yamanaka does not make a good front line soldier and would only be useful in an interrogation or getting hands on information as an infiltrator, they are considered good in a team with a Akimichi and a is Nara because they have the combined ability to take down a single target such as those found in a bingo book and infiltrate the mind with relative ease if it wasn't strong enough to fend a Yamanaka off which is pretty easy. (Because if Sakura could do it, so could anyone else with a split personality)

Against multiple targets numbering more than two or if any one of these three were to fight one-on-one alone, they'd ultimately lose right off the bat with the slight exception of the Yamanaka, no matter how well they planned for things to go as by now their family styles are already out in the world and that means someone will come up with a way to beat these three as their predecessors have done it all before them so any combined clan based tactics they used would be far outdated, thus repetition of the three clans coming together in a group because their clans wanted it to be that way put Ino, Shikamaru and Choji into a group that would inevitably be a huge failure because they were all rather predictable if they relied on their clans oft prized jutsu too much, they weren't the perfect team they were a shadow of what was a perfect team that was their fathers combined together using the same jutu's they had for years to the point it'd be recognizable.

Repetition without change is doomed to failure as was this team and predictability brought on by the right kind of actions would physically snap this teams teamwork completely in half from the instant Asuma took the mission and set off for an island between Sea Country and Tea Country to intercept one Naruto Uzumaki presumed to be traveling alone and is assumed training alone by use of the repeatedly stolen forbidden scroll having received suspected help from Anko or kami forbid Orochimaru because of a snake showing intelligence attacking one of the border patrol ninja that managed to intercept Naruto; Konoha obviously never fixed its security issues after the first few times, and he has yet to kill any leaf shinobi and even then he is labeled in the bingo book as a civilian target, in fact the first civilian target in the history of any bingo book to ever exist since he was never registered as a ninja he can't be labeled a rogue like the missing ninja and has a bounty on his safe return, also a bounty for his death and his body to be brought to Konoha to make sure he died which more than likely came from the council.

(Sir: repetition with change is a different story entirely as that's a key for success and that's how Naruto usually fights by using shadow clone swarms but they do things differently every time, it's also how fan fictions are written with repeating the same tired and boring storyline then putting something new to it to make it seem interesting, how many stories would have gone through all the filler arcs before ever getting to Wave and how Tazuna has to be dragged with the team through all the filler arcs before finally managing to return to wave now that would be unique as the old guy becoming a samurai due to insanity of having been dragged through so much danger and hell then gets told he has to pay a the sum of ten S-ranks for all the extra time because the ninja meter was running and they were still guarding him past the expiration date of their mission to wave where magically nothing horrible has happened and then everything continues as normal causing Tazuna to get even more crazy because people start ignoring the passage of time and everything, sorry I've been rambling Darkon was running this idea through me not to long ago as a idea for a different Naruto story, it's up for grabs)

Unfortunately for them Naruto wasn't alone, he wasn't actually using the scroll for training because some of the subject matter in the scroll wasn't entirely stuff he could use and he was travelling to Tea Country which was near Fire Country because he wanted to take part or bet on the foot race that would occur there, which is why he was now walking across the island he was on one a week later from when Asuma's team set out to intercept him, apparently this island had ships that didn't go around it straight to Tea Country, but it made for a nice detour and the sights were pleasant as he walked through the forest on the center of the island.

Slithering alongside him was his ever faithful snake companion Viper who nearly died nearly two months ago in a fight with a mad scientist that nearly drowned Naruto in a blob of living water and nearly personally killed her, it was a good thing none of the injuries were permanent as she was all smiles in Naruto's direction now and had a small sun blocking parasol opened over her head as they went through the grassy fields Naruto got that personally for her and she loved it, she took good care of her ninja tool and even learned how to use it effectively in combat from training with Naruto and their new friend who hopefully didn't have any interest in her Naruto whatsoever, though no one would know it from looking at it the parasol weighed a good thirty or so pounds mostly because of how much metal that actually went into making it while it appeared like a normal easily trashed parasol it was actually built to last.

The design on the slightly small parasol was that of a golden Chinese dragon (The kind of dragon that is long and snake like) fighting a fierce tiger; it had a load of ten senbon that could fire out of the top and with Vipers knowledge of anatomy that was a exceedingly useful feature as one or two senbon could take down a unarmored person, the edges of the parasol were made of metal that could be sharpened when a trigger was hit and the most unique feature of this parasol was that it turned into a short spear using the armored canopy that could still effectively launch senbon while in spear mode, reloading the parasol was a simple task and all that was needed was to reset the launching mechanism after replacing the senbon, this thing could also double as a small bo-staff type weapon if needed.

Naruto nearly lost her and that pushed him into accepting her more with how much of a struggle she put up to keep that crazy Amachi guy held down and of off nearly ripping Naruto limb from limb when he warped himself into a physically strong fish man, unfortunately for Viper her genjutsu had been ineffective due to the nature of what happened to the guys chakra when he used his experimental procedure on himself so she had to resort to her taijutsu style which was hard because he kept ripping her off of himself and slamming her into the walls of the secret facility multiple times and she could swear she still felt those bruises, it was what happened after the fight that made Viper the happiest snake in the world.

He didn't shrug her off, Naruto didn't get rid of her for being weak and most of all he became highly sensitive of her needs for a while until she was better saying tons of romantic things like 'Please don't die' it took two weeks but she managed to recover enough thanks to the help of Isaribi the limbed water serpent girl who joined them in the fight with Amachi after learning she was going to be part serpent for the rest of her life, but that girl wasn't important right now as what was important was that she received her second kiss from Naruto that he had ever initiated when she got better, that came along with the new parasol and that seriously meant a lot to her, Naruto had; keyword is had, plenty of money that he never used for more than Ramen or more recently shopping because people that didn't know what he contained made him feel normal for once in his life… that was until they were ran out of Sea Country with Isaribi for being friends with her, but the money was running scarce now and the Tea Country race seemed like a good place to get some or else they'd have to survive off of the land and without ramen, it was also a nice spot to relax as Tea Country didn't have that many ninja either and Naruto was still trying to lay low.

They were an odd group Naruto with tons of normal chakra for ninjutsu and sealed with a powerful demon that ripped that living chakra water; that Amachi called Umibozu, apart with a teeny drop of power before he could drown in it, Viper herself learning the ways of human ninja and emulating them to fit her needs while only having been a normal fangless snake otherwise who was trying to make a human agree that they were married while at the same time becoming a rare oddity in the ninja world and finally the nearly immune to any genjutsu Isaribi as her chakra network was like Amachi's was after he transformed the unfortunate downside was the inability to do any genjutsu and barely any ninjutsu at all, the ninjutsu that Isaribi was capable of performing was required to use liquid in some way or else she couldn't do it not even a simple **substitution **but the bright side was the incredible strength and a mild boost to speed and reflexes; that came from the experimentation done to her, on land and especially in the water her speed shoots up to at least three times as fast as she can run on land while transformed, she also had a talent for the sealing arts given she had a quick and steady hand with lots of chakra and the ability to move liquid to effectively make a quick seal helped, so far she was up to making seals to hold other things and creating explosive objects within a limited span of time.

Viper could write seals but didn't have the chakra to complete them and Naruto could provide the chakra for them but when it came to handwriting he was always unsteady and in sealing that was dangerous, Isaribi had the best of both worlds being rather calm about her newfound freedom and already had access to her chakra against her will from years of constant laboratory trauma while slightly wild it didn't have to be put to any form, just forced into the seal.

Speaking of forms her other form was large, scaly and green making her for intents and purposes a large humanoid sea serpent with only her face still resembling that of a humans with yellow glowing eyes and a distinctly changed tongue, but right now she was currently in her semi-human with scales form and was rather shy about showing her more armored scaled form that makes her look something like a sea dragon, especially when she got Naruto and Viper ran out of Sea Country.

Naruto after finding Viper to be alright didn't know what came over him but he knew he gave into Vipers constant loyal attention to him when he kissed her a second time and it was not to die this time but more likely he just gave her ammo for pursuing the relationship as getting him to admit they were married all that much harder, to think he wasn't as worried over his first near human kill; because Amachi technically was a monster that used to be human.

Amachi had died when Naruto used the **Twin Tornado 'Kunai' Cannon** jutsu to launch two kunai through Amachi's body one going straight through his heart from a point blank range, the jutsu used more than three times the chakra than a normal** Tornado Cannon** but at least this jutsu gave him a directional control over where he pointed the two tornadoes launching from his palms, that and though Amachi's skin was tough the direct impact with two palm slammed kunai being forcefully blasted through him with a drilling effect didn't seem to help his survivability in the slightest.

"Guys can we set up camp, the boats not going to get there until tomorrow and we have plenty of time, do you need a few shadow clones to train with girls" He learned very quickly that shadow clones were highly ineffective in combat unless the user was highly trained, otherwise he was just wasting large amounts of chakra like with his **Twin Tornado Cannon **jutsu however that was even more effective then the shadows clones in actually doing something against that bastard that nearly put him and Viper down for good, if it hadn't been for Isaribi joining in he was sure Viper would have continued on to sacrifice herself valiently to give him a chance live slightly longer then her, the broken, battered and bloody snake would always haunt his memory in comparison to how Viper seemed so blissfully happy right now.

"Okay, I'm also going to go hunting for rabbits later want me to get some for dinner" Seeing Naruto's nod Viper waited as he summoned five clones to go with Viper to help her train before turning to Isaribi who shyly followed the two around watching Viper interact with Naruto lovingly while he tried his best to ignore the constant attention he was getting from her, she didn't know what to think of Naruto at this time except that he and Viper accepted her; hey she figured if he could accept a snakes obvious attraction to him then he can accept a poor experimented on girl like her as a friend this couldn't be a very far stretch for him, so she finally spoke up when she thought about it.

"Yes I would like a few to help me learn your basic taught taijutsu style, but I also need to train in some more water based ninjutsu do you have anymore then the **Rising Geyser **jutsu?" Isaribi learned it from it from a scroll Naruto had, he had a little trouble using it but he preferred a more attack oriented jutsu then just pulling water form under the ground to knock an opponent into the air; he hadn't any jutsu to target the airborne person as his **Tornado Cannon **required the forward thrusting taijutsu movement and using his **Twin Tornado Cannon **after it would have been too draining, and so he handed that scroll off to Isaribi once it was learned that she could only do water ninjutsu and this was the first time she ever did a ninjutsu, it opened up a whole new world for Isaribi, that of the ninja the same world that Viper came to enjoy and share with her mate whom she wouldn't pressure to do anything he didn't want to except kissing and that was about as far as she was afraid she was only going to get but she could live with it if Naruto returned her affection every now and then.

"Yeah just one, it's called **Tsunami Shell** jutsu and its follow up **Tsunami Shell Shot **jutsu and those were slightly hard for me to do and I really can't think of a time I could have needed them because there wasn't any viable enough water source around to use them from when I did" He pulled off the jacket part of his newer dark orange jump suit and tap the inside of it with a finger and pulled out the scroll with the jutsu in question on it and tossed it to Isaribi who caught it eagerly wanting to prove she could be helpful to Naruto and Viper given she hardly came across people who cared much less two that she wanted to protect.

Naruto himself had tree climbing and water walking to go practice so he started setting up camp at the edge of the road to the other side of the island where he would catch a ship to Tea Country, these simples exercises in chakra were taking him forever to learn whereas it would take Viper seconds to do since she's a natural at it without chakra already not to mention she was the one that remembered all the exercises one can do with chakra in the first place from their academy days, that didn't mean she wouldn't train with it though as she did upside down tail-ups and focused on being more on top of the water without causing ripples in it, she was facing harder challenges with actually having to think of a way to make her exercises harder, while for him it was hard enough.

Once he was finished with camp he left and after some distance away he started to walk up the nearest tree while pushing chakra to his feet as this place had a pond he could practice on, after two hours of constant training he made his way back for camp when he suddenly stopped completely unable to move.

"**Shadow Possession **jutsu success, target Uzumaki Naruto is captured, now are you going to come along quietly and live or do you want to be troublesome" Team Asuma finally found naruto and had him trapped, that wouldn't last too long.

**Shadow Possession **jutsu is steeped with a varying history of failure until it was turned into a hybrid jutsu where its success rate is near one hundred percent which is why the Nara clan keep worrying that someone might find out the secret to the jutsu, because it used to be a double-edged sword jutsu for the user because before it became a hybrid jutsu it used to be a struggle of wills where the opponent would gain control of the user if they were stronger, that was until they added the genjutsu supplement to be more in control.

"Where is it, where is the forbidden scroll… INO I SAID NOT TO PREP THAT JUTSU OR USE IT ON HIM" Ino quickly dropped the opening procedure to her **Body Mind Swap **jutsu looking guilty while being scolded by Asuma, why was sensei so worried about her using the jutsu on Naruto it'd make getting the idiot back to Konoha a whole lot easier if she could just walk him all the way back carrying her own body, as is the capture method of the Ino-Shika-Cho trio, Choji would be for assassinations or knockouts, Ino would be for causing confusion among teammates if the enemy had any, also to bring people in alive and Shikamaru was the main capture artist and plans for success knowing the limits of his two teammates abilities.

This jutsu was also steeped in history for being a double edged sword as when the **Body Mind Swap** jutsu is used if the user is injured while in another person's body then their body is also injured, this means that if the person was to suffer fatal injury like say Naruto while Ino was inside of his head then she would die from same injury affecting her body, though this doesn't necessarily mean Naruto would and another thing is that a person with a strong mental barrier can trap and hold a Yamanaka hostage inside their head, this has led to plenty of comatose Yamanaka's that never woke up, since Ino is not exactly the strongest willed person alive then it would stand to reason that the kyuubi known as Kyan Ubira would have a field day with her own new chew toy or maybe she could think of another reason to keep the Yamanaka if it does happen.

"Considering going back to Konoha would be an early death or staying out here where I'm free means a later death on my own two feet with my friends, then I'm safer out here, oh and no worries about the scroll it's in a safe place, so why don't you just let me go and leave me alone" Naruto's cold tone was shocking to his old classmates and they didn't think he had any say in the matter about not going back.

Elsewhere Isaribi saw one of the shadow clones disperse and all the shadow clones turned to that one as it wasn't posed to do that, but the signal to disperse one of them was heard by all the clones that started to converge on Naruto with Isaribi following them, because Naruto wouldn't disperse a clone personally without reason when it still had a job to do, that and Isaribi noticed the clones starting to run.

While at the same Viper was busy hunting a rabbit with the clones she had and she watched as they suddenly stood straight up and began converging on the signal to disperse that came to that one clone without warning, the clones shared intelligence with every other when they go so they were all alerted to a problem.

'If all the clones are running towards somewhere in a panic, then that must mean…' Viper eyes widened, before they narrowed whoever attacked Naruto wasn't going to get away with it.

"NARUTO" Viper hissed loudly and snaked her way into a tree absentmindedly dragging her parasol with her before lunging through the branches she slithered upon with her body following the now frantic clones.

"What do you mean going back would be your early death and what friends, I don't know if you've noticed this but you're not exactly the most well liked person Naruto" This is what Naruto had been looking for a opening to stall for time while the girls are alerted to something as being wrong and Shikamaru just gave him the opening even if he couldn't move he could still talk, which is one way to defeat the **Shadow Possession** jutsu if you can launch a jutsu from your mouth that can change direction after its been fired or have a eye based technique like the Uchiha it's easily beatable, but Naruto didn't have one of those and this brings up another thing about the **Shadow Possession** jutsu that whatever happens to the target also happens to the user ever since the inclusion of the genjutsu portion the target hasn't be able to gain control of the jutsu or had enough chakra to dispel the genjutsu without a hand sign, Naruto however has yet to recognize the genjutsu because of its hybrid nature and he has more than enough chakra to dispel the genjutsu portion and take control of this situation.

"Yeah well shows you how much you know I only had one true friend in all of Konoha and she won't leave me alone because of a mistake I would make, I also found another one in my travels two months ago where we've been on the move ever since trying to avoid situations like this… I knew that guy was from the Konoha spy network when I saw the triangle symbol, I was just too stupid to not take any precautions, I should have told them about it but I thought it was nothing and as for the scroll it actually belongs to my family" He needed more time to figure out how to get out of the **Shadow Possession** jutsu, it felt weird and confining like he should have more control than this, if only he could figure out what this jutsu was exactly doing and how he could still move his mouth and eyes independently of his body.

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU IDIOT, you don't have any friends because of all those pranks you're always…" Before Ino got any further Shikamaru took those words in really fast and calculated what Naruto has said, something wasn't adding up here as why would Naruto have claim that the forbidden scroll belonged to his family when it was the hokage's that… could he be… he needed more info and he was still getting the feeling that Naruto hasn't said everything and is in fact trying to stall until help arrived from his traveling companions which would inevitably be troublesome as they would prefer to keep Naruto out of Konoha "INO ENOUGH, you're going too far and being troublesome about it, Naruto who are your traveling companions and you haven't said enough to make me understand why you think the forbidden scroll is yours because your stalling for time, by trying to get me to ask about it".

"You're pretty smart Shikamaru I'll give you that, but you're not exactly right about stalling as I've already done enough and you probably don't have the chakra to keep me from moving like this for too long" Then Naruto's Shadow Clones swarmed the scene causing Asuma to jump into action as he too was considering what Naruto meant about the forbidden scroll before he would order Choji to knock out Naruto or doing it himself the second Shikamaru released his jutsu, he even gave thought of doing it before Shikamaru released the jutsu should Naruto mention the Kyuubi and he didn't know who else left Konoha with Naruto other then what was sealed in his gut; as in nobody else was missing or seen with Naruto, so the fox demon must be female and had to be bluffing other than having one travel companion so it shouldn't be too hard to capture them as well, key word being "shouldn't" he quickly dealt with the shadow clones with a few rapid well placed kunai stabs and waited.

They; the clones that is, all went after Shikamaru meaning… Asuma quickly tossed a chakra pill to Shikamaru who took it and was told to keep holding the jutsu and to not let Naruto get away.

"Oh come on Asuma-sensei how dangerous do you think Naruto could really be? He's such an idiot" That loaded question that Ino asked unknowingly setting off a huge chain of events that led to Ino realizing her uselessness, Shikamaru shaken in his belief that he was a good strategist and Choji knew he would be sad when this was over with as he had been standing by quietly observing everything in their entirety, he had nothing personal against Naruto leaving the village as he was well aware of Naruto having more than one assassination attempt a week enacted upon his person but the reason still eluded him and he still hasn't brought this up with Shikamaru or bothered to ask anyone about it after councilor Danzo was executed when Naruto uncovered his secret organization that was bent on usurping the hokage, apparently there was a lot more to Naruto then anyone could have guessed with how hated he was and wasn't surprised that Naruto finally cracked although he expected a suicide attempt first and not a defection before he was even registered a ninja considering he passed his test.

A little while before she asked that question and when the clones attacked Viper and Isaribi met up out of sight to come up with a quick plan, but the sad thing was that the human girl couldn't speak snake so Viper had to pantomime a few things with her tail for Isaribi to fully understand the plan, such as tap the ground and then pointing up while pointing at the Yamanaka and Sarutobi, then pointing to herself and then to Choji.

"But what about the guy that has Naruto-san" Isaribi had asked and Viper just pointed to Naruto and then to Shikmaru then drew a quick kanji for fight on the ground meaning don't worry about it, she also pointed at the kanji while motioning to Asuma as Isaribi's target while noting to fight in her transformed state, Viper doubted Ino's fan girl nature helped her any in these past few months and she'd hardly contribute to the fight even if she used her family's jutsu she wouldn't know how to control a snakes body much less hit her with the jutsu or even that of Isaribi's alternate form not to mention the girl could use her mental trauma as a very effective shield and Naruto was blatantly immune.

With the plan set as soon as Ino uttered those words, a rumbling sound came causing the ninja to look around wondering where it came from before two giant spouts of water erupted from the ground knocking Ino and Asuma up into the air and Asuma was quickly tackled by a large indistinct green scaly blur away from his genin team taking a heavy blow to the ribs when he was, Ino slammed into a branch going up and was knocked senseless going down unable to do anything for a while as she was completely stunned when she hit the ground.

"Choji I need you to help me knock Naruto out before…" A loud hiss interrupted Shikamaru and he saw one of the strangest things he's ever seen, a snake with a parasol that flew by him and Naruto to directly attack Choji by jabbing him in the stomach hard when she whipped her parasol around and into Choji knocking him onto his back, he quickly got up and that was saying something for an Akimichi to face down a rather angry looking snake that was scowling at him as she hissed seemingly angry at Choji flicking her forked tongue in his direction.

"Naruto, use your genjutsu buster and then jump backwards as hard as you can, trust me, oh and use the **Leaf Skin** while you're at it we don't want the Yamanaka to enter your mind or Kyan might not let go of her as she doesn't get any other company then you" Naruto's eyes were looking at a angry Viper but he saw the vicious scowl was more of an act to hide her orders while she was hissing in what seemed like anger towards Choji.

Naruto wondered when did he fall under a Genjutsu, but decided to use his genjutsu buster anyway and his chakra cleansed itself starting from head to toe in a visible ring of energy appearing around Naruto and moved down disabling any genjutsu effect on him and he finally felt like he could move, he looked at Shikamaru who's eyes bugged out at him when he move his arm so did Shikamaru and there was a tree close behind him… oh now he gets now, looking behind himself before jumping backwards he made sure he wasn't doing the exact same Shikamaru was about to do.

With a mighty leap backwards Shikmaru slammed the back of his own skull into a tree causing him no end of agony and to slowly try to get up after hitting the ground from his dispelled **Shadow Possession **jutsu that just failed like people of the Nara clan have feared for so long that it would eventually happen, someone finally figured out the secret and Shikamaru's world was shaken obviously by the blow to the back of his head jumping backwards at the same enormous strength that Naruto had, he watched as he tried to get his bearing and feel some blood dripping from the back of his skull as Naruto kicked a tree and did a jutsu that caused all the leaves that were falling from the tree and also those that were on the ground to fly to Naruto's body and Mummify him in leaves except for his eyes and the bottom part of his nose and some of his mouth.

He didn't say the name of the jutsu so rightfully Shikamaru didn't know how to proceed as he didn't know what this jutsu did or how long Naruto can keep it going, but he was pretty sure that this was troublesome and that Ino needed to get Naruto now he didn't care what Asuma said if Naruto starts doing unknown things like knowing how to break the **Shadow Possession **jutsu then this was way out of their league.

Off facing a Jonin on her own Isaribi was barely surviving by the skin of her teeth and that was with her heightened reflexes, Asuma was using wind, fire and even a water jutsu but that one didn't do anything to hurt her while she was in sea serpent form and she quickly used the only jutsu she knew how to do properly in rapid succession sending pillars of water into the air to deflect shuriken, kunai and even creating four pillars around herself to stop Asuma from getting her with those deadly glowing trench knives that launched blades of chakra and wind at her, she was getting roughed up fiercely and even her minimally armored scales were started to wear down from the brutal onslaught.

"**Body Expansion **jutsu" Choji inflated to a large comical sphere and then followed up with **Rolling Boulder** jutsu trying to crush Viper, which was pretty much a large epic failure on his part as Viper was to small and fast to be crushed by something this ridiculously… slow… yeah that was the word for it and she waited for Choji's rapidly rolling form to slow down, when he did she struck him in the head with an over body swing of her parasol causing him to deflate and clutch his head in pain at how hard he had been struck by what seemed to him to be a normal flimsy parasol, thus far the only thing holding Viper from using her **Viper Vomit **genjutsu was several reasons** .**

One that genjutsu might just kill him, two he wasn't that bad a person it's just that they were enemies at the moment and lastly she wanted to fight using only her physical strength as she noticed she was getting too lazy and reliant on her genjutsu thus the heavyweight parasol which she could hold up with any part of her body and she used it for exercise but it wasn't light as a feather to wield quite yet but it was a pretty good bludgeoning device.

Naruto was carefully watching Shikmaru when Ino suddenly made herself known by jumping out behind him and using her **Mind Body Swap** jutsu and Naruto didn't have time to dodge as he was too surprised when his leaf covered body was struck by Ino's conciousness and then Naruto smiled.

"Good you got Naruto, now we have to go help Choji and…" Shikamaru was suddenly caught off guard when Naruto tossed a kunai at him and he dodged to the side as it deeply grazed his left shoulder.

"Not quite Shikamaru, Ino's kind of held up at the moment please leave a message after the beep" Naruto said with a defiant tone and smirk.

"What did you do with Ino" A loud angry hissing sound came off to the side causing them to look as Viper was dodging a rapidly expanding fist from Choji's **Partial Expansion: Fist** jutsu and she finally opened her Parasol to block it and got shoved back but otherwise she was fine and looking over the canopy shield she moved her body to angle the parasol just right and three senbon flew out one went wide uselessly impaling a tree, the second hit something important in Choji's shoulder with the enlarged fist and his arm exploded blue energy outward causing the fist to go back down to normal size covered instantly in painful bruises and the last one didn't hit a vital pressure point but it was close to the second one, Viper would make sure to work on her aim next time as that was just horrible and she wasted two shots having only seven left.

"Hit me and you'll see what happens" He knew that Viper just told him to say that and if guessed right if he gets hit Ino will get hurt as well meaning he had a hostage, most of which was currently stuck circulating through all the leaves thinly armoring his body.

Inside Naruto's mind a poor saddened teary giant nine tail vixen sniffled, she wanted to play with the Yamanaka how could Naruto be so cruel as to not give her something to… oh right, she killed his parents in a fit of drunken, roofied and on her period rage, that's more than enough reason for any hatred.

At least she was being tolerated by Naruto in this situation of being stuck inside him like he was tolerating that snake Viper falling in love with him, at least Viper might understand her now instilled hatred of toads but she couldn't communicate to anyone other than Naruto and he was still ignoring her.

"I wonder if he remembered me asking if we can find my wife or my favorite cuddle toy, well I guess I'm paying the eternal price for ruining this kids life from day one" Kyan Ubira was in fact married to another woman but when she tried to state the fact after hearing everything she did with Nabi Igki the two tailed cat demon he didn't want to hear any more from her and shut her off when she just got started on talking about her amazing life partner which was a celestial being that might be able to separate them, sheesh she didn't think Naruto was a prude especially considering his wife was a snake.

"I guess I have no other choice, I give up" It was the thought of the words Naruto said that lead to Shikmaru knowing he has lost and was completely shaking in fear or was it his inability to do anything with the constant pain running through his skull, his teammate was captured obviously and he was losing blood and Choji… just passed out from the lack of air of being choked by the parasol carrying snake who was using the parasol underneath Choji's chin pressing it hard into his neck and had released him as soon as he passed out after struggling for a few seconds to get the snake off of him.

"Hey Shikamaru just so you know, no hard feelings just actually train once in a while and try something new every now and then you lazy bastard and sorry about the coming pain" Shikamaru went to ask but he never got the chance when he heard several cracking sounds and felt himself being flayed alive by a whip before he blacked out from the pain with several large gashes in his back when he fell face forward to reveal a physically tired Viper behind him as she slithered up to Naruto and nuzzled against his leaf covered ankle slowly grabbing and dragging her parasol with her.

"You can dispel the **Leaf Skin** now; we have to go help Isaribi who knows what damage that man can do as he's a jonin, but then again a man of his rank shouldn't be taken by surprise so easily" Viper hissed as she slithered in the direction Isaribi knocked Asuma after launching him skyward with the **Rising Geyser **jutsu, Naruto quickly dispelled the jutsu making the leaves fall off of him and made a few clones to go back to the campsite and to get the gear packed up.

On the ground Ino was slowly waking up to a horrible sight despite taking a minimal beating herself and she hadn't done all that much, Choji had his badly bruised arm with two senbon in it and his body along with his neck didn't look so good, Shikamaru was bleeding from several gashes on his back and his head, Ino let off a horrified scream as it finally sunk in how badly hurt Shikamaru was, she hadn't done a single thing productive all the fight and her only clan ninjutsu was easily dealt with by a bunch of leaves.

Asuma hearing his female students scream rushed towards his teams side hoping he wasn't too late and Naruto arrived to find Isaribi still standing and she switched back to her human form the size of the damage on her bigger form was scaled down but still pretty bad and Naruto made a clone and then dispersed it quickly to tell the others to get the port as quickly as they could.

"I'm okay… I just need some… sleep…" Isaribi muttered slowly as her eyes closed and she continued to breathe lightly knowing Naruto was finally okay, she still needed a doctor though that wouldn't be affected by her rather strange appearance and finding one would be rather difficult.

Naruto quickly picked up Isaribi and made a mad dash for the other side of the island with Viper trailing behind dragging her heavy Parasol as its weight finally got to her at this point until Naruto stopped create two clones, one to carry Viper and the other to carry her heavy parasol.

Meanwhile Asuma saw the sorry state his team was in and tried to pick up the pieces of a completely shattered resolve by going back to Konoha and declaring the mission a failure, Ino was the only one in any shape other than him to do anything and she could hardly carry her teammates, she needed a lot more training if she was this inept at anything in the real ninja world such as carrying a injured teammate and was in dire need of far more exercise then she got chasing after Sasuke Uchiha, while Asuma himself wasn't complaining with his probably busted ribs from the first blow from that monster that held up pretty well against him using only one jutsu, it just made him feel like he was being toyed with as that was the only jutsu it did.

Ouch Asuma's team really has got nothing on Naruto's, End Chapter.

Jutsu listing, only the important ones this time-

**Shadow Possession**- ninjutsu/genjutsu hybrid- target area: as far as the users shadow can stretch on to a single or multiple live targets- effect: the ninjutsu portion binds two people to mimic each other's action by the user fusing his shadow to the target the more targets them more costly the jutsu, the genjutsu portion was added to disable the opponents ability to control their own bodies and because of the constant contact with the user the genjutsu effects are strengthed by the constant contact before that all the user had to do was be stronger then the possessor to counter the jutsu, used to trap an opponent, used to strategically move the opponent into injuring themselves, used to prepare a tag team action and used to set up for other shadow related jutsu.

Weakness: Is short ranged and can be subverted if you know how to or are able to break the genjutsu portion, you can even make it damage the user with it and you can use jutsu that only rely on the eyes or mouth without hand signs to break it, the only reason why a Uchiha can't do this jutsu is because they can't easily copy hybrid jutsu as they tend to focus on one side or the other too much thus failing to copy it and if Sasuke got this jutsu you can only bet that Itachi would break it easily enough.

**Body Mind Swap**- genjutsu/ninjutsu hybrid- target area: single live target- effect: uses chakra to form the ninjutsu portion that compacts the body's consciousness into a full body effecting genjutsu, when launched the user's body enters a comatose state and they enter their targets body with their own consciousness taking over the unprepared, thus causing the persons actual consciousness to fall asleep or be shoved to the back of the mind, used to infiltrate enemy territories, used to grab information from another's mind, used to control another person's body to force betrayal in the targets allies, used to walk a mile in another person's shoes literally and used to steal bloodlines by forced intercourse with selected person or the users own body which is; while a horribly wrong act, permitted by the Konoha council should they convince a Yamanaka of it and provided the target has no or very little mental defenses. (Someone should write a story about bloodline stealing Yamanaka's, though I'm not going to or someone probably has thought of it already)

Weakness: While long range the jutsu makes the user's body become immobile and can easily be killed, also the user can be easily trapped in another's mind never to get out, if the user is injured while still in the body they stole from the target their own body reflects the damage done to the host body making this jutsu incredibly risky, also the user of this jutsu can get trapped in objects charged with chakra causing them to miss latching onto the person's actual nervous system and become stuck until chakra stops being charged through said object, also the users body starts to atrophy from overuse of this jutsu.

**Twin Tornado Cannon**- ninjutsu- target area: direct line of fire , single or multiple live or inanimate targets- effect: Launches one tornado from each palm whenever the user needs to, this is a step up from the **Tornado Cannon Jutsu** as it doesn't require the taijutsu movement to launch but it does require several times more chakra to perform and weapons can be added for differing effects, used to knock back an opponent, used to influence kunai into a flying drill, used to influence senbon into a fast flying shotgun spread that imbed into a target painfully, used to influence shuriken into deep penetrating but highly inaccurate buzz saws, used to dish out double the damage of the **Tornado Cannon **while being able to direct the attack, used to inefficiently blow allies to safety, used to deflect projectiles and used during a jump to propel the user in any direction.

**Rising Geyser**- ninjutsu- target area: straight up from underground on a chosen spot as long as there's water, single to multiple live or inanimate targets- effect: causes a large pillar of water to burst up from the ground or water, used to deflect projectiles, used to stop fire jutsu, used to gain temporary relief in a hectic battle, used to launch opponent skyward, used to manipulate the terrain, used to launch something at an opponent and used to find water in a desert.

**Tsunami Shell- **ninjutsu- Target area: around the user and or allies near the user- effect: causes a turtle shell shaped wall of water to furiously rotate around the user protecting them from attacks above and around the shell, used to deflect projectiles, used to stop fire jutsu, used to set up the** Tsunami Shell Shot**, used to cause injury to the person who tries to attack physically, used to launch projectiles back at the thrower with careful control of rotational speed.

**Tsunami Shell Shot**- ninjutsu- target area: single or multiple relatively close live targets- effect: compacts the **Tsunami Shell** into a effect launched attack that's sharp cutting if thrown horizontally, a blunt drill if the top thrown facing the opponent and if the bottom is thrown facing the opponent then the opponent is wrapped in a swirling mass of water for a few seconds dealing moderate damage all over the target, used to focus the **Tsunami Shell** into a tougher directional barrier shield before launching, used for several various attack strategies, used to create a surprise attack and used to temporarily hold a person down for a few seconds.

**Leaf Skin**- chakra exercise that sticks hundreds of leaves to the user to create a full body shell of leaves that protect the user by catching genjutsu and deflecting minor water and lightning ninjutsu, it will also stop shurikens, it is an exercise involved with filling every leaf with chakra as you stick it to your body to create a protective shell, it is not a jutsu as it is the leaf balancing exercise taken to extreme measures, the person who knows the exercise can attract even more leaves to their body, this exercise tends to leave the user very itchy.

Darkon: Well that's a wrap, if you hate this then I'm not sorry for wasting all your time with reading this, but otherwise I do this for no apparent reason other than boredom, also if you haven't noticed it's T-rated you people have dirty minds if you can't read or pay attention to the rating on this and there is always the secondary pairing to think of and I'm leaning Shion, but I'd rather not implement Sir's idea in fact I have an idea that might work and if I move it in the right direction Naruto won't be needing to go to Demon Country to meet her either kufukehkehkehkehkehkeh.

Trio: I actually have anime's to go watch that aren't poorly dubbed English versions and maybe the manga's to said anime's that is actually written in Japanese as well, so if you'll excuse me I'm bowing out next chapter or so dude.

Darkon: No problem, next chapter is "Snaked, Rattled and Rolled", when Naruto and friends step up to bat to try and win the Tea Country race and the respect of two family's that are fighting for control over the local port.


	5. Chapter 5

Darkon: If it's any consolation this chapter while a bit boring does have Idate Morino getting blown up.

Sir: Ahem don't you want to explain to the audience any plans you have later on.

Darkon: Shion, just Shion and I've been playing through Okami again which actually does tie in to my plotline slightly, not to get me wrong but Kaiza of Wave lives but is injured badly and Haku does meet Naruto before Shion but getting Naruto and Shion together in the right place is going to require me to figure how exactly that occurs or I'm going to have to do a amnesia claim because Shion ends up there first and her entire arc story will have been completed without Naruto's interference in Demon Country so they won't exactly be meeting there.

Sir: In other words as long as the characters don't know how they got there and you don't have to either, thus making up a half assed story later to how it happened that they readily agree too without thinking too hard about it.

Darkon: Now what were we talking about because I think I've contracted, um… what were we talking about?

Sir: I'm too late, I'm afraid you've already started.

Darkon: Oh, right we were talking about the chapter title it reminded me so much of 'Snake, Rattle and Roll' from the NES days where you played as red or blue snake to run up a mountain and face the foot king with the cheese moon fight and then licked feet with the power of… what were we talking about.

Sir: We were talking about how you always go off subject when someone tries to get you to focus on a problem.

Darkon: Oh right, about cleaned rats and how good they are after getting cooked over a camp fire.

Sir: I feel like I'm going to be stuck writing this chapter today, I dread the idea of thinking like Darkon, which is far removed from the box so there's nothing left to stand on while I'm stuck in the dark inside it.

Darkon: Yes but how will you get the weasel to accept the carrot as it is not a rabbit so therefore the trap has no effect on ferrets.

Sir: Just start writing already we don't need to listen to any more insane babble from you Darkon.

Chapter 5: Snaked, Rattled and Rolled.

It was by some miraculous amount of fortune that Naruto had; not too long after escaping Asuma's battered team including the Jonin himself because Isaribi could hit really hard despite not having any taijutsu style so even the glancing blows had to sting, found a person who was claiming to be a doctor despite his completely weird appearance and thus Naruto had to create another clone and dispel it as he was led to a large house near the port where they would catch a ship to Tea Country the next day but it was still entrenched in the woods for about a half a mile.

Once he went into the house he saw all manner of medical implements and also training gear and a gym where there was a petite looking seal with a pink fighters headband wrapped around its head leaving two trails streaming down its back as it punched a sand bag that says it weighs five hundred pounds and was held up by four solid metal stands and the bag actually moved with each thrust of a flipper.

"Cesealia please don't break that bag it took me forever to set it up with how much it weighs" The stranger that was claiming to be a doctor had antlers sticking out of his weird hat and had a animal like muzzle with a blue nose not to mention all the brown fur, the white coat was the most normal thing about him, if that wasn't weird the seal named Cesealia turned and bowed to them before waving at the so called doctor happily while barking something unintelligible to Naruto, Viper was asleep in a Naruto clones arms snuggled deeply in his arms smiling in her sleep where she was coiled up and Isaribi was out cold with her injuries still apparent.

"Oh excuse the mess I never expected to see anybody with injuries like your friends, but I must ask where she came from and what species she's of and I might as well check you two out as well but I need place of birth to discern what kind of medical practices I can or can't do" The weird antlered man said as he started setting up a examination table, he was not only a doctor but a veterinarian because he could communicate with other animals which was really useful as he could be a doctor to anyone.

"I was born in Konoha, I guess Isaribi was born in Sea Country and she's human but she had someone doing horrible experiments on her when I found her and well I killed the guy after he turned into a vicious sea monster and before that he tried to drown me in living water, oh and Viper is from Konoha as well or she lived really close to it" The doctors reaction to him being born in Konoha was nothing, the reaction to Isaribi being experimented on caused him to frown and when he looked at the snake and how it was smiling he told Naruto to set Isaribi on the table along with Viper and to come over to the side with him, his clones did just that and dispelled.

"Was the girl or anyone else ever bit by that snake?" Naruto look puzzled that the doctor… oh yeah Viper was of a dangerous species of snake he had to reassure the doctor that she was safe… mostly.

"No, Vipers harmless she was born without fangs and poison glands" The doctor looked relieved for a moment before he went back over to Viper and set her off to the side on a pillow however Viper didn't look so comfortable in her sleep as she frowned slightly at the missing warmth after all she had been sitting on Isaribi's body probably dreaming of Naruto.

"Okay then the situation might be much simpler then I thought, you've recently been in battle with a bunch of ninja am I right? No don't answer I can see the damage already… some is chakra based" Naruto nodded to the doctor and watched as he carefully checked over Isaribi's Injuries and scales, he also took a mild sample of blood that fell freshly out of Isaribi's wounds to study it a bit when the seal came over and barked a question as he was looking down at it through a microscope.

"Yes you might want to set the table for six this is going to be slightly more difficult then I originally thought whoever did this was a mad man but they knew what they were attempting at least, irreversible I'm sad to say and the process damages a chakra network if a human does in fact ever gain access to their chakra and this seems to only work if the chakra is unlocked before the experimentation is done, some of these wounds would be hard to heal except this girl has a slightly higher regeneration rate then humans but it's still not noticeable enough to leave the wounds be, she'll be okay but she'll need some rest and a bit of medication to speed up the process, I'm also assuming she has a transformational ability judging by what was done to her…" After that the doctor moved over to Isaribi and started to patch her up, the Seal went off into presumably the kitchen to make dinner.

"Yeah she can transform into a ultra cool sea serpent creature slightly larger than herself but she still looks relatively the same only more scaly, she also gets a lot faster in water while in that form but she can't transform back to a human without the scales" The doctor just nodded and continued looking over Isaribi and after he was done he set her up in a spare bed in the next room for patients and walked back into the main room.

"Okay I think I'll be able to give her something to make the scales less visible but the medication involved will only make the scales match her skin tone I'm sorry about that I can't work a miracle on the poor girl I'm not exactly a medical ninja you know I am however the greatest normal doctor in the world second only to Tsunade in the healing arts because I don't use ninja healing techniques, now how about I look over your pet snake" As soon as he had said that he saw Naruto frown and glare at him, of course Naruto might laugh about him being normal in any sense of the word.

"She doesn't like being called a pet" The doctor looked at Naruto for a moment before he burst out laughing surprising Naruto.

"Oh, you are so lucky and to think you'd be dead by now if she had her fangs, so why did you kiss her and what force on earth would make you choose one of her species anyway, she's not the likeliest of snakes you would want to make a life bond with, so did it happen on accident or on purpose" Naruto had no clue what the doctor just meant by life bond, but he knew he was going to learn a bit about whatever it was he was posed to know except the fact that Viper was married to him as the snake tells him, he really didn't ask what that marriage entailed because he was to afraid to do so when he got the answer.

"Actually it was both an accident and on purpose, I was trying to find one of her species so I could get a kiss, I didn't know it meant being bit at the time and well…" It was still a touchy subject for Naruto to talk about he never would live down the day he gave Viper that first kiss as she hasn't left his side very much for too long except on the weekends where she would search for information around the village or to track that Kurenai woman she had talked about a lot when Kurenai was actually in the village on a break.

"Well at least she gave you a reason to continue on I guess, I'll just go check over your friend Viper… just so you know she's going to be by your side no matter what happens between you two and will help you in any way possible, I've seen and heard of a few cases of it in my time as a traveler and you better keep her alive because I heard of some of the most disastrous things that could happen to a life bonded partner when the other one dies and I'm not going to be around forever to make sure you live from all your terrible injuries in whatever line of work it is your pursuing to meet up with ninja's so take good care of her hopefully to a point where one of you die a peaceful quiet death or else something bad will always inevitably happen to the other, sorry for keeping you as you might want to go get some rest in the patients quarters and don't worry I work equally well with animals if you can't already tell" With that the doctor went on his chipper way to uncoiling Viper onto the table who mildly struggled in her sleep and started inspecting the snake after a short bit of checking he noticed the snake had internal bleeding some of which was still slightly going and a few blood clots nothing too serious but he would have to fix this or else this snake might be worse off later, also lots of not very visible bruising this snake has taken some heavy blows that reached internally but it was a while ago about under three months so he needed to make sure she got better before she left and he didn't know how long these people were willing to stay here they were obviously on the move, in fact he might even have to leave his house for a while to make sure all three of these people were well on their way.

Naruto slowly went into the patient's room and saw Isaribi wearing bandages she actually needed for once, her breathing was even and she didn't look to be close to death not that she had before but that many cuts actually worried him, he walked over to a empty bed and laid down to close his eyes and think about what the doctor had meant about a life bond, that no matter what Viper would always be there and that was a scary thought for having a kiss happy snake around you for the rest of your life, he gave thought to how the doctor stated that something bad would happen if Viper died a violent death… well maybe the doctor was right and he was pretty sure Viper going on a genjutsu rampage because he died didn't sound so pleasant either and he wasn't sure where he stood with her as he wanted them to be just friends which Naruto would try to assert but Viper seemed to ignore it in kind for being able to get a kiss from him as she was completely obsessed about it, but hey whatever made her happy.

That last line was the kind of thought that made Naruto wonder if he was actually giving into the Vipers constant determination to be near him at all times like a bodyguard only better because she knew when to not be stifling or fussy with him, in fact he knew the doctor was right in saying she gave him a reason to live as when Viper came along he finally had a friend and then there was Isaribi he actually had someone else who cared that was somewhat human and maybe like a sister? Yeah he was better off leaving Konoha or else Isaribi would have been in the hands of that mad man a lot longer, not to mention Viper might have been discovered and killed after the first time because it might not be that purple haired woman that took her back to the forest of death that caught her afterwards.

That thought actually tore at him, he could guess he understood where the doctor was coming from with the life bond thing as long as he keeps telling Viper what was not acceptable behavior which might take a while as getting her to stop kissing him required a ridiculous effort into increasing his dodging skills as Viper was highly flexible and strikes from every angle possible when given the chance and the only reason why she would strike from every angle is obvious… she was a snake after all and she takes her prey when it shows a weakness basically his mouth in a yawning motion.

Later that night they had dinner with a deer man, a literal naval combat seal and a male camel named "eyelashes" that finally showed up from who knows where as they were on an island with no desert and they ate a lot of fish, but man could that seal Cesealia cook as she was obviously really skilled in making fried fish and sushi, not to mention rice and all manner of toppings with lots of vegetables, even Viper enjoyed the food as much as she could gum up and dice with her tongue before swallowing as she had acquired a rather nice sense of taste even if swallowing a whole rat was still fun for her it's taste still paled in comparison to a nice fell off the bone barbeque pork ramen that melted in her mouth.

Before they knew it they were on their way with the deer man doctor leaving the seal and camel behind to watch the house so that he made sure his patients were fine and on that boat to Tea Country the next day wishing them luck, also to tell Naruto to lighten up and Viper that she try holding back on the strenuous activities for a few days and to stop pushing Naruto so much as he'll come around on his own time, which was acceptable advice by both parties.

In the next three days they would be in Tea Country where there was no Konoha presence waiting for them but a team of rain ninja and Aoi Rokushi were, but at the same time Asuma had arrived back in Konoha and the hokage got the medical report on his desk the first day they did.

The hokage knew what the council did was really stupid, if they killed Naruto at any time before he hit twenty the Kyuubi would be free to destroy them all and it had a really good reason too, after all they spent years torturing Naruto effortlessly and the hokage was pretty sure that it wouldn't like Naruto taking all the credit for the near destruction of this village, now everyone and their grandma's was searching for Naruto out of nothing more than sheer curiosity as to why a civilian has been marked so high as a kill order in the bingo book of bounties in fact he heard the ninja village hidden in the clouds sent a special tracker out to retrieve Naruto and has yet to actually get a lead on him but it was only a matter of time, he started going over the medical profiles of his ninja that were injured. (Darkon: assuming that Kyuubi is an evil constantly destructive demon male with no sense of morals)

Shikamaru had the worst damage with his back flayed open by what could only have been a whip and the back of his skull was said to have been slammed into a tree by Naruto when he somehow broke the Nara's vaunted **Shadow Possession** jutsu and the Nara clan wished to see him when he was better to ask what happened and his mother demanded to be allowed personally get Shikamaru up off of his lazy ass, she was still one fiery kunoichi that went entirely domestic and she still had to be denied outright as her son needed to rest and to wait and see if he could continue being a ninja with the damage that he had incurred on himself with his own jutsu as Naruto was apparently the stronger of the two wills with the kyuubi's backing probably when he garnered control of the jutsu. (Darkon: Kyan had nothing to do with it as she has yet to try anything with Naruto except talk to him and apologize)

Asuma surprisingly was the second worst and that was because every single one of his ribs were cracked slightly whoever hit him had immense strength to do that with one blow by the way the ribs were all bent slightly out of shape, this was not accounting for mention of a sprained ankle and a nearly broke arm with some internal hemorrhaging that wasn't immediately or anywhere near fatal, he should be okay in a few days.

Choji had taken a few vicious hits but his 'sturdiness' is what kept him from being like Shikamaru when he was hit with a hard blunt instrument and struck with a senbon in the wrong spot that diffused one of his expansion jutsu causing him no end of pain when his arm expelled all that chakra and to top it all off he was choked into unconsciousness by what was reported to be a snake wielding a parasol that had to be made of mostly metal to do the damage it had, luckily the senbon used weren't poisonous or else he would have been worse off than Shikamaru, but otherwise his recovery was stated to be solid.

Ino, what could the hokage think about the girl it was obvious the council has dropped the ball on kunoichi training and this was proof enough, she didn't put up much of a fight she spent most of it as a hostage that was shortly released when Naruto made his escape and not only that she didn't follow direct orders to not use her clans jutsu on Naruto it was any luck that Naruto knew of a counter to her clans jutsu in a extreme version of a simple chakra exercise that captured her mind in a bunch of inanimate leaves charged with a lot of chakra, to make sure that the genin didn't learn of Naruto's sealed pariah he would have to spin it as that being one of the many reasons why she was told not to use that particular jutsu otherwise the younger generation might learn about the being that Naruto held and he wouldn't have any reason at all to come back. (Darkon: not that Naruto has a reason right now either)

There was also the fact that Ino couldn't even carry her teammates weight even Shikamaru and she was hardly injured except for a few bruises from being shot up into a bunch of tree branches and then summarily hitting the ground face first, but otherwise the hokage was troubled by the fact that Naruto had counters for two of the clans jutsu and the monster that was reported to take on Asuma was found out to be a girl from Sea Country that had been a test subject of one of Orochimaru's old lairs, but Orochimaru had eventually stopped funding that.

So Naruto either worked for him in destroying the still continuing research facility or the snake that traveled with him was Anko's in the guise of being just a friendly intelligent pet as revenge against one of Orochimaru's hidden operations that was shut down violently which was still a stretch as he had no clue what Naruto was doing or where he was going to, as the spy network lost track of him when he left the island and he could go in any direction from there.

What didn't make sense was that the snake was of a non summon type and a particularly highly poisonous venom, one bite would have killed any one of Asuma's team and if Naruto worked for Orochimaru then the snake wouldn't have held back and Naruto wouldn't have told Shikamaru to get off his lazy ass as stated by the still half cognizant genin, so it had to be Anko, it must have been because he couldn't think of a better answer so he would have to ask her about it later and if it wasn't hers or Orochimaru's…

Then the implications just got a lot stranger and the old man hokage would have to stop thinking like a ninja entirely and come at this from a different angle, while he was doing that he was looking over the sudden rise of ailurophobia cases in some ninja and a sudden instant drop in random ninja and civillians puking up their food at inopportune moments, the hokage had to wonder why he couldn't get a break from all this crap or the fact of Naruto being capable of leveling a installation that Orochimaru had a part in making with an unknown amount of help or the reason why he would in the first place.

Naruto and Isaribi were walking down the street together and neither of them were getting odd looks, at least Isaribi wasn't as Naruto actually got her some clothes over the time they traveled to Tea Country and she apparently liked the color yellow mixed with some purple and the only reason why people were staring at Naruto was because he had on a dark orange jumpsuit which made him stand out some, luckily there weren't any ninja or anyone with the knowledge that Naruto was a wanted person around yet, but that would quickly change.

Viper was bored, she was sitting on the inside of Naruto's jumpsuit and because of how baggy it was nobody would notice her presence, she poked her head slightly out of the jumpsuit to get a good look around at Tea Country who's major export was every kind of tea imaginable and Viper was beginning to get thirsty just looking at all the tea houses in the area and wondered where the registration for the race is and which one of them will actually be racing, they were all pretty good sprinters but she doubted they'd accept a snake as a main racer.

It was because of their attention to their surroundings that when a man a little older then Naruto's age bumped into him then started running, all Naruto and Viper had done was start smiling about it, Isaribi didn't immediately get the joke.

Idate Morino thought to have died in an incident involving his older brother and a ninja known as Aoi Rokusho that betrayed him very much like Naruto was going to be when he was told to steal the forbidden scroll and a special sword that was said to make a technique called the flying thunder god even more powerful was stolen, the scroll was obviously recovered to later be stolen by Naruto but the sword was lost to the defecting ninja Aoi.

Now the young man known as Idate tried to steal from Naruto making a very huge mistake in choosing an obvious looking target thinking it to be some kind of orange wearing idiot and what seemed to be his girlfriend as Isaribi's skin looked mostly normal but if he were to look closely he would have seen that her skin took form in small scale shaped patches, fortunately all their important stuff was sealed away in either Naruto's jacket or Isaribi's clothes, Naruto also had Viper's parasol sealed in his clothes in a easily accessible spot along with his actual wallet.

Isaribi looked to Naruto questioningly as he held up a wallet that he had just stolen as the guy just stole his wallet shaped packet of low yield explosive notes in case of such a thing as it being stolen ever happened he had set it to go off a short while after it was taken; though why he had made a wallet to intentionally be stolen in the first place was odd and Isaribi would probably need an explanation about it later, he just took the money out of the wallet he stole and looked at the name as the thief had left his identification behind.

"Idate Morino? Morino… where have I heard that name before, ah well, it'll come to me and this says that he's from… KONOHA … Viper I need you to go spy on someone for me and see if he's a possible hostile… you know how to find us later right? " Viper stuck her head up in front of Naruto's face smiling and nodding as she discreetly slipped out from the leggings of Naruto's jumpsuit as she had a failure thief to go follow and judging from the explosion he apparently found out that he didn't steal a wallet and was about to find his stolen.

Naruto always wore a shirt, underwear and shorts underneath his jumpsuit otherwise he'd feel rather nervous about having Viper slithering around inside of it and Viper would never bother Naruto's privacy except maybe once or twice since she was just curious that one time, and curiosity killed the cat but nothing was ever said about it killing a snake.

"You know stealing is not nice Naruto, but since he was going to steal from you first and obviously stole your exploding ninja wallet…" Isaribi trailed off thinking Naruto was rather noble in many regards even easily honorable in nature for his chosen profession as he had tried to pay the odd but friendly doctor but they didn't have the kind of money he accepted and he just wrote them off saying he never said anything about getting paid anyway and the experience of meeting Naruto and learning of his predicament was enough payment because it was an interesting story, what would have been a more interesting is the doctors story as to why he was there and looked like he did or why he cuddled the seal like a teddy bear in his sleep as it left a bunch of unanswered questions not to mention the out of place camel, but then again did they really want to know or pry into the nice doctors life.

"Okay, now how about we go use this money to get some tea on this Idate guys tab?" Isaribi smiled at that as she wouldn't say no to a free meal, besides Naruto was her first real friend and he was offering to take her out for tea in a place where it's a major business with all kinds of flavors and not to mention it would give them time to let Viper get whatever information she could from that Idate guy so why not have a snack at the thief's behalf with one of her two best and only friends.

Isaribi didn't know much about the outside world because she spent half her life as a lab subject and thus was just happy to have found some modicum of human normalcy thanks to the oddball doctor making her scales appear skin colored but it was still readily noticeable close up and he managed to not mess up her other form at all in the process which was really neat but she was still saddened that he couldn't fix any of the other problems like her chakra network only working on water based jutsu and sealing because she didn't need control for that, chakra exercises were somewhat hard if they didn't involve water walking which didn't take her any effort to do.

Idate had no clue what happened he was stealing from someone he thought was a grade A plus sucker only to find out what he had stolen was a bunch of active explosive notes in the form of a wallet, the guy even managed to steal his own wallet and that was quite a blow to Idate's meager pride as a thief on the streets as he had once been a ninja and should have noticed when he lost something that belonged to him unless that guy was a ninja himself which couldn't have been true as no self respecting ninja would wear orange not much less his friend wearing the bright yellow and purple kimono though it did make her look nice.

"No ninja would wear those colors… unless they were good enough to get away with it" Idate thought bitterly as he started brushing the blackened charred clothing of soot and slight burn damage still wondering when his own wallet was stolen while also wondering how much skin and hair he just lost to those explosive notes, he got up and started walking back to the house of the family that recently took him in; the Wasabi's, and had yet to notice he was being followed by a slithering low to the ground form who was keeping a good eye on him while trailing off a bit to catch a rat or some other pest to snack on, hey nobody liked those things being around and she was just doing her public service by making them disappear.

Naruto and Isaribi were busy getting their own information such as why the daimyo held the races every four years or so whenever he chose, it was usually between the Wagarashi and the Wasabi family's but anyone could join, but there was a lot of doubt anyone could beat the runners hired by the family's in a speed contest as they were insanely fast and hard to catch on land, one of which was Idate Morino to Naruto's surprise and the other was some random punk named Fukusuke Hikyakuya.

Neither of them seemed too hard to beat by description and they were allowed to have bodyguards during the race but they couldn't help the person race after the checkpoint , Naruto figured he could beat them easily as he had been outracing Anbu who could run pretty damn fast and do the ninja teleport thing long distances for years, so it was no skin off his nose if these two think they can stop the chakra powered exuberance that was the Uzumaki express plus he got a layout for the race and he knew with Isaribi to help him he'd have a huge head start on them unless they were fast enough on foot to catch him before he reached the finish line he would do perfectly fine, now all he had to do was register himself and wait for the race day to come up and then he'd be good for money as he always was good at gambling.

Right now they were both enjoying some of the most simplistic tea they could afford as they had no room to splurge with a party of three mouths; Viper still ate lots of ramen despite everything else she eats, the food was decent and well worth the price as well, but Naruto couldn't help but worry about Viper it was a nagging sense that he wanted her to be around and he quickly squashed it trying not to enjoy spending some time outside of Vipers near constant company but the last three, almost four years of his life with Viper and they hardly ever were separated for any large amount of time but he knew Viper could take care of herself and she would find him eventually as she had his particular scent permanently etched into her tongue after one of the many occasions when she would just lick him or kiss him more innocently on the cheek which was a rare occasion as Viper was usually to pardon the pun 'an animal' when it came to lip locking.

After they finished lunch Naruto decided that he should get registered for the race and place a huge bet that he would win, his plan as with an as early lead as he was going to get he could make clones on the run to lay down an endless line of traps in the other runners paths and they'd be the mostly harmless gag traps that Nauto liked to make that were more for stalling then they were for damage if he seriously wanted to kill someone by now he would have done so on purpose, not counting Amachi of course.

He was promptly laughed at by more than a few civilians who no matter the training couldn't keep up with the fast paced running set by the two family's runners, but that was just about all they were good at is running and maybe a bit of boating as they did have to traverse the sea to get to the checkpoint, maybe Idate had some combat experience.

"Laugh all you want but I plan on winning this thing and my body guard will see me through from any malicious actions taken against us" Blushing Isaribi knew Naruto believed in her and she knew even more that she'd be far faster than a boat can sail even with the wind on their sides she was sure she could give Naruto an advantage even if he couldn't outrace the two people he was remarkably resourceful and cunning, but mostly Viper could be the biggest advantage they had if they knew what she was going to be doing during the race, she could hide in Naruto's jumpsuit, wait at the finish line to stall the opponents or any number of things like going to ahead through the race course early and laying some of her own snake themed traps from helping Naruto in prank making.

"You've got some balls kid I'll give you that and if you can win this then I'm putting up five percent of the Wasabi families earnings for a month that is if you can beat my racer" The clan head man from the Wasabi clan was followed by another recognized as the Wagarashi clan head who not to be out done made a boastful gesture.

"That's all, what are you afraid of Wasabi I'm willing to stake ten percent of my families money we earn in two months time" After that Naruto smiled cheekily to both the men who watched him sign up for the race with the girl that didn't look much like a bodyguard at his side, he seemed to be a complete idiot to the two gentlemen.

"I'll hold you two to that and I hope the daimyo of Tea Country will as well" Naruto said cheerily and walked off, he had several days to prepare for the race and he also was going to get some training in, he was going to find out what his elemental nature was as he readily knows Isaribi's, giving him the idea to look up his in the first place and he'd guess Viper would want to learn hers as well given that she would want to have some form of ninjutsu even if it's not very powerful in her tail it'd still be useful if she ever gained even some ninjutsu proficiency, as a ninja needed to be good in all aspects and not just their chosen main focus which is why he was trying so hard to get better in using his instinctive taijutsu as he couldn't be subtle or controlled enough to even perform a genjutsu.(Sir note: Viper has no hands, thus not powerful in her tail)

Meanwhile across town Viper had trailed Idate and had finally come to the conclusion that either Idate was a deserter or a missing ninja that was thought to be dead or else he would have been caught by now as his stealth sucked and he didn't appear to be jumpy or acting like a ninja in the slightest but he did notice a genjutsu she cast in his direction and she was sure of the fact that he was a ninja, because he became panicky and was looking around all over the place but seeing as no one was attacking him he wrote it off as someone playing a trick on him as there was no one around him that seemed remotely capable of using a genjutsu, the only thing he noticed was a snake that seemed to be minding its own business and munching on a roach which was slightly odd as he could have sworn he's seen that type of snake before.

Viper knew that Idate was highly alerted by her use of the **Fake Genjutsu** genjutsu, it was a technique that made a person think they were put under a genjutsu for a few seconds which was the entire point in the first place because they were just one with little to no effect that a person knows they were but not the effects and thus this jutsu tends to cause paranoia in the target and on the right target a severe nervous breakdown, Viper could have sworn she knew why Morino sounded like an important name but she couldn't exactly focus on it right now but it did occur to her later though why it was familiar.

Idate had shrugged it off too easily causing Viper to get miffed and continue following him, until she was grabbed by the neck of someone who was just talking about scaring the Wasabi families runner silly which Viper had no part in knowing that they meant Idate until after this brief incident and they actually got it into their heads that throwing a 'maybe' poisonous snake at him would cause him to skip out on the race which didn't work all too well after it all played out.

One of the two men from the Wagarashi clan called out to Idate causing to spin around, Viper was hurled at him by the guy after something was said and just as she was about to beat the tar out of the idiot that would dare pick her up in such a undignified manner, when she slammed into Idate he fell on his back and began to panic that was until Viper who was definitely not a happy snake by this point slithered off of him and shot at the two men in a lunge and what followed was something Idate would forever remember and he silently swore to himself that he would never ever piss off any wildlife like those two bozo's obviously just did.

Viper rapidly wrapped her upper body around the left arm of the guy that threw her and grabbed his friends right arm wrapping it with her tail and with a tight pull of the muscles in her body they both slammed into each other face first, she unraveled her tail and then quickly got it around the guys left leg and with a pressure point tap from her tail and a lift the friend of the snake throwing guy got kneed and hard where the sun didn't shine while she move her upper body to swing the man's arm into his friends stomach causing them both to go down.

She quickly got off them and faced toward them as they slowly got back up from the sudden onset of pain the one that didn't take a large blow to the nuts or was a total jerk that threw here was getting up faster, she was prepping her favorite taijutsu movements from her **Living Whip** taijutsu, it was a rapid flurry of painful deep gash digging whip and pressure point strikes to cause paralysis and immense pain that a person couldn't scream about as their jaws were locked in a closed position and there was also a pressure point for keeping a person awake through it, it usually wore off after five minutes but it was never a good idea to piss off a genjutsu user that can make it seem like it lasted for a lot longer than that and these weren't ninja so shrugging it off wasn't possible.

She bound forward and brought her entire body to bear over her head and then let loose a storm of pain on the two men in the form of a rapid cracking sounds that sounded like a bunch of firecrackers going off in a display of agility slamming her tail rapidly into her two targets at a frantic pace that would tire her out in a few seconds, Idate and a crowd of people just came to watch the two Wagarashi clan members getting beat up by a snake and they were all rooting for her too as the Wagarashi clan was not the most well liked clan in the world, having rumored to have ties to bandits and the like not that the Wasabi clan didn't, but those bandits were far more lethal and more twisted then anything the Wasabi clans hidden ties would do.

Looking at the crowd she suddenly had while breathing a tad harder than normal, Viper sweat dropped but decided to play it off as a trick of everybody's minds and disappear through the use of a well timed genjutsu, besides this gave her a chance to test her latest in animal specific genjutsu that affected the user as a major supportive genjutsu, she didn't take into the account that it had better applications then what it was meant to do so she just used it right now while looking confused about having a crowd around her.

"What? Why is everyone staring at me like… now you're all just looking at me weirdly, was it something I said" Indeed everyone was staring at Viper who smiled coyly because she was speaking in a English dialect but it was mostly the sound of her hissing being translated into a human voice via genjutsu as a process for translating her voice into something understandable by humans, she really couldn't speak English but she could make people think she did with a genjutsu that tweaked either her own voice to save on chakra or the crowds sense of hearing to be selective about who understands her or not which used more energy, it also could be used to deliver misinformation as Vipers voice wasn't exactly set in stone. (Sir: everyone speaks English because this was written by an English reading person despite the standard being of Japanese)

Everyone was gawking until one tried to voice their thoughts but it was too late as Viper had managed to disappear within the blink of many eyes making everyone blink a couple of times wondering if they imagined a snake kicking those two guys asses and it just being some person with a whip that could create illusions of talking snakes to make sure nobody knew who it was that in fact attacked two people of one of the major clans in Tea Country.

The only one not tripped up by the illusion was Idate who tried to follow the snake but lost her somewhere around the town as she randomly slithered through a hole in the wall and he cursed the fact that he couldn't catch the snake, he didn't even know where she was from or what she exactly was but he was downright curious about it now and he was going to lose a lot of sleep over it as he didn't know if that was a real snake or not because of how well made the illusion was that was in place around the snake to make her disappear all he got was that voice, it sounded like a girls maybe the one in the purple and yellow clothing with the orange wearing guy were really ninja's and were here to track him down or they were here for an entirely different reason maybe to be his guards in the race; he wouldn't know until later, he decided to go continue training for the race.

Viper in the meantime had doubled back around and started watching the two guys that threw her at Idate, they just had to anger her and she was going to find out why they chose to throw her of all people at that guy Idate, she wouldn't get back to Naruto till tomorrow but it was worth the knowledge about a team of ninja and a man known as Aoi Rokusho's interference in the race, she remembered that name as being the guy that stole the thunder god sword which was mostly just a hilt until it was charged with chakra thus creating a solid lightning blade based on the users will to give it shape, so this was as important and as relevant as the newest bingo books that had come out and if Naruto had showed up; as Asuma's team had hinted at, in it even as a civilian then this was going to cause problems.

While Viper didn't like the idea of Aoi Rokusho going after Naruto she didn't think they could avoid a fight with him as he had a sword that belonged to Naruto by right of being his family heirloom and he or whatever ninja he had with him were going to probably hunt Naruto down for the bounty or at least the forbidden scroll as that information was going to get out no matter what that Naruto had the scroll and given the civilian council of Konoha are plain idiots they'd care less if everyone else in the world could use it to learn how to decimate their ninja forces as long as they killed Naruto, bloodlines don't make good ninja obviously and that was the only strength they cared about in the slightest in Konoha.

Essentially the council; the civilian portion at least, would let it get to the point that Konoha is not even a village of leaf ninja as it was already doing poorly in the academy teaching standards, not that Viper had any problems with finding reading material to circumvent the academy's teaching problems, why would a snake ever need to learn flower arrangement as that was only useful if you ever planned to do an infiltration mission and needed to work as a floral designer which hardly ever came up and what didn't make sense was that Ino Yamanaka had to attend and she was already a floral designer by her family's civilian trade when missions were at an all time low, so she already knew all the crap involved already and should have been given a seduction class at least.

This led Viper to thinking Naruto did well in the anti-seduction class but then again that was mostly her fault that he did do so well when a woman tried to seduce him and he didn't react in the slightest to any teasing and only Shikamaru, Sasuke and Shino could do the same thing he had without training in the slightest but Shino did have a bit of blood dripping from his nose although discreetly stopped up with his clans kikai bugs and Shikamaru was too lazy to notice a woman when he saw one, Sasuke was a blank and frozen stiff wall he couldn't feel a single positive emotion if his life depended on it unless it was in some form of power lusting greed.

It was the next morning and Naruto couldn't feel any weight next to, around or on top of him and he felt around with his arms to make sure before sitting up and starting his yawn at the same moment Viper managed to finally find the right hotel and slither into the window to see that she was missing her cue so she quickly slithered in as she was too tired to perform a lunge at the moment, she got a chaste kiss on Naruto's lips before passing out on the bed.

Naruto sighed he should have expected it but he was surprised it didn't get to the levels it usually did as Viper passed out on the bed he slept in she must have spent the entire night out finding info and Isaribi had seen the act but wasn't upset as she's seen Vipers affection long before that and accepted that the snake really loved Naruto, it was just that it was usually with more passion then just passing out on the bed after quick kiss, she must have been tired and it didn't look like she's been in a fight but then again she guessed stealth took a lot out of a… well Isaribi would consider Viper a person with her personality.

Deciding not to bother the tired snake Naruto decided to go find out what his main elemental focus should be he was guessing wind or water as he was pretty good at those, he never was good at doing fire jutsu so he highly doubted that that was his element, he looked to Isaribi as she followed him like a lost puppy out of the hotel to get a plain piece of paper, then to stop in a clearing somewhere outside the port city with Isaribi holding a book of on chakra waiting for Naruto to start so she could accurately describe what elements Naruto had, Naruto never did leave the text books he had taken with him in the academy and anyone who had them could theoretically learn to be a ninja so Isaribi was just catching up to Viper in knowledge with the more applicable books Naruto had taken with him, the reason why she wasn't trying to catch up with Naruto in text book knowledge was obvious as Naruto hardly ever relied on it but Viper seemed to do okay enough with it and her constant penchant for originality in genjutsu making.

Not many people would know this but a plain piece of paper worked just as well as chakra sensitive paper only it required a larger amount to set off the effects in a normal sheet of paper and Naruto was never one for doing it the easy way with paper that sounded expensive, so he prepared to place at least a quarter of his chakra into a normal sheet of paper.

When he did they quickly learned that his primary element wasn't wind at all it was the neutral element being any ninjutsu that didn't use any elements, the paper just glowed brightly for a bit to comfirm this and the secondary elements Naruto would be good at showed up seconds later as the paper surprisingly crinkled up while setting of a ton of tiny sparks before it shredding itself violently in a small gust of sharp wind.

Apparently Naruto main stay was neutral based ninjutsu with side elements of lightning and wind; well this would explain his relative ease with doing any ninjutsu that didn't use elements like **Replacement **and **Mod Shape Shift **jutsu.

Naruto was surprised that the wind was actually his third strongest element following lightning as being his second but it stood to reason with his father being a flying thunder god and wielding a thunder god sword, but he didn't know why he had a higher then that neutral element and shouldn't that mean he should have had it easier when it came to doing chakra exercises?

In any case it was going to be pretty tricky from now on to figure out jutsu to use as there weren't very many non elemental damage dealing jutsu but they all had very good effects in battle, his **Shadow Clone** jutsu was just particularly one that had an entire assortment of uses except in battle unless the user was highly skilled the clones wouldn't be able to land a single hit on even a child wielding a knife before being destroyed.

After a moment both Isaribi and Naruto started exercising as they had a race to win, not to mention light sparring with Isaribi outside her serpent form and then with her serpent form and switching between the two constantly in battle as her serpent form was bigger then her normal human form it really did make her look kind of cool and somewhat pretty with her glistening scales which reminded him all too much of Viper's shiny beautiful… he treated Isaribi like a sister which is how she wanted it apparently but his mind tended to wander into dark territories where Viper was involved and he tried really hard not to.

It'd be about ten hours before they went back to the hotel and found Viper awake that they would prepare lunch and talk about the upcoming race and what Viper had managed to discover and also why she was so tired, they managed to test her for her element at the time and they were surprised by what it was. (Darkon: It should come up later)

"I've got some good and bad news, what do you two want to hear first" Viper was using her hissing to English translation genjutsu to appear as if she was talking in a feminine human voice and Naruto hadn't at first recognized it but Isaribi had and quickly understood what Viper was doing, Naruto on the other hand hadn't.

"I want to hear the bad… wait a minute… did you just talk?" It was at this moment that Naruto realized he was being stared at by both Isaribi and Viper as if saying; it should be highly obvious to you in a few moments and then it occurred to Naruto what Vipers main choice of the three main jutsu paths for ninja's being genjutsu and smacked himself in the face with the palm of his hand for not catching on sooner, it actually saved on having to translate for Isaribi.

"I guess I know what the good news is, so tell me the bad news Viper" From look on the snakes face this was a serious bit of information and not likely to be pleasant because she was staring worriedly at him hoping he didn't overreact to the first bit of bad news in fact Viper thought better of it and made it her second or maybe even third bit of bad news, better yet she should stall until there's nothing left in the way.

"I have a couple of good 'bad news' tidbits that we should be aware of and after that I still have good news but I'll give you the bad news in a order of from bad to worse, first off the Wagarashi clan plans to rig the race with a ninja team from rain" Okay good start just don't drop it all on him at once Viper or else he might freak out or worse start up with the long list of snake obscenities she taught him when he was first learning to talk with her.

"Know anything about them" When Naruto asked that Viper cringed and he noticed it along with the frown crossing the snakes face and she didn't immediately give up the ghost and continued with the information she had gathered, he kind of liked the voice Viper chose as her own for the genjutsu it seemed to fit the movements of her mouth quite nicely and here he was expecting stretched S words as a rumored annoying habit that snakes posed to do if they were summoned types.

"Yes, you could say that… rain country shinobi specialize in weapons and genjutsu, most noticeably crossbows and parasols as they are in close trade relations with grass, rain ninja are also known for a minute amount of specialized water ninjutsu and they sent a Konoha standard style of team because of the Wagarashi clan, however they are below even Konoha's standard in a one on one fight with each of them except the… jonin, also my second bit of bad news is that Idate Morino is in mortal danger as the Wasabi clan isn't going to hire him a bodyguard" Nice save and change of subject Viper thought to herself, hopefully Naruto wouldn't push the subject because she didn't want to upset him personally.

"And I should care about a thief that used to live in Konoha and might rat me out why?" Naruto asked he wasn't angry with the guy he was just curious as to why it should bother him any if Idate died or not as he had his own hide to watch out for.

"That's some of the good news I was going to tell you, one Idate is no threat to us, two he's the brother of Ibiki Morino who works with Anko Mitarashi in the interrogation division at Konoha I think he was presumed dead in the Aoi Rokusho incident and he hasn't returned because he would have been considered a missing ninja for what he did" Now that definitely had Naruto's attention as he was half way into biting his third sandwich he stopped and stared blankly, causing Isaribi to wonder what was going on as Naruto slowly pulled his tuna and chicken sandwich away from his mouth.

"What's wrong Naruto" Isaribi had no clue why but the name Ibiki Morino stopped him cold.

"So the other piece of bad news is that I have a way of repaying my debt to Ibiki but it's going to involve one of us having to protect that Idate guy and we're going to have to move again before the hokage can send ninja trackers after us when we send the info in to his brother, just great how can this be worse" Viper looked away slightly while tipping a cup of tea up to her lips and taking a sip using her tail to hold the handle, Naruto noticed the movement after his sarcastic remark and sighed.

"Come on Viper, get it over with" Naruto didn't know what he was going to hear next but Viper was obviously jumpy, Ibiki Morino… he hadn't heard from that guy in a long time.

"Fine, I know where your family's Thunder God sword is, but you're not going to like it as it pertains to a side piece of information about you that I came across and who the jonin of the rain team is, I find it very ironic but I don't like the irony" Naruto understood where this was going as he now remembered where he heard of Idate before and that was because he heard a similar story involving the theft of the forbidden scroll like him and Mizuki, only Naruto was a lot smarter about it and the guy who reportedly stole the Thunder God sword was… Aoi Rokusho who defected to… well now he knows why Viper said it was ironic and he had to wonder why she was so scared about it.

"Okay, we'll just kick Aoi's ass and then take back the sword, easy right?" Viper looked sullenly at him then slithered up to the window and opened it slightly reached out with her tail and reeled it back in wrapped around a book which she hesitantly flung to Naruto, it had taken her all night to steal that from the ninja team and with a lot of carefully placed genjutsu's going on at once that drained her chakra and mentally stressed her out holding together several genjutsu like that without alerting any ninja around including in particular Aoi himself who almost caught her a good eight times as his team was here for the race in the next few days as the Wagarashi clans hired bodyguards for their racer.

He caught it then opened up the book to two pages that was obviously earmarked by Viper; he read the earmarked pages his face dropping from its positive happy go lucky attitude into one of a cold calculating ninja he slammed the book shut before looking to both Isaribi and Viper, one of which who was expecting a more volatile reaction then the instant ninja mode Naruto now sported.

"…" Naruto silently got up and walked into the bathroom but not before handing the book off to Isaribi as she needed to know about this, his silent demeanor worried Viper and she could hear muffled hissing that sounded like… yep Naruto was unhappy and she didn't like it when he was but she couldn't do anything about it at this time.

Isaribi checked the cover and saw that it was a Bingo Book but why would that cause a reaction in Naruto unless, she opened it to the marked pages and saw what Naruto had read and paled, she started thinking about other things than what she had just read, like how one of them was going to definitely be needed to defend Idate and starting a fight in town was just asking people to get hurt, so the only chance they had to nail Aoi and get Naruto's sword thingy was during the race… her thoughts traveled back to what she read and she thought 'damn that was going to be a big problem'.

"Didn't you say that rain shinobi have problems with one on one fights and used water based jutsu?" Isaribi was the first one of the group to have an idea this time and with any luck Aoi would be after her and Naruto to steal the forbidden scroll otherwise he would be after Idate to finish the job he started years ago and they had to come up with two plans depending on which situation that comes up first as the team was obviously going to be going after the other target.

Of course the ninja could all just wipe out Idate early and then Naruto with ease so they had to make sure the ninja split up to have any success in beating them and when they were done with the race they were making a bee line for anywhere else but Tea Country because someone opened a 'very' large can of worms on Naruto and it wouldn't be a pleasant experience if they sat still for too long in one place because of it, not to mention they'd endanger people by being followed all over the place by missing ninja and every other hidden village along with Konoha, that's not counting mercenaries, freelancers and even the occasional loner without any affiliation or ninja training.

End Chapter.

The listing of one jutsu-

**Fake Genjutsu**- Genjutsu- target area: single, multiple or selective targets- effect: causes a person to think or notice they are under the effects of a genjutsu on purpose for paranoia reasons, used to make a ninja waste time by dispelling it, used in conjunction with other genjutsu as a first shell layer to make someone believe they've dispelled the genjutsu messing up their senses while missing the real one , used to distract a low level ninja , used to force a ninja into dispelling it while standing on explosive seals and notes for a deadly effect and used to cause high end paranoia in some people as reactions to this genjutsu are incredibly varied.

Darkon: And that's a wrapping paper be back next time on 'To kiss a snake' the sail and foot race in all its glory what happens and who fights who, will Aoi be defeated while he holds the sword that supposedly makes him invincible or is he just a loud braggart with no skill whatsoever.

Sir: Name the title of the chapter Darkon as this one didn't seem to match up that well unless you consider the backhanded meaning of rattled like the hokage and rolled like the Wagarashi guys as well as Naruto after finding out he's a civilian with an uproariously high bounty.

Darkon: Next time "Dancing Queens, Running Kings" and the winner is... a secret, till next chapter. Oh and by the by I really didn't give this chapter a third look over for errors and I ordered Sir to post it anyway I'm evil like that.


	6. Chapter 6

Darkon: Running, running, swimming, running, running and more running.

Sir: Let's not forget the battles that take place Darkon.

Darkon: Scuffled taters!

Sir: I'll take that as you remember, right well… let's get it started.

Darkon: Let's, in any case race time and maybe some more Kyan Ubira back plotting she just wants some love and maybe her cuddle toy.

Chapter 6: Dancing Queens, Running Kings.

After Naruto had finished his storm of snake based insults he finally had managed to hear Kyan yelling at him in his mind, in which he replied simply 'what could she possibly want' and thus his life was getting more stranger, because apparently Kyan Ubira's wife was the first wielder of the Thunder God sword before passing it down on to mortals when she was through using it and it has passed hands many a time but Kyan knew of it's true power and form.

It's true form was actually that of a fully formed glaive instead of a hilt in the right hands and that's where its full power came to light however for it to be restored to its former glory Naruto would have to get his hands on it and Kyan would explain rest as she was still trying to make it up to Naruto in the hopes that should she meet her wife sooner than that, that Naruto would forgive her and that her wife wouldn't rip her a new one or leave her to her misery.

Naruto asked who in the world was Kyan's wife and how exactly did it work between them and all he got in response was Kyan stating that he had his chance earlier to learn about her significant other, but she at least explained that the laws of nature could go screw itself for all she cared when it came to powerful beings like her and her wife.

Thus bringing us to the current day events they were all standing at the starting line Fukusuke and Idate had received a lot of bets and Naruto hadn't since he was an unknown and wasn't backed by a clan, he was considered a fool to have entered this race given people have seen how fast the other two competitors were.

By Fukusuke was Aoi Rokusho who was his main bodyguard discreetly looking to Naruto and Idate, both of whom where targets in today's race, Idate didn't say anything about Aoi as he was sure he could out run the guy and hopefully avoid him, Naruto wasn't saying anything as he was more worried about who was going to be attack whom.

Best case scenario they managed to handle the genin; that were probably waiting to attack around the checkpoint or while Idate was on a boat as they had long range weapon tactics, before having to face Aoi so they could fight him in a group… likelier the worst case scenario would happen, Naruto looked to Isaribi who was standing silently next to him with her arms crossed trying to put up a tough image and not looking the part at that.

The worst case scenario is if they went after Idate while he was still on his boat when it came to the crossing the water, because Viper will be stowing away on it to guard Idate and right now said snake was on a nearby roof wearing a small cape that was actually a really small scarlet scarf tightly wrapped around her neck near her head, it had a seal on it carrying her battle parasol which at first seemed to be a little complex for the snake but she managed to work it well enough for Naruto to not complain about how ineffective it was for her to wield it without hands, she didn't like being the one to protect Idate when Naruto was going to be in danger but she relented to this position out of necessity that she was the only person in their group that could.

It didn't matter if Aoi or his team went after Idate while on the sea, Viper would still have a terrible time of having to deal with three opponents or one strong opponent, Naruto himself was a high paying target and his civilian ranking made him seem all the more vulnerable, Isaribi would have a lot of time on her hand to decide whether she would have to double back to help Idate and Viper after getting Naruto across the sea portion of the race or she would continue to cover Naruto as he was going to be open for attack at any time during the race except the sea portion where Isaribi was at her most useful.

The one thing that they agreed on however was that Isaribi should support Viper once she dropped off Naruto, who had the stamina, healing and the fact that he could handle himself under high stress situations was okay, the real problem was if they'd be okay enough to run after the race because they had sent some messages to Konoha one specifically to Ibiki Morino and the other to the ramen stand apologizing for the loss of income, they'd have to continue running after getting whatever money they had acquire for winning if they in fact did, keeping Idate alive was a primary objective the money was secondary as was retrieving the sword since a person's life was worth more than a weapons or monetary gain though it would be helpful to have both after this mess was over with.

Aoi was the biggest danger here at the time, with the thunder god sword he could instantly snuff out Viper with a lucky hit or electrocute her through her metal parasol, Isaribi would be a double edged sword in a fight against him as she could use her water attacks to make him shock himself or she could end up the one being shocked and Naruto was probably the safest for handling Aoi as he could take more damage than either Viper or Isaribi could, of course this was assuming he'd attack them with the sword instead of his ninja parasol which was vibrantly noticeable as it was bigger than Vipers and sheathed on his back.

Viper was staring at the rain ninjas parasol and the state of disrepair it was in, it was like it was crying out to her to be fixed up and made all brand new as it was a poison needle launcher series of ninja made parasols and those were freaking hard to make or find as the poison usually messed up the launching mechanism by getting the senbon inside of it too sticky to fire eventually gumming it up with moisture, said mechanism which wasn't on the tip of the parasol like hers was spread throughout all the tips of the canopy so that you could rotate it to fire another volley of needles, but this type of parasol was a bit more delicate because the canopy arms were not as strong since they had to carry the needles making the arms hollow but the design made it capable to fire a ton of them with little to no finesse, Vipers parasol had a bit more balance in defensive and offensive capability but less ammo but that didn't mean his parasol couldn't be used as a shield in conjunction with the sword thus making it somewhat worthwhile for him to wield.

It was a matter of precision shot senbon versus a large volley that wouldn't do much damage against a person with a defensive jutsu; apparently Aoi had no class or aim if he needed that many senbon to drop a target sure only one needed to hit but that required actually being able to hit something making the volley kind of inefficient if blocked entirely and Viper could actually do that along with hitting her target with a well timed senbon while in motion, she had practiced with her last seven senbon endlessly to get better at shooting them.

It was a good thing she had received pack of twenty needles yesterday when Naruto finally managed to find a shop for assassins, apparently not many ninja came around but there were plenty of weapons to sell for assassin activity like wrist mounted affixtures that could harbor blades or needle launchers which they sold ammo for… apparently they'd sell to ninja too since it didn't matter who they sold their wares to as long as they made a honest profit from it, it's just that they mostly carried assassin gear but then again they never bother to ask questions except about why Naruto wore orange but that wasn't really any business of the shop keepers.

Viper silently thought she might need those senbon today, as she watched Naruto get ready to start and so did the others, she didn't know where Idate's boat was but she knew where the other guy had his, she would have to slither fast and furiously to keep up with Idate as she couldn't miss her ride today for if she did Naruto would have to come back for her and Konoha would be sending ninja in this direction undoubtedly after getting their messages.

It all came down to the silent moment when the guy would announce the start and they'd all go blurring off towards the checkpoint to pick up the orb the need to carry as the first portion of the race was mostly sailing or in Idate's case running then sailing a shorter distance from to the checkpoint to have the minimal time spent on the sea as he was only good on mostly land.

Then with the signal they were all off Naruto and Isaribi run flat out straight ahead past the arch, Idate turned left to run to his boat on the far side of this landmass and Hikayakuya was going to the right to a nearby port to get his boat ready to sail.

In the middle of Tea country there were two main lands that were close to each other one is a curved crescent like shape and the place where Naruto and company were on, by a maps detailing they were on the southern part of this landmass, the islands they were to go to were two mostly straight stretches of land of which situated in the north is the checkpoint that happened to be a shrine where each racer needed to reach to pick up a object and then run it south along the island to the next across a bridge connecting them and into the home stretch to complete the race at the other shrine.

Idate was heading to the north of the starting point on land so he could get to his boat which would require less sailing time to reach land and the checkpoint which would be directly east of where his boat was, he was being followed by two people but didn't have time or place to stop and smell the roses.

Fukusuke was heading slightly to the south to get his boat to sail to the northeast he was taking a standard route with the race and maybe his time as he had a team of ninja out taking care of the other racers he just wish that the guy hadn't threatened him, they were paying these assholes right? So he should listen to the money, IE his client.

Naruto and Isaribi were already far ahead of both the other racers as soon as they dove directly into the sea, Isaribi had quickly switched to her serpent form upon hitting the water and started to swim with Naruto holding on tightly as she was pushing herself to swim at a insane pace pushing a lot more knots then the other racers could never dream of achieving in a dinghy sized boat, if it was anything to go by they were already in first place because of Isaribi giving Naruto the early lead as they expected would happen.

Naruto could only wonder where Aoi's team would pop up as they weren't anywhere to be seen from the start line and that could only mean they were told to attack whoever got to the other island first other than their client and Aoi could possibly try to pick off either him or Idate, given that Aoi wasn't following him or the person he was posed to be guarding, that could only mean… he hoped Viper stayed safe until Isaribi arrives, they knew of Idate's route but not where Idate's boat was so Viper had decided to follow him to it and guard him while she was at it, if she were to be attacked by Aoi she would have to stall until she had backup.

"It's been a long time, IDATE!" Aoi said as he stabbed the ground just behind where Idate was running with a thrown kunai causing him to falter and fall on his face and turn around as he scrabbled backwards got up and started running again he wasn't going to Aoi let get him or get to him.

"You're always running aren't you, you always were a pitiful excuse for a ninja and your even more pitiful then you were before, keep running you'll make this all the more fun" with that said Aoi went to leap after Idate tensing the muscles in his legs, when he flexed his muscles just as he was making his leap before his feet left the ground he went temporarily blind for a split second causing him to misalign his jump and then summarily slam into a tree in a slapstick fashion with his arms and legs straight out and he quickly slid down the tree still conscious but dizzy from the pain of having slammed face first into a tree.

Viper flitted about the branches at an accelerated rate managing to keep up with Idate pretty well, until he took his spill and she saw Aoi was going to toy with him so she launched a quick **Blindside** genjutsu, the genjutsu was always used at the most inopportune moment and the results caused Viper to giggle evilly as that had a far better reaction then the few times she's done that to Naruto, it was a classic genjutsu that only needed to work for a few seconds to have its intended effect and it was highly cost effective as it hardly used any energy to perform she continued to follow Idate while Aoi was busy gathering his bearings, she didn't think a confrontation with him at the moment was a good idea as trying to steal his sword while he was still conscious was just asking her to be sliced to electrified pieces.

After they made it to the northern port Viper saw the boat that Idate had chosen to sail across the sea to the two islands it was a pitiful boat but it was big enough for four people to be on comfortably but it was a oversized dinghy, she slipped into it as Idate quickly untied the mooring line and set off sailing for the two islands with their shrines, Viper watched behind them as Aoi had arrived shortly after they did at the port and glare angrily at the back of Idate's head basically saying that he was going to die today and he wasn't going to stop until that happened, Viper glared angrily at the man that didn't seriously take care of his ninja equipment that might one day get him killed.

Sure the thunder god sword looked okay to Viper but news from Kyan through Naruto's lips said that was mostly because it was indestructible despite its weak hilt-like appearance but that didn't mean its power wouldn't diminish over time until it was only capable of being a thunder god knife unless someone restored its power to its former glory and only Kyan or apparently her wife had the key knowledge to do that.

The speed at which each racer was traveling was different given Idate was the last to his boat but had less distance to sail in comparison which might take ten or twenty minutes on the sea, Fukusuke would take about an hour give or take some minutes with the wind shear, the weather and other complications and Naruto barely needed fifteen minutes at the most to make it to land because of how fast Isaribi could swim while in a serpentine form which is a record time as it took idate a good amount of time running for his boat which would put him at third from this point of view.

"Okay now go help Viper she'll definitely need it more than me, besides I'm not easily killable so don't worry about me I'll be fine just make sure to be at the finish line to see me come in first" Naruto was saying all this for Isaribi's sake of mind, she nodded and dove back into the sea leaving Naruto to slowly make his way up the hill into the forest to head towards the shrine as his clothes were dripping wet he stopped for a moment pulling out a scroll and walked behind a tree and seconds later he was in freshly dry clothes making for the checkpoint that was located at the first shrine.

However Naruto got sidetracked on the way to the shrine as he came upon a strange sight in the forest that was the rain genin team sitting at a table with fold out chairs sipping tea and eating what looked to be biscuits, but that wasn't what was strange it was the fact that they were all wearing the same kind of beige jumpsuit with rebreathers hanging around there necks and even stranger was the one wearing a top hat and monocle on top of all that, another had clown makeup on his face and a red rubber nose and the last one looked completely normal for his ninja getup except his voice was a few octaves too high like he'd been inhaling helium.

"I do say chaps I know we're always up for a good ninja job and all but it does tend to get a rather bit boring waiting for the target to arrive wouldn't you say" the top hat wearing rain ninja had a seriously strange accent and apparently one eye as he had a bandana mask covering his other eye, he had this along with a crossbow and quiver proving Vipers statement that they preferred long range combat.

"Hey hey, it's all good nothing like clowning around with my two best friends and watch this I've been working on my balloon animal making and juggling act" the rain shinobi was talking in a goofy voice with the clown paint and nose started juggling several wooden balls while at the same time making balloon animals that were frogs, bats and the simple yet effective balloon dog, he had two eye slits in his bandana mask.

"I fucking hate working with you guys and the stupid clown swapped my oxygen tank on my mask with helium, not only that what if someone were to see us right now we'd be the biggest laughing stocks of the rain ninja and just to reiterate a previous statement both of you suck" his high pitched voice almost made Naruto crack up laughing as he sidled his way around the trio who hadn't noticed him yet, this guy had a mask covering both his eyes yet he was eating and drinking like he could actually see which was a tad nerve wracking but they only had three eyes between them so he should be okay.

"I do believe we already are the biggest laughing stocks of the rain village, as they have said that we will never make chunin at this rate given our complete constant failure rate not to mention incompetence in upholding our standing title as what is known as a ninja, just about the only thing we're good for is surviving said failures to bring back important information, it's not much but bugger all if we're still getting bloody well paid for it" this was getting too bizarre for Naruto so he created a clone to circle around and distract them away from him so he could safely get to the checkpoint.

Naruto is certainly living in interesting times with Kyan in his gut currently busting one herself, having a snake enamored with him, nearly getting killed by a living blob of water, fighting a crazy scientist after that, meeting a deer man on random chance with a seal as a nurse and maybe girlfriend, meeting someone who has had the same events happen to him only Aoi; who had gotten Idate to steal the scroll, was more successful in actually getting something out of it and now ninja's that are entirely eccentric beyond belief, of course he wouldn't trade in the awkward experiences for anything because at least it was always something new happening around him.

He quickly made a break for the checkpoint while his clone walked up to them to ask them what they were doing, they all comically fell out of their chairs, the guy with the clown makeup started to furiously wipe it off while hiding the rubber clown nose, the top hat guy slowly stood up remove his hat and monocle and then put on a more discreet looking bit of clothe to cover his head and finally the last guy was too busy choking on a crumpet.

"Quick into character before he notices something is wrong" the clown makeup wearing guy said in a gruff voice that he hadn't been using seconds ago.

"I think it may very well be late for that you ruddy twit" the monocle wearing guy turned his voice gruffer but didn't drop his accent and became very embarrassed he was still talking like that.

"aack… gaackk… iickk" the blind looking one with the helium voice was still choking on the crumpet and crying for help, these guys were the genin team sent to rig the race in that Fukusuke punks favor? The clone started running and it took a moment for all three ninja to give chase to the clone once they finally managed to regain any composure they might have had at one point in their lives which wasn't any time today.

At the time Viper wasn't having as much luck avoiding trouble when Aoi finally managed to catch up with Idate in a boat of his own, on the bright side she didn't think Aoi was stupid enough to activate the thunder god sword while out at sea because he runs the risk of killing himself if he did and fell into the ocean.

Aoi opened up with a standard battle parasol move known very well of rain and grass shinobi, it involved throwing the parasol into the air leaving it in a rapid spinning motion and all the while holding it up there with either a ninjutsu, chakra or wires then the parasol fires a rain of senbon focused on whatever target that is at hand, this was especially useful to wind elemental people as they can direct the fall of the senbon raining down on a group of opponents, Idate wouldn't be able to counter this as he was mostly a civilian now and Aoi was pretty good about getting all his senbon into one general area as he wasn't a wind elemental person he used a wires to do the attack.

"AHhhhhhh" Idate crouched down and put his arms above his head in fright having watched Aoi launch his attack a good fifty or so senbon rained down on his position at the bow of boat however Idate heard a swoop and then some clinking sounds and he opened his eyes and looked up to see a strange sight, it was the snake with a small red clothe wrapped around her neck and it was wielding… a parasol?

Viper was twirling the parasol above her head and she had her eyes closed with her head pointed downward slightly, she smiled and opened her eyes tilting her head up and made puckered her lip at Aoi and gave him what she thought was a sexy wink, Aoi's reaction was to shudder and started thinking about how crazy this situation had turned, such as what was up with the snake and how was it juggling all his senbon on its parasol that thing couldn't have been normal to have deflected all the poisoned senbon that easily.

"Huh… it's YOU… what in the world are you doing here" Idate finally recognized the snake as the one from a few days ago and Viper smiled back at him cheerily and with a quick shift of her tail her mood when from silly to serious as her parasol enclosed around all the senbon when it turned into a spear and she stared at Aoi hold up a tail and flicking it towards herself twice in a 'come on' gesture while still keeping a good grip on her parasol.

"You could say I'm your bodyguard for today, to repay a favor" Viper hissed and because of selective genjutsu use only Idate could understand her as she watched Aoi scrutinized her, he wondered what kind of summon this was as it certainly didn't belong to the meek idiot it seemed to be now defending but no matter he would get Idate even if he had to go through a summon to do so, he had the thunder god sword he was invincible.

Aoi figured that Viper would be able to deflect another wave of senbon so he reeled his parasol in and leapt into the air and used the parasol to glide towards Idate's boat lacing it with chakra to stay aloft that quickly changed when he brought his parasol in front of himself to protect against his own senbon being launched back at him in a large scattered shotgun blast pattern with all the senbon flying and spinning in odd angles at him when Viper violently thrust her parasol open from spear mode.

Aoi dropped straight onto the water with his damaged parasol that he silently thanked for not being entirely useless against his own poisoned senbon that slightly damaged the canopy some even got stuck in it and he shook those loose before getting on the boat and Viper quickly returned her parasol back to being a spear with a stylish twirl while staring down Aoi as he pulled out a kunai and put his parasol away it was ineffective combat weapon at close range and was only a long range battle type parasol, her parasol however was definitely a short range combat model.

He quickly lunged and swung outward with the kunai held in a reverse grip in his right hand and Viper shifted backwards and brought her tail around to slash her spear at chest level causing Aoi to jump back and Viper to take the offensive all the while Idate watched in the background as the snake and Aoi were clashing their weapons, he was quite surprised that the snake was showing as much skill as it had in being able to fight someone with two hands on even ground somewhat as the snake took a nasty backhand to the face but that didn't stop it from slapping him with her spear causing him to have a sharp cut to appear along his face.

Viper stabbed her spear downward missing Aoi's leg and striking the deck of the boat but used this as a opportunity to extend her head while swinging her around the grounded pole and smacked Aoi hard across the face, Viper grunted slightly in pain as Aoi's face was a tad stiff, she quickly pulled her parasol out and flicked it into her mouth and used it to deflect a kunai blow heading for the base of neck and she used her tail to strike a pressure point when she knocked him off balance using her spear that was holding the kunai at bay to push him back.

Aoi was getting angry at how he should have been done with the snake and killed Idate by now and now his left leg was slightly paralyzed and he had a large gash in it from the whip like strike he'd just been hit by but it didn't disable his hips it only stopped all muscle movement from below the knee making it hard to stand, well this snake wouldn't make a fool of him he threw the kunai but it wasn't aimed at Viper.

Idate's eyes widened perceptibly he was too afraid to help the snake, he had been afraid of Aoi ever since his brother was engulfed in a fire started by the guy that was posed to be a his sensei before the betrayal, he watched as the kunai sailed straight for him and the snake appeared in front of him tossing her spear up putting in into a wild spin in the air, all the while the kunai inched closer as she was moving the through the air in mid lung to protect her assignment from Naruto himself.

From Aoi's perspective he watched as what seemed like the snake taking the kunai to the head which turned away from him in mid-air as the kunai came in close and looked to have hit as the snake tumbled through the air, it was what happened next and Aoi's quick reflexes that he managed to dodge when Viper completed her tumble and with a flick of her head sent his kunai right back at him with twice the force while at the same time catching her parasol with her tail gave it another stylish twirl and then pulled it back into a normal closed parasol position which she tended to use like a mace as she did with choji.

After dropping back to the deck from his near straight up jump his mind did a small mental calculation and he surmised that if he hadn't jumped and given the snakes feminine tendencies he concluded that the snake was female, if that was the case then she was pure evil incarnate and would have neutered him, he looked back at his ship when he heard a thud saw that the kunai was buried halfway into the mast of his small ship still surprisingly following them, correction that would have killed him and in a as painful way as possible.

Viper sharply tilted her head to the left and a loud popping sound was heard, she really disliked throwing kunai with her mouth as she tended to get these kinks in her neck from that hard flick motion and Aoi's sweat didn't taste too good either, she was glad she's already tasted worse or else she would have thrown up at this point, she was conserving her strength for later endeavors incase their exit from Tea country didn't go so well, she was doing pretty good so far without using any genjutsu, Aoi certainly knew how to tango though and didn't look like he was going to give up anytime soon after nearly being nailed below the belt in what is considered a kunoichi's favorite finishing move against a male opponent.

Unfortunately Aoi was actually; as Viper hadn't thought he would be earlier, dumb enough to pull out the thunder god sword and activate it in the middle of the sea, not only that he also had to go on a spiel about how invincible he was wielding it, he was only about as invincible as he was skilled and that wasn't saying much but then again he did use to be a Konoha ninja so it stood to reason why she could handle him in a fight and why he seemed so power mad for getting the sword wielded by the shadows of the leaf village, they seriously needed to find some real opponents to earn any combat experience like with Amachi and the living water that nearly drown Naruto, Aoi was actually a good fight but then again she wasn't able to clone the crap out of him so it was understandable why Aoi matched up to her.

Rokusho was basically reading borderline chunin; if Viper were to use the Konoha system scale which wasn't all that impressive, only more powerful then Mizuki with him pulling out the sword that spelled trouble, only bloodline ninja of Konoha were decent fighters and she's proven that once you have a method around their special clan skills they're crappier then the average genin especially the hyuuga who spent seven hours looking for a laughing person that wasn't there, but Aoi was just another gimmick ninja since without that sword he'd be easily comparable to Mizuki in capability all talk and knowledge yet no applicable skills except the ninja parasol which seemed to mirror Mizuki's taste in long range weaponry as a main weapon.

Naruto was still running he had made it to the checkpoint and was on his way toward the other shrine to finish the race which was through the forest, across a bridge spanning between the two islands and then through some more forest into the home stretch, he slowed down when he saw Fukusuke landing on shore he had picked up speed with a lucky bout of wind and was watching as Naruto ran past before heading off to make a stop at the checkpoint himself, Naruto was going to give Idate a sporting chance without realizing it and thus he started creating clones to start laying harmless but highly stalling traps as he had earlier planned, hopefully Viper and Isaribi were having as much luck as he was.

Viper opened her eyes as she had blacked out for a moment after being knocked overboard taking Idate with her and having the mast fall within her proximity when Aoi cut it down she promptly slithered onto it but not without getting mildly electrocuted afterwads when Aoi extended the blade to cut Idate's dinghy in half some of the electricity that dispersed into the water had caused her to faint from her proximity to the boat for a few seconds as that was a seriously painful experience.

Viper was glad she had decided reseal her parasol as it would have sunk into the sea at this point, the thunder god sword was powerful and she could only wonder what it would have been like if it was Naruto's father was wielding it... She'd probably be dead right now but it would have been a sight to behold to see the yellow flash carry out his namesake as the thunder god sword always created a yellow blade of lightning before it degraded to this energy blade forming neglected weapon that used to be a glaive that constantly crackled with electricity as described by Naruto's inner guest, she wondered what it was truly like at its full capabilities if it never stopped flowing with electricity.

Aoi was smiling wickedly from his own boat as he watched Idate to struggle to cling to the mast as he hadn't been close enough to receive the same shock that Viper did so he was more aware of the situation they were in as Aoi had him and the snake over a barrel, all he had to do now was move his boat closer and just stab the sword into the water charge it with enough chakra and they were toast.

Finally recovering from her daze the only thing left of the ship that she noticed still afloat was mast keeping her and Idate afloat, Aoi was grinning wickedly angling the sword toward the water, she shouldn't have gotten careless, before Aoi could stab the glowing blade of energy into the water a powerful spout leapt up at a forty five degree angle slamming him in the face and he fell onto his back stunned temporarily.

Quickly getting up Aoi looked around to see the mast was empty and that there was no sign of life anywhere around him, except for a dark shape flitting through the water making him wonder what the hell that thing was, no matter… if Idate survived it he would catch him later at the bridge, which he swiftly made his way toward since it was connecting two shrine islands he wouldn't miss the runners coming across it.

Scaling the cliff deftly jumping up the rocky surface he started waiting for either the civilian with the forbidden scroll which he hasn't seen all race or Idate who might survive having a sea monster attack him or whatever that thing was that dragged him under, otherwise Fukusuke was going to have an easy win and that thought was quickly squashed by a blur of orange that shot out of the trees and onto the bridge he hadn't been waiting long and already fortune was smiling upon him to meet with the bingo book civilian Naruto Uzimaki, he should have an easier time with him then Idate.

Isaribi flopped Idate onto the sand and with a quick use of **rising geyser** jutsu a blast of salt water shot out of Idate's mouth causing to sit up hacking and sputtering; hey the jutsu saved on CPR time and embarrassment of blowing air into another person, then she turned to see Viper slapping the side of her head with her tail and a bit of water falling from the snakes head, she looked waterlogged and bedraggled but otherwise was completely okay other then the slight tinge of burnt scales that should be easily shed out given time.

"What now, Naruto's probably already laid out a ton of traps and we don't know how far he is or if he's in danger he told me to meet him at the finish line" Isaribi was looking to Viper as she was the mind of their ragtag team of a snake, a half human girl and a demon carrying pariah.

"Then that's where we'll obviously find him heading, come on" Viper went to slither off with Isaribi moving to follow her only for a crossbow bolt to be fired at her head and be suddenly stopped an inch from her eye which she slowly looked down the shaft to the tail that had snapped around it, she was glad Viper had good reflexes to catch an arrow like that.

"Well if it isn't that kid's bodyguard I have to wonder what a little strumpet like you is doing with a guy like that, as that guy is after all depriving a village of an idiot as he now has quite a huge list of people after him and I'm surprised he's managed to get far with someone like you guarding him he should have been caught first day but there's no accounting for dumb luck aye" Vipers face darkened as she stared at the one eyed crossbow carrying asshole that not only called Isaribi a whore in a funny accent, he also made light of Naruto's great escape… he was going to pay.

Before he knew it the man had started throwing up and was instantly after that being strangled by a snake as Isaribi went after the guy with both his eyes showing under his mask throwing a sharp punch to his face sending him flying backwards, Idate silently crept around the fight but stopped to watch as Isaribi gracefully blasted the guy upward with a pillar of water and then on the way down grabbed him by one of his legs and swung him around slamming his head into the tree with a sharp crack blowing a chunk of wood out of the tree with the guys thick skull.

Idate continued on his merry way taking a mild side glance wondering why the guy with his eyes covered was doing nothing, only to have the guy turn to him freaking him out a bit as if he could hear what he was thinking.

"If you seriously want to know why I'm not helping them it's because I hate them, so why would I bother to lift a finger to help them now, just start running before I think better of it and take you down right now" his high squeaky voice was not what Idate was expecting but he didn't stick around as suggested by the ninja and started running but when he was a good enough distance away he burst out laughing as he continued towards the shrine to see Fuksuke pass him as it was getting later into the evening, he wouldn't be left behind he would win this and he doubled his pace in a blur of speed that Naruto could probably follow as he's been on the Anbu's most hardest to catch person that still resides in Konoha list since Tora, nowadays Tora was highest on the list because of Viper's help the second was Konohamaru the current hokage's grandson who studied up on Naruto's methods for evasion and running for a long while, not to mention prank making as practice for the ninja skills of trap making.

Viper was busy getting the British guy to beat his own skull in with his crossbow, if that wasn't all choking him while he was throwing up was also hurting him a lot more then the blows to the head and he didn't particularly last too long after that, the last guy decided to actually join the fight by launching a genjutsu at the two which instantly failed as soon as it got off the ground and he was hit with a genjutsu himself that caused him to feel as if a tree had suddenly holding him in place stabbing him with its limbs not to mention it also gagged his mouth so he couldn't scream out loud, but then came a different genjutsu that caused the man's mind to shut down and he fell asleep while writhing in pain.

Isaribi watched as the blindfolded guy was knocked unconscious by what she assumed was genjutsu these guys didn't get much time to do anything as Viper was the one to launch a counter surprise attack and she had to admit that Viper was a true friend fighting for her and Naruto's behalf, she just hoped she never got on her bad side as she really messed that one eyed guy up, all that puke was just gross and yet Viper seemed to be studying it with keen interest which was weird and she had to wonder why the snake did that or what could be so fascinating about staring at someone's stomach contents.

It took them both a moment to notice it but Idate was gone, they both shrugged and looted the rain ninja of anything important, the crossbow and arrows were nice if covered slightly in the previous wielders blood, a supply of kunai and some money.

They decided to leave the more odd things behind like the top hat and monocle along with the clown paint, balloons and a rubber nose, why these guys even had this stuff left much to the imagination of the two girls who soundly thrashed them.

Naruto had made it to the bridge and started running across only to stop when a wave of senbon was shot at him from above, one quick replacement later that made Aoi use a substitution to avoid getting nailed by his own senbon twice in one day, leaving a log full of them to start slowly rotting away as they stood on the bridge Aoi was in Naruto's way and he had something that belonged to him.

"So Aoi Rokusho, missing ninja of the hidden leaf that defected to hidden rain…" Naruto's eyes were closed and he had his arms crossed, he opened them and then pointed a finger at Aoi who was getting a sense of de ja vu it was almost like what that snake did.

"You have something that belongs to me and I'm going to kick your ass and get it back, I'll prove to the world that I can be one of the greatest ninja's to ever live starting with you and I'm not going to accomplish my goals alone I'm going to make a lot of friends anywhere I can, so prepare yourself you bastard for Naruto 'The Ninjutsu Howitzer' Uzimaki" Aoi blinked a bit as he didn't think this kid was a ninja but then again being a civilian and managing to get away with the forbidden scroll couldn't have been done by just any normal person so why wasn't he labeled a missing ninja, it was no matter to him he was just curious.

"The ninjutsu howitzer… feh, the only howitzer's I've heard of were in Snow country and I even bet you're just making a pathetic title for yourself to make it seem like you're tougher then you…" Aoi stopped to monologue giving Naruto time to launch a **Tornado Cannon **to his midsection launching him backwards across the bridge, Naruto learned that his normal cannon attack used only normal chakra to fire a tornado which is why it was an easier attack to perform compared to the harder and more draining to twin version since that version actually uses the wind element which is why it drained so much from him to use but at least it had more application in uses.

Naruto was livid he was going to prove to this guy he had what it takes; not knowing that Viper had already had a run in and gotten careless with the guy leading to a shocking experience and then tussled with his genin team which Aoi never really trained, Naruto was just mad at him for being all talk like Mizuki and putting down the title that his wife… okay he seriously needed a shrink because he was starting to admit that Viper was married to him mentally and was actually beginning to miss her, they haven't really been apart for that long for this to occur but the snake had a long time to rub off on him with her cheery attitude and love of ramen, one of the foods that they could agree was the best ever made next to the stuff Naruto cooked with help from his fresh vegetable garden which no longer existed.

"So you have some skill" Aoi checked his parasol due in part to the fact that he never conserved his ammunition he was usually only capable of launching two volleys and it wasn't to useful in close combat as anything else but a shield, he pulled out the thunder god sword and smirked wickedly as he held his parasol as a shield while wielding the now glowing blade.

"But you won't beat someone who is invinci…" Aoi received a kick to the face knocking him onto his back causing the planks of wood to creak underneath him.

"Bull! You're not unstoppable as you think you are now fight and stop stalling with all the talking, I have a race to win you know" Inside his head Kyan was cheering him on to kick the guys ass and get the sword back to its former 'Celestial Cleaving' glory, which caused Naruto to wonder what she meant by that.

"Don't forget Naruto, the sword is not at its full strength so it's drawing all its energy from the user to stay active if you can absorb enough hits from it or find a way to make Aoi waste all his chakra powering it he should be quickly tired out and easy pickings, I suggest clones even if you don't like to use them in combat but if you're going to wrench that sword from him then that's the way to go… I also want it on record that I'm willing to lend you some of my power to blunt the effects of that sword should it hit you, it'll hurt but you won't be paralyzed by it" Kyan said from inside the seal as her tails waved behind her as she had a amused look on her face, Naruto wasn't quite the ninja his father was but he sure could take a hit which is why she was suggesting it in the first place Naruto was no stranger to pain.

"If that's what it takes Kyan I'll agree to let you help me, but I still don't like you and I won't forget what you've done" Naruto then charged Aoi stopped five feet away on the bridge and suddenly a swarm of clones rained down from above causing Aoi to dodge and swing his sword wildly taking out the first three clones that rushed at him for every clone he slashed four more popped up from the clones making more clones themselves.

"I wouldn't have it any other way kit" Naruto had to wonder why Kyan called him an affectionate title that would make him feel like he actually had a mother for once as he understood what a kit was to a vixen like Kyan, but just wrote it off as a trick of the mind and that Kyan couldn't have meant it.

In the back of his mind Kyan really liked watching Naruto grow up and it reminded her of what she was missing back home, damn it why did she have to go get drunk and stuck in a seal like this, this kind of thing would never happen to her wife as her wife was immune to sealing procedures, she sometimes wished it was the same for her kind as well but apparently that wasn't going to happen as she was stuck inside this seal.

The real Naruto was busy carefully picking up the log full of poisoned senbon and thought of a plan as he prepared it for a special attack by slapping several Isaribi brand exploding tags on to it carefully avoiding any Senbon actually digging into his skin as poison was annoying to deal with and he's been poisoned more times than he could count as his resistance to poison was rather high because of it, but the experiences were still unpleasant.

Now all he had to do was wait for the right moment, he summoned a clone and then popped it giving his rapidly destroyed clones foreknowledge of what he wanted them to do and they all smirked, in Naruto terms this was a 'keep it simple stupid' plan and he put himself into the fight throwing two kunai, that Aoi batted out of the air simply while cutting down more clones and taking another vicious kick to shoulder.

Aoi didn't know what kind of jutsu this was all he knew was that it was a more realistic version of the **Haze Clone **jutsu those three idiots were always so proud of, these clones were actually solid and real to a point at least as he tore through another four with a simple swing of his sword, he also spun around and threw two kunai into the clones behind him not noticing that the ropes to one side of the bridge were getting somewhat damaged, Naruto added that to his plan and made another clone sending a bit more creative thoughts throughout all the clones which readily agreed it would work and they started to slowly back off while continuing to fight Aoi who thought he was finally making headway with the battle and the kid was retreating.

Only one Naruto was left and they were at the center of the bridge, he rushed Aoi with two kunai Aoi swung the sword vertically and Naruto blocked with both the kunai crossed and made no effort to dodge, the blade hit and almost cut entirely through the kunai before they were engulfed in Naruto's chakra stopping the sword before it could dig deeper, Naruto was being electrocuted violently throughout this process and he started to feel his muscles lock up with all the energy fry the nerves in his body.

"Kyan I don't know long I can keep this up, all my muscles are locking up and I need some help here I'm starting to lose control of my chakra and if that happens" Naruto wasn't listening to Aoi proclaim his victory already as he was too busy focusing on living to really pay attention to the guy that obviously had no training in using a sword with how often a clone would get a blow in on the guy that was labeled Jonin level by Konoha.

"Hold on kit I'm working on it… damn it just give me a little more time, it's messing up the seal something fierce here… that celestial weapon is one piece of work but you're lucky it's being powered by an idiot or else we'd be in more trouble, there that should do it" Naruto was encased in a volatile red energy and it started to fix the damage wrought by all the electricity flowing through the kunai Naruto's chakra only prevented the blade from cutting through his kunai it didn't stop the elemental damage, when Kyan the kyuubi's chakra flowed through them it caused the energy to stop flowing through the kunai, now that he had more control of his chakra he could carry out his plan.

"NOW" Naruto screamed and he was replaced with a rather specific log, but the poisoned senbon were pointing toward Aoi and the already battered ropes holding the bridge up, the sword cut straight the wood and the lightning elemental chakra flowing from the blade set off all the high powered explosive tags and what followed was a brilliant explosion that was heard for far off distance as the sun started to set on this day.

Isaribi and Viper looked to each other in the woods as they approached the bridge at a normal pace not really in any hurry, which was when a particular explosion happened that could have been created only by one person, which had some of Isaribi's special mushroom makers … Naruto.

Viper looked up and saw the mushroom shaped cloud and shook her head, sure Naruto may be a goofball but he was her beloved goofball and he's survived worse but there was a sense of urgency to the situation considering the use of high yield explosives that could drop the hokage monument and the tower at the same time if placed right… Isaribi never saw Viper move so fast before; it looked like she wasn't touching the ground anymore.

He could hear ringing, he felt like he was floating in the air and moving upwards he tried to grab for a parasol that wasn't there anymore as he tossed it aside to grab the thunder god sword with both hands, his vision was weak and he saw the sky, darkening and he started falling he saw the sun setting and behind it the thunder god sword was falling he tried to reach out to it but he couldn't move his arms he was spent by whatever had just happened he had hardly any chakra left when that red energy leapt out draining all the chakra from his body at an insane pace because it was absorbing the energy from the blade which came from Aoi himself, he saw a blur of orange and with a little focus a human chain of the same person grabbing the sword from out of his grasp and the one at the top of the chain was holding onto a freshly snapped rope and they all swung out of his view.

It was around this time that Aoi let out an ear splitting scream, as he finally felt the damage done to his body as he fell the last thing he saw before he died was the setting sun it was beautiful sight as the last thing he ever saw as he landed on a sharp pointed rock that went through his spine instantly killing him, if it hadn't the poison senbon disabling his body or the deadly burns would have done him in, it was a quick and mostly painless death something that most ninja don't come across to often in the line of work.

All the Naruto clones climbed up the snapped rope on the cliff side the one at the end of the chain of clones holding onto the thunder god sword, they had all looked away when they saw what was going to happen to Aoi and didn't want to look.

The original Naruto however was looking and didn't look away; he didn't even notice the thunder god sword absentmindedly being slipped into his right hand by a somber clone, he didn't notice when Viper arrived seeing Naruto's reaction to killing Aoi she just sat there silently behind him not knowing what to say she just cuddled up to him in worry and even Kyan was silent inside his mind desperately wanting to feel the touch of her wife or even Nabi the demon cat plushy at the moment, Isaribi just stopped right next to Viper.

"You do realize that you're still in the middle of a race right, oh and I think you chose the wrong side of the bridge to come back up on" Isaribi lightened the mood but it still didn't make anyone feel better.

Naruto looked to the other side and thought, well how were they going to finish the race then… he saw that two ropes were still miraculously holding up between the two islands but they didn't look all that reliable being slightly burned in the middle from the explosion and there for still a few planks of wood still hanging from the ropes but it would have to do.

Isaribi knew it was her tags that helped killed Aoi, Naruto's tactics were also a factor and Viper had a hand in the design of said tags being so powerful, they were all responsible for the death of a person but he was a ninja he knew what he was getting into and it came with the job, Isaribi just wanted to lighten the mood a bit even if she did end up in the bingo book herself with only a description of what she looked like she still couldn't believe she was ranked so high despite the fact that she only just started getting into all this ninja stuff and she didn't believe the stuff about hiding her emotions but she did take into the fact that hiding ones intentions was probably much better advice, she wanted to be a one of a kind ninja like Naruto and Viper, life wouldn't get her down no matter how hard it tried after Amachi was taken down and she wasn't going to let it happen to Viper or Naruto.

"Yeah well it's been one long day hasn't it, so you'll excuse me for forgetting I swapped positions with Aoi on the bridge once getting me all turned around" As Naruto finished saying that Fukusuke ran up covered in paint, feathers and whole slew of other things some of which suspiciously looks like dog chocolate, apparently from his looks he had tripped a lot of Naruto's traps and Idate came up minutes later to find everyone staring at the sun's final rays, he still didn't know what was up with the snake leaning against the orange wearing guy he had a slight grudge against for the wallet bomb, but he saw that the bridge was out and spotted the body of a man bent backwards and pierced through by a sharp spire… when he finally recognized it as Aoi, he figured his nightmares would soon be over.

"Hmph, now what, we can't finish the race" Fukusuke said with contempt, not really caring all that much about the dead ninja or the fact that the race was posed to be rigged in his favor, but wasn't because someone evened the playing field and he was angry at being covered in so much crap, some figurative and some quite litteral.

"Oh we can, but then it's going to be a test of true speed after I get both of you guys over to the other side of those ropes and to the home stretch, Isaribi could you hold on to this for me while I settle things with these two to see who's the best" Naruto gave a smile as Isaribi took the hilt of the sword Aoi had once wielded poorly into her hands, Naruto must have been feeling better already to have bounced back that fast and he even squatted down to stare Viper eye to eye before kissing her on the nose and before Viper could react to it Naruto had created two clones and was already running with the other two runners across the rope with relative ease.

Viper fumed, Naruto wasn't going to get away with a weak ass peck to the nose like that and she slithered across one of the ropes rapidly as she was going to force a better one out of Naruto when she finally caught up to him, he even had the gall to smirk back at her like he knew he just earned her ire.

Isaribi stayed behind and smiled giving off a sigh of relief, things would be alright in the end and she would catch up to them later the next day with a smiling Naruto who ran his best.

Idate was still fastest only he stopped one foot before the finish line causing Naruto to try to stop and push Idate over it first as he was winning fair and square, but Idate tripped Naruto into the mud over the finish line and said that was for the explosive wallet, incidentally no one was happy that Naruto won or that Idate let him win Fukusuke barely made it to the finish line as he finally tired out from having to get out of all the ridiculous traps Naruto put on the race course.

Nobody would know why Idate let Naruto win as it was for doing him a bunch of favors like sending that snake to protect him and his own bodyguard, then he took out Aoi though the orange wearing nut seemed a little disturbed that he did and looked like he was going to have some nightmares, but oh well.

Elsewhere…

"Damn why do I feel like I've had my head put straight through a tree, oh well looks like Team Oboro is living once again" Aoi's genin team was still slowly recovering as the clown leader of the team; Oboro, sat up rubbing his head that weirdly enough didn't look to have been dented or even bloody at all; maybe because of the rain headband but even that was left undamaged, he slowly patched up his teammates and moved out to find out what had happened while they were out of commission, they survived to fight another day as usual and in the next few they would find out that this is the twelfth sensei they've lost this month.

End chapter.

Justu's listing again-

**Blindside** – genjutsu – target area: single, multiple or selective targets- effect: causes split second to ten seconds of blindness and is a genin level genjutsu that is effective as it is cheap with chakra usage but it is to easily dispelled to be of any use more than once in long term combat with a highly aware opponent, used to quickly find a hiding spot out of the opponents vision range, used to make a opponent make a mistake with well initiated timing of eyesight needed movements, used to temporarily disable a taijutsu user and used to create comical scene's.

**Haze Clone**- genjutsu/ninjutsu hybrid- target area: anywhere within a short distance of the user- effect: creates false images of the users and anyone else the user is with while dragging mist into the surrounding area that is able to take physically hits to make the genjutsu clones seem physical in nature when in actuality they can't deal damage, used to attack an enemy while distracted by the mist versions, used to hide the users movements while the user moves in to attack a target or targets, used to create an effect similar to using clones made of water and mist shroud creating jutsu at the same time and finally used in hazing rituals for the fun of it.

Darkon: Well I hope you aren't/are disappointed by the abrupt end of this chapter or how I downplayed the race in general, anyway "Cleaver Clash" next.

Sir: You're really not trying anymore are you?

Darkon: Nope, but I have to say the next chapter is Wave country but it'll be far more different then what anyone would expect, as in Haku doesn't meet Naruto after an intense training session, a team of Konoha genin doesn't appear and finally Zabuza is going to have a bizarre personality quirk after meeting Isaribi, also as I might have stated previously Kaiza lives this time but Inari is still the same emo kid he always was despite that.

Sir: I will have to ask you to add a part where Idate has a reunion with Ibiki as the crowd is going to be curious, is it not so?


	7. Chapter 7

Primell: Yay hope you cooked up something special for this chapter squee, I'm already wondering where this is going.

Darkon: Somewhere that's not near you Primell, but yeah Naruto restores the Thunder God sword, not really that interesting like the entire kaiza lives but Inari is still an emo pants thing.

Primell: Oh I want to point out that if it isn't obvious squee is throwing bizarre stuff into the story whenever he can and it can be explained away as normal because it can and will occur as with all the strange things in the Naruto universe you'd think someone would come across as many bizarre things as Naruto will.

Darkon: You've been looking at my plot bunnies again haven't you?

Primell: Actually I ate them.

Darkon: Well there goes my chocolate plot bunnies I was saving for campfire snacks for the monster campfire stalking competition, tell me did they scream horribly at least.

Primell: Um yeah, they did actually.

Darkon: Oh good, but still I wanted to eat them please leave my base in a timely fashion, oh and let the door hit you on the way out while thinking about what you have done, oh and the not so generic wave country arc starting after Primell apologizes.

Primell: I'm sorry squee. (Walks off moping)

Darkon: If anyone thinks the plot is insane wait till you get a load of the all the obvious foreshadowing of future events in this one, also this chapter isn't what you'll expect of the normal wave arc and neither is the next one.

Chapter 7: Cleaver Clash. (Darkon: My chapter titles hardly ever meet up to the actual chapters standards unless you can find the meaning somewhere in the chapter because I'm surely not putting it in there on purpose and it has to be an accident if you did find meaning in the chapter title)

It was another average day in the life of Idate Morino on the streets of Tea Country however before he could go after a target to snatch from he felt himself being pulled into a bear hug while hearing a voice.

"I don't believe it, Ibiki Morino is actually showing emotions you'd never catch me being that sappy" the current snake summoner of Konoha; Anko Mitarashi, commented on seeing her superior in the interrogation department actually hugging someone with a creepy smile coming from his face which turned sour as he turned to the three ninja with him.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP ANKO OR ELSE I WILL MAKE YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP, IF YOU EVER TELL ANYBODY ABOUT THIS I'M GOING TO SHOW EVERYONE THOSE PICTURES OF YOUR PINK LITTLE FRIENDS and I'll also tell everyone about that thing you did on the seventeenth of that day you know the one, AM I CLEAR" Anko paled at hearing Ibiki actually having pictures of that and even knew what she did that night that she… she snapped a quick salute.

"SIR, YES SIR" Anko was sweating now and both Izumo and Kotetsu the male chunin; who did random odd jobs around Konoha not actually befitting of a ninja, saluted as well from fear, they had worked together for so long they were perfect friends and their teamwork complemented each other.

The two male ninja were scared out of their wits having been on an assignment outside the village which hasn't happened in a long time and thus they were dragged out on a mission because they needed to work on their ninja skills and do more than guard the gates all day, apparently Iruka managed to start taking missions again and the hokage started rotating ninja's through the academy to teach the students about what ninja life was truly like, the far reaching consequences of this was that Izumo and Kotetsu had to take more varied missions instead of getting stale by staying in the village.

Izumo had just about pissed himself when Anko was actually tamed by Ibiki's vague threat and Kotetsu honestly thought that Anko wouldn't heel so easily that it was a rather scary sight that she even did and all the while Idate was stunned that his brother was still alive and was apparently still a sadistic bastard as he ever was; hopefully Ibiki wasn't here to kill him as a missing ninja if that random happy hug from Mr. scary was anything to go by.

Out on the ocean three people were on a boat that had a kunai stuck deep into the mast, one of them was a snake but she considered herself a person by principle that she was smart enough to be one, Viper was currently working on repairing the long range parasol that Aoi had used, it had taken a beating but it was still fixable even if the canopy needed to be replaced its arms were perfectly fine for launching poisonous senbon and she didn't feel like dropping the durability of her parasol by swapping the launcher parts into it so that was why she was working on it, even if fixing it was a little complicated without hands.

Isaribi was messing with seals and thankfully they weren't explosive in nature, though she did finally make a method for just forming a seal from any liquid by tossing said liquid at a person and the seal would form after the liquid hit into whatever seal she wanted but that would actually take a bit more control than usual and since she could only do water ninjutsu this would expand the range and type of jutsu she could do, that and she was currently trying to figure out seals to put on the crossbow to summon arrows back to the bow from wherever they hit or directly from the quiver so she didn't have to waste time pulling each individual arrow out as it would automatically summon itself into position once she got the bow ready to fire and with her strength she could fire arrows faster than any person would think she'd be capable of, all it required was pulling back the launching mechanism and then adding a bit of chakra for the short distance transfer seal that would be in the quiver.

Naruto himself was laying back and holding the hilt of the degraded thunder god sword, while thinking about how to restore it to its former glory, Kyan really hadn't told him yet and he hadn't asked either because he knew he could form a lightning blade just by putting chakra into it, he was just worried about having something that's constantly electrified sitting on his back.

"Actually the constant electricity thing is nothing to worry about, so just restore the sword to its full glory already, I really want to see it back in action" Kyan whined loudly in the back of Naruto's skull reminding him once again that his life was messed up by a giant toad, that and plenty of other factors involved leading up to the nine tailed demon fox getting sealed in his stomach and everything afterwards is a bizarre story that was his life.

"Also stop being so melodramatic, you'll need a few things to restore the sword but they are very simple to get, one is some gold…" Then Kyan proceeded to list off several odd things that didn't seem to have anything to do with a sword that were close at hand or readily available any day of the week, fresh or cooked chicken, powdered gold, some bottled ink, a straw hat, some metal and fresh cherry blossoms.

"Okay… but what am I posed to do with all this stuff once I get it, I mean we already have most of the ingredients all we need is a straw hat and fresh cherry blossoms" Gold was easy to turn into powder, fresh chicken easier said than done, any metal would do and they were probably carrying enough, the straw hat shouldn't be too hard to come by in their destination because fishermen had to have at least one straw hat in Wave country, but cherry blossoms were not quite as easy to find but Naruto was still curious as to why they would need cherry blossoms, chicken or even the straw hat but he wasn't questioning Kyan's knowledge as she didn't seem to have gone insane from the loneliness of being stuck inside him quite yet .

"Actually that's the easy part, you shouldn't have to worry about it after that point as it's as easy as stuffing it all into one place only you put the gold dust on it last, I'll get more in depth when you get to actually doing it as there are several preferred methods and minor varied outcomes" Kyan was being way to perky and that was making Naruto slightly nervous, but he steeled himself and was going to restore the sword even if it seemed like he had to get a bunch of random stuff to do so, so he put it on his to do list before leaving Kyan to her cage for whatever she did in there.

"Hey Viper, do you think Konoha has a corruption problem, I mean now that I think about it how hasn't anyone seen how bad Konoha has gotten or all the problems running rampant with its system if it's posed to be the greatest village then it shouldn't have those kinds of problems" Viper absentmindedly turned her head to Naruto while still trying to repair the long range attack parasol.

"You're right it does have a large corruption problem and I'll list them out in order, Uchiha are power mad which eventually made them wipe themselves out, Hyuuga are paranoid if the bird cage seal thing wasn't a sign, the council has too many civilians and they easily kill off more ninja's then any enemy ever could by not fully understanding the capabilities of a ninja yet they are trying to wrest control from the hokage in military operations so they can please the last Uchiha which is actually more likely to get him killed, Danzo with his root organization trying to overthrow grandpa before we took care of it, Orochimaru doing who knows what and he has done some pretty nasty things to not only humans but snakes and other animals as well ; evil incarnate much, then there's the Anbu that have gone against your father's wishes especially one in particular with a dog mask, Aoi Rokusho you already know what he did and Mizuki trying to defect like Aoi did which is funny because we never got his last name, but those are only the ones we know of, there could be a whole slew of other problems like the bigotry against you for carrying a demon with how fast the orphanage funding dropped when you were there thus hurting other people growing up by proximity to you, it's any wonder why you didn't go power mad or crazy before I showed up in your life, oh and the villages security can be broken by a civilian wearing orange with a big enough ladder as if that didn't answer your question" Isaribi blinked while staring at Viper who didn't seem to bat an eye at all that stuff she mentioned, Konoha didn't sound like a safe place to live at all if all that stuff was going on, Naruto sat up and turned to Viper . (Darkon: look if it isn't obvious that Konoha is the cause of most of its own problems, this is spelling some of them out)

"But don't all the other ninja villages have the same problem; I mean we heard about that civil war of the bloodlines in the mist ninja village plus tons of defections creating a mass of missing ninja in every other country, except Konoha because of the breeding program policies that would try to enslave any bloodline that wandered too close" Naruto just needed something to talk about as things had been to quiet since they took this boat out after receiving a lot of money from Aoi's bounty which Isaribi took in as nobody had a picture of her for the recent bingo books. (Primell: Remember what was said about Yamanaka's Body Mind Swap thing mentioned in chapter fours jutsu listing?)

All the money they had won from the race and Isaribi betting a lot on Naruto as well as his personal bets with the Wasabi and Wagarashi clans meant they had a good amount of money to survive off of for quite a while, but the current problem was what were they exactly going to do as they had no plan and no real place to stay, plus they couldn't wander around forever because Naruto is a well recognizable target by anyone who has a bingo book and a lot of people were curious about the civilian bingo book target if Vipers connections through a large network of well traveled cats was anything to go by.

Naruto never asked where Viper got this information so he never learned that Viper has a network of ninja technique using animals that most wouldn't suspect were spying on them with mild exceptions to the rise of cat fearing ninja in Konoha, it was said there was a group of demon samurai kittens that made strange flat breaded circular food with tomato sauce, cheese, vegetables and meat in random portions that recently joined the NCC which sounded interested in meeting the starter of the ninja cat age which wasn't a cat at all and Viper now had a small squad of demons working in her information network that wanted to meet her and that made her slightly nervous but what are the chances that they'd ever find her with as much traveling as she was going to do, then again they've been running into a bunch of crazy situations headlong without stopping so it was bound to happen.

"Yeah, but it's still not as bad as Konoha since nobody wants to get into the middle of the mist wars except merchants which is making the country's economy shoot through the roof, while the two of us practically wrecked Konoha's almost beyond redemption with very little effort, I doubt we could do the same to the mist village as it's on constant high alert and its forces are stronger from all the infighting so no matter who wins it's better off, since you want to talk… what are we going to do other then restore the sword as we need a place we can go back to as a base of operations as I'm not going to spend the rest of my life out at sea and I want at least some stability that isn't camping gear, then we need to find safe places where we can get food and supplies as your practically on everyone's hit list at the moment, otherwise the pursuit of our life goals shouldn't be too hard if we aren't dead within the next week but that's just me being slightly morbid" Naruto watched as Viper continued to twist, pull and manipulate parts of the parasol like it was a sand ninja battle puppet with her tail and with how many special options you could put on a parasol it might as well have been a one at one point in time having somehow miraculously turned into a parasol, it was just that complicated to Naruto how viper could operate it efficiently.

"I wouldn't mind living out at sea for the rest of my life or near a river at least, but I can see where Viper is coming from we know what we want as our goals which is to be greatly recognized as strong individuals but how exactly are we going to go about that, also if anything we're going to have a large problem finding a place that's not going to be watched by ninjas… which I assume is why we're heading to Wave country since it's been continually ignored by just about everyone and it's so close to fire country that no one would think to look for us there as people would assume Naruto would be very far away from the ninja village that has placed the bounty on his head" It was a good thing Naruto wasn't an idiot or else he'd have a problem following all this, but this did give him an idea and Viper had previously made it pretty clear that the country was overrun with bandits and some missing ninja.

"That's just it, we can reliably get our supplies from Wave but if we're going to have a base of operations I want it to at least be mobile so we're not staying there but we'll be well off getting supplies imported through Wave as there is no set ninja village, it has some good ramen shops and nobody there will know we're wanted unless it's a missing ninja with a bingo book but who are they going to tell they're being hunted as well and I can handle a bunch of bandits easily enough" Naruto had that glint in his eye he was beginning to feel like his old self after the whole I killed another person trauma, Viper sighed happily she loved it when Naruto got that look in his eye as he had a plan, but as all plans go with them it wouldn't turn out quite the way they expected but then again when had they ever wanted normality.

"Why do I get the feeling you have another idea" Isaribi stated sadly as his last idea had tired her and Viper out with constant fighting, swimming and moving long distances within a short span of time, Isaribi was dead on her feet by the time they caught up to Naruto at the finish line and Viper waited; mostly because she was tired, until they were alone to get revenge against Naruto teasing her like that, not that she hadn't swooned at actually being teased by Naruto and secretly though quite obviously wanted more.

"Well of course I do but it's already spelled out, first I restore the sword as if that wasn't obvious but we're going to need a few things, second we're going to find a trustworthy missing ninja to hire to teach us as we'll need someone who has experience running from danger and has been in at least several good fights and lastly we'll stake out the conditions of wave country and if the opportunity should arise we'll gain the support of the locals if not by doing jobs for them with little to no pay as we already have enough money as it is, we'll then use it as a safe secure spot where we can go when all else fails and as for a base of operations that sounds like a good idea if we start picking up more strangers to travel with we're going to need a mobile base like I suggested" Both Isaribi and Viper cheered at that because they could stand to do some good deeds here and there for a place to receive some rest and relaxation, but first they would need to prepare to restore the sword that was powerful in its hilt form, they could only imagine what it could do in its true form but it wasn't going to be the only thing Naruto ever used he was still going to push himself in all areas, he learned from Viper a long time ago that predictability was a no go in the ninja world and Aoi just reinforced that policy by relying entirely on the thunder god sword which as they had seen didn't do so well in the end for him which is why he had his shadow clones working on doing the **clone** genjutsu which he finally managed to do even if it was only his clones that can do it, their survivability rate in battle would shoot up at least given that a clone can occupy the same space a shadow clone can thus making it more confusing what was a physical clone or not.

Sure it was good to have a ace in the hole but to never circulate your fighting abilities tends to make the ace rusty and untested in combat where you'd die if you didn't know what the ace did against certain opponents, unpredictability was Naruto's specialty and even if he showed all his aces he could still use them in different ways to be unpredictable as no technique in the ninja world stays hidden for long, unless it was Vipers **Viper Vomit** genjutsu as no one ever considered it a possibility and the way to learn that particular genjutsu was fraught with stomach illnesses as it was impossible to copy as you couldn't learn this genjutsu from being a victim of it and you had to learn to use it the hard way.

When they finally reached Wave several horrible events occurred at the same time, but Isaribi didn't immediately consider them of any consequence to her but with the way Naruto and Viper were acting you'd think the world was ending, first they ran out of ramen, second the ramen stands reported to be in Wave were all closed by the Gato Shipping Industries and if that wasn't bad enough the entire country was in dire straits and though they didn't know it at the time the country was being driven into the poor house because of mentioned industries.

Thus what brought on the scene with Naruto crying into Viper with his arms wrapped around her, whereas she was wrapped around him crying as well, it was touching and a cute moment between the two but Isaribi was standing off to the side forehead twitching slightly as these two ate so much ramen it was practically sacrilege to not eat it at least once a week not that Isaribi didn't like ramen it was that she preferred grilled beef and baked fish with carrots and onions, but yeah she seriously needed to calm these two down.

Isaribi walked up to the two and slapped them both across the face causing them to look at her as she put her hands on her hips and glared angrily at them, they calmed down fast enough only Viper didn't unwrap from around Naruto and started to nuzzle him and flick her tongue a bit into his neck causing him to get slightly ticklish eliciting a giggle or two.

"Better? Right, anyway why don't we work on getting the things we need to restore the sword and then maybe we can restore the country to normal so you two can settle you're addiction problem, Viper why don't you go look for cherry blossoms you said you used to wear some on your head constantly before you met Naruto so it shouldn't be too hard for you to find some, I'll go looking for some chicken in the village and Naruto you can go looking for the straw hat from a fisherman or something, then we'll meet back here at the boat" Both Naruto and Viper agreed readily to Isaribi's plan for each of them to get a part of the strange puzzle that was restoring the sword to its former glory but they still didn't get why it required so much strange stuff but they went their separate ways… once they finally managed to peel the reluctant Viper off of Naruto that is.

Isaribi got to the village and saw the sorry state it was in, the people were still well fed enough but the adults were starting to show signs of starvation and malnourishment probably giving what they could spare to their children, this was horrible and she was lucky to buy a chicken when she did because there was hardly anything left with all the bandits taking up the towns resources, she was going to need to tell Viper and Naruto about the state of affairs around here as she found out the source of the problems was Gato of the Gato Shipping Industries, which would make Naruto and Viper feel better because once they destroy Gato not only would they be doing the people here a favor they'd finally be able to buy ramen once the stores are reopened.

Which was enough motivation for Naruto and Viper other then the fact that they had good hearts and would put them the right place, hopefully this wouldn't be all about restoring the gift of ramen to the land thus ruining the effect of being good natured people, but the end results would essentially be the same, as if the two couldn't just entirely fund Wave by eating enough ramen to pick up the economy on their stomachs alone, they had the money for it.

On her way back to the boat after sealing the fresh chicken away she bumped into a rather strange girl that made a pass at her and constantly tried to pass herself off as male and failing to do so repeatedly what with the feminine kimono, the choker hiding her neck, the barely visible bandages holding down her chest, the painted nails, the long well kept hair that was silky to the touch and not to mention she didn't have the musculature of a male, the only reason why Isaribi would even know about a males musculature is because of Vipers anatomy studies which did help her learn where to hit a person for maximum effect and this led her to wondering why the girl was gender confused or was she just trying to hide the fact that she was quite obviously a girl which Isaribi didn't think she was doing a very good job at in the first place, oh well… they quickly became friends before they parted ways leaving Isaribi wondering how she got along with someone so weird, before she remembered she spends a lot of time around weird people and was one herself, so it was probably becoming a mostly normal thing to her to meet someone completely eccentric.

Viper had managed to find some cherry blossoms and around the tree's a was a man with a face wrapped in bandages swinging a massive sword that looked to be a head cleaver he was obviously a swordsman and ninja, Viper thought the guy looked familiar but couldn't recall his name she'd have to look it up in the bingo book, otherwise she just slithered up into one the trees away from the practicing dangerous man and popped one of three storage seals she now had on her red scarf like cloth pulling out a sack which she filled with fresh cherry blossoms and then she promptly resealed the sack back into her scarf, she also took a little extra time to find two blossoms to place upon her head while she was looking into some reflective water nearby to get the placement just right and she smiled at her reflection it's been a while since she wore blossoms on her head; how the blossoms stayed in place never came into question, and with the red scarf she thought it made her look cute but she was going to need a second opinion.

After watching the man train for a bit, he seemed to be at peace but he also seemed to be a cold blooded and ruthless person at the same time which was hard to figure out how he could read like that in his motions, but then again he could be at peace by being comfortable with who he was in the world and by the giant cleaver he carried, hmm… but still though he was familiar or was it his sword that looked familiar, Viper shrugged as well as she could without shoulders and slithered back towards the boat has she got news for Naruto and Isaribi once she figured out why the guy seemed so familiar.

While Viper and Isaribi where having abnormal encounters Naruto was having a rather normal if informative one as he saw two people talking on a pier and just eavesdropped on them, they were both wearing a conical shaped straw hats and Kyan squealed with glee as either one would be perfect for restoring the sword.

"You know Inari is just getting worse right, he thinks you're not fighting back because you're a hypocrite and that you're just letting Gato walk all over this country" The old man that was talking to a younger looking one wielding a fishing pole said as he took a swig from a bottle of his alcoholic preference.

"I know, but I have my reasons if I were to fight now I'd be alone and I'll be made a martyr and I'd rather be alive to protect my family then dead and leaving them to cry over my grave, I said I'd protect Wave with both arms but all I can do now is keep those bandits away from Inari and Tsunami, by the way if I did die what do you think will happen to all the hope in Wave, it'll dry up without me that's what and I rather have the people hate me then having them cry over me and so far not many people have been hurt too much yet though they are still unwilling to fight for themselves so they are letting this happen as much as I am" The younger man cast his line out into the water, he was still trying to incite some kind of banner to rally under or even get help but nothing happened as not many people cared about Wave country, so far everyone in the village was barely getting by on rationing their food and things looked pretty bleak, if that wasn't all their hero was hiding himself and they were quite rightly angry with him but he was also angry with them, so they were civilians but it didn't mean the bandits were any better fighters than they were and he wouldn't sacrifice himself for the ungrateful, so until they stood up to that monster named Gato he would stay firmly seated.

"I know, but he's too young to understand why you won't stand up and fight, but then again I'm getting on and I figure I've lived a good life which is why I'm building a fantastic bridge to save our country, so far Gato doesn't see me as a threat and I just hope it stays that way, my builders are starting to lose heart but they're still working even if they've got families to think of" The younger man leaned back and continued to stare at his line out on the water in a grim silence, before turning to the old drunkard.

"I'm guessing they still won't help me fight Gato though, huh" It was said as in a tone of finality and the older man took another swig, before shaking his head sadly at the man that was called a hero who was also doing what he can to be around for his daughter to keep her happy and with the state Wave country was in, that wasn't too much but it was still a small bit of happiness that the old man agreed was the best thing his son-in-law could do for right now while he himself was going to be a live target for martyrdom if he wasn't careful.

"They're doing what they do best Kaiza and that's all I can ask of them" With that the old drunkard walks away from the pier they were talking on and Naruto carefully crept out after the old guy was gone and walked up to the guy named Kaiza, Naruto understood what it meant to be a sacrifice and a rather halfway pointless one at that with his father's trust being entirely destroyed in nothing short of two days of him being born and it was because of this he wanted to talk to this guy, also to think of a way to acquire his hat.

"Hmm… Inari… long time since I heard the name of that ambiguous gendered bisexual celestial trickster who is proclaimed for the power of the harvest and befriending foxes, apparently there is some shinto around here, which is going to be a good thing when Naruto restores the sword but it is so going to hurt so much that even I might feel it, oh well it'll be much better end results" Kyan shrugged her white furred shoulders and started to brush the fur on her body as blue markings appeared in a similar fashion to that of her wife's, she just preferred the all red motif for when Naruto came in to meet up to his expectations of what a demon was, right now she had her fur all white and blue as she was brushing it out after taking a bath in a giant bathtub with a giant rubber rabbit play toy, it was nice enough for Naruto to give her at least some accommodations in the seal.

It's been a while but it did feel nice to make herself feel beautiful and she felt so warm and snug right now but she was still yearning for company and at least Naruto wouldn't know he was about to give her some in the form of her cuddle toy but then again it was going to be a side effect of restoring the sword and Kyan couldn't wait for Nabi the two tailed cat demon plushy to arrive, which is the very reason why she washed up like she did as Nabi held her in high regards and she wouldn't want to disappoint, oh Naruto was almost done talking to that Kaiza guy, darn she would have to go over his memories to see what they talked about later.

"If you give me that hat, wondrous things are going to happen around here and everything will change for the better, in fact if you wait a while and don't go getting yourself hurt I promise Wave will be prosperous once again" Kaiza smiled at Naruto as he liked this kid, his orange clothing was a little unusual but who was he to judge and he just handed Naruto his hat, they had gotten into a interesting conversation about when a person should sacrifice themselves, what was considered the right thing to do, why they would be doing it, when was the right time to do said thing and was the sacrifice completely worth it in the end.

"You know I can't help but believe you, I hope to see you when Wave is a better place once again and I actually want to be witness this great miracle of yours whatever it is you think you can do with a simple hat" He certainly believed this kid had a reason for wanting his hat and he couldn't very well deny him that much as he wasn't asking for too much but what use could the kid possibly need the hat for.

"Thanks, I'll want to see you too after this is all over, maybe we can get some ramen" Kaiza stared after the orange wearing blond haired boy as he ran off and laughed inwardly, he had to wonder what would come of this as even a simple act of kindness goes a long way as in the folklore that is frequently told around here and a new folk story might unfold from handing his hat away to a total stranger that got into a philosophical conversation with him.

The group pretty much got back at the same time, Viper was the least held up and was found to be studying a bingo book with keen interest, Isaribi came in and they both talked about their odd encounters and it was quickly found out that Viper had met Zabuza bloody demon of the mist which wasn't too odd as he came here after he was declared a missing ninja for trying to overthrow the leader of the mist village that started the civil war, apparently the rebel faction Zabuza could have been with didn't like him jumping the gun so he had two separate bounties on him one dead from the leader of the hidden mist village and one alive from the bloodline carrying rebels, this information was way more interesting than Isaribi meeting a girl that was convinced that she was a boy while still carrying out all kinds of feminine actions that girls and some men are usually associated with. (Sir: Insert Orochimaru sneezing here)

As they were discussing this Naruto finally arrived and they decided to start setting up the area to Kyan's specifications for restoring the sword to it's true form, which simply involved putting all the objects in a circle around the person that would be wielding the sword except for the gold powder which would come afterwards when the sword was fully restored.

A freshly cooked rotisserie chicken, a pile of metal from kunai and seven senbon that had seen better days, cherry blossoms, a bottle of ink and one worn conical straw hat that used to sit on a heroes head, now all Naruto had to do was say the incantation, which he balked at what he had to say.

"Are you sure that's what I have to say…. Kyan says to be a good twenty feet away when I do this… also douse the sword with gold powder when I'm finished Isaribi" Viper and Isaribi quickly scooted away from Naruto to the safe suggested distance, Isaribi holding onto the bag of gold powder even if it was expensive stuff Kyan confirmed it was definitely needed.

"The sword can only be restored by courage and humility so just say the damn incantation already" What Kyan didn't mention was that this was the demon method for restoring the Thunder God sword which mimicked the celestial method which was slightly more difficult as there wasn't one around to make it work and the human method for restoring the sword was just plain insane if hardly survivable, this method was just exceedingly painful but easily survivable as she knew who the incantation invoked and she doubted that person would kill her or even show an ounce of aggression in her containers general direction.

"Fine…. I HAVE THE POWER! Thunder…. Thunder…. Thunder...THUNDER CAT HOOOO!" After stating 'he had the power' a small bit of lightning started to constantly strike the hilt causing him to feel tingly but it didn't hurt all too much, however when he went into the second part which involved swinging the sword three times with the word 'Thunder' it started to slowly change from a hilt to a glaive with each swing until he raised it toward the sky uttering the word 'ho'.

"Huh, well this isn't so… AGGGHHHHHHHHH" Naruto had spoken too soon when solid pillar of lightning had struck down on his position that was quite visible from miles around and the people of wave country and all the bandits saw it, Kaiza looked up at the sky and wondered if this is what Naruto was talking about, apparently miracles were about to happen around here, he smiled at the stories he would tell.

Seconds before somewhere within the elemental countries…

A girl was being hunted by two crazy robed figures and had forced her into a corner, they were both strong and she was too reliant on the two tails chakra to see her through, she guessed that this was how it was going to end being captured by these two assholes only to die when the cute cuddly cat demon was ripped out of her.

Fortunately for her the cat demon would be ripped out of her, just not in the way she was exactly expecting as both the cloaked figures were approaching and she couldn't move her body, the two tailed cat was urging her to get up with the power of love, justice, maybe the moon or just something instead of getting killed as she liked the girl named Yugito, preferably in an alive state.

"Thunder… Thunder…" Nabi Igki the two tailed cat demon perked up when she heard someone start stating the incantation; the distance didn't matter as she could hear it from anywhere, for it was the thunder god sword restoration and they even prepared everything to restore it as she felt it was all there, the sudden tug on her body from the inside of the seal made her smile, it appears these bastards wouldn't be getting her today.

Before the two men could get any closer Yugito exploded violently in a burst of electricity leaving behind a puddle of blood on the ground and two perplexed men from a secret organization that was out to do something with the nine tailed demons after they caught them, nobody in the organization was sure what they were actually attempting with all the multiple plans and subterfuge within the group but it would eventually be profitable or so many hoped.

The two men looked towards each other and they were thinking the same thing, as in 'what the hell' and 'did she really just commit suicide to prevent them from catching her' both of which meant one thing.

"SHIT" both the men yelled, they had fought the girl for the last four hours just to have her die not five feet away, taking the two tailed demon with her or something to that effect, not only that she was looking for another container which they lost all track of from their spies in Konoha. (Darkon: Can at least one of you tell me you didn't see this coming?)

Somewhere outside the elemental countries…

A figure watched as a girl fell out of the sky and it did something to slow her down to softly land on the top of the world's tallest tower ever created by a single determined cat with a lot of building material and time on its paws, it eventually attained godhood because of its accomplishment but that was another story entirely as the shadowy figure looked over the girl with blood seeping from her body where a certain seal used to be, the figure was surprised to see a mortal so injured and yet somehow made it all the way up here alive, the figure would have to call for aid to heal the poor girl.

Back in wave country both Isaribi and Viper were still blinking the spots out of their eyes and they looked to the ten foot wide twenty feet deep crater that had formed where Naruto used to be standing, Viper calmly slithered over to the edge of the crater, if Isaribi's high yield explosives notes, all kinds of poisons and being beaten into a bloody pulp for a few years couldn't kill Naruto then this wouldn't either but it wouldn't hurt to check before breaking out into tears once she was certain of what happened to him, she absentmindedly took notice of Isaribi following her into the crater.

There were three things sitting in the crater, one was the fully restored thunder god sword crackling with electricity which Isaribi promptly poured the gold powder on and it started to give off a powerful pulsing golden glow as the dust absorbed into it, then there was Naruto who Viper checked over quickly and she made sure he was still alive before releasing her tears in relief, despite the charred skin and blackened clothing he was still breathing pretty well for someone who was struck by a massive pillar of blinding lightning that put a large hole in the ground, but that was Naruto for you.

Viper brushed the charred skin covering his lips out of the way with her tail revealing a fresh pair of healed lips underneath she gently kissed them while thinking happy thoughts and then looked at Isaribi picking something up that moaned pitifully it looked to be a… cat… why oh why did she have to have so many ties to cats, then again it was better than trusting snakes as cats were social and friendly if a bit hedonistic if Garfield was anything to go by and they were only dangerous if you provoke them to much.

Isaribi was looking at the average sized cat as it had dark purple fur with yellow lightning like streaks throughout, it also had a weird circular symbol on its forehead that was a dark crescent moon in front of a full moon or that was the impression it gave off, slowly the cat came to and gave a couple of sniffs before bounding straight for Naruto out of Isaribi's hands and then it was noticed albeit to late that the cat had two tails as it dove into Naruto's stomach disappearing completely meowing happily as it did.

"Was that a…" Isaribi started unsure what to say about letting the cat go.

"A two tailed cat that is obviously another one of the great nine demons that just jumped into Naruto's seal, if so then yes it was" Viper deadpanned as apparently Naruto was renting more room on his stomach… she sighed over the poor burnt up Naruto having to house two demons at once now, unless the cat demon wasn't taking up permanent residence which if she was would make Viper mad if she did.

"Mistress Kyan!" Kyan smiled pleasantly as she started cuddling Nabi and then it started to get less and less innocent as they went a little beyond nuzzling each other after a few moments suddenly becoming rather amorous, it was a good thing the seal was designed to only hold Kyan because of the Shinigami or else Nabi would have trapped herself inside the cage as well as soon as she set foot inside Naruto.

"oohhhhn… what happened" Naruto was already getting up from having been struck by lightning obviously Kyan was working on restoring his bodily functions, not that he didn't know he had a advanced healing speed on his own and that Kyan just accelerated the process by forcing his chakra to overcompensate like a rabid batch of white blood cells.

Naruto saw both Viper's and Isaribi's blank stares, he slowly picked up the glowing sword that crackled with electricity, it was brimming with the energy but otherwise it didn't make him feel invincible as he didn't know how to use a sword, but it was certainly cool looking with all that electrical energy crackling across the blade and he wasn't even using chakra to make it like that, he tapped it and surprisingly the electrical energy didn't hurt him he kind of guessed that since he was the wielder that it wouldn't hurt him.

"Cool now all we need is someone to help train us and then we'll rescue wave country in the name of ramen, afterwards we'll figure out how to find or make a base of operations that we can successfully travel around with, when we settled the place where we can get supplies in peace" Viper supported Naruto's completely in all regards only to complain once in a while, whereas Isaribi supported him well enough but she had to smack her forehead when he mentioned doing it for the ramen, so far neither of them was willing to tell Naruto that he summoned the two tailed demon cat and that it went inside of him, because it was just too weird too mention but then again they guess that was what the 'thunder cat' portion of what Naruto shouted about was for.

"How many times are we going to reiterate our plans today Naruto" It was stated with contempt surprisingly by Viper as she was getting tired of hearing a plan being repeated so much, Naruto realized that they've been through this at least three times already and apologized for repeating it so much but it helped with memorization to repeat something again and again, also he thought that if he kept repeating it that it would be less likely to fall apart with constant renewal of said plan considering how mango shaped things tended to be around them before it devolved into a pear and then a lime.

"Okay now all we have to do is… plan… our attack… okay I know you're not happy with all the plan repeats but…" A loud whooshing sound was heard and Isaribi quickly used the **Tsunami shell** justu in conjunction with Naruto helping to make the justu far more effective than normal as a head cleaving sword called a zanbato was flying at them spinning around violently, it got caught by the barrier of water they formed together and they accelerated the spinning water causing the sword to fly back the way it came if somewhat lower bisecting a tree horizontally causing the recently arrived Zabuza to fall out of the tree face first into some mud as the tree fell down just missing him. (Sir: technically a Zanbato is a horse cleaving weapon meant for cavalry in wars, but for story purposes we don't bring this up as we probably won't do a snow arc with Viper having warmth problems and Naruto is not meeting a woman riding on a horse at anytime)

He slowly got up and looked particularly pissed before he took stock of who he was staring at, before he finally pointed at Naruto and the sword he thought looked like a guy named Raiga's but it wasn't so this couldn't possibly be his old friend, of which he had very few of for soon to be completely apparent obvious reasons.

"You're not Raiga!" Zabuza said loudly enough as if he was trying to kill some guy by that name, Naruto pulled out a bingo book and looked up Raiga and actually found his name as a guy who used lightning swords and was one of the seven mist shinobi causing Naruto to blink.

"Do you hate that Raiga guy or something" It was an innocent enough question from Isaribi who was looking over Naruto's shoulder at what seemed to be a dead ringer for Aoi's lost twin brother.

"No that's how I greet all my friends… or eventual friends… or all my enemies, but then again I usually have a cooler entrance" It wasn't even sarcasm and Naruto's group died a little inside from hearing that, as far as any one of them could tell he wasn't lying.

"He's right you know, he usually does have a cooler entrance and he even threw that sword at me while I was a pitiful starving orphan on the street and said since I avoided it nearly killing me that he would adopt me because of that and he had recognized my bloodline which is controlling ice" Isaribi noticed that voice and apparently the girl was trying to pass herself off as a male hunter nin with the kanji for 'man' written on her mask and she was trying very hard to sound gruff but it actually failed ridiculously as it made her sound more feminine then she was already, in fact her voice was sounding more seductive then manly.

"You guys don't have very many friends do you" Naruto couldn't even know where to begin to describe what was wrong with Zabuza, sure he didn't stupidly wear his headband marking him as a missing ninja like so many missing ninja before him belying some amount of intelligence as he watched Zabuza tilt his head down slightly in a sad manner which was hardly noticeable unless you were a ninja and the girl looked up and away slightly before pulling her mask off.

Sure he would look like a normal swordsman, if it wasn't for the fact that his sword was so highly recognizable as the photo in the bingo book that wasn't of Zabuza himself, it was just a picture of his sword and a vague description of a crazy man that slaughtered his entire graduating class when he threw this sword to greet the class that morning and apparently all the would-be ninjas had dropped their guards that day from the excitement of graduating, but then again the bingo book was actually praising Zabuza on the fact that he managed to kill all the idiots that forgot about his little problem in his class at the same time with one throw of his ridiculously large sword which earned him the title demon of the bloody mist as he was also good at casting **Hidden Mist **jutsu which he promptly used to help hide all the bodies thus earning him a place among the high ranking swordsmen of the mist village.

"Yeah well what was that light show about brat and are you ninja or what, because I don't see any headbands and what's with that sword, ah hell let's just fight and talk later if you're alive by then" Zabuza then picked his head cleaver up and lunged straight for Naruto who clumsily blocked his attack with the thunder god sword and Zabuza's body locked up from the electrical shock of having a thousand volts run through his body painfully, but he managed to recover from that rather fast probably because he's fought that Raiga guy plenty of times, so he simply jumped back and launched a bunch of kunai that were blocked by a snake that was wielding a parasol, not that either Zabuza or Haku took notice of its existence when it did.

All the while the girl whose name was Haku stood off to the side sweat dropping at Zabuza's enthusiasm to make new friends, in horribly violent combat…. weren't they here about finding a job and or to make a new start? Zabuza was pretty dark in all regards but he wasn't evil, just highly misunderstood after killing all his classmates one year when they forgot to duck, not that Haku ever did it was becoming second nature to dodge something the instant it was thrown her way especially large sword like objects that weren't normally designed for their aerodynamics but could still kill you very easily. (Darkon: As Trio would say... "It's all in the wrist dude!" end quote)

Zabuza went after Isaribi who rolled under a horizontal swipe then switched to serpent form to throw a punch only to stop when Zabuza just stared at her oddly and dropped his sword, his left eye started twitching.

"Holy shit, the shark wasn't gay after all or maybe he had female clone of himself made while marrying a man under the guise of having had relationships with a really hot woman, no that can't be it…" Zabuza was continuing to stare at Isaribi perplexed, off to the side Viper resealed her parasol and Naruto just blinked blankly before they both sighed, they wanted to fight a talented ninja that didn't get sidetracked and had many different tactics that weren't one trick pony gimmicks, was that a little too much to ask?

"But your green and he's blue… maybe he discovered mermaids or wait better yet… mermaids discovered him… no that wouldn't make sense as mermaids are an entirely Amazon hierarchy usually boasting power out the ass pointlessly to the point of ridiculousness and you're not even interrupting me in indignation that you aren't boastful" Well Isaribi would have interrupted if she wasn't so confused right now and was wondering what she was posed to be indignant about as Zabuza scrutinized her serpent form.

"Um… Zabuza weren't you just I don't know, starting a heated epic combat moment" The girl; that was trying to be a guy whose name that the Naruto team didn't know was Haku, asked carefully being a little aware that Zabuza was advent manga fan.

"Not now Haku, I'm trying to understand the mysteries of the universe that this girl has presented to me, this may take me the rest of my life but I will figure it out how it happened come hell or high water, I'd rather wish high water on the world as hell would be a tad too warm for me" Then he continued to stare at Isaribi, after a while it became apparent that he wouldn't stop staring at her and it was starting to become creepy as it didn't look like he was breathing.

Meanwhile in the background Naruto was playing around with the thunder god sword that; though he wasn't aware of it, could cleave or distort seals especially those containing bijuu without much effort unless it was the death god powered and unfortunately for Kyan her's was the only one like that, it also dealt massive damage to demons as it was a celestial weapon, Viper was busy watching Naruto as she was done dealing with the psychotic swordsman.

"Maybe I've been experimented on as a poor orphan and was turned into a half serpent girl by an evil mad scientist" Isaribi tried and Zabuza shook his head no, while continuing to stare at her menacingly.

"I've considered that already and find it to be highly unlikely, so do you know who your parents are" This led to an extended game of twenty questions, which was seemingly unending when Isaribi said that she doesn't even know who they were.

"You are the most interesting thing in existence to ever exist, EVER" Zabuza proclaimed loudly raising his head cleaver to the sky only for Naruto to finally come over and tap his glowing sword to Zabuza's for a extended amount of time, because he refused to let go of his sword it had caused Zabuza to faint painfully after he'd taken a bucket load of electricity into himself while still standing, he was an impressively resilient guy and Naruto was wondering if they could join forces as he needed a sword instructor and who better then a rogue swordsman ninja of the mist, these constant coincidences were beginning to irk him but he didn't let it show.

"You seem like the smarter one of the two of you, so if you will excuse me for knocking him out; Haku right, as I would like to ask if I could hire your and Zabuza's services, money isn't a problem and we could use the help" Naruto was waiting for Haku to think up a response, she really didn't have one as she was just a tool who was male but then again Zabuza said they needed jobs and this orange wearing person was offering so why not.

"Hmm… I have to know more about you two before I can decide" Haku was obviously missing the snake and it angered Viper a bit before Naruto spoke up in her defense.

"Make that three, that's Isaribi, I'm Naruto and this here is someone special, her name is Viper and she's my close companion, also we've got the most recent bingo book so here you can get some information on the two of us from this and then you can just ask Viper about herself since she can communicate with us quite easily" This led Haku to reading over the bingo book entries on Isaribi and Naruto from the one she was just handed; the civilian part at least, Viper was off to the side looking a little sullen at being called just a close companion but it was a little closer to him admitting they actually had something, that being a marriage.

Naruto was labeled a civilian that took something important from the village he resided in and apparently with the one handed sword he wielded that wasn't apparently true, above what used to be only a hilt as now a gem surrounded by slightly curving spikes leading up to a gleaming solid blade crackling quietly with electricity leading Haku to wondering where he got that kind of sword.

Isaribi was labeled with an unknown affiliation and was considered a jonin level ninja with the title "Soaking Serpent" however her picture wasn't in the bingo book only a description of what she looked like right now before she switched back to her human form, hey Haku needed more friends and they needed a job and these guys were paying, but she still wanted to know what was up with that snake with the tiny red scarf thing around her neck and the flowers on her head they make her look cute but otherwise she would take the job they offered her.

"Please help us be better ninja" Viper said in a pleading tone while using her **Puppy Eyes **Genjutsu to stare adamantly at her when she noticed the girl scrutinizing her, causing Haku to freak out not only because Viper could talk but also because Vipers eyes made her a completely adorable reptile, so she could hardly refuse with the power of cute compelling her.

"Um… I… er…. Okay…" Haku's answer led Viper to cancelling her genjutsu and smiling victoriously, leaving both Naruto and Isaribi thinking that Viper was pure evil but they wouldn't be around without her as she was one of those necessary cutely endearing evils of the world.

"Thank you, we'll discuss payment after Zabuza of the bloody mist wakes up and we'll introduce ourselves to each other properly then" If Naruto didn't know any better Viper was going to be the one negotiating that as she knew what they would actually pay to hire out a missing ninja and this strange girl, probably what they deserve depending on how good a job they do.

"What just happened and why do I suddenly feel emasculated" Haku still thought of herself as a boy despite the obvious fact that she was in fact a she, so far it hasn't come up in conversation as they hadn't specifically talked about Haku's gender.

"Don't worry you'll get used to it" Naruto said in a teasing gesture while running his hands over the Viper's body as she slithered up to him and it caused her to smile at being rubbed the right way, Haku just watched as the snaked cooed gently under Naruto's touch, what had she just gotten herself into.

End chapter.

List-

**Hidden Mist- **ninjutsu or genjutsu- target area: surrounding area around the user or single, multiple or selective targets- effect: creates a thick fog that blinds the enemy and hides the movements of allies however in a odd case this jutsu can be used as two differing versions, the genjutsu version is effectively cheaper but the ninjutsu version cannot be dispelled but uses a lot more overall energy, used to hide ones movements, used in silent killing techniques, used make enemy targets panic, used to blanket the field for water element used ninja, used to disable or weaken eye based bloodline abilities, used to create water formed clones anywhere within the mist to attack from anywhere, used to perform water based capture ninjutsu easily and used to plan surprise birthday parties while ultimately keeping the cake delicious and moist without messing it up and or insects getting into it.

**Puppy Eyes**- genjutsu- target area: self- effect: gives users large watery eyes that increase the user's ability to manipulate others drastically if the user is female however if the user is an older male it is considered vastly creepy and will actually scare people off or make the male seem horribly pathetic, used to manipulate people, used to increase cuteness intensity, used to freak out people, used to emasculate male oriented people, used to make some people join the users ideals and is used to make girls squeal like pigs before hugging the user of said jutsu.

Darkon: Yes this chapter is about "bladed noise" and is also anticlimactic, but not the next chapter which is "Gato is strong" where Gato actually ends up fighting, but how can a stumpy man that runs a evil shipping industry whose possibly a weak-ass person actually put up much of a fight… well the hint is in the pudding and the entire Yugito thing wasn't out of left field either.

Sir: Please Darkon, tell me you didn't write something like that into the plot.

Darkon: Okay I won't tell you something like that is written into the plot.

Sir: ….. sigh…

Primell: Yay squee has more crazy ideas, but wait a minute… what if people don't catch the reference.

Darkon: We'll tell them at the end of the chapter then what the cameo is if it wasn't already an integral fight taking up a large part of the chapter after the introductions are swapped and Naruto's team gets at least a week's worth of training before they battle Gato.

Sir: What about the demon brothers?

Darkon: They'll be appearing later if I feel like it, I mean those two are so crappy in a fight unless I give them a real good boost in power and tactics since I'm pretty sure Sakura could beat them after Tsunade's training but then again she'd still come out of the fight injured.

Primell: Why are you so harsh on Sakura squee?

Darkon: Demon brothers fight… stands around holding a kunai, zabuza fight one… stands around holding a kunai, zabuza second battle guess what… more standing around holding a kunai, forest of death with Orochimaru… kunai again standing and holding only stopping Naruto from falling to the ground afterwards as any action taken, after that with the sound ambush her traps hardly did much and her use of clone jutsu might have been somewhat good but this is the first time we've ever seen Sakura put up a fight and she got her ass kicked not to mention Lee's by bringing him down by how much of a ninja she isn't, the fight with Ino I would have to say her second personality actually did any of the fighting that actually went on otherwise Ino would automatically win not to mention the second personality doesn't really do much else for Sakura after said fight, the Gaara thing… yeah she wasn't doing anything with that one kunai and it was previously shown that it wouldn't work on Gaara, so why should it now and what was she thinking? This is just the early series she only kicks up her game after training with Tsunade which took three years (THREE and how much does she actually learn again?) for her to have any use in combat and even then she only has super strength and healing abilities now with nothing separating her from Tsunade in ability except maybe body, chakra control and ability to actually react in a fight.

Sir: Do you really hate her that much?

Darkon: No, I actually read stories with her in it to find a time where she actually trains instead of someone telling her when to train where she is actually a redeemable character and actually proves that she isn't a background character standing behind the main characters and actually understands people's feelings, as I cannot like a person who is needlessly cruel to someone who is an orphan and then does a switch around with treating another person under the same status on higher pedestal, that being Naruto who she once claims is bad for not having parents and then pulled a reverse of that for Sasuke as needing romance for the same reason of not having a family mostly because the fact that he has clan status, then later claims to know the same loneliness Sasuke has as he was defecting…. despite the assumed fact that she still has her family… yeah that's not even remotely messed up in any way when she goes home for the day.

Primell: That's… pretty bad, but at least she's better at some times right?

Darkon: Only under certain circumstances, what's Sakura's excuse for lacking originality as a ninja and purposely being a character with a horrible personality, I would seriously like to ask if anyone could explain to me as to what makes her so great on her own merit? I'm just not seeing it, but I am open to the idea that she could be more then the slapstick damsel in distress with the few moments of awesome she gets as a throwaway gesture.


	8. Chapter 8

Darkon: welcome to a new chapter not that I think anyone deserves to know some of what this is about, Zabuza is hired to work for Naruto obviously, but how does Gato intend to fight five ninja's... hey Viper counts for something.

Trio: You did the entire sword throwing bit and you even had the gall to quote me, what the underworld dude!

Darkon: Yes, yes, your all upset you missed an opportunity to comment on someone throwing swords around get over it, Sir does when I cave his head in on the oft occasion I want to play live whack-a-Sir with a half ton mallet and he hardly complains unless it's some fault of mine rearing its ugly head and he even says my writing this story is going to end up with something horrible happening to me because of some guild forming to kill me.

Trio: I wouldn't be surprised, people have tried to kill you before for your complete randomness and they all failed horribly dude.

Darkon: Goes to show them they can't stab their own shadows to death.

Sir: Making very little sense as always Darkon, but in a philosophical sense your metaphors are better than ever.

Chapter 8: Gato is strong! (Trio: OH, I know where this one is going dude.)

While Zabuza was recovering they all agreed to move to another area for discussion purposes as sitting next to a large hole with three wanted people, a gender confused girl and a snake would take some explaining to do.

Once they were in a more secure location, Viper took Naruto off to the side to tell him about his newer resident, while Isaribi stayed with Haku and the out cold Zabuza waiting for Naruto and Viper to be done talking.

"Okay Viper what is it you wanted to talk to me about" Viper gummed her lower lip since; she obviously couldn't bite it, while looking worried.

"Naruto I don't know how to tell you this so I'll just blurt it out without worrying about it, you have a demon inside of you" Naruto looked perplexed and Viper figured she could have worded that a little better when Naruto responded.

"Is Zabuza contagious? You know I contain Kyan so why is it so surprising now" Viper slapped her tail over her face before shaking it sadly; she was going to put this into better words for Naruto.

"I mean you have another one inside of you, in fact she appeared right after you got hit by that blob of lightning, it was the two tailed demon cat, how she got here I wouldn't know but I assume it involved restoring the sword that now floats off of your back" Naruto stared at Viper before holding a single finger up for a 'wait a moment' gesture as he sat down and then fell asleep on the spot, Viper knew the cat was female when Isaribi picked her up, she was learning the first thing you should discover about a demon is gender as assumptions and quite a lot of other things made demons angry.

If it was any other human Viper probably wouldn't have pursued the relationship as hard, but Naruto was something special as he had that physical transformational ability that would allow him to be a snake of male persuasion at anytime he wanted to be and so far Viper hadn't brought it up because she doesn't want to force the relationship because of a skill he has that could theoretically make them compatible from what all her anatomy studies told her about Naruto when he transformed into a physical girl, she'd rather be a very close friend then alienate him with the idea of a form he would probably be uncomfortable with.

Seconds later Viper was brought out of her musings as Naruto sat up his face was flushing straight red meaning he's seen something embarrassing or saucy, Viper was cold blooded so she didn't generate too much heat which was useful when being hunted by ninja as she was damn near invisible to anyone who might have a chance of sensing her chakra which gave off a very low frequency in comparison to someone like Kyan giving off insane levels of emission that can overload some bloodlines(mostly eye based ones) on proximity alone with her chakra and thanks to her anatomy studies she can easily recognize the human bodies reaction to stimulus which is useful in genjutsu and making Naruto relatively comfortable and happy, one of the reasons why her **Happy Mouth** genjutsu worked so well.

"It's fine Viper we've worked out a deal, just so long as Nabi doesn't do anything like try to charge me with her chakra I'll let her stay with Kyan and if she wants to join in a fight she can come out on her own free will to help where applicable, she'll also teach me some lightning manipulation she picked up from her previous container as I doubt Zabuza would know any wind or normal chakra ninjutsu that I can't already do and his element is water after all" Would wonders ever cease Naruto is actually thinking, but then again Viper was wondering what Naruto saw to get so red, maybe something had happened in his mind that he wasn't about to repeat and she was wasn't going to pry either.

As they made their way back to the negotiation site Naruto found out one disturbing little problem with wielding the celestial weapon the thunder god sword; that now floated slightly off of his back as the gem kept it there as explained by Kyan for when it wasn't in use and for travel reasons, that was to say when in use he'd only be capable of lightning elemental abilities meaning he wouldn't be able to replace or substitute himself around as a fighting style, this did however give him the ability to use the **Flying thunder god** ninjutsu that his father was famous for which had a prerequisite of having your highest element being lightning and that would only happen when he held the sword so it was going to be limited greatly in ability to use it as he couldn't learn it through the use of shadow cloning as the sudden change in his elements becoming the only one element tended to disperse his shadow clones so making a shadow clone with a usable clone sword was a no go for practicing with and he now knew how Isaribi felt, also why Aoi didn't substitute when he pulled the high yield exploding log full of poisonous senbon substitution on him.

There was that one thing; as Naruto watched Viper slither up to Isaribi and the two others who were still on the fence about being hired, of a few things he had been told about the sword that interested him and it was a special attack of the sword that Kyan told him would make itself known only if he ever got into a fight with a demon which is where the sword would be the most useful as should that attack occur the demon wouldn't be around much longer, the attack would allow him to even defeat Kyan in all her nine tails of pure demonic power which she had lamented that his father couldn't do with the sword being as degraded as it had been and now that it was back to full power as long as it had a wielder it wouldn't degrade, so some day they might witness the true strength when the blade shines its ultimate attack once again, it was only activated under a set amount of circumstances one of those were those who crave power can't ever use it and it happened automatically it couldn't be trained, forced or mimicked by anything as even a vaunted Sharingan user couldn't decipher the attack and it only happens when it was meant to.

Naruto had to wonder when or if he would be meant to use the so far unnamed attack, Kyan said it might not ever happen in his or anyone else's lifetime or at all as no one has seen the attack being used more than twice over the span of a hundred years and despite never witnessing the attack Kyan knew what it felt like because a eight headed serpent demon was slain by this very attack in what must have been one unstoppable blow.

"So how are we going to do this you brats and snake, as I don't think I have what it takes to be a teacher and I never tried but if the moneys good I'll think about helping you out" Zabuza had managed to regain some composure as a badass when he started up the negotiations.

"We'll start with introductions I'll go first as my groups contract negotiator, Hi I'm Viper Uzumaki, I like Naruto, Ramen and generating new highly useful genjutsu, as for my ninja skills I'm a proud genjutsu user with good taijutsu and weapon supplemental skills, my main weapon is a combat parasol more specifically a piercing short spear model, I have my own information network going and I dislike tyranny like what's going on around here, HOW DARE THAT ASSHOLE GATO SHUT DOWN ALL THE RAMEN STANDS IN WAVE, now who wants to go next" Viper had a tick mark forming on her head curling the tip of her tail in anger for a few seconds, before loosening up and smiling pleasantly to Zabuza and Haku who were slightly freaked out not because she was a talking snake, but for the fact that she became a little passionate about the ramen stands being closed down though Zabuza didn't show it near as much as Haku did, Naruto didn't say a word of defense against Viper taking his family name as her own and just sat idly by since anyone who could be that passionate about Ramen had to be an Uzumaki, so he really couldn't fault her on that one even if they weren't married which he was going to be more adamant about later because right now Viper seemed too happy just sharing a last name with him to be suddenly disappointed by a denial.

"I'm Haku Momochi son of Zabuza Momochi, I like Zabuza, spicy curries and acupuncture, my ninja skills center around ice ninjutsu and long range support, I'm not the best close up fighter around and I'm more into studying to be a medical ninja but I'm somewhat good at using my bloodline in a fight, I dislike being called a girl and being called feminine, It's a pleasure to meet you and I hope we can work together as friends in the future" Naruto was about to say something to the effect how could she not be feminine but Isaribi grabbed his shoulder and shook her head 'no' in a way that stated it wasn't worth the headache of trying to convince the girl that she was still acting like one, as Haku smiled at them they considered questions to ask and it was Viper to voice hers first.

"Is your bloodline strictly water or is it water and wind" It was a curious question as there were three way to do a ice ninjutsu the hard way was creating mass amounts of hot steam and freezing the entire area around it by drawing all the heat to a central location, the somewhat easier use of wind to draw the heat out of the water and finally just turning the water straight into ice through chakra instantaneously changing the temperature which while not unheard of was quite hard to do but it made for some fast based ice and snow jutsu which existed in Snow country, a country Viper never wanted to visit for it was too cold there for her liking and she actually thought of a fourth way that was not very applicable as it involved using only wind to change the weather to drop hail on an opponent by making clouds focus high up enough to condense ice for such a thing and that kind of jutsu would be ridiculously hard to pull off.

"Water which I can control a bit without freezing it, why" Viper had to get her to teach Isaribi some stuff and Zabuza as well since he was the oldest one here he should know some good water ninjutsu, Isaribi's pure water element could use some extra oomph by adding ice to the mix too.

"Oh it's 'slightly' important but that's if we can get around to negotiations after getting through the introductions" Isaribi and Naruto had teachers was what Viper was thinking, while she had no one to teach her but then again she was a genjutsu master or at least better at using genjutsu then Kurenai could when she affected all those byakugan users, besides the point that she's entirely taught herself the art with just guidelines proves it, though she could stand to work on her stamina and physical abilities a lot more and this would require her to flex all of her body and lift heaving things which was going to be hard to find something she could use to do just that and as for being self taught, someone had to eventually teach themselves to do this stuff for it to exist in the first place as she was just the first snake to take on a ninja life style personally.

"I already know enough about the princess and I'm going to get around to writing a book about her later, but what about you brat this bingo book says you're a civilian but I don't buy that and neither did Haku" Zabuza was talking about his slight shakedown of information from Isaribi the 'Soaking Serpent' and all he needed to know now was the live brightly colored target he might be teaching to wield a sword which was going to be tough if he had to strike something that didn't look to be powered by chakra but was still constantly flowing with electrical energy.

"I'm a civilian all right, I dropped out before I was legally registered as a ninja and I avoided nearly passing my final exam as a fluke of having defeated a traitor of the village that I was living in as I was in the process of stealing something important, I came out of that particularly well but I still got into the bingo books and that irks me, names Naruto 'The ninjutsu howitzer' Uzumaki though I don't actually have that as a title in the book they'll get it eventually, I like my friends, eating bucket loads of ramen, cooking, gardening, training my somewhat lackluster list of abilities and making good strategies for ninja's that fight predictably, my specialty is ninjutsu and trap making, I dislike my old village and good riddance to it as nothing short of knocking me out or killing me will get me back into that village, I'm here looking for a nice safe place to get some supplies from before moving on to building a mobile base or something like that which I can operate freely from since if I were to stay here in Wave it would be literally buried under a wave of ninja and assassins out for my ass" It was true as most of Fire country was already swamped with an influx amount of killers and hunters of the like all out for Naruto's peculiar if easy sounding bounty, a mobile base is something that would be useful if they built it or found one to steal.

"Hmph, Zabuza Momochi 'demon of the bloody mist', I like sushi, my fighting ability is based around my weapon and water ninjutsu, I used to be loyal to the mist village before the leader went insane and I'm willing to work for you, that's all you need to know, so what's my pay and what exactly do you expect from me" Thus started the awkward training where Zabuza spent most of his time beating the ever loving tar out of Isaribi and Naruto with Haku helping train mostly Isaribi, but that was in taijutsu and Isaribi wouldn't learn to do ice jutsu any time soon.

Naruto had never felt so much pain before but the sword training was worth it, though he was still clumsy he thought Zabuza was a pretty good teacher even if he did get frequently shocked by Naruto's sword which he couldn't turn off at any point in time it didn't stop Zabuza from beating Naruto in a fight, the only thing Zabuza couldn't contend with was Naruto's extremely quick pace of ninjutsu use of the few that Naruto could do and his high endurance for pain, he could feel the burn after a training exercise nothing important was going on around here and they had all the time in the world.

Isaribi would try to learn any water jutsu Zabuza could teach her and he seemed highly willing to do that while calling her princess, which was beginning to either scare or annoy Isaribi who didn't get too much crossbow training but was doing pretty good in taijutsu some of which Zabuza could actually do as he had to be good at hand to hand combat to pass as a jonin level ninja in the mist village.

Viper was spending her time off to the side training in her parasol; doing some heaving lifting as well as she could with being a snake having caused some training issues again but she was working around it with her active mind thinking up all kinds of solutions to her problems, one such problem is something she wanted to ask Naruto who she slithered up to in a rather blank matter.

"So what is the idea about making a base, are we going to lead our own ninja village or something" Naruto looked askance at Viper while swinging his glowing sword of death, wondering why exactly Viper seemed to be so down or was it something was wrong with her.

"No, I'm not leader material and besides what's to stop the village I create from trying to make me a figurehead like grandpa, I just want something like a cloud or snow country blimp that would make getting around easier and we'll explore the world getting into all kinds of trouble on purpose this time instead of running into it by accident, I don't know about you but settling down hasn't really been a dream of mine and Konoha was not nice place with too many people willing to kill babies there for my taste, if anything I just want a hobby like repair and upkeep of something that wouldn't be so easy to do even with shadow cloning it might even help me with my clumsiness, Isaribi has her swimming and calligraphy, you have your reading material and information network but I'm having problems finding things to do other then train my ass off, it's like it's my only purpose in life to get strong and then fight ridiculously powerful people(hint hint, the obvious)" As if all the assassination attempts that were reported on him wasn't bad enough that Danzo guy also killed off a bunch of children that didn't survive his root program; some from the same orphanage Naruto had lived in on the theory that maybe the demon fox tainted the nearby children, which he got away with till he died by messing with Naruto and then there was Orochimaru which is a name that gave a shudder to anyone; even some demons, at some of the things he's done to the people while he was still in Konoha.

"Oh… well I have an idea about what to do, but I'm not sure you'd be very receptive to it and I have to ask this one question before making my suggestion… do you accept me as your wife" Viper really wanted know this if she was going to do what she was going to suggest, even if she sounded kind of sad Naruto was curious as to what she would suggest but to admit to something Viper wanted him to was sounding ominous in and of itself, he hoped he was doing the right thing.

"Frankly Viper I love… having you around(W I M P), so don't get me wrong as even if you were my wife; not saying you are, you're going to need to accept that there are just some things we can't do together and being my wife wouldn't really change what we have now, also I can only assume your idea is less then acceptable in regards to our friendship" Naruto saw that Viper hadn't reacted poorly to this answer and she even nodded at him, that was confusing as he thought he'd hurt her feelings and really didn't like the prospect of hurting any of his friends feelings, he only has two so he often worries about losing one of them because of something he did, he didn't count Zabuza and Haku as friends yet more like sadistic torturers when it came to training, Haku had needles on the brain when it came to her ice attacks and they weren't aimed at very nice places either and you didn't need to be around Zabuza for a minute to learn how his training was torturous.

"I can accept that answer but I don't know what you're thinking of Naruto, because I was going to suggest a picnic but I considered the fact that you're hyperactive and the fact that there won't be ramen will drive you… not to mention me… nuts, thus you'd be less receptive to an outing of just the two of us, so I'll just invite Haku, Zabuza and Isaribi along to make it a more relaxing setting as we'll all be friends or acquaintances… unless you want it to be just the two of us" Viper said suggestively batting her eyes, when she hit eighteen years old only one could guess what would happen between her and Naruto if she ever started dropping hints at the possibility of him transforming into a snake, then again she loved him as a human and he didn't have to change to get any affection from her.

There were a few problems with Naruto actually doing that transformation though and Viper has considered it, one Naruto couldn't become cold blooded, two he couldn't create poison glands unless he was born with them but then again that didn't matter so much to her and three the loss of arms and legs would make it hard to transform back or something could go wrong in the same general area, it would be all her fault and thus she was better off keeping quiet because again she actually appreciated Naruto's form being so cuddly.

"How about after we finish saving wave I'll treat you to some ramen, just you and me alone, like on a date, I promise" Well at least that's what Naruto thought that Viper wanted, which was correct as Viper wanted to go out and be treated well by Naruto which means that he was receptive to her idea and thus she was happy, that is if Naruto could remember to keep his promise but then again when has he ever failed to deliver on one.

"It's a date alright, hopefully Gato won't be too much of a bother, I mean he only has bandits working for him and we're; in some ways, technically ninja how much of a fight could he put up, so after we're done economically recharging wave with his money those ramen stands will have our names on them, maybe even literally, oh and one last thing…" Viper had stars in her eyes at getting a ramen stand named after them and Naruto chuckled wryly, why not they deserved some recognition if they're going to stop a tyrant but that is one of the main reasons why they can't stay here, notoriety and wearing one of his mostly orange jumpsuits tended to be a open invitation to finding him only if it were not for the fact that if he stopped wearing the jumpsuit for a week people would lose track of him entirely by not recognizing him as the most noticeable thing about him is his clothes which was always distracting people's views most of the time so change that in a dire situation and walk away barely noticeable, Viper agreed that she'd find it hard to find him if he wasn't wearing orange.

"Wha...mph…" Naruto should have seen it coming but he was knocked on his ass once more by Viper locking lips with him, Viper certainly knew how to give someone kiss and they are very well timed but the way her tail caressed his cheek still kind of disturbed him slightly that she could still feel this passionate about him, after breaking from the kiss Viper smiled and slithered away cheerfully hissing to herself and Naruto just gave a huff that there was no escaping her now, she even agreed to the fact that there were things they weren't capable of and she still kissed him.

Naruto thought of his lessons about females as well planned out, except he pretty much didn't know the first thing about them and the reasons as to why that was is because Isaribi is part fish and led a somewhat sheltered life, Haku is trying to be a boy and faling horribly at it, Viper is a snake that fell in love with him after a single kiss and he has two eccentric female demons partying in his body, he figured at least some of what he was told about the female side of things was correct but he still didn't understand it as much as he would have liked to as the only normal female that was human that he has ever met in his life was probably back in Konoha serving someone ramen right now, then again he didn't mind having so many abnormal female friends and Zabuza is probably the first guy he's been able to hang out with all his life, even if he thought of Zabuza as a psychotic and violent person who throws his sword at people to greet them which made waking up in the morning hectic.

There he sat in the darkness waiting for his men to report, Gato had felt something was very wrong to his stable structure of having his own small country entirely under his thumb in a megalomaniacal function, thus far nobody really rebelled out loud against him and he didn't have to make a example of anyone which was slightly disappointing to the mob boss kind of guy, he seriously thought the man Kaiza would have done something but then again the guy only showed spine when his family was directly targeted otherwise he was like a weak little kitten mewling pitifully, yeah cats were pathetic sometimes but then again his name was that of a cat and if he bothered to wear his sombrero more his nationality wouldn't be called into question as much for he was a stout Spanish styled guy of evil proportions wearing a black suit and sunglasses in a poorly lit room… that couldn't have been healthy for his eyes but damn it if it didn't make him look cool.

He had Wave country and his bandits flooded the lands, no ninja's or known samurai to ruin anything with honor or crappy chivalry, no assassins from other businesses slinking around waiting for him to drop his guard, the people were putting up no effort to resist his hostile takeover and yet he couldn't help but think something was entirely off, other than the weird weather phenomenon of a lightning bolt creating a crater in the ground which was now mysteriously filled with slightly swirling water and some breed of caking fish; a breed of fish that frosts itself over with mud and or random bits of surrounding vegetation as camouflage, that felt entirely like a bad omen.

Gato didn't believe in such superstitious nonsense and look where that got him, he was rich, he was successful, he commanded respect, he even had his own damn country from which ruled everything and finally the reports came in, so far there wasn't any trouble except Tazuna building a bridge… finally something for him to worry about and destroy personally as an example, because he wasn't about to rely on the bunch of knuckle draggers he was paying to destroy the bridge by themselves and he would send two guys after Tazuna's family while he personally dealt with the old drunkard fool architect himself.

Gato got up from his seat and scheduled a day of attack and walked down the halls and saw his men partying, he was barely paying them anything at all and they still worked for him as long as they could get tanked and pillage all the poor saps around here, he made his way to a room where a tarp was thrown over a large imposing figure that made Gato a giant among men, he ripped off the tarp to reveal his method to destroying Tazuna's ill attempt at passively defeating him and anyone who was with Tazuna would perish under his might.

The bridge would fall and Wave country would fall entirely with it, only there was going to be a lot of bloodshed between it and totally conquering Wave, Gato was a heartless business man what did he care if a bunch of insects that would soon die under his shoes as they scurried around looking for pockets of survival as best they could, but no one could beat his secret weapon it was invincible, impervious to the elements, could easily rip a man in twain and it was something Gato was proud of and it was his favorite toy too.

It was another day and Naruto once again woke up with a snake in his sleeping bag, Naruto was beginning to hope it was some other snake then Viper but he could never get that lucky as Viper was wrapped around him and snuggling into his side leaving him with only one arm free, he gave a sigh as viper never stopped even under the circumstance that they shouldn't be sleeping together like this as parts of her coiling body must be numb from having to support his weight all the time, it might not have been healthy for her but Viper didn't seem to mind one bit when she finally unraveled herself.

After an hour or two Naruto was being tossed around by Zabuza who was used to beating the tar out of that Raiga guy, which led to why he was so special as it was the fact that he wasn't that special at all, first of all Zabuza didn't have a cheesy chakra gimmick ability like the other swordsmen did with their swords, he didn't really know any special jutsu that isn't a standard of silent killing methods which the other swordsmen's of the mist or any ninja could do just as easily as silent killing methods come in many flavors and the mist style was basically this: talk a lot in a shrouding mist to instill fear into an opponent and then the killing blow to one of several points on the body that guarantee's death.(Not silent at all huh.)

Zabuza was the most normal swordman of the mist and his physical strength, speed and skills were all naturally built, his weapon was not common but it certainly wasn't unheard of, he complained about Raiga's lightning storm gimmick with his thunder edge that splits into two swords, Kisame's chakra eating shark sword which had little effect on Zabuza as he hardly used chakra with his sword thus Kisame had a disadvantage against Zabuza for lack of chakra to steal and there was that guy of the mist who wielded a snaking sword which was a ton of high tensile strength thin blades that formed into one solid blade that acts as a violently sharp whip when you swung the handle just right, it looked like a normal scimitar until it whips out with multiple scimitar shaped blades bound together which usually hits more than once in a swing, then there was always the 'Moon Tides' blade wielder which had a freakishly long roundabout amount of gimmicks that the swordswoman who wielded it was the easiest one to beat if you knew what you were doing and understood that the blade was nothing great despite what it apparently could do, just don't fight that person on the night of a full moon near a beach was an easy enough rule to follow unless you lived near whirlpool country where the sword is always useful as it's covered in tides year round from the constant whirlpool's.

Zabuza was one of the top three swordsmen of the mist by sheer grit and the ability to take multiple; read probably life ending, hits in a short time and live, he was one of the most physically strongest alive and without needing any special tricks to win a fight, though he was noted for his minor rather intelligent ploys and had a penchant for talking a little too much but he was working that out of his system when he was training with his gender confused somewhat of a daughter Haku to help him drop that particular flaw.

And he still couldn't get over the need to pull a flashy entrance and that was his main weakness overall, other than that he pretty much hands Naruto his ass daily up and down whatever designated training zone he chooses as the three girls exercised or watch from the sidelines as Naruto is continually tortured once it was found out Naruto had a high tolerance for pain, had lots of stamina and could be beaten to within a inch of his life without dying because he never ran out of chakra which due in part to the overabundance he heals at a ridiculously quick speed from the surplus alone without needing a medic ninja.

"You know there is just something poetic about watching Naruto getting flayed alive" Haku was watching as Naruto was slammed into a tree still holding onto his new sword that while unbreakable didn't mean a hill of jumping beans about Naruto being as such, it also limited his skill set to firing electric blast of chakra from his free hand since he had no lightning elemental jutsu yet, which was a good thing Naruto was Ambidextrous or else he'd probably have problems wielding the sword one handed only to have that hand take damage and not being able to wield the sword properly anymore, his training in using said sword was easily the slowest progress alive to Zabuza who was pushing the hyperactive blonde well over the edge and Naruto wasn't complaining about it one bit.

"Yeah maybe I should have convinced Naruto of a better career option then magical randomly traveling mercenary that on occasions steals to live" Viper wasn't too happy about watching Naruto getting hurt but this was for his own good right?

Isaribi was standing between both Haku and Viper and watched as Naruto and Zabuza went back and forth, despite being pumped full of electricity every now and then as long as Zabuza didn't get shocked for more than five constant seconds he came out of the scuffle without injury as he had a high tolerance from being struck with lightning bolts in spars with Raiga and being a guy who primarily uses a water jutsu that blankets an area, that was saying something and Isaribi had recently learned how to use **water clone** jutsu which weren't all as powerful as Naruto's shadow clones but hey they were far less draining and even less so if you were in water as they only required the amount of chakra akin to two rising geysers per water clone, which for Isaribi who could constantly use the **rising geyser** jutsu multiple times consistently for at least an hour that meant she could theoretically pull a Naruto and then there was the jutsu she made called the **Rising Water Clone** jutsu which as the name implies creates a geyser of water that quickly becomes a clone after the initial **rising geyser** attack.

"I actually think that's a pretty good description of what we were planning on doing with our lives as jobs Viper, then again isn't this exactly what we hired Zabuza to do" Viper slipped her tail under her nose and gave a aloof sigh shaking her head slightly as Isaribi watched Naruto get battered and bruised like a ping pong ball bouncing off a tree from being hit several times with the flat of Zabuza's sword, yeah they were paying Zabuza to beat the tar out of Naruto which in hindsight made the two of them look like bad people by paying Naruto's tormentor then again it was justified in the fact that Zabuza taught by example and violence, lots and lots of violence… if Haku's tale of flying swords of doom when waking up in the morning was anything to think of, it was the only reason why the girl was so swift to dodge things when it came to sparring and either Viper or Isaribi shot something at her.

"Yes I believe this is what we were hired to do; one is to help you for as long as we see fit to do so and as long as you pay us up front for our services and we have a sub contract of negotiating peaceful solutions should we ever come to a point where we might interfere in each other's affairs, otherwise there is nothing in it to keep us attached to your group and there is nothing that says we can't enjoy getting paid in our own little ways, which leads me to the fact that I'm perfectly happy with such an honest and open arrangement I wouldn't even begin to know what would happen if we were hired by a royal asshole who would ultimately kill us after we complete whatever it is we'd do because said person would be able to skimp on the paycheck" Viper flicked her tail dismissively at the ever wondrous girl boy Haku the false male that was always quiet and calm in comparison to a banshee of pink haired persuasion and explosively dangerous temperament for someone who had wanted to be in a ninja's line of work where being quiet meant survival for at least another twenty minutes.

"Yes I know, I know, but still I wouldn't want to be Naruto right now but then again I'd rather it be me getting bashed apart out there" Viper's obvious affection went well below Haku's radar, but not Isaribi's by a long shot who just shrugged in a noncommittal manner as Viper wanting to take on Naruto's pain is kind of expected of her with how far her devotion to the hard to injure civilian ninja went as at this point she swears that Naruto could ask her to do anything and she'd agree to it as long as it doesn't end up separating them.

Speaking of pain, Zabuza spun around and suddenly tossed his large sword at the girls who he thought were getting too relaxed in watching him beat Naruto to a heavily bruised pulp and as it passed through them Haku split in half only to reveal she replaced herself with a ice sculpture in her exact likeness as the color disappeared from the now bisected ice sculpture, Viper immediately turned into a stick that was cut in half with a sharp splintering sound and Isaribi slowly vanished out of sight after a few seconds of the sword passing through her form.

"Since when could you do afterimages?" Viper said accusatorily to Isaribi who shrugged as they were all now standing in a tree twenty feet away, with the barest of inclinations to how they ended up there except Isaribi who had chakra related problems and left a small if still noticeable path in the grass showing her movements.

"That's enough talk ladies how about we get some lunch?" Zabuza hefted his sword easily enough with one hand out of the tree it had impaled and motioned for everyone to follow, Haku pouted frankly at being called a girl, but no one took any notice whatsoever as they all started walking and in one case slithering away leaving her standing there fuming to herself before she realized they left her behind and quickly ran after them.

It wasn't much time later when a crash was heard and all five of them reacted as any ninja would, they decided to scout the situation from the shadows then intervene, as far as stealth goes Isaribi was the least stealthiest of the group, followed by Zabuza who needed mist to be stealthy, then Haku who had above average stealth abilities, then Naruto who for wearing bright Orange all his life can practically hide in a open field without any cover with no trouble at all and finally Viper because no one would suspect a snake of unusual activity unless one knew she wasn't native to the surrounding area and or seemed to be odd in her actions.

They came up to a house with a shattered door and Viper moved into the room first to see a man on the floor bleeding to death but still alive, and the other was about to bring his sword down on someone only to receive several knifes to the back and to fall down on top of the knifes with a wide eyed glassy stare pointing towards the ceiling with the sword clattering to the floor, Viper turned with a gasp seeing Naruto still holding two knives in his left hand between his fingers by the blades.

"Naruto, how did you…" Viper said in a squeak of surprise that only came out as hissing to human ears, she was shocked by Naruto's skill with throwing knives, he also didn't seemed to be as upset with killing someone as he was before.

"Remember when you forced me to eat healthy and I learned how to cook for myself; not to mention study and read, I took up knife throwing as a pass time and incidentally that's why I had that shredded picture of Sasuke on the wall of the kitchen, I stole that from Sakura if you were wondering" Naruto quickly went over to the man and behind him a child and woman that were cowering there a second ago opened their eyes to see that the danger had pass as the man was helped up off his back still holding the blood covered sword he presumably got from the still living guy on the floor, which Zabuza promptly stepped on upon entering by accident crushing the bandits windpipe.

"And for the longest time I thought you were bisexual… well that's a relief, if you liked Sasuke I would have to had eventually sneak away to kill him in his Uchiha weakness phase… otherwise known as cold hard sleep to rest their weary stupid evil eyes, before bringing the sad news that he had been assassinated by some other person" Viper said as an off comment in a humor filled voice that had Isaribi's face meeting the floor as Viper wasn't hiding what she would have done in that situation, she had reactivated her hiss to "English" genjutsu translation before saying that out loud.

"Not minding the save there Naruto and the fact there's a talking snake in the kitchen that you've obviously kissed; congratulations by the way on having a wonderful relationship, but I got to get to the bridge Tazuna's in danger" Kaiza got up as he wasn't injured at all in his scuffle with the two bandits that came to the house to kill him and apprehend his family, but he had had the wind knocked out of him and as he tried to hurry out the door he was stopped when Naruto motioned for Zabuza to bar him from exiting, they were paying Zabuza to help them after all and Naruto's team would call the shots unless it led to Zabuza being put needlessly in harm's way or if he didn't agree with their orders as clients.

"Whoa there Kaiza, first how do you know I've kissed Viper and secondly what's going on here" The situation was quickly explained to Naruto as the two bandit rushed into the home brandishing their swords only for Kaiza who apparently used to be of some kind of samurai used his fishing pole to steal one their swords and nearly killed the guy who Zabuza stomped on seemingly without malice, his partner managed to catch Kaiza off guard and knocked him down, then he began monologue about how Gato was going to attack the bridge and crush the peoples spirits before Naruto burst in throwing the recently cleaned knives into his back, much to Tsunami's dismay that she had to clean them again and it led to Naruto commenting on "the monologue" being the number one killer of most people, especially ninja's.

Kaiza's explanation for how he knew about Viper was that there are plenty of legends flying around here from mermaids to harpies, there were a few about what happens when you kiss a snake in a particular way along with the described signs of infatuation, quite clearly however in those stories the snake never talked or spoke "English" he likened that to the snake now in the kitchen because she seemed to be more focused on Naruto out of anyone in the room, much to her embarrassment and the stares that they both got from Zabuza and Haku who just shrugged it off as a humorous tale for a later date, they were currently waiting for orders from their contractors.

"Haku, Zabuza infiltrate Gato's base and have some fun and then meet us at the bridge, remember you can get some of Gato's money but the rest goes to the people of Wave while me, Isaribi and Viper are going to the bridge to put a stop to Gato once and for all, Kaiza gather anyone who you can convince to help you, trust me we'll be fine till you get there, come on guys" Naruto and his companions made it out the door; Zabuza and Haku had disappeared with a nod as soon as Naruto told them what to do, before Kaiza could even respond and he just smiled, that kid was starting a revolution that would save Wave and he now had a strange sword and was found out to have a rather friendly snake which was something special, he shook his head at the legend this would make and quickly went to get his crossbow for Inari whom he had told to get up off his sulking butt, Tsunami grabbed a frying pan with some determination not to appear useless wanting to be a part of history and one of the legends that comes through wave every now and then, she waited patiently for Kaiza and Inari before they set out.

Naruto and Isaribi were rushing towards the bridge as they had plenty of time to scout out Wave and set down a plan for just about every occasion and he felt Viper wrap around him in his jump suit in a protective manner, causing him to sigh and when they reached the bridge he sighed even louder at the strange sight sat before them, as Viper slid out of his pants she looked up and saw something among a crowd of bandits that happened to be threateningly pointed towards a bunch of civilian workers, it was a strange large metal humanoid object that was purple and grey.

"Viper please tell me we're not marking up another crazy thing appearing in my life" Naruto pleaded lightly but Viper couldn't say anything as she watched the metal thing raises its arms and slam them to the ground creating a shockwave in what appeared to be anger creatinga large crater in the bridge and the old man Tazuna was standing in front of his construction crew facing down something that looked like a walking tank while his legs were shivering like pudding, Viper quietly pulled out a book and wrote down yet another strange occurrence in the life of Naruto which she would eventually turn into a best seller called "The Bizarre Ninja Chronicles" which would be up there in civilian reading for years to come along with the "Princess of the Mist" by the author that went by the name Zahabakuza.

"Sorry Naruto, I can't and you might want to distract the bandits or else someone might die… it looks like a far west steam powered internally driven armor and before you ask no my genjutsu won't work on him if I can't get a direct line of sight on him like with your leaf skin exercise it'd be a wasted effort and loss of chakra, the bandits on the other hand can be taken care of easily they've got nothing on us from the looks of it, but I don't know anything about how to beat that armored thing so all I can tell you is that is one expensive piece of work" Naruto grunted intelligibly at Vipers analysis; she studied all kinds of thing so of course she'd know something about this, and Isaribi gave him some soft pats on the shoulder that everything would be alright and a few kind words that it didn't matter if he kept running into strange things, it wasn't like Isaribi or Viper hadn't had their fair share of strange either.

This was before Naruto leapt high in the air and threw a kunai with a flash bomb note on it to garner some attention in front of all the bandits and the mechanical armor thing, which they didn't know who was driving it until the thing turned around to address Naruto stumbling a bit as the person inside was probably briefly blinded by the flash.

"What the hell! Who are you and what are you doing here" The way the things mouth was flapping up and down the entire head of the thing might not have been entirely connected to the body, but now Naruto had the attention of the entire bandit crowd and the man who was driving the machine.

"Funny I would like to ask you the same thing, by the way I'll take you all on as you destroyed this countries precious ramen supply and I will take my sword and shove it so far up one of your bandit butts that when I get my new friend to freeze you you're going to be my other friends meat popsicle and trust me she'd be willing to eat you" The unnoticed thing in this situation was that Viper and Isaribi were no longer with Naruto and were behind the bandits, where all the workers were being led to the edge of the incomplete bridge and being rescued, Viper stayed out of the way and kept up a rather tough illusion that the civilians were still trapped when in actuality Isaribi had a rope and dug a metal spike into the top of the edge of the bridge so the civilians could safely get down to the water, it wasn't that turbulent today and everyone in Wave knew how to swim exceptionally well except for three people, one of which was Inari and another was a puppy, but she got better.

Viper was smiling about having a meat popsicle, however if it was too fatty for her well she'd rather not then, not that she didn't stop eating any kind of meat she just preferred it not being anything that could be taken as wrong by Naruto but with all the rats and other things she's eaten and even made sure he knew she's tasted human flesh once before and that it wasn't all that great, if Naruto was bothered by it he certainly didn't comment on it or show it because they were friends.

"Boy do you even have any idea who you are messing with" The giant flapping mechanical headed thing boomed out in an unrecognizable voice and Naruto gave a deadpan answer in response when he guessed who he was finally talking too.

"Yes, your Gato of the Gato Shipping Industries like I wasn't expecting this when Viper made a comment about how hard this could possibly be so I was actually expecting something bizarre like the walking tea kettle thing you got going for you, but it's still pretty weird tea kettle thing" Naruto waved his hand absentmindedly in dismissal and all the bandits started snickering this boy just pissed off the wrong rich dude with a powerful steam driven weapon on his side, that just pulled out a microphone and because it had some technology freshly bought from the hidden sound village this was about to get slightly ugly.

"You don't know who you're messing with kid because… I AM GATO, I AM STRONG, IF YOU THINK YOU CAN BEAT ME UP, THEN YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T GET THE POINT" The man's singing was so horrible every bandit within five feet of the metal monstrosity died from having blood spilled out of every orifice on their bodies in a frankly sickening manner, Naruto ears were bleeding and with good fortune that was the only part of him that was from the horrible singing he quickly pitched a kunai and destroyed the microphone before Gato could do anything worse with it, his machine carelessly tossed the microphone to the side, this led some of the bandits to be thankful but not thankful enough to stop them from attacking even if their ears were bleeding out as well.

"YOU SUCK AT SINGING YOU KNOW THAT" Naruto yelled being partially deaf until his healing kicked in, apparently that also took care of the dried blood caking in his ear as well because he didn't have to clean it out.

"What care I for singing better when I'm filthy rich, emphasis on filthy, take care of this runt who thinks he can play hero" The machine's yellow eyes were focused on Naruto as he pulled the sword off his back with a flourish and then Isaribi appeared landing next to Naruto prepping her crossbow with a quiver taking minimal notice of the damage that sound attack had on Naruto after she finished helping the civilians get away without notice and Viper made her entrance by popping in on Naruto's left side springing into the air and with a twirl whipped out her parasol from her red scarf and landed on the ground with a cheerful smile as she opened it above her head the edges of the parasol gleamed brightly denoting how well the weapon was being cared for, they were ready for a fight. (Trio: You know there is no words for how obvious this turned out, what I can't understand though is Vipers role and what character she's paying homage to dude)

(Darkon: It's a cross of Lucca and Frog of course unless there are people who haven't caught on yet; Chrono Trigger, we will be derailing all sense of normalcy beyond the Wave country arc now continue the writing in progress also my idea of how to describe Gato the machine coming up right now)

It was a large hulking with a round head that had two spikes jutting out at the forty five degree angles; it was the hatch to the machine, there was the mouth like area and it's two garish yellow eyes which were lamps, below that was what looked like a sumo wrestlers body, on its back was a large pack that was emitting a small cloud of steam from a pipe and barely visible from Naruto's perspective past the now advancing mass of bandits was a round circle on the stomach that popped out slightly like a huge belly button with a line in the center and very sturdy hinges at the top and bottom of the mechanism, below that were what looked like two large stumpy legs and what seemed to be a metal triangle hanging over the drivable machines lower frontal area which was probably for aesthetic purposes and finally two long arms ending in three dangerous razor sharp long knife like claws, the machine in question was just standing there as presumably Gato was preparing to watch a slaughter, unfortunately that would be the slaughter of his own bandits as they are suffering from not only balance issues but some were still a bit blinded.

After a minute of trying to fight them with his sword unsuccessfully Naruto gave up and put it on his back and just summoned a bunch of shadow clones to wreak havoc on these guys as finesse was wasted on him right now as he had none after taking a few light hits and he wasn't that great at using the sword that disables his use of normal chakra, they quickly went to town and started knocking bandits left and right, all the while the bandits were getting even more disoriented and it wasn't just their hearing but what they were seeing for those who could, they were killing each other off and started to become panicky when some of them started to turning into Naruto after getting hit by his clones while Viper was nearby smacking them with her parasol flipping between closed mace, to bladed edged canopy and to a spear in quick succession depending on when she needed it to smash, slash or stab, it was any guess she was the cause of the bandits confusion with well timed genjutsu in concert to any Naruto clone she watched attacking and being dispelled.

Isaribi was staying on the edge of the bandit brawl and conserving her strength, she was saving her heavy weapons for Gato's machine so she stuck to normal self loading arrows and her special brand of exploding water seal arrows, the blast of water from the seal was more concussive then anything and hardly as damaging as her other works but it was effective enough on groups, she was glad that seals didn't care what kind of chakra she used but apparently water elemental chakra made the seals more effective given what the seals were written with, she was currently working on a special side project with Haku for exploding ice arrows but the development for something like that would take a lot of time, more time than it took her to figure out how to make a water balloon exceedingly lethal by making the water form into a explosive seal as soon as it hits its target, she was beginning to see the merits of living up to her title as the 'Soaking Serpent' despite still being a rookie ninja compared to Naruto and Viper.

The battle was going well for the three plus all the Naruto clones fighting slightly better than street brawlers due to Zabuza's training and a few were using **Clone **jutsu as well as a few other minor genjutsu Naruto picked up from Viper, adding more chaos to the bandits ranks as an organized army they were not and it showed pretty well when they kept falling all over themselves.

The problems only started when the unskilled bandits were finally backed by Gato who had took a moment to try and use the civilians as hostages only to find they just weren't there anymore and having no hostages he turned his machine back around and started to attack the three that seemed to be handling his bandits too well, the attack came in a unusual form not the clawed hands of the machine on the durable cylindrical arms in comparison to the rest of the machine but from the belly region opening up where it launched a large metal ball with spikes out and reeled it back in after carelessly ripping through multiple bandits and the Naruto clones they were dealing with, it was a tad slow to reel back in but it was none the less powerful and it didn't take long before it fired again and the chain the ball was connected to looked to be well made to survive the power of the sphere being launched from the machine.

Viper ducked out of the way as the bandit she was about to attack was torn to a bloody cadaver by another of Gato's wild shots, she took notice of all the puff of smokes that had appeared along the bridge carefully looked for the real Naruto among the clones, he was moving back from the front with his clones trying to avoid the next spike ball launch and Isaribi was in the back bashing anyone that got to close and had just had a successful use of her newest creation the napalm arrow, despite all this the bandits continued to press the advantage of the numbers which is quickly becoming less prominent.

The bandits didn't seem to care that their own number was being cut down by Gato all they cared is that the better job they did the better the payout and thus the power of money, though undoubtedly it would hardly outlast their need to live to get said money, as a few of the bandits started to abandon the fight; after a large number of them had been hit with an arrow that covered the area with a thick goo like oil that caught fire at the same time, to jump over the side of the bridge and even exclaim that the fight wasn't worth it anymore if their employer was not using discretion with his targets.

The battle of wave had just begun and Gato was already proving the power of the machine he was driving but could it hold up to a snake, a two demon holding boy and a girl with the powers of a fish, Gato only had about forty bandits left and they were either stupid, brave or maybe even loyal to the death to the payout of this endeavor if they survived and won.

End chapter, please don't make the crazy evil Spanish guy sing again.

List-

**Flying Thunder God**- ninjutsu- target area: special- effect: causes the user to move at insane speeds or teleports them and it is said to be the ultimate teleporting ninjutsu when used offensively, this jutsu is special in the ways it can be used first and foremost is by throwing a tri-pronged kunai to mark a spot or the user who without the guidance of the special kunai can only move in one direction, the range of this jutsu is considered infinite only to be limited by chakra and the specially crafted seals needed to direct the teleportation at faster speeds as changing direction without the three pronged kunai stops the user for a limited amount of time while using special kunai and or special seals doesn't require the user to slow down, used to carry out high speed assassination tactics, used to travel anywhere in the blink of an eye, used to cause fear specifically in Iwa shinobi, used to deliver a rapid response for aid from anyone and used to dodge life threatening attacks.

Warning: The flying thunder god technique has minor flaws that are barely noticeable, but should a user teleport without a marked location to arrive at they could end up killing themselves or someone else by appearing inside of something else, it is better to use the special seals and kunai to mark destinations to appear at or else death is possible if the user appears inside a structure they can't escape from such as a solid brick wall, it is unknown how many flaws the jutsu exactly has for what it can do, it also requires a user to have a main lightning elemental alignment above all other alignments and for effective use a extreme understanding of the sealing arts.

**Water (Liquid) Clone**- ninjutsu- target area: any open space within minimal distance of a body of water and the user- effect: creates a copy of a user out of water or any other liquid substance with varying results that can perform only water jutsu and are said to have a percentage of strength based on the user which is not entirely true as strength can be increased by making a higher pressure water clone requiring more focus or more chakra, the clones don't give information to the user except for when it is destroyed which can be used as an early warning system against hostile forces, used to train then cool down, used to fight, used to fight people who use fire attacks, used because it's a safer cloning method then shadow clones, used to launch water based jutsu from different directions, used to support a user in the usage of a water ninjutsu, used to sneak attack while in a heavy fog or mist, used to carry toxins, flammable chemicals or explosive liquids and possibly all three at once making it dangerous to attack, used to fill a swimming pool, used to block up an enemies water supply as water clones don't need to breathe and used in any aquatic operation.

**Rising Water (Liquid) Clone**- ninjutsu- target area: From underground or a nearby water source in a chosen spot near the user- effect: causes a large pillar of water to burst up from the ground or water that quickly turns into a Water Clone, It is said by Zabuza 'Demon of the Bloody Mist' to be the answer to the problem for how slow water clones are to form by accelerating not only the speed in which they form but makes forming a water clone into an attack by mixing the Water Clone into the Rising Geyser jutsu but the chakra usage is a always a bit higher than either jutsu used separately and could actually lead to a waste of chakra if not used properly, used to make water clones faster, used to water clone someone upside the head and other uses found in entries **Water Clone **and **Rising Geyser**.

Darkon: Well this took a while because I had other business to attend to and I was supporting my minion Trio in other endeavors, Sir Dies Allot died approximately six hundred thousand times between the last chapter and this one but no one really cared.

Sir: I have the next plot line already set up, whenever you finish Wave arc Darkon and I have adjusted it for your bizarre ideas as you wanted.

Darkon: Thanks Sir, you are my number one minion and I appreciate you completely, even if I don't tend to care how many times you die in a given day, so far it's been pretty tame at forty seven work related deaths and that's just from typing up reports on a computer.

Trio: I still can't believe it came to life and strangled Sir with its power cords and smashed his head in with its modem dude.

Darkon: I know, Sir gets to do all the fun stuff, anyway next chapter things come to a conclusion for the Wave country arc in "The fall of Waves hope", wait is the story over already?


	9. Chapter 9

Darkon: Today's discussion 'Originality', GO QUICKLY TRIO!

Trio: All Naruto stories are starting to stale for originality, take for instance our story we have originality mixed with already existing stuff, but how many fan fictions can you honestly say have the kyuubi incident happened because she was tanked and in the middle of her period while drugged dude?(demons do have different biology and I'm proof of that dude) For unoriginality the incident is usually caused by Madara/Orochimaru/Itachi/Minato and or involves the kyuubi being directly attacked and or it's (gender neutral for a reason dude) family killed dude.

Darkon: SIR ADD ON NOW OR I'LL KEEL YOU!

Sir: Too much Jeff Dunham lately huh Darkon, anway there are other ways to cause said incident such as accidentally unleashing the demons fury on Konoha by freeing it from a different seal only to be sealed into Naruto, someone becomes a demon and attacks konoha like Orochimaru suddenly finding out a way to turn into a giant nine tailed fox demon, people need to expand on the originality but not to Darkon Bizarre levels.

Darkon: Primell… because you just won't leave us alone.

Primell: There's also the way other Naruto fan fiction follows the general plot, Naruto becomes ninja wants to be hokage the whole shtick only adding gimmicks to the story changing it slightly, but basically it's always the same, speaking of gimmick our story has an overly affectionate snake but it's far more less linear and we also will continue to throw curve balls into it or at least my Squee Darkon will, plus from what I've seen Darkon is staying far away from Konoha as possible while still being in the same world.

Darkon: NOW DARKON…

Trio: dude…(Trio: flatly stated dude)

Sir: Uh…(Sir: One can wonder sometimes even if one is his minion)

Darkon: WELL WHY ISN'T DARKON TALKING UP!

Primell: Squee you are Squee. (Primell: 'squee' is the metroid term of endearment, 'skreet' means something more aggressive and volatile that's today's lessons on metroid's.)

Trio: Idiot dude…

Sir: I worry for your Sanity sometimes Darkon, but then I realize you have none to worry about.(Sir: then again we have four people typing at one computer at some times or to check up on Darkon to see if anyones killed him yet.)

Darkon: Oh… right… I'm… well now, I consider Harem fictions to be highly unlikely and unoriginal, not to mention the description of any female will sound like one girl doing a shadow clone jutsu throughout the entire story sure there are cosmetic difference but how can you have that many girls with that many differences not out to catfight or to assassinate each other as they are ninja and assassinating the competition is in the blood, also the impossibly powerful Naruto stories while fun they need to limit or keep a weakness on Naruto's powers or else he's just like Madara; who practically has 'I'm a unstoppable god modding asshole' on his ID alongside Pein with his 'I have multiple not easily killable impossibly powerful bodies' ID. (Though it does pique the imagination to an extreme, it's blatantly flashy like we know all ninja's are with their flying duck robots that fire beaver torpedo's and have chemical flame throwers, also the robot is somehow a descendant of Viking mythology, no none of this is sarcasm it might actually be part of the story later if I can figure out how to make it plausible in the stretch that so far I've hit anything with anime(Chrono Trigger OVA for instance), cartoon(Garfield the ramen eating cat) or mythology (the Thunder God Sword, with a smattering of Thunder Cats and He-man) going for it that could actually work to the setting)

Trio: before anyone complains that this fan fiction is unrealistic take it into context considering how unrealistic every other fan fiction is, bizarre… yes, crazy… maybe, unrealistic dude? We have ninja's summoning giant creatures and are loud obnoxious and there's no stealth or subterfuge involved in all of this dude. (Darkon: I will have them working on stealth... I can ruin the next chapter by stating more than that though)

Darkon: I have at least three other people telling me writing something this bizarre that hardly makes any sense is a somewhat not worthwhile venture as a hobby, but do I care? (Note: You think ninjutsu using cats, a snake in love with a human, cameo's from a similar world and the Gato machine appearing in this story is bizarre wait till you see what happens when Jiraiya meets up with Naruto, 'from out of left field' doesn't even begin to describe what I'm cooking up for him and since Naruto is going to have problems with toads being partly the cause of his grief he wouldn't want to sign that contract now would he?)

Trio: Nope dude.

Sir: Not really as I see it Darkon.

Primell: I'm still working on my own writing skills, so far I've got nothing but I think it isn't worthwhile because you keep avoiding me and I'm sorry if I come across as a little forward.

Trio: Trust me you're not trying hard enough Primell dude.

Chapter 9: The fall of Waves Hope.

"So… why did you go back to fire country and how did you end up in your container" Nabi the two tailed cat demon of lightning and fire that could raise the dead by feeding electrical elemental impulses to a dead bodies skull as long as it still had a brain, that really didn't do too much good against the two cloaked men and now that she thought of it Nabi didn't realize where her container went, but she would consider that later as mistress Kyan looked to be worried.

"Well let's just say I wanted to celebrate… something special… from the place I was born with some friends; that fucking giant toad ruined it by slipping me something trying to get lucky and I went stumbling towards Konoha, unfortunately my wife is within her rights to kill me or to leave me where I am and she might even divorce me the second we come back to… to…" with that the giant nine tailed fox of doom started wailing, tears formed in her eyes and she curled up into a ball while Nabi started pawing her and the tried to start cuddling up to the fox only to be shoved away roughly by one of the tails.

"What's wrong, are you okay" Nabi the Nibi was worried about her mistress, she was loyal to nine tailed fox but then again she was also loyal to her mate which was actually male, but it was kind of hard to find where he got to as the tailed demons each had their area of expertise along with preferred climate, hers involved lightning storms, minor zombie apocalypse's(doesn't come up ever again) and causing forest fires, doing all of them at the same time usually brought up hilarious results but she really couldn't teach Naruto any lightning elemental ninjutsu, she only taught him about manipulation which is what the demons were known for and that was the basics of Nabi's knowledge as she never bothered to learned any human lightning ninjutsu, other than that she was a party girl, she like cuddling and she can make zombie's do 'Thriller' but in combat they weren't really all that great and they were poor conversationalist but they livened up a dead party.

"I don't see how she'll ever take me back… I'm just a dumb creature of natural disasters and I didn't even want to cause that one, we're supposed to keep the balance of nature well fat lot of good I did by being drawn towards Konoha while defending myself in a drunken stupor, death would be the kindest thing she could do to me… just… just leave me alone for a while" Kyan the nine tailed demon fox was known for the high level natural disasters compared to Nabi's smaller scale ones, the lowest scale natural disaster was the rending sandstorms demon which was situational to desert regions, as the highest Kyan was the one that caused tectonic shifts, volcano's and landmass covering floods but that was just her job and that was not even the cusp of what she could do, otherwise she was quite a nice person for a large powerful demon that would command respect from just about anybody but her wife who could in fact kick her ass at a mortals limit of strength which was saying something as most mortals couldn't even damage her demonic hide.

"I'm sure she'll forgive your transgressions if any ever actually occurred mistress Kyan, I'm quite sure she misses your presence even if your nature is something she doesn't like but she still sees it as necessary, she did wish to join with you despite that and that has to count for something right" Nabi wasn't sure how Kyan was ever lucky enough to actually have a wife like the one she had or the fact that the fox even got her to agree to the marriage, Nabi was really quite curious about how that happened and equally so about why Kyan seemed distraught about her wife as she was a kind and loving being that loved to laze about in a field of birds, rabbits and deer, but let it not be said that Kyan's wife wasn't aware of the circle of life and the need to end and start life in steady balance and in that balance she found she liked giant cuddly foxes with a nice fluffy somewhat pronounced chest and nine tails worth of silky fur.

Kyan didn't respond she just lay there crying away as a lake formed beneath her body flooding the area and Nabi took to sitting on a floating cloud to avoid getting wet not being able to reach her mistress at this time she started making the sky all cloudy around her in a soothing blanketing nature, but now she understood why Naruto's mind was like a sewer now and it was because Kyan thought she belonged in one, the adage 'face down in a gutter' came to mind for her poor mistress who didn't feel like she deserved cuddles now when she needed them the most.

"Haku hurry up, I don't want to arrive at the bridge to find that our client is dead, besides aren't you worried that the rabbit might die in our line of work or that it makes you look exceptionally girly to be cuddling it like that" Zabuza watched as Haku crouch down and eventually a rabbit came out from behind a tree in a random forest area they happened to be in and she picked it up to start hugging the rabbit to her which made happy squeaking noises.

"I don't care if it make me look girly, I was partially raised by rabbits when both my parents died after all, one parent of which I don't care all that much for since he killed my mother and that was all before you threw that sword at me while I was standing on that bridge" Zabuza just shook his head they had important business and here Haku was stopping to pick up a rabbit, ah well … what kind of danger could the orange wearing kid possibly get into, he might not look it but he was tough for his age, plus he had that neat sword with the gimmick like Raiga's weapons and he didn't rely on the gimmick so that meant he at least worked on skills over gimmicky powers, not to mention he must have gotten the sword from Aoi Rokusho that was bonus points in his book for taking out someone that sounded like a tough missing ninja but then again he's seen weaker missing ninja with higher ranking then a orange jumpsuit wearing civilian with ninja training.

"Fine, you've got your rabbit, now come on" Zabuza motioned for Haku to follow him and she nodded before stuffing the live rabbit into her clothing, leaving it to the imagination to where she could possibly be keeping it, they quickly made their way into town and towards the bridge only to stop when they noticed a gaggle of civilians taking up arms against what looked to be soggy and wet bandits, some of them had charred clothing and were somewhat badly burned.

Zabuza was about to ignore them and continue on to the bridge only to stop when he felt Haku holding on to his arm and he looked back at her seeing her big eyes staring up at him like the time after he almost killed her with his very first greeting at the bridge he summarily destroyed with his huge sword before he decided to adopt her after finding out she didn't have any parents and was living in a carrot patch, he quickly found a spicy curry restaurant to feed her as it was the closest thing he could find; Zabuza thought it was odd for an ice user to have such a hot sense of taste, and despite knowing she had a bloodline and he could probably have used a faithful tool to throw away on a whim he couldn't for the life of him bring himself to see or use Haku like that despite his cold and aloof exterior.

After a few moments of looking at Haku the rabbit poked its head up and started staring at him as well adding to the mixture of Haku's stare, Zabuza looked at both of them and sighed.

"FINE, DAMN IT ALL" Zabuza pulled his sword off his back and went to throw it only for Haku to speak up in protest in a rather cold and rather scary tone as a lance of ice formed on her arm pointing towards his manhood.

"Not at or anywhere near the civilians" Zabuza stopped and looked at Haku before nodding and then he reeled back and let his sword fly and it carved a very fine path through the air, how Zabuza managed to throw something as heavy as his sword with no aerodynamic ability whatsoever as accurately as he did was quite a strange oddity, but he always easily explained that away to Haku by stating one word whenever asked how it worked and that would be 'Ninja'.

The civilians paused in their advancement as something swooped from overhead and down straight into one of the bandits that abandoned the fight at the bridge still currently in progress and impaled him through his body up to its hilt, causing the bandit to just sit their staring in shock at the sword that stabbed neatly though his entire upper torso and spine going down into the ground, he was clearly dead and the bandits standing around the area all crapped their pants and when a man landed on the tip of hilt which was pointing slightly skyward driving it deeper into the ground with the dead bandit and glared at them, all the other still living bandits pissed themselves.

"Hello… now would be a time for the citizens of Wave to launch an all out attack on these guys while their busy crapping themselves" Zabuza said to the crowd of horrified civilians who suddenly after a few moments of having their minds blown finally decided surged forward, Tsunami in particular brought her frying pan hard against the first still shocked bandits face knocking him clean out as the first blow against their oppressors by a normal civilian.

"Nice entrance and good way to drop the bandit's morale completely, but can we mop them up now or are you just going sit here to watch the militia beat the tar out of them" Haku watched as Zabuza was now leaning against his sword which was still impaled through the nearly upright dead bandit; whose glassy death stare kind of creeped out Haku, and brought his hand to his bandages that hid his face in thought.

"Hmm… I'll watch, if anything the kid, the princess and the snake can't be doing all too bad without us if those wet bandits have anything to say about it, but we'll be moving in a moment after we're sure they're alright" They heard a man scream and they saw one of the bandits was being kicked hard in the groin by multiple able bodied women and one man in particular was wielding a sword and actually looked like he knew what he was doing with it, it was probably a good thing he was on the side of the civilians then or else Zabuza would have singled him out for a decent fight that wouldn't have lasted past a minute, but then he vaguely remembered Naruto talking to the man with familiarity so he thought better of introducing himself to the man by way of sword tossing.

"To think not too long ago these people where so peaceful, it is good to see they have this much fight in them" The rabbit that now crawled onto Haku's shoulder squeaked happily in reply, while Zabuza watched a rather one sided bloody fight, those poor stupid bandits trying to amass and take over Wave without Gato after a nice swim, of course the construction crew from the bridge warned people that they had seen the bandits jumping from the bridge and were swimming towards the town, so they were well warned ahead of time.

While the bandits where busy getting lynched Tazuna was telling Kaiza about some crazy blonde kid calling Gato out and some helpful girl appearing from out of nowhere telling them all to make their escape while Gato was distracted, then some weird snake with a small red scarf and cherry blossoms on its head slithered up from the side of the bridge and had some rope coiled around it's body with a kunai in its mouth that it handed off to the girl who promptly used the; as Tazuna described it, knife like instrument and threaded the rope through the hole on the end tying it off before jamming it hard into the bridge and telling them to slide down the rope into the water and to head to town, the girl jumped over the side of the bridge after they had all gone and swam off at a really fast speed that none of them could even hope to match, a few of the people saw the snake slithering back along the side of the bridge as if it could stick to any surface with relative ease.

Kaiza chuckled as he watched the bandits get what was coming to them after having picked on the civilians for so long, now the revenge was sweet though he could only hope Naruto was doing okay against the monstrous thing Gato had taken to the bridge, Tazuna had described something of a metallic sumo armor thing and Gato's horrible singing which he was trying to forget it ever happening, he was already wishing that man something far worse than death and possibly worse than eternal torment even if he wasn't close to it when Gato did sing he could still hear that wretched voice vocalizing horrifyingly in his super ears.

Speaking of which the situation at the bridge wasn't looking to good for the three 'would be heroes of Wave' and it all started when Naruto asked a question amidst the fighting and dodging Gato's long range ball and chain weapon that kept shooting from his machine at rather quick intervals it didn't seem like Gato was going to move the machine around all that much, his bandits were doing most of the leg work, but they weren't getting very lucky at dispatching any of the three in the confusion that Viper brought to the table every now and then when she could concentrate well enough to get a genjutsu going, making a genjutsu stable enough that pain won't immediately remove it was hard work and she could always use the **Null Pain** genjutsu to help with that as if they couldn't feel the pain they couldn't use physical pain to break the genjutsu.

"Isaribi got any more of those napalm arrows" Naruto shouted punching a bandit hard and with a twirl he sent a roundhouse kick to the face sending the guy flying to the bridges stone floor, before he blocked a sword being swung at him by pulling a kunai, he swung hard after deflecting the blow scoring a cut across the man's chest as the guy moved backwards quickly to avoid getting killed.

"Sorry that was the only functional one I had, I'm still working on it and it's still in the experimental stages, it was posed to have a wider range of effect" Isaribi gave a frightened yelp as she dove out of the way of the ball of metal as it passed the space she had been occupying a moment before and a bandit was trying to capitalize on her prone form by charging forward only for the water on the bridge; from the few exploding water seal arrows Isaribi had fired, gathered to explode upwards in a geyser like formation taking the bandit by complete surprise as he was launched skyward and this was followed up by another Isaribi coming from the geyser and smashing the bandit hard in the chin sending him even further upward the Isaribi clone landed and started straight for the bandits to support the Naruto clones in the fight even if the water clone was weaker than a shadow clone it could still do quite a bit of damage, the bandit slammed into the bridge face down and Naruto stomped down on his spine as he moved forward and fought against another bandit .

"WHAT IT WAS POSED TO DO MORE THEN THAT AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT WAS EXPERIMENTAL" Naruto was distracted for a moment and a guy ran at him wielding a spear only to have two senbon needles nail him in his neck causing him to fall down never to get back up again, Naruto looked over to Viper who flipped her parasol open to block a guy actually taking initiative to attack the snake as she was a hard target to find or even attack.

"Stop distracting each other and keep an eye on that thing, these bandits might not be powerful but they are still very much a threat as that thing is and even if it is more likely to kill us then they are" Viper pushed the guy's sword back with a grunt and a forward shove of her parasol which she then promptly whipped it around and slammed the edge of the canopy halfway through the guys wrist causing him to drop his sword and yell in pain about nearly having his hand amputated, Viper quickly ripped the parasols edge of out the man's wrist closed it and shoved it hard straight into the man's throat causing a sickening cracking sound to be heard and the man started choking before he fell over and clawed at his throat because he couldn't breathe anymore with his one good working hand, Viper took a second placing her parasol off to the side to grab his sword and with a hard flick of her tail she sent it flying to one of Naruto's clones who quickly grabbed it and started to use it, while Naruto wasn't effective with a sword he could definitely use it better then these guys.

The other clones started to get the idea to pick up weapons for themselves from the bandits and that made it even worse for Gato's gradually depleting army of cutthroats, when the clones started to use the few spears, many swords and even a mace or hand axe here and there to fight back all the harder only they didn't last too long against Gato's machine when they got to close in between the firing of its metal sphere because the machines arms were a lot faster than the ball and chain attached to the machines navel point.

"Isaribi, Naruto, I can handle the rest of the bandits if the clones don't do it first, start attacking Gato now with anything you have, your going to need some good ERGH…. FORCE…. to do anything and see if you can disable its ranged weapon first" Viper didn't stop to talk, she kept in the fight and blocked a mace holding bandit, before closing the parasol slamming the guy to the side of head taking him down before she slithered back a bit and launched another genjutsu to confuse a bandit into running right in the metal sphere path as it launched once again towards one of the many Naruto's in the fight Gato hadn't bothered to tell the difference between Naruto and his clones, though it was easy given the real Naruto was the only one with a glowing sword floating off of his back.

Naruto looked to Viper he could tell she was getting tired, constant genjutsu use and wielding a heavy weapon without having arms tends to do that, Isaribi was relatively still good as she was conserving her strength he himself wouldn't have to worry unless he got hit by that flying metal sphere of pain and rupturing organs, it'd take a while for even him to get up from a full on direct hit but he was sure it wouldn't outright kill him.

"Isaribi load a mushroom maker and see if you can shoot it into the launcher when it opens to fire again" Isaribi nodded to Naruto and started to ready the arrow in her crossbow, she wasn't the greatest shot in the world or the greatest ninja for that matter and still being a rookie with hardly any time to recently train in her crossbow she decided to close in after the thing fired as it couldn't close over the chain.

Isaribi's skill in sealing was far better than Naruto and Vipers and it was something she could readily focus on other then the base ninja skills, so far she can make storage seals for mostly inanimate or barely live objects like a plant, the normal explosion seal which she learned to modify for a much greater effect given her high yield explosives were very handy and then there was the more recent storage and explosion seal cross that required the seal to store oil and release before the explosion seal activated thus making the napalm seal, other than that she could make a few barely useful seals most notably one for detecting anything that passes by it, she was toying with the idea of proximity explosives for that seal and she was working on how to seal elements into a seal and attach said element to an object so far she hasn't had all that much luck, she could seal normal water but she couldn't seal the water element that's used in ninjutsu of said element.

Having a knack for explosives actually gave Isaribi a one up on Viper and Naruto, since in this situation Viper couldn't cast genjutsu on heavily armored opponents as the chakra for genjutsu won't go through solid metal or a defensive technique very well unless she wanted to fill an entire area with her genjutsu which would drain her flat out of chakra ten times faster to have any semblance of effect, thus it was more efficient for Viper to stick to nailing the bandits asses to a wall, Naruto had some useful techniques but it came into question whether or not they could even damage Gato's machine which really hadn't done all that much yet except make itself very recognizable as well as giving a 'tell' whenever it would launch its main attack when it squats slightly before launching its belly mounted ball.

Which was the moment Isaribi was waiting for when her water clone sent her a signal that it died as it was splattered all over the bridge getting quite a few people simply wet and no one except the bridge took any damage from that weapons launch, she took a kneeling position and aimed slightly high before firing, she was kneeling in preparation for covering herself from the fallout of the high yield explosion, Viper stopped fighting, slammed her parasol's edge into the bridge and put as much of her weight on top of it as feasibly possible so as to not be blown away when Isaribi's arrow hit as she didn't think she had the chakra to glue herself to the bridge like what Naruto was doing when he quickly crouched down putting his hands to the bridge sticking himself to that spot with his chakra and he had been running the distraction for Isaribi to get the shot in so he was going to be pretty close to the big boom.

The arrow hit Gato's GATO machine, but it didn't hit its mark that being inside the launching mechanism instead it hit the machine in its upper left side a bit above the upper open weapons hatch and the explosion the arrow set off was massive as to be expected of Isaribi's high yield brand explosives, causing a massive wave of heat to wash across the bridge.

The civilians were celebrating their successful defense of their homes and small nation, when quite a few of them saw a bright light, followed by a rising pillar of smoke that mushroomed outward from the direction of the bridge causing both Zabuza and Haku to start running for the bridge since the people of Wave didn't need their help at the moment and their clients certainly did judging by that explosion.

Once the smoke started clearing the obvious question came up, was everyone alright and thus Viper spoke up first to get a sound off if her love and friend were still alive, she was the furthest back from the explosion and properly shielded they however were not and were exposed to the blast where proximity could do some damage.

"Naruto, Isaribi are you alright" Viper called out into the roiling smoke from behind her parasol.

"I'm singed but you don't honestly think that being that close to an explosion would kill me did you Viper" Viper smiled Naruto was clearly okay if incredibly singed (his jumpsuits are fire resistant at least) and then Isaribi answered with a groan of her own from right next to Viper who wondered how Isaribi ended up way back to where she was, she could also vaguely make out Naruto picking himself up off of the bridge slightly ahead of her having been knocked back a bit.

"What… hit… me" Isaribi reached up to her forehead and gasped in pain, Viper saw a bit of a bleeding wound on Isaribi's forehead it looked like the poor girl had incurred a heavy concussion despite being as tough as she was; Amachi certainly hadn;t cut corners on the genetics engineering with the only person it worked on, and that wasn't good if Gato's machine was still operational, they were going to need some heavy munitions if that was the case, then she noticed the reason why Isaribi had her concussion as the smoke finally cleared enough for her to see Gato's machine.

The upper hatch of the launching mechanism was blown clean off by the explosion and from the way it was bent and from the blood on the ground it had slammed into Isaribi pretty hard and she was second farthest from the explosion, the chain had been slightly melted otherwise still seemed usable as it continued to reel the sphere into the launcher with the still apparently operational bottom hatch, the machine didn't seem to take as much damage as all the nearby bandits were killed, blown over the side of the bridge or just knocked flat out from that one arrow.

Naruto stood up and just stared Gato's machine for all intents and purposes had looked barely scratched as the ball seemed to load itself automatically and the lower hatch flipped up other than that there was no other movement on the bridge other then the downed injured Isaribi and Viper tending to her by ripping a piece of cloth from a nearby bandit as well as she could being a snake to try and wrap it around Isaribi's head and the girl was lucid enough to help her do just that, looking back to the heavily scorched purple and grey armor on the machine Naruto noticed that the arrow did put a somewhat sizable dent in it but as per previous estimates that really wasn't damage from a second and better look at it, he decided to regroup with Isaribi and Viper as it looked like Isaribi had taken a nasty hit.

Inside the machine Gato the self proclaimed; maybe Spanish, conquistador of Wave slowly sat up sweating from the heat of the exposion, he opened his eyes and saw that there was only one of that multiplying brat and he was running towards the girl and… was that a snake acting tenderly towards a human being, no matter… the boy was still well within range as he slowly gripped the controls, the shockwave from the explosion had messed up his hearing slightly and he was slightly off balance after being unconscious for a few moments but his machine was still quite operational, he triggered the firing mechanism as he felt the soft clunk of the sphere loading into the launcher.

"NARUTO" Viper screamed as once again he was in the path of imminent pain as the sphere launched at Naruto, he'd survive if the metal sphere didn't instantly sever his spinal cord first the world had slowed down for everyone, Isaribi who was barely conscious, Viper who was tired as get out from constant chakra usage and Naruto; who was covered in a fine coat of soot, dust and blood, was busy turning his head towards the now approaching death on a chain that had pockmarked the entire half built bridge with craters.

Five walls of ice popped up between Naruto and the sphere, the walls didn't do much to stop the forward momentum but they were enough to slow it down by a fraction of a second for Naruto to suddenly disappear from sight as soon as the sphere passed through the space he once occupied and slammed into the stone surface creating another crater in the bridge.

Viper blinked and smiled seeing the small circle of ice on the bridge and quickly turned her head to Haku who was stepping out of a wall of ice with a shivering Naruto who looked to be really cold and his teeth were chattering, It was a good thing that Haku was a friend as her bloodline was one of Vipers many weaknesses, but hell if it wasn't useful for transporting people around and slowing down a injured persons vitals as Haku was going to be a good medic ninja.

Gato was livid inside his giant metal sumo robot thing, but before he could start reeling in the chain for another attack something came flying from out of the sky in a curving arc that looked like it flew from out of the sun and it was spinning at a incredible speed as it sharply curved downward and slammed shock straight into the bridge severing the chain at a point where it was melted coming incredibly close to hitting Gato's machine.

"Wow Zabuza has great aim" Naruto said as he whistled appreciatively before a coughing bout to expel the dust from his lungs, Viper had to agree as Isaribi smiled that they were going to be alright and Haku to look proud in the fact that Zabuza has disabled the most dangerous thing about the machine with his prowess in large sword throwing.

"DAMN YOU HEADWINDS THAT WAS NOT WHERE MY SWORD WAS POSED TO LAND, I WANTED IT TO GO INTO THAT THING FOR HURTING THE PRINCESS" It was the Demon of the Bloody mists Zabuza himself who ran in and was apparently angry that his aerodynamically challenged sword didn't hit where he wanted it to, causing Naruto to take back what he said almost immediately, Viper to sigh sadly releasing a anime puff of air, Haku to look morally disappointed and Isaribi to start thinking they were doomed when she watched Gato's machine lift the sword out of the stonework of the bridge and heft it easily in front of itself with its right arm. (Darkon: Take note that Gato's machine has wielded a microphone before, so who's to say it can't wield Zabuza's sword which is much bigger and easier to hold on to)

"Heh heh heh… since you destroyed one of my toys, I'm going to destroy you with yours, but don't think that my ball and chain is useless quite yet" The machine then proceeded the pick up the severed chain with its left arm and pull back sending the sphere into the air before whipping it forward, causing the sphere to slam into the ground and then the machine took a few test swings of Zabuza's Massive sword.

"Yes, these will do just nicely don't you think, don't say anything because I won't be able to hear you over the sound of your screams if I could hear you at all" Gato knew how to work his machine quite well considering how well it seemed to take to grabbing and wielding things, not to mention Zabuza just armed it with a new weapon, they watched as it slowly stalked away from the unfinished end of the bridge and that caused Viper to narrow her eyes in thought.

"AW FUCK, Haku get the princess to safety then see what you can do to help her, kid you better be ready for one hell of a fight… oh and snake you go with Haku, let the men handle this" This was pretty much everyone's idea mostly Zabuza's, with the exception that Viper took to sealing Isaribi's and her stuff away before unsealing a bunch of as Naruto termed it 'Mushroom Makers' from Isaribi's pack and wrapped her tail around them before giving both Naruto and Zabuza a determined look while Haku vacated the area.

"Start attacking that thing, you need to keep it near the unfinished end of the bridge as much as possible I've got a plan that can take care of it and as soon as it is enacted you better be ready to get Naruto and yourself out of there Zabuza, Naruto seal your sword away It's not going to be very useful in this fight as that thing is mostly built to keep out the elements and when you guys pull out it'd be easier if Zabuza is not constantly getting shocked by your sword" As soon as Viper turned away from Zabuza to talk to Naruto he immediately took off towards the far end of the bridge towards Gato's machine without a weapon and promptly dodge the things attempt to smash him with its ball in chain, as the chain rebounded off the bridge Zabuza jumped on top of the chain as it was shifting upward ran along it a few feet before leaping off of it and clambered onto the machines right arm to try and pry his sword out of it's dangerous hands yelling about wanting it back.

"What are you…" Naruto tried to say as he sealed his sword away and looked into Vipers serious eyes, ignoring Zabuza being swung around wildly by the machine in the background trying to shake him off.

"JUST GO, don't worry about me I have to get this set up and there will be ramen, I promise" With that Viper flipped her entire body back over the edge of the bridge with the exploding notes still in her tail and it suddenly occurred to Naruto what she was planning as he made his way to Zabuza's current struggle in progress as he was slammed into the bridge after the machine had swung him down hard.

"You better not die Viper; I can't live without you and your annoying habits plus who else am I going to find that I can share my love of ramen with" He said this all the while rushing the machine and summoning hundreds of clones to weigh down the chained weapon to prevent it from being used after it attempted to smash him with it and managed to stop it from cutting Zabuza in two as it went to bring his own sword down on him, to be pushed out of the way by a unfortunate Naruto clone, causing Naruto to shiver at how fast the thing could swing Zabuza's sword.

Zabuza's sword was impressively made to handle shear force like what Gato was putting on it by his machines movements and when it hit the bridge after dispelling the clone it causing a quite a huge crack to form in the floor of the bridge, causing Zabuza to get angry as that was his sword that was being used against him but in the end he decided to keep his calm and stick to using water ninjutsu to defend himself and the kid; he was still under contract, but it looked like the kid didn't need it as he was handling the makeshift morning star quite well by preventing Gato's machine from being able to whip it around.

The clones on the chain however were getting dispersed brutally with each swing of Zabuza's sword only for a bunch of water clones made by Zabuza to join the fight trying to get back his sword from the machine not by just attacking its grip on his sword but also by making the sword a little slippery to hold on to by sending water clones purposely to explode all over the machine, he also launched bullets of water that turned into sharks but that really didn't do much but distract Gato along with the waves of water that slammed against the machine.

Meanwhile on the underside the bridge Viper could swear she was sweating as she saw cracks start to form on the underside, she was running a bit dry of chakra to be sticking to the bridge like she was currently was but there was one thing she learned about Gato's machine that made what she was about to do the fastest way to end this fight and it was either that or wait for the machine to run down which would take too much endless combat that would involve death and after all those bandits they wouldn't last very long, by the time she was finished setting up and setting the powerful explosives off at key points under the bridge she would hardly have any chakra to get herself out of this mess, but they made a commitment to help the people of Wave and restore the ramen Wave country once prided itself on and they damn well were going to do just that, they've been through too much in the last few days without a ramen infusion not to and the lack of ramen tends to make her and Naruto stir crazy.

Viper pulled another high yield explode note from her tail with her mouth and started sticking it to a specific spot under the bridge, she didn't know how long Zabuza and Naruto could keep that thing distracted and she still had a good twenty notes to place in several hard to reach places whoever designed and built this bridge was really good at it but since it wasn't complete and because of Gato's heavy weight machine putting a lot of stress on the bridge with all the constant damage it's support structure could be easily targeted, if Viper was right Gato's machine was designed for all weather purposes even if it was not designed for anything but open land operations so it's definitely not going to float and while it was designed to stand up to heavy winds, rain, ice, freezing cold temperatures, heat resistant considering Isaribi's mushroom makers made a large amount of heat when they went boom, lightning proof and most likely insulated on the inside even if it wasn't lightning proof, someone really designed that thing with Ninja's in mind and considering Gato was a business man working close to the elemental nations that has lands full of them it was understandable why he went to the expense to get something like that crazy thing built.

Putting her thoughts aside Viper continued to work on the bridge setting it up to fall down, hoping at least that Naruto would escaped the blast, she wasn't sure she could because she had to set these things off and then book it to survive she was glad she'd can naturally float in water but she was going to be slithering out of the way of both the falling pieces of bridge and not to mention the waves this will create in Wave.

Naruto leapt back as the left hand of the machine let go of the ball and chain to attack him directly getting a glancing blow that sent him flying and destroying all his clones in the process, he quickly created five more clones that softened his landed and he got up and decided to take the offensive and help his hired help get his weapon back, despite not being able to pierce the heavy armored body of the machine he figured that's where Gato was, how he was controlling the thing he wouldn't know but he could tell it would be hard prying him out of that thing and then something odd happened as per Naruto's usual status quo of increasingly bizarre situations, like fighting a nearly ninja proof machine.

"Prime Naruto and Zabuza need our help boys, I say we hit the arm holding the sword as we need that weapon free and in Zabuba's hands he'll do way more damage than we clones ever can, okay come on special howitzer formation guys, **UZUMAKI TORNADO CANNON BARRAGE**" Naruto blinked in confusion because he finally realized that one of the five clones that he made was a female version of him and it also seemed to be gathering his other four clones into a half circle where the female naruto clone did some hand signs and started forming the **Twin Tornado Cannon **jutsu in both hands before his four clones closed the formation into a open ended box pointed towards Gato's machine where Zabuza was still struggling to hold his ground and even without a weapon he was doing extremely well in causing more dents then any of Naruto's clones with just water attacks.

Naruto was confused as to how his clones seem to be acting of their own initiative and the female one even called him Prime Naruto, he knew he could get information from the shadow clones but for some reasons he doesn't remember them being able to do stuff like this on their own or getting any information from them that made them seem this ridiculously sentient as there was nothing about this happening written down in the forbidden scroll about the shadow clone technique going nuts.

He watched as the four clones started throwing their shadow cloned kunai and shuriken; one shuriken and kunai thrower on both sides, into the open air not to particularly well until the first tornado from the female clones left hand blasted through all the airborne weapons following the weapons heading towards the machine they were focused more on the right arm like the female clone stated and before the weapons hit they multiplied with the shout of "**Shadow Kunai/Shuriken** jutsu" being used by the four clones.

The clones that hadn't used their kunai and shuriken switched off which weapons they started throwing towards the center of the box formation in front of the short blonde haired female Naruto clone in a feminine orange jumpsuit that threw the other hand forward launching another tornado blast catching all the weapons again sending them towards Gato's machine which was followed up by another shadow weapon multiplier, pelting the machine heavily.

The effect was actually rather spectacular considering Naruto didn't even know how to do those shadow weapon jutsu that his clones did and he wondered why, but then again he didn't need to know since his clones shadow his clothing and weapons already, except the thunder god sword which touching causes them all to disperse violently and is the only thing about him that they couldn't shadow copy.

Zabuza was surprised at the first wave of drilling kunai and spinning disk that once they were stopped by imbedding themselves halfway into the Gato machine he finally recognized them as being shuriken, the kunai had done the most damage as each impact caused the metal to ripped up slightly and was more amazing is that every single weapon hit and eventually the clawed hand of the machine was thoroughly wrecked and then the second wave came in causing his sword to clatter to the bridge and deal even more damage to the less armored arm of the mechanized monstrosity being driven by a money grubbing man.

"WHAT THE HELL KID" Zabuza said as he picked up his sword and looking back at the clones that started forming another formation while Zabuza dodge out of the way of a partially destroyed right arm of the machine and swung his sword dealing the most damage of the entire fight in his first strike nearly disabling the machines arm by almost taking it off, it was more than Isaribi or Naruto did the entire fight against it.

"I DON'T KNOW I'M KIND OF FREAKED OUT RIGHT NOW TOO" Inside of Naruto, Kyan uncurled from her furry little sobbing mess and sniffled a bit and started watching what was going on in pure interest as to what the hell was just going on, Nabi looked horribly confused as well as surprised at what Naruto's shadow clones were capable of and something wasn't right about them.

"Prime we each require explosives notes so that we may sacrifice ourselves for you, we must not live much longer for we are draining to much chakra from you, we are sorry for stealing more energy from you then what you give us" the female clone said sadly followed with nods and agreements from the other clones, Naruto just blinked blankly and quickly went through his pack before he held out five explosive notes as there were no words for what was going on here he just stayed silent and watched his clones get back after they each got an explosive tag and attached it to themselves, they all took on a look of hard concentration as the female clone stood center of the four other clones in a x-shaped formation.

"Whatever the hell it is they're doing now kid, they better hurry up even with all the damage to this thing I can't hold it back much longer" Zabuza deflect a blow of still perfectly fine left arm with his sword and prevented it from grabbing the ball and chain again, before he actually tore a small hole in the upper torso of the machine around the spot Isaribi's explosives made their mark with a really hard and well defined swing before back off nearly losing his head.

"For the PRIME, **FIVE STAR TSUNAMI SPHERE SHOT**" What happened next was what looked like four simultaneous activations of the **Tsunami Shell** Jutsu stuck together to form a huge roiling sphere of water held together by normal, wind and some water elemental chakra with all four clones floating inside the clone in the center once again formed the **Twin Tornado Cannon **jutsu and aimed it not at the machine but just threw its arms back and let loose sending the giant sphere propelled by two tornado's streaking across the bridge elongating slightly into an oval shape with the water continuing to hold it roiling shifting pattern.

Gato seemed pretty confident considering all the missing ninja he's killed before with the machine and has seen worse damage done to it before, that was until he saw a giant sphere full of rotating water firing at him full blast, when it hit it smashed the entire belly of the machine inward and the follow up was all five of the clones each hitting their own area of the machine, the right arms was totaled from the clone that had impacted with it in a brilliant explosion of a average explosive note and the others didn't do as much but the machine had been knocked on its back a good five feet from where it had been standing, Naruto ran up to it as Zabuza went in for an attack.

"You think that's going to stop me brat, I've faced more powerful ninja then you and… I'm stronger then that" The machine started to sit up and it struck out at Zabuza only for Naruto to push him out of the way again take a full on blow from the things left arm slamming him into the railing of the bridge and he started coughing up blood while wrapping his arms around his chest staggering to his feet, that hadn't been to smart and he realized that it was the exact same thing he lectured Iruka on as he chuckled to himself slightly as he understood now. (Darkon: Ninja Stupidity Law #1, sacrificing yourself for a comrade when you could have easily saved yourselves both from injury and maybe the Inverse Ninja Law where one ninja can kill one hundred people with ease, whereas one hundred ninjas no matter how skilled can be killed by one person that isn't a ninja)

"KID, why in the hell do you keep taking blows for me you asshole" Naruto chuckled at Zabuza's anger trying to stand back up, his ribs had probably been busted by his save a few seconds ago because he was being an idiot that was taught by one.

"Because you're a friend, but I'll live as I've had worse" Naruto said standing up shakily clutching his ribs he was in quite a lot of pain and was glad that he would heal from severe injuries like this, he just wish he couldn't taste his own blood.

"Oh I'm sure that's touching and all, but you're done for…. " Gato had nearly got his machine into a standing position again when the entire bridge jumped upwards in a massive explosion and beneath the bridge a smiling snake could be seen falling away from the bridge into the water as she inhaled as much air as she feasibly could and closing her eyes before impact with the water.

"Come on I think it's time we got out of here" Zabuza grabbed Naruto around the waist and started leaping for the side of the bridge that was connected to land as chunks and pieces started to fall from out from under him, Gato started to scream in terror as his machine was falling with the rest of the bridge while Zabuza leapt away with Naruto towards safety jumping off falling pieces of the bridge and easily making it back to land, grunting with a minimal amount of effort even if he was tired from having to wrestle his sword out of that cold hard machines hand, maybe with a little help from Naruto and getting slightly cut up... and a lot of other things but the kid and his friends had earned his respect.

Zabuza turned around in time to see Gato's machine being pushed into the water by the larger pieces of the bridge and it was holding up a single clawed finger on its left arm before it finally disappeared causing him to shudder as he stabbed his sword into the ground to keep himself upright, Ninja just weren't meant for fighting something heavy and armored like that without an ample amount of explosives, which he wondered where his three clients got all of them from as he would be willing to buy quite a few of those for himself if he could find the supplier.

On a nearby shore Viper's head shot out of the water onto land gasping for air and hacking up water, she was cold, partially drowned and almost out of chakra to the point it might have caused an exhaustion faint but she took pride in her accomplishment when she saw that she took the entire bridge down and it was bigger than the one Naruto blew up, speaking of which she slithered away wanting to snuggle up to Naruto hoping he wasn't too badly hurt or worse, they were going on a date tomorrow after all and the least the country could do now would be supplying them with the ramen for it.

Isaribi was propped up by Haku watching the entire bridge blow up; she took pride knowing that her explosives where always in constant demand, but when the opportunity arose she wanted to blow up the next bridge as Naruto and Viper both got their chances so now it was her turn, she was completely ignoring the fact that they killed anybody today as coping strategy number one of the ninja handbook was said to be used on people you had no connection too or people that no one would care are gone in the first place, but you still had to feel somewhat bad about it later to stay human which Isaribi wasn't entirely, neither was Viper obviously and Naruto had a strong resolve to help people in need even if it meant killing to protect someone.

The people of Wave country ran up to the now collapsing bridge and they looked to see Zabuza help Naruto limp away from the bridge hacking up blood, Haku taking care of Isaribi and finally a snake slowly slithering her way up the path towards them with a weak smile on her face that grew bigger when she saw Naruto she made her way up to the four and they all relaxed that they were all present and accounted for, even if Naruto was coughing up blood he could take more serious injuries then any of them.

"Well Haku it's about time you got some on the job training for your career" It was Zabuza's way of saying he could use a medic ninja right about now.

They were all soon called the five heroes of wave, but not before Tazuna threw a rather big hissy fit.

"They… THEY BLEW IT ALL UP, why… what did my bridge ever do you… it was made of sweat and tears… you just destroyed the Waves Hope bridge" And old man Tazuna's rant continued while he drank from a bottle of his chosen poison, before Kaiza finally came up to him and exclaimed something that got the citizens of Wave happy and ready to start a party.

"But didn't they just kill Gato, you know the man that was causing us the most problems, not to mention he's the one that brought in all the bandits and tried to take over" Kaiza said as he watched the five rest on the ground while one of them took care of the other four by patching up their injuries, the snake didn't look to particularly hurt but she looked ready to drop where she sat.

"Yeah, BUT MY BRIDGE, I BUILT IT TO BE AWESOME, MY POOR BRIDGE WHY DOESN'T ANYONE CARE ABOUT MY BEAUTIFUL DEAD BRIDGE" Tazuna was still wailing about it while everyone else celebrated until someone asked about the money issue in wave country, Haku happened to hear what was going on while she was patching up Zabuza's cuts and scrapes, she motioned for him to comment on it.

"Wave country is now in possession of a large portion of Gato's money, we cleaned out his base earlier" Zabuza said carelessly watching as Viper flopped onto Naruto who grunted in pain and she promptly passed out, Haku diagnosed Chakra exhaustion as about as good as she could considering she really didn't have much in the way of training as a medical ninja and Naruto commented on his freshly banadaged chest being quite a pain to breathe with before he too fell asleep in a slightly pained matter with a snake slowly coiling up on his body, Isaribi took a look at both of them and giggled before clutching her head and she decided to join them by just lying down and closing her eyes it would be much easier to deal with sleep than her current headache.

"BUT… MY BRIDGE! THE HOPE… IT'S ALL GONE! WHY ARE YOU ALL CHEERING, AREN'T YOU LISTENING THEY BLEW UP MY BRIDGE! WHAT ABOUT YOU GUYS, YOU WERE IN MY CONSTRUCTION CREW FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, WHY ARE YOU JOINING THE REST OF THEM IN CELEBRATION… ARGH… my bridge…" Nobody was paying attention to Tazuna at the moment and he just decided to have a drink while crying to himself silently for his lost bridge away from the crowd, Kaiza saw Naruto lying on the ground with the snake coiled on his belly and a girl with bandages wrapped around her head, he also noticed a girl looking them over one last time before she turned to the man with the large sword that helped out the citizens.

These were the heroes of Wave, they were beaten, burned, bloodied, bruised, drowned, tired, weak and most of all they were still alive at the end of the day after what they've been through.

"Exscuse me, but is there anything we can do you for you for helping us" Both Zabuza and Haku's attentions were grabbed, they both looked at each other levelly Haku had a stern stare on her eyes and the bunny crawled up onto her shoulder and started to nuzzled her instantly making her drop the glare to smile and start petting it.

"Actually we have something we want and those three have something they want, what we want is a place to stick around for a while and we can protect Wave from any stragglers if you're interested, but as for them those two specifically wouldn't shut up about bringing ramen back to the country" Zabuza was pointing out both Viper and Naruto, causing Kaiza to smile he could get a ramen stand set up in no time and it wouldn't be hard for them to ask this man with the very large sword to stick around to make sure things stay quiet.

Later the next day.

They had both woken up rather dreamily in the same soft bed in the guest room at Kaiza's living arrangement and went downstairs to see both Kaiza and Zabuza interacting like old friends at the table for breakfast, Tazuna was still moaning about his bridge, Haku was continually trying to establish her nonexistent manhood to Inari who was constantly being skeptical about it, Isaribi was eating at a normal pace while talking to Tsunami about the many ways to cook an egg on a bandit dented frying pan before she stopped and said hello to the sleepy heads, one who was still very much in pain even if he had healed from most of the damage while sleeping it off.

Viper yawned and slithered up to the table and stole whatever bacon there was and swallowed it slowly to savor the taste, Naruto ate his breakfast in silence before taking a shower and when he descended the stairs fresh for the day Viper was giving him an expectant look, he nodded and she smiled brightly before slithering up his pants leg causing Tsunami to get slightly disturbed but she kept quiet about it when Isaribi commented on the fact that Naruto didn't mind hauling Viper around as to have her slithering alongside Naruto into a town full of people would cause problems, not that it would be a problem in Wave country but still Viper wanted to see how the people of Wave were celebrating their victory over the tyranny of the ramen hating oppressors.

Later around Lunch Kaiza had brought them both to a recently opened ramen stand named 'snakes and fishcakes' in honor of Naruto and Viper, it was opened using some of the money they got from Gato and they spent all night setting it up for two of the lands heroes and Isaribi had gotten something else in the way of food for herself as well, he also mentioned that he understood that they were on the run and nobody in wave country would say anything about it except maybe Tazuna because they blew up his bridge.

Sitting down to the stand; after watching Kaiza go off to join the still continuing celebration, seemingly all alone the girl running the stand exclaimed her hello and Naruto just had to say the most downright awkward things imaginable without really meaning too considering Viper tended to frequent living inside of his rather roomy orange jumpsuit which was as roomy as any other of his entire collection of multicolored jumpsuits.

"Um… you wouldn't mind serving the snake in my clothing Ramen as well, right" The girl blushed heavily at the wrong implications looking to Naruto's pants, which was quickly fixed by a very irate snake that wanted some ramen and to get the date started.

End chapter, poor Naruto you just had to say something suggestive sounding.

List-

**Uzumaki Tornado Cannon Barrage**- ninjutsu combo-Target area: line of sight or arcing fire from the user's position towards a target within a set amount of distance depending on the user capability- effect: long range ninjutsu propelled weaponry particularly done in two volley's with clones that assist by throwing weapons into the ninjutsu and multiplying the weapons mid flight, used to lay siege to an enemy, used to rain down weapons on an enemy encampment, used as a long range assault, used for launching weapons with explosives attached into groups of targets and used to attack heavy armored slow moving targets up close.

Requirements: ninjutsu that can propel weaponry, a method for implementing that propulsion with deadly force and you have to be Uzumaki "Ninjutsu Howitzer" Naruto who the jutsu is named after.

**Shadow "weapon's name" **– ninjutsu- Target Area: on an object that is motionless or in motion- effect: creates a copy of a weapon when used, if used when thrown the weapon multiplies mid flight the copies appear randomly or by choice of the user within a short range of the weapon, the copy will be moving in the same direction at the same velocity, use to arm an opponent with a false weapon, used to create throwable weapons that can't be used against the user, used to created a flying wall of death, used to replace a destroyed weapon for dual wielders, used to create something to use **Substitution **with and used to cheaply duplicate object when needed like a chair.(Trio: Only you would think a chair could be used as a weapon Darkon dude)

Interesting note: When you create a normal shadow clone all weapons on you are cloned along with your clothing so technically when using the **shadow clone** jutsu, your making **shadow clothing**, **shadow weapons **and of course the shadow clone itself with all the abilities of the user except it can't take too much damage, but the fact that you make more than one thing when you shadow clone would explain the reason for the high amount of chakra needed to use it, Zabuza hardly wears a shirt so he doesn't have to form on that **Water Clothing** portion of his **Water Clone** jutsu which might actually save on some chakra since his water cloned sword probably takes up a good chunk of it.

***FIVE POINT TSUNAMI SPHERE SHOT***- Special ninjutsu combo- Target Area: around the group and directed at a single fortified live target-

This jutsu consists of four physical clones of any kind or people compressing four** Tsunami Shell's** into a **Tsunami Sphere** which provides the protection of a normal **Tsunami Shell** but from all sides and the barrier made is effectively dangerous to touch or even be inside of for too long without a breathing apparatus or the ability to holds ones breathe, this jutsu by itself would be only defensive but when the **Twin Tornado Cannon** is added to this jutsu used by the person in the center of the barrier sphere that person can direct the sphere for a effective barrier attack, upon hitting the target the five inside the barrier can attack several spots simultaneously or focus around the same spot for great damage, this jutsu is of a high class that if given enough power could wreck some smaller house sized summoning animals and demons, even if it is incredibly draining, difficult to use and requires large amounts of precision and concentration it is considered to be as powerful as it is complex.

-effect: creates a barrier in the shape of a sphere made of swirling water that is promptly launched towards a target with wind ninjutsu, used to launch a heavy attack, used to attack a summon creature, used to create a mobile barrier that's dangerous to touch, used as a defensive to offensive ability and can be used to train in elemental jutsu.

Interesting note: Naruto's clones acted of their own accord to create this jutsu and they have used jutsu Naruto has only read about beforehand in an interesting thought this might have to do with Naruto's main element as it is no element at all, thus the water portion of this jutsu is not as great as it should have been which was replaced with the wind element to hold it together, this was as if to say if Isaribi were to use it the effects would be for more better but since she can't use wind Ninjutsu she can't propel the sphere forward and the use of a rising geyser would send it flying at an arc, unless she was using herself and three water clones and Naruto took up center of the formation direct attack which is impossible for Isaribi, but this would require far more coordination between the two to perform together.

Darkon: And thus I can start barely caring bringing Konoha into the picture now, sure there will be a few attempts to catch Naruto, but let's see how well that will go when his stealth is shown off in the next chapter where he isn't wearing orange all that much.

Trio: No chapters title this time dude?

Darkon: Nope, it's a 'and now for something completely different' moment, Konoha has hardly anything to do with the plot from this point forward except for references to what may or may not be happening there and if anyone is being sent to capture the specially ranked civilian shinobi.

Sir: What about the problems of not being allied with a ninja village such as buying ninja specific tools addressed in one of the chapters, given that there are assassin shops but they don't primarily sell ninja tools.

Darkon: Of course there are problems and one of them is getting ninja weaponry which Naruto uses and or any new ninjutsu unless they could find someone they could pay off for jutsu, not that arrows and senbon are going to be hard to get considering assassin shops sell them in good supply whereas normal ninja weapons they don't for various reasons.


	10. Chapter 10

Darkon: And now for something completely dif… bizarre, off the wall and well it explains why Naruto is always wearing the orange jumpsuit, also Maito Gai appears here and next chapter… as the usual comic relief that he is or the cosmic eldritch horror he seems to come off as. (And trust me I know an eldritch horror when I see one, I am the one that made chthulu the insane tentacle faced creature of madness what it is today and that was because I just stared at it too long or did I already tell that story?)

Trio: Anyway Darkon has decided that this story will continue to make a halfway kind of sense as it usually does, but there's going to be a lot of weird shenanigans attached to it especially when we get to the first special summoning dude.

(Title sequence)

Song: Tubthump-ing/er by Chumbawamba.

_We'll be singing, when we're winning…_

Scene: The view passes over an out cold Naruto with his chest wrapped in bandages with a soggy coiled up Viper on his belly laying next to an equally out of it Isaribi with a bandaged forehead next to a recently destroyed Bridge in Wave as the scene pans out, they were all at peace.

_We'll be singing…_

Scene: The title 'To Kiss a Snake' in white with black bordering overlays the previous scene of the out cold heroes and fades out in flash of orange, yellow and red.

_I get knocked down, but I get up again you're never going to keep me down, I get knocked down, but I get up again you're never going to keep me down._

Scene: Quickly highlights Naruto taking the hit from Gato's Machine for Zabuza plays, he swiftly get ups even while coughing up blood.

_I get knocked down, but I get up again you're never going to keep me down, I get knocked down, but I get up again you're never going to keep me down._

Scene: Amachi throws Viper hard against a solid metal wall and to Naruto's horrified face in the background she quickly launches herself back at the transformed monster, trying to pin him down using the entirety of her body to wrap around him, after Viper couldn't take much more Isaribi joined the fight.

_Kissing the night away, Kissing the night away…_

Scene: Viper is inside Naruto's sleeping bag and snuggled up to Naruto flicking her tongue into his neck causing him to squirm a bit in his sleep, Isaribi was on her stomach smiling at the two before she rolled over and pulled the sleeping bag in front of scene leading into the next one.

_She drinks a kissy drink, he drinks Viper drink, she drinks a lot of drink, they drink a 'kind of' drink._

Scene: Shows Viper launching herself at Naruto mouth wide open, flashes to showing Naruto actually kissing Viper the first time, flashes to Isaribi swimming with incredible speed through the ocean with Naruto on her back, flashes to the three of them drinking ramen broth from three separate bowls.

_He'll sing the songs that remind him of the good times._

Scene: A smirking Naruto on a black background with passing faded images of everyone who's been relatively friendly to Naruto including: Iruka, Teuchi, Ayame, Ibiki, Idate, Old Man Hokage Sarutobi, Zabuza, Haku, Isaribi, Anko and Viper.

_She'll sing the songs that remind her of the best times._

Scene: A broadly smiling Viper on a black background with passing images of her first kiss with Naruto, Naruto taking care of her after she got beaten up badly by Amachi, when Isaribi decided to follow them around and when she caused Aoi to slam face first into a tree.

_Oh don't be coy… don't be coy… don't be coy…_

Scene: The view was Viper on the same black background which shifted around and it showed that she was looking at Naruto before she fluttered her eyes seductively at him and gave the audience a wink as he started running away and Viper promptly shot after him.

(Music continues into a repeat but is showing various scenes from the fan fiction mostly involving cats until...)

_Don't cry for me, we'll still do each other favors._

Scene: Nabi the two tailed cat was huddled up to the distraught nine tailed fox trying to cheer her up with cuddles, before Kyan had enough of it and threw a cheeseburger she just formed from out of nowhere using one of her nine wilting tails and Nabi ran after it leaving Kyan to wallow like she wanted to.

(Music continue into the third repeat up to the point the trumpet starts)

Scene: Is showing the trio walking down the road of life as the trumpet plays in the background, until Naruto accidentally trips and three kunai miss impaling him in the back, Isaribi and Viper looked to each other and nodded before instantly turning around and taking up combat positions, with Viper shielding Naruto with her parasol from more kunai and Isaribi started summoning water clones that shot out to fight three missing ninja from stone country, the scene quickly fades out.

(The music continues to repeat and starts to fuse some parts of the song showing Naruto, Isaribi and Viper singing the three parts, until the song fades out completely as the fight from the previous scene comes back into view and happens to have ended)

Scene: As the music slowly dies down Naruto, Viper and Isaribi walk/slither away from the defeated team of missing ninja with bruised bodies but they were smiling about it as they continued down the path of life and it ends with Naruto raising his sword to the sky.

(Darkon: Now back your regular daily scheduled fan fiction, in fact you can probably ignore the title sequence… oh wait… it's a little late for that isn't it? Um… Sir… START 'ER UP QUICKLY!)

Sir: Right away Darkon, begin chapter.

Chapter 10: Day of the White jumpsuit.

It had been three days since they left, but they were well on their way… to where… they really didn't care as much as it was a guess as maybe even Naruto didn't know where they were heading, however he did express his need for supplies that he couldn't readily get in Wave to finish his idea for building his mobile base, but there were still a few problems with how to keep it stealthy as he already had building plans made with the help of a still very sore Tazuna, Viper exclaimed that she would like to look over what Naruto had come up with while they had lunch and Isaribi was curious as maybe she could use seals to help with whatever Naruto came up with, they went back into fire country by one of the two boats they had sealed away and stayed out of any towns they came across making sure to keep a low profile.

Zabuza and Haku both stayed in Wave, no surprise there as they wanted to continue helping the people for a while longer in case they missed any bandits, so the three set on their way talking about how the fight went and how much like ninja's they weren't being and about how the supplies they did get were completely worth the blood and pain because they did a good thing, the women of Wave were just short of getting raped and they put a stop to it, they also had a nice place to stay at because Tsunami was one of the friendliest people they could ever meet and Kaiza was a wonderful man to be around, although the builder Tazuna begrudgingly dropped his grudge as a new bridge was under way to being built after they trawled the area where it was destroyed to make way for the new construction, which left Isaribi with a pile of scrap metal that Naruto would later use in his base construction plan.

"Naruto stop fretting over the fact that your clones went a tad weird, which is par for the course that is our lives so far, I'm making friends with every single cat I meet and I find that disturbing like the fact that Nabi likes me as well stating that she wants to cuddle me and Isaribi is dealing with the fact that she just might be bisexual as well as asexual because of her serpent nature" Viper seriously did not want to be near Nabi whenever she had wanderlust and wandered from out of Naruto's body but she didn't go more than a good fifty feet away before she shot back into Naruto since she was worried about Kyan's current mental state even if the fox couldn't self terminate or be killed, that is to say even if Naruto dies and takes her with him it wouldn't affect her as she'd be back in the world in about two years at the most and five seconds at the least, she was to important to stay out of commision for long.

"But they did some awesome stuff and I didn't get any of their memories of how they did it" Naruto wasn't one to whine often, but it was one of the things he was good at and they really weren't paying too much attention to Isaribi's blush for her benefit because for one thing she might have liked Idate quite a bit but then there was the fact that she liked Haku about as much, they couldn't say anything without her asking something about how their date went and they both refuse to give any detail about it because of how awkward some of it was at the ramen stand the people of Wave set up overnight while they slept well past twelve hours into waking up the next day from their injured or tired state.

"Naruto why are you so gung-ho for learning about a technique that sounds to be nothing close to what a ninja does, I mean how are you posed to keep something like what you described stealthy" Isaribi had heard about the giant water sphere attack and his clone doing an impressive display of using a jutsu to replicate the effect of a snow country howitzer leading the damage done to the machine to be quite bad for how well armored that thing was, the machine had been crushed under the rubble of the bridge but apparently Gato died a slow death in a pocket of air underwater until he either ran out of air, drowned or his body bled to death from being pinned inside the machine it seemed like whoever they fight ended up in some kind of gruesome death or just excruciating pain, not that anyone wonders where Isaribi got all the scrap metal from.

"Hey I'm plenty stealthy, I just need more techniques for taking out heavily armored or defensive opponents, Gato might not have been an impressive man to look at when his dead and drowned body was fished out but his machine broke my ribs without an ounce of trouble" Viper looked between the two of them and decided to put the tail down on the conversation and change the subject while she was at it, because it was not a good idea to question Naruto's stealth capabilities he was the one who could bypass ANBU level ninja after all and it seemed killing a bunch of people didn't seem to cause Naruto that much trouble anymore.

"Both of you are right, Naruto the **Uzumaki Tornado Cannon** **Barrage** you told me about sounds like a brilliant long range attack to have and it does give you credit towards eventually being labeled a 'Ninjutsu Howitzer' in the Bingo Book since you can probably rain a storm of metal on someone once you can figure out how you did it the first time from maybe a mile to half a mile away going by description and that'd be quite a handy skill to have, Isaribi is right in the fact that we need to work on being stealthy but we did technically do that when we rescued those people at the bridge I mean we both managed to get around a crowd of bandits twice without notice and Naruto doesn't really need to work on his as he's as good as he can get, so when's lunch and where are we going now guys" Isaribi wondered what Viper was talking about, Naruto didn't seem the slightest bit stealthy in fact he wore orange and talks loudly, so how can someone like that be stealthy not to mention take a freelance job as a ninja in the first place. (Sir: Naruto does not know the shadow weapon jutsu to perform the barrage part)

"There should be a town or city up ahead, Tanzaku I think it's called and what stealth, I haven't seen Naruto do anything to hide his presence at all since I met him" Viper froze in her slithering along through the woods and she turned to Isaribi, now she's done it and Naruto was going to show his trick off again; he always gets a swelled head because of it, but it would show Isaribi why Naruto couldn't be found in the middle of a wide open field with nothing to hide behind and Naruto would even prove to Isaribi that the way he acted was actually very reasonable for a ninja that likes to obfuscate stupidity, but then again Naruto is actually that hyperactive and from what Viper knows it doesn't affect his ninja ability and if it did, it would make him far better than most ninja's.

"Well now, I guess it's time I showed you one of my special tricks for hiding in plain sight Isaribi let's stop for moment so I can change clothes in a tent, since we're going into town and I don't want to be found by anyone especially since we're in fire country, plus I don't want to go in while using my stealthiest jutsu or else someone may figure out how to counter it" Viper sighed as Naruto popped a tent out of a storage seal and went inside, she turned to Isaribi with a glare as she had problems with Naruto exclaiming his greatness and it was hard to keep him as level headed as she had him, now Isaribi had to go and get him to do this again as it was annoying the last few times Naruto used this trick to avoid her while they were still in konoha and incidentally this was also how he painted the hokage monument without getting spotted and he's painted it at least three times as a prank without being caught using other methods of stealth then the one he was about to show, the security of Konoha was just that bad. (Trio: Naruto of course is talking about a modified shape shift dude.)

"What's he talking about Viper" Viper had a blank expression on her face as she looked to Isaribi, before she yawned slightly and then decided to tell her traveling companion about Naruto's stealth capabilities something Isaribi hasn't had to witness yet, Viper has however witnessed it and that's why they were only accosted by one border patrol on a well traveled road while heading towards Sea country because Naruto was getting pretty darn cocky about his ability to hide.

"To put it succinctly any ninja could do stealth at night… Naruto is a ninja that can disappear in broad daylight because of a story he read before he met me and after a while of going back to reading it he finally asked me to get him some white clothing like what he was wearing… it took me forever to find an entirely white jumpsuit, white shinobi sandals and I just had to make sure all of it was entirely white with no other color at all and in a one size fits all category, also there is a ninjutsu he could use to hide his presence but it would be for emergencies and or perverts only" Isaribi raised a curious brow to Viper in question before motioning with her hand to carry on but Viper stared at her as if expecting a question, Isaribi sighed. (Up to this point Naruto has never used his shape shifting prowess in front of Isaribi)

"Okay what was the story about, what does it have to do with a white jumpsuit and how does it come around to Naruto disappearing in broad daylight when white is clearly visible at all times of day" Viper looked away from Isaribi rubbing the tail against the back of her head looking a bit embarrassed.

"Would you believe that I didn't believe that it would work at first either, but clearly the story Naruto read was real and I was skeptical until I saw it myself and trust me it's unbelievably interesting to how the trick actually worked and… well it's quite fairly unbelievable even if I were to tell you so I don't want you to…" Viper was starting to ramble and it didn't suit her one bit from Isaribi's perspective as Viper looked to be having problems trying to tell the story, only to be stopped by Isaribi holding up a finger.

"Just tell me the story first and then explain what you think is so unbelievable, I'll draw my conclusion when I see for myself what Naruto's trick is" Viper knew Isaribi was going to be skeptical but she inhaled and thought of the story she read herself, she still thought it was strange that it was one of the few books Naruto found discarded in his childhood which is initially written off as a fable and clearly not possible by ninja standards as it was something someone did without the need of chakra or anything other then what he wore.

"Well it is the story of a human samurai warrior of the light and a humanoid demon named 'Shinobi' who was a warrior of the darkness possibly what ninja's name themselves after today but that demon was a true master of stealth, the story is called 'White Samurai" the reason for the title of the book is what caught my interest and it explained exactly why Naruto wanted that white clothing, for you see the demon was invisible when the world lacks light who had red eyes and a sword as black as it's cloth like skin called 'Night Swallows' slayer of a thousand heroes and it sought out a warrior that was said to be able to equal or even best him a demon of the darkest night…" Viper trailed off seeing that Isaribi was entranced so far she coughed before continuing, as she had seen Naruto slip out of the tent and ran into a nearby open field and a few seconds later he was gone despite not having any cover out there at all.

"As it so happens the warrior was a normal nameless normal human who was raised to protect the peace wherever his travels and the wind would take him that wore a flowing white robe and occasionally a straw hat, he was never given a name but his sword was called 'Light Bringer' as it was said to never be able to stain with the blood of an innocent and it had a unique powers that allowed it to stop any powerful demon from healing once struck by this sword, another strike tends to weaken greatly and since it couldn't be stained by anything it would always give off a white sheen, it was said to be powered by the gods itself to slay true evil in the world and Shinobi was a assassin that worked for greater demons assassinating heroes who would dare to figure out how to stop the most vile of demons, he however knew he wouldn't survive one blow of the sword, so he set the place for when he would face the samurai on equal grounds" Viper stared out into the fields and narrowed her eyes she focused as hard as she could, but she saw what she was looking for and that was the barest of movements in the very air itself, before she turned back to Isaribi who wondered what Viper was looking at when she stopped talking.

"Light Bringer… a champion to the gods, for the world would be balanced again… I was probably asleep whenever the kit was reading it… maybe it was time someone took it up again… and used it on me…" Kyan muttered slightly still in quite a bit of a funk while her ears were twitching up a storm at hearing Viper's story through Naruto's ears, while Nabi's eyes widened.

"The Light Bringer of demon legends, to be bestowed to a single mortal who will seek out true evils and only fight the lesser if they attack first, that was the sword once wielded by mistress snowb… retainer… oh, right…" Nabi didn't say any more as her mistress was glaring at her, it wasn't a very angry glare it's just that mistress Kyan probably didn't want to even hear her wife's cute nickname at this point, the Light Bringer was the ultimate sword for killing a demon with any ill intentions or thoughts only a truly good demon would survive more than three direct hits from that sword and the word 'good' meant extremely in combat; as getting hit once was close to that of a death sentence for lesser demons, or friendly in life; as in going completely against what was expected of them and actually being truly like that of a saint, and actually meaning it.

"The human was a young man who unlike most samurai didn't wear armor and only bore a bright white robe, some underwear and a straw hat as his only equipment besides his white sheath where the sword resided he had long black hair kept in a simple knot and was well traveled and strong with the life he has led being incredibly humble and polite, he was challenged by a duel in a building full of holes sitting on the edge of a beach as the sun sets and if he could strike down the master of fading shadows Shinobi himself before the light of the sun goddess was completely gone from that part of the world, he the samurai would live for another day and if he didn't the darkness would consume him through the demons sword blackened with blood of those that fought before him" Isaribi was beginning to see where this might be going, a battle against a creature that hides in the darkness and as the world grew darker the samurai would have less room to maneuver and fight, it seemed to be a suckers fight.

"That was the samurai's incentive to end the fight at its earliest convenience however that's not how things went, it started with Shinobi standing in the light and the samurai wrapping himself in his own robe in the darkness to mimic that of what a ninja would wear exclaiming that the battle would be even they would fight in the shadows of their element both light and dark, any questions yet Isaribi" After all this Viper was expecting some sort of a question like why it was taking Naruto so long to get dressed or something like that, Isaribi gave her a look that said continue or else.

"Very well, the samurai and demon rushed each other clearly visible in the dark and light to each other however when the samurai crossed into the light and launched an attack with his sword, at the same time Shinobi crossed into the darkness while doing the same, neither had struck their target but each other's sword and it was time for a game of cat and mouse that was in Shinobi's favor however when he turned around he couldn't see the samurai for the samurai had disappeared into the light like he himself disappeared into the darkness" A scene played out in Isaribi's head as two figures ran towards each other and promptly vanished into thin air in a clash of metal and then she played out a scene of Naruto wearing an all white jumpsuit and doing the same thing, but she could hardly imagine that as being possible without magic or chakra.

"The samurai then made it known that like how Shinobi learned to walk the darkness; he learned to walk the light and thus the battle continued as they struck out at each other carefully timing their strikes and movements from shadow to shafts of ever dwindling light they climbed the interior of the building fighting among the many rafters disappearing and reappearing at great speeds until finally… no one knew why Shinobi did it or even why the samurai looked on in remorse afterwards, but Shinobi the demon of shadows stopped in the light and stood still where the samurai threw his sword through the demons heart killing it instantly as the last shafts of light started to fade from the building the samurai watched as the demon's body slid off of his sword instead of death by being destroyed by the blades power" It sounded like the end of the story so Isaribi finally went to speak up but Viper held up her tail and Isaribi paused with her mouth halfway opened.

"Not done yet, the blade had just ripped up the demons body where it slid off bloodlessly but it did not much else to the body as the sword was known for instantly destroying the body of a demon when finished, the samurai looked on the dead corpse and slowly picked it up to carry it out into the woods, the samurai dug a grave for the demon and buried it with its sword before saying a word of peace to the demon for a battle well fought, years later a beautiful tree sprouted from whence the demons body had been buried, it made shadows in the day to protect the weak and it made light at night to guide the lost for it was powered by the spirit of the dead warrior that sought to help a thousand people and maybe more to make up for each person it killed to balance itself out, there now I'm done" Isaribi had to admit that the story was interesting but she still couldn't understand something about it, so she figured it was time for questions and answers.

"So did the samurai ever use chakra and if not how did he manage to turn invisible in the light" At this Viper smiled slightly while pointing out towards the field, looking in the direction she pointed Isaribi couldn't see anything out there or why Viper continued to look out in that specific direction, but then again viper couldn't see anything except for something barely visible from her perspective which was a lot closer to the ground.

"To answer your question no, the samurai couldn't use chakra but it is possible for every single being alive to do so to varying degrees, but if you so much as touch anything, get touched by a shadow and move too fast you'd become as visible as you think Naruto looks while wearing a bright orange jumpsuit, from what I can tell it's a optical illusion of the light since the first thing you'd look for is his jumpsuit and that's the main problem you can't see him while he's surrounded by light completely otherwise it's not very useful as there are plenty of things that can disrupt the trick" Isaribi didn't see anything or what Viper was looking at but she was sure the snake saw something and she herself was trying to see what that was, however from her perspective she wouldn't be able to see it well enough as it required to be looked at from a lower angle.

"What became of the White Samurai and is Naruto really just standing out there" Isaribi was nothing if not skeptical to the fact that anyone could become invisible by wearing white clothing in broad daylight, but the story did leave questions unanswered.

"Oh no, he's moving and breathing alright; if ever so slightly, he could still move slightly faster and not be seen and as for the samurai that was just one story in a number of books about the legends of the White Samurai, but as far as I know the samurai died of natural causes when he finally set the world to the way it was supposed to be and sired a few children with his loving wife, from what I hear he was buried but it wasn't with his sword and the weapon was never found" Inside of Naruto, Kyan flicked one of her tails back in forth in thought as she knew where it was, only Naruto would never be able to wields it as a person can only wield one celestial weapon in their lifetime and never touch another unless they are a celestial themselves for whom the weapons have no such restrictions.

"Maybe I'll tell him where it is when he finds someone who truly needs it, the world's gone to crap with true evil these days" Kyan was beginning to feel something akin to whimsy but then squashed it, when would there be anyone who was innocent enough to wield a blade to kill anything that isn't innocent without going power mad trying to take justice into their own hands.

Viper after seeing that Isaribi couldn't see or even find Naruto by her eyesight held up her tail in front of her mouth in a shushing gesture, before she coiled herself tightly and looked for the only visible thing on Naruto's body and when she had herself focused well enough she launched a **Kiss of the flying snake** perfectly into Naruto's waiting lips who appeared from out of the blue with a shocked look on his face as he was suddenly plowed into by the ever amorous love of Viper as she started wrapping around him knocking him passionately to the ground.

Isaribi had blinked hard, rubbed her eyes and blinked hard again, there was no way that that should have been possible and yet there he was and a moment ago that looked like thin air to her.

"How did you find me out here" Finally Naruto had managed to ask that after Viper had finished getting her daily kiss in, her tail slowly trailing little circles on his cheek.

"Your whisker marks of course, in the story the demon was visible in light and so too are the marks of a demon… it's just that a person is not able to see them from anywhere except a really low angle" at that Viper gave Naruto a big smile and he cursed the fact that Viper knew how to spot him now, not that she couldn't track him by scent before but she had a hard time seeing him at all to get him into a lip lock the last few times he's done this, he had asked why the hyuuga couldn't do this and Viper gave the answer that they weren't aware of it, they didn't wear straight white clothing and they were aggressively taijutsu stuck ninja's that were really stunted because of their ways so sitting still wasn't in them, not to mention that it's not very effective for offensive purposes and it wasn't good for defensive purposes either unless you knew what you were doing and Naruto did in fact know how to use it but from what they both know of the story he hasn't mastered it yet as he can't instantly blend into the light and it took a few moments of slow movement for him to drop his visibility to nothing.

"Okay sister-in-law if you're done kissing my brother can we please go into Tanzaku now or are we going to sit here and have lunch" Naruto opened his mouth to talk, only for Viper to take that as another invitation and Isaribi rolled her eyes at Viper not being done in the slightest as she took a good opportunity when she saw one, they were having lunch just shy of reaching the large town or small city with a castle.

Minutes later they were having lunch, Ramen for Naruto as usual and it was chicken flavored, Viper was having fried large rat with a rather nice cooked goop made of crushed beetles as a garnish which Naruto admits to having tried once since it was one of the earliest sources of meat he has ever had that he liked as long as it was cooked, Isaribi didn't get disgusted as she was the one having the bug soup that was used to garnish Vipers rat with a bit of extra flavor and the soup had a few carrots they got from Haku because her rabbit found a nice patch before they left, along with some onions and a bit of garlic, Isaribi was currently learning 'Ninja Survival Cooking 101' and she actually liked it except the one section about eating snakes which she promptly ripped out and used for making their current campfire to cook with, much to Vipers relief and eternal gratitude.

Speaking of which Haku wanted to train a rabbit to be an effective ninja pet or partner to do the kind of stuff Viper could as she was effectively under most ninja's radars, Viper couldn't help but point out that a pet she was not nor would she ever act like one unless circumstances dictated otherwise and then she gave Haku tips on how to train the rabbit from a modified view of how an Inuzuka's training goes as she doubted the rabbit would come anywhere near her to learn anything because she just might eat it, Viper wondered how that would turn out and didn't bother to worry over it too much as they had gone their separate ways, when asked Haku said the rabbits name was 'Caerbannog' which for some unknown reason sent chills down everyone's backs. (Caerbannog can be pronounced Carbon-no, carbon-nog and Kay-er-Bah-know)

"So what do you have for a mobile base Naruto and how good was that old man at designing stuff I mean his bridge didn't stand up to my mushroom makers and I doubt… oh now you've got me calling them mushroom makers; the next bridge we come across will not survive my mushroom makers either since it's my turn, as I was saying I doubt that whatever we build will be protected from explosions in case we ever needed to set some up near it" the girls watched as Naruto set his master plans for a base on the ground between them and they both looked it over, Isaribi was silently recalling the fact that Zabuza paid them back quite a sum just to have quite a few of her 'mushroom makers' and quite frankly she was beginning to agree with the name of the explosive level for them, though one wondered what Zabuza was going to do with so many of them.

In the hidden Mist village a huge mushroom cloud is seen rising up from a completely evaporated tower and the dead body of the leader; the 'Mist Shadow' himself, was seen falling to the ground a burnt skeleton corpse that once contained a sealed demon, the entire general area around the tower was completely destroyed for up to sixty feet and standing outside the slowly shifting cloud of dust that was pushing the mist away were two men with red clouded cloaks who groaned in anger as they saw this as it was about time to collect the demon from the guy that had just obviously died in a violent explosion, some mastermind had to be screwing with their organization at this point. (Sir: Naruto isn't a mastermind per say, but the fact that Zabuza would coincidentally destroy that particular demon container makes an eerie kind of sense considering he is the one Zabuza rebelled against in the first place to end up as a missing ninja)

In another realm the three tailed demon saw what it had just avoided thanks to some commentary from the shinigami otherwise called a reaper passing by with a jaunty 'hello' as it gathered the souls of the people that had just died and that was when the demon decided to stay out of the elemental nations and stay dead for a good fifty years until the people trying to capture tailed demons to break 'that particular seal' issue was resolved, besides it needed a vacation from that asshole who turned his previous container into crazy bloodline killing maniac, it was finally free to read it's Princess Peach manga in peace if it weren't for the fact that there was a sad soul sitting on its back reading over its shoulder, that soul was somewhat happy to finally be free and his name was Yagura he in fact learned that Zabuza had a right to rebel and that Kisame worked for the guy that made him bat shit insane.

"You seem to be attracted to long haired blondes who wear pink dresses… I never knew you liked human women, you have good taste" Yagura stated somberly even though he was now dead he might as well enjoy it.

"Well excuse me for being a small part of your insanity driven mind, thank you by the way" this was the giant three tailed turtle of whirlpools, tsunami's and monsoons… also known for taking baths in volcano's underwater or above for some unknown reason and is able to breathe fire as well as fly by spinning around inside his shell and releasing fire from his four limb holes and was once in love with the great medic ninja whose name was Tsunade but knew it would never have worked out and faked his death though he was saddened to hear she became a raging alcoholic afterwards, he still cried about how his adopted human sister died too as one of the more friendlier demons alive he cared about human life and he wondered if he should watch over Tsunade as the spiritual form of "Dan the average ninja" to see how she was doing and to think he spent so many a year as a false human looking for the perfect woman who packed a shell breaking punch, maybe he should comfort her and finally tell her the truth so maybe she'd get over him. (Darkon: he's to nice to live a lie... quite sad that)

After finishing a rather lengthy discussion about how the mobile base was going to be built Naruto's little group finally started to decide on how to head into Tanzaku and Viper brought up the discussion of stealth once again.

"Before we go into town we don't have a clue if we've been seen or not traveling around Fire country and given how many spies there were in Konoha it's safe to say we've been spotted at least a few times, Naruto you're going to need to sneak into town given that it's nearly noon that shouldn't be too hard for you just be on the lookout for anyone suspicious, I'm going to scout the area to see if I can find out if there were any people waiting for an orange jumpsuit wearing loudmouth; that you present yourself as, to appear and maybe see a few contacts about any ninja's in the area, Isaribi you're going in as a normal civilian you'll be grocery shopping and you will get us a hotel room with one bed as to not arouse suspicion nobody knows you by description because Konoha only got a view of your serpent form which you haven't used in a while, me and Naruto can take the floor and you'll be getting the bed for tonight" After that they gave Naruto a ten minute head start as he made his way towards town, then Viper gave a Isaribi a few words of how to act normal and to not walk like a ninja before she disappeared into some nearby grass, leaving Isaribi to herself to wonder how this will all go.

In town there were quite a few things happening, it was like a year round festival here and it was easy for Naruto to slip in unnoticed by anyone and that included half a armies worth of assassins and ninja waiting all around Tanzaku he was invisible to all who were looking for him as he was still wearing his white jumpsuit that might be true in a literal sense as well as the fact that no one could recognize him, which was followed by Viper when she started cataloguing; by level, every single danger Naruto had circumvented getting into town and finally Isaribi just walked in meandering into town and nobody paid her a lick of attention except maybe a dermatologist if they noticed something odd with her skin being a slightly puncture proof armor.

"Yosh my youthful students we have been given some free time from our latest mission and it has been stated that a most evasive missing civilian in the bingo book has made his way toward Tanzaku we might want to look out for this civilian and will be able to capture him while we spend some time here" Quite a few assassins and ninja were disparaging the group of ninja's that probably made it known to their target he was being looked out for, they of course knew that these people were from Konoha who put the hit out on the civilian and so far the fact that nobody has nailed his ass to the wall meant he was a harder target to get than previously thought.

The group consisted of two similar looking people in green spandex suits with orange leg things and caterpillars growing on their faces, a male fate riddled hyuuga that looked to be branch member thus not worth capturing and a average looking girl with brown hair done up into two buns, she was the only one in the team that didn't scream ninja or weirdo and actually looked like she fit in with her surroundings minus the team of course.

Of the people that were disparaging the loudmouth green wearing jounin, was a man with long white hair a headband with horns and the word oil written on it, another man with long black feminine hair who smelled like male snakes and was hanging out with another white haired man with glasses who also smelled of male snakes, a trio of female assassins that were hiding in the shadows of an alleyway, two red cloud cloaked men who were starting to walk out of town trying to find out where the kyuubi container was having missed him entering town walking right by them in plain sight and finally another two oddly cloaked strangers who were still waiting in town looking around for their target they have been assigned to talk to and then get him to come with them, this wasn't the most of it but these were the most important otherwise there were plenty of know-nothings and quite a few stone ninja hanging around who heard the man shouting of youth who were interested in killing the much vaunted civilian of Konoha's ire and they weren't in it for the money either.

"YES GAI SENSEI AND IF WE CANNOT APPREHEND THIS MOST EVASIVE CIVILIAN THEN I WILL RUN AROUND THE ENTIRE CIRCUMFERENCE OF OUR MOUNTAINS BACK HOME ON MY PINKIES" then they just started yelling each other's name; one being Lee and the other apparently being Gai, before they started hugging thus signaling for the other two people of the team to start running for it because they were about to launch an assault of the fourth kind on the people of Tanzaku.

The genjutsu they formed blinded multiple people and it was so bad that the two men that smelled of snakes were both rolling around on the ground but it wasn't exactly scratching at their eyes shouting bloody murder like the rest of the crowd that stopped to watch the phenomenon, quietly Naruto snuck away from the area without being noticed refusing to stare at the genjutsu any longer then he had to using as much chakra as he could to keep it from affecting him and all the while Viper who was witnessing the event looked on in interest with a raised eye not being effected in the slightest by looking directly at the genjutsu but thought it was really unique and very fun to watch as it took out a crowd of people and it even made one person throw up making her day all that more enjoyable as she saw that the guy had some yakisoba before this event.

"I apologize lord Orochimaru, I don't know what came over me, oh crap Jiraiya" The man with the glasses quickly got up and along with the now named Orochimaru they both ran off hopefully not getting noticed by Jiraiya who they have just seen puking up yakisoba noodles, with him around they wouldn't dare to try and bring Naruto to the dark side because Jiraiya would find them if the kid put up any sort of fight so they left the area entirely to head back to Sound and Konoha respectively as the glasses haired man had to set up events for the coming exams in a few months.

"Naruto I have something I wish for you to do, I want you to write down what I'm going to tell you and I need you to give it to someone" Kyan had found her perfect candidate for being the 'Light Bringer' wielder and quite fast at that, neither the man nor the boy were gay but the display of pure platonic feelings of friendship through Naruto's eyes had slightly made her temporarily loopy from seeing it for a few seconds leaving spots before her eyes, but she knew the boy would need the sword eventually because he barely had chakra and in his line of work he could use a little help as he looked to be only physically fit so against someone with high powered ninjutsu abilities or maybe even eventually demons that sword would give him an edge in life hopefully.

"Why should I" It was Naruto's mental retort and Kyan told him it was important to help someone in their life and in no way would it benefit her or Nabi at all and Nabi agreed that it wouldn't benefit her, that was true mostly because Demons couldn't effectively wield a celestial weapon, Kyan kept begging him for a while to do this before he finally gave in and caved in to her whining with Nabi in stereo and here Naruto thought that demons were posed to hold themselves in high regard while being blood thirsty monsters.

"Well okay, but what do you want me to write down and who do you want me to give it to" It took quite a bit of goading but Naruto finally agreed to it, she then told him of the green spandex wearing youth who made a proclamation to run around the hokage monument on his pinkies.

"You do realize these are some of the people trying to catch me right" Kyan smiled from inside Naruto and exclaimed that it couldn't be too much trouble slipping the written stuff into the kids pack or onto him personally while surrounded by his ninja team; not to mention plenty of people out for his bounty, if he was truly stealthy as his loving snake wife thought he was and Naruto took that as a challenge, all the while declaring that Viper wasn't his wife but a very good friend and it made both Kyan and Nabi roll their eyes from inside Naruto, who was he trying to kid at this point he actually enjoyed her kisses.

It was evening and Naruto was inside the hotel room Isaribi had rented out and he was writing on a scroll being dictated about digging under a tree that looks like question mark and it being the only tree of its kind in Konoha near a waterfall, a bunch of stuff about rules of the object the person was going to find and finally that only this person can wield the object or pass it on to his children otherwise he would have to bury it back where he got it from and he was being trusted with it from the signed 'ghost of the past' and 'the messenger' with a P.S. to tell the tree that it's pretty. (Darkon: one would think that Kyan's wife is somehow involved in the knowledge of how she knows where the sword is)

"You're not seriously going back out there in that jumpsuit" it was about to get dark soon and Isaribi was worried about Naruto being spotted without light or a crowd to hide in, but then again Viper hasn't been seen but once after she found out where their room was, she was keeping a lower profile then even Naruto right now and would probably look out for Naruto in case he got caught, which rightfully he should have been given how many people around were carrying weapons and asking about orange clothing Isaribi has overheard today up to this point, it was amazing what wearing a different color will do for being noticeable in a crowd for Naruto as he has passed by a few of those people while visible without so much as a glance from them.

"Don't worry, other than Vipers natural inborn stealth I'm the master of it" with that Naruto slipped out the third story window without a sound, his white jumpsuit was making him more noticeable the darker it got and given how long he had to find the person he saw giving a man hug to his sensei he was really pushing his stealth; in a city full of people hunting him, to the limits and of course Isaribi was worried but then again she's hasn't seen how well did at not being seen other then the phenomenon of his trick of the light, she wondered what his emergency hiding jutsu was like.

Naruto slipped around another group of assassins it was likely someone definitely saw their group heading in this direction and blew a whistle on the fact that he was going to stop in Tanzaku, it looked like supplies for building his mobile base was a no go here unless he took drastic measures, especially with this many people around to catch him storing the supplies up to use later at an undisclosed location for his DIY mobile base, following the basics the blueprints gave him he would decide how it was actually built with Viper and Isaribi's help.(Trio: Do It Yourself dude)

They were sitting at a table outdoors getting in a early dinner, even if people knew they were ninja they probably looked as alert as a kitten chasing a butterfly was, that being they didn't appear to be focused on the menagerie of numerous killers in the area at all as long none of them started anything, thinking back a few minutes ago Naruto figured drastic measures sounded fun more then it did lethal as he staked his target out, it depended on Vipers report.

Naruto spotted his target and his ideal approach he had plenty of light and there weren't many people around the table or in the line of sight of his approach except the bun haired girl, the only problem was his own shadow and maybe that of the buildings on his exit route as he started to make his way back to the hotel, but he'd make do and he really didn't know why he was delivering this message to the guy as Kyan didn't even clearly know him on any personal level at all.

What she said was that the guy would be a lot better off in life if he did this and he trusted Kyan; within reason, helping total strangers from konoha wasn't above him in any stretch of the imagination like Idate, so he started crawling slowly along the ground slowly to make sure he wasn't visible to any nearby prying eyes as there were a lot in this town looking for him wearing his standard orange jumpsuit which despite how people think it's an eyesore he actually loved it because it would be a challenge for a ninja to pull off the stunt of wearing it almost constantly without dying, plus it mocks current day ninja common sense.

He stopped crawling forward when he heard some interesting bits of information trickle down to him as he moved closer to the table in a agonizingly slow manner and they were about the guy he was delivering a message too, apparently the hyuuga was too relaxed or felt too safe in this environment despite not knowing about all the dangers around him to have his byakugan active which would have made Naruto's approach impossible to even try to begin with, as long as he didn't have a reason to activate it Naruto was safe to deliver the message as carefully as possible but he decided to sit still for a bit before delivering the information Kyan wanted him to.

The information itself was strangely comforting in the fact that whatever it was this guy was going to find, it would never hurt an innocent person and for some reason it sounded vaguely familiar to him but he didn't know why.

"You'll never defeat me Lee why don't you give up you are not fated to beat a hyuuga, especially not me" Naruto didn't like this hyuuga as he was like most of the other hyuuga; at least Hinata was gentle and respectable even if she did stalk him with deluded perverted thoughts while having her byakugan activated, Viper had been pretty spot on with knocking them down a few pegs when he heard about the talk of insane laughter that sounded like Orochimaru had suddenly come after them at their compound putting them on high alert for weeks on end.

"I have stated this before and I will state it again, I may not be able to do ninjutsu or genjutsu but I will be a most splendid ninja with taijutsu only, my hard work will one day help me overcome even the greatest of genius's" from the way the guy had talked Naruto had almost immediately turned inward and asked Kyan what she was exactly planning, he wondered why the guy couldn't do ninjutsu or genjutsu but then there had to logically be someone with worse problems then Isaribi being stuck to water elemental jutsu.

In the end Naruto silently decided to trust the fox demon and see where it went or maybe he wouldn't even find out what became of this as he could only hope something positive happened as he was actually putting a little trust in his prisoner who didn't act like a raging beast despite the fact that she could change the color of her fur at will to seem more intimidating, he knew about that once he caught her sleeping with her fur looking all fluffily white and with blue markings running along her body making her look adorably cute for a giant demon fox huddled up to a demon cat, if he scaled down Kyan's appearance mentally she was just cuddly instead of vicious looking.

Slowly but surely he pulled out the scroll wrapped in a white cloth and slowly moved to place it on Lee's person while staying quiet until a certain exchange nearly made him blow his cover with a reaction to the information present.

"So what happened to you three on the that C-rank when I took a solo D-rank on my own, I think it was chasing a cat and why are Neji's hands halfway to his face when I mentioned the word cat, he's been doing that anytime he even hears a word remotely close to it" Neji looked to be horribly embarrassed by his reaction it happened when anyone said the word cat or the name of a certain cat around him it caused him to instantly throw his hands or arms towards his face and sometimes doing it while screaming that 'Hinata was a good kitty by fates hand' or that 'Tora wasn't out to get him in his sleep as it was fated', Lee's eyes were wide and his hand was on the back of his chair like he was getting ready to run away from something with extreme exuberance bordering on releasing all the internal chakra gates at once even if it meant his imminent death and to Tenten that was odd in the extreme's for someone who took on all challenges, however their sensei had the most oddest reaction out of them.

"WE WILL NOT TALK ABOUT THE MISSION AS TALKING ABOUT THE MISSION WAS MADE ILLEGAL BY THE OBJECTIVE OF THE MISSION" Gai was sweating up a storm and his voice hit a very high whiny annoying pitch and at that point Naruto almost lost it and broke his cover do to the seemingly huge fit of giggles forming in his throat, he didn't know what caused someone as strong as this man appeared to be to end up a squeaky sweating mess but it was hilarious.

Gai's eyes were wide when he saw a black cat across the street playing with a ball of yarn look up innocently at him before it's eyes sharpened into something scarier than anyone could imagine causing the grown man to almost cry and start running away, what's more the cat lifted a paw and pointed to its mouth then slowly drew it's paw across its neck then pointed at him before it went back to being incredibly playful and started to cutely tangle itself in yarn.

"THAT IS ENOUGH QUESTIONS WE ARE HERE TO EAT, RIGHT NEJI AND MY FAITHFUL STUDENT LEE" both students took notice of Gai's eyes motioning for them to look across the street with his eyes and when they did they immediately kept quiet and continued to eat and pretend nothing was wrong with them.

Tenten didn't know what was wrong with her teammates they seemed so distant all of the sudden not to mention frightened, even their sensei oddly enough and it was then that she noticed a scroll moving slowly into Lee's clothing and a barely visible hand that was holding it before it disappeared causing her to blink as she didn't know what she just saw but it was something, she looked in the direction at Lee's back and saw something appear in the shadow of the building and it looked at her before it gave a fox like grin and it walked slowly into the light on the other side of the buildings shadow before disappearing causing her to blink wildly.

The poor girl was beginning to wonder if what she saw was a ghost that looked oddly like a orphan nobody treated well when she was in an orphanage herself, she managed to escape the place before all the odd disappearances that were later found out to be because of a man named Danzo was experimenting on poor children to turn them into mindless drones and she shivered at the thought, was that the ghost of one of them? What did it just give to Lee and since there was no explosion yet it wasn't anything bad so it was hardly worth mentioning as she might have just been seeing things and needed this vacation from constant duty instead of looking for some orange wearing civilian that… wait a minute could that have been Naruto and why did he look so ghostly… in fact it was better that she didn't know and that she would look into it later because that might have just been their target and he didn't look to lively with how slow he was moving.

Naruto keeping his eyes on the girl saw the bewildered look across her face but she didn't do anything, so his ghost ploy had worked and the shadows of the building were still well lit enough to make him only slightly transparent and it went perfectly, now all he had to do was avoid every other person out there looking for him as he knew that those few couldn't be the only people in town on the lookout for him.

"Tenten is everything alright my youthful student" Tenten looked to Gai wondering if she should say anything or not, she just saw a ghost or it might have been the target himself still alive and wandering around with an invisibility ninjutsu, she couldn't tell which because Gai and the rest of her team missed seeing him and were taking side glances across the street and she saw nothing but a cat playing cutely with yarn but by the way they were acting it was like they were expecting an attack anytime soon.

"Yeah, I just thought I saw something" Gai, Lee and Neji tensed up but she wasn't taking side glances at the cat and they wondered what she was talking about, maybe it was another cat that they hadn't spotted yet and their paranoia of cats was starting to run rampant, a snake sitting on a nearby roof shook her head that apparently cats have been causing grown ninja's to have panic attacks.

Naruto quietly lifted himself up into the window only to feel something wrap around his leg, continue up his torso and around his arm into the room causing Isaribi to get surprised at the blank look on Vipers face, she quickly slammed the window shut an closed the blinds as soon as Naruto was inside.

"What's wrong Viper and What did you exactly do Naruto" Isaribi was surprised that nothing had happened all day and Naruto was wearing white, he came back and obviously no one noticed him or even started anything, she was horribly disappointed because she saw a real nice bridge nearby.

"I was doing a favor for a friend and nobody really saw me... fully anyway" Although he didn't have the words to state why he had to do that, he had been spotted by one of the people on the team but quick thinking and specified movements made him seem less than physical so calling out a team on a ghost would make the girl seem unreasonable and he was quite lucky the Hyuuga seemed too distracted to activate his byakugan.

"I know the news of Aoi's team was pretty bad, but if you think that's bad then you don't know what would have happened if Naruto had even a scrap of orange on him as he walked into Tanzaku, I've seen Orochimaru of the snakes with a spy named Kabuto who currently works in Konoha, they apparently fled Tanzaku once they saw Jiraiya of the toads as he puked rather nicely today not my doing mind you, Maito Gai resident combat master of Konoha and training beast, Rock Lee the taijutsu only ninja protégé of Gai, Neji fate riddled hyuuga with daddy issues, Tenten who's carrying more weapons then half of everyone in Tanzaku combined, the three sirens of assassination fall for their wiles and you die, several small teams of stone country ninja and two weirdo's in cloaks, plus twice our weight in samurai, assassins and freelance ninja's… Naruto if you leave this hotel tomorrow you better not even think of wearing an orange jumpsuit out there, otherwise we're safe for the time being and not many people noticed you except that one person, nice trick acting like a ghost by the way, I don't think we can get those base making supplies here with this many unknowns attracting like flies to a dead vulture covered cow" Viper was seriously worried over the fact that there were more people here for Naruto then there were civilians for whatever their jobs were and all of them could kill him for a nice bounty, she was going to need a lot of chakra for genjutsu tomorrow.

"Did anyone other than that one person recognize Naruto" Isaribi was astonished that Viper claimed there were so many people out to get Naruto, sure she's heard that he's done some rather bad things to his village upon his exit and that he carried a demon inside of him along with another one but they didn't make him evil as those two demons seemed to hardly do all that much to help them stating it was better that they didn't, as if that wasn't already an issue with their wild bounties especially when all she has done is help her brother survive being dragged back to a place he doesn't want to go.

"No, but I used a genjutsu on the girl to make her doubt herself and that should last her long enough till we make our way out of here tomorrow we're going to head into the mountains to the north, it's the best way for us to go and only a ninja would be able to follow us up those cliff faces, we don't need any ninja proof samurai or those deadly assassins on us" Viper and Isaribi didn't say anything but turned to Naruto who kept a straight face while looking at them while still wearing his daylight stealth suit, he was thinking of what to do and figured he still wanted to get a mobile base as soon as possible because running from this many people that want him dead on foot would get his friends and more likely him killed, plus no ninja is going to take a samurai head on in fight as they were masters at fighting head to head battles which most ninja tend to do these days unlike Naruto's team of which has been under just about everyone's radar until they ducked back into Fire country and the barest of sightings drew this much attention, they really needed to make themselves sound less like targets and more like people you wouldn't want to mess with.

"Ahem… I'll be getting those supplies and I'll being using my special brand of shape shifting to do it to, at the same time let's say we cause a commotion…. Isaribi can you make a bunch of low yield explosives that are loud, flashy and noisy, Viper after what I saw today you are right that Orochimaru retreated from the area and from what I hear Jiraiya is a spy master who would want to nail the snakes ass but I doubt he wouldn't pass up an opportunity to catch me and turn me in so he's undoubtedly still here and looking for his godson, since we're going to need to cause a commotion for me to even leave the place do either of you object to a little ninja subterfuge, because we'll be having fun tomorrow" Isaribi wondered what Naruto meant, Viper had a wicked grin and Naruto started whistling his favorite little tune that meant something pretty special was going down in Tanzaku town, prank bombing of the century was about to be dropped on this place while Naruto disguised himself and picked up what they needed with a bunch of clones and they would vacate the area towards safer climates.

"Shape shift, you can do that? I thought it was only for appearance and that as soon as someone touches you it immediately drops the jutsu" Viper gave a vibrant smile in Isaribi's direction she has yet to envision the glorious disaster in action or understand that Naruto was the master of stealth in Konoha for more than one reason, from what Naruto had just said she was going into a plan making overdrive soon and the exploding wallet thing will finally be explained in better reasoning to Isaribi when she bears witness to what she will help bring about.

"Oh, I can shape shift too but the way Naruto does it is quite real, only I can only do it for real for about an hour and nearly died because of it, I didn't shape shift into a human if that's what you're thinking I just changed into a different kind of snake with fangs and even that was heavily draining so the only person who I think could match Naruto in the ability to change his entire body fully into something different with a near semi-permanence would be another person with a sealed demon who has his kind of chakra levels or someone who has only one transformation like you" It was then that they started planning the biggest party Tanzaku has ever had, so if Naruto wanted his so called godfather to be put at least three feet under and in excruciating pain... that was something Viper could very well arrange.

End Chapter, I feel sorry for anyone in Tanzaku right about now.

List-(Wait but there is no new Ninjutsu?)

**DAYLIGHT STEALTH SUIT **(oh) - Naruto's special all white stealth suit; including white shinobi sandals and hood, for performing optical illusions from tricks of the light, he can disappear as long as he in light only downside is he still casts a shadow his whisker marks are still visible if seen from a low angle and moving too fast or in shadows makes him ridiculously visible as well as noticeable. (It's a wonder why that guy from assassins creed wears white, but if you don't know what the story this chapter refers to, it's a modified retelling of one episode of "Samurai Jack")

Darkon: Now is the point that Naruto shows off next chapter, what's he going to do? Why he's going to bring down anyone chasing him in Tanzaku of course as well as get all the spies off his back, he has yet to personally make his acquaintance with Jiraiya and that will be when the two cloaked strangers get involved.

Trio: So you're not going to tell anyone anymore chapter titles are you dude?

Darkon: Nope, but I do want Naruto to start making his name known as the literal "Ninjutsu Howitzer" because up to this point, Viper and Naruto have been practically doing most of the stuff they do without hand signs which is why it isn't mentioned to much in the story.

Sir: Please don't tell me you're throwing those two into the story.

Darkon: Okay and I won't, but they have appeared in anime so they are free game and they are ninja so it fits.

Primell: Um… aren't they a little too eccentric to be ninja's squee.

Darkon: Not with the way I'm going to be presenting them, it's just that the summoning jutsu one of them can do is way too overpowered to be used in the story too much so it'll have some pretty heavy limitations as it is known as the ultimate in 'property damage' causing summons.

Trio: Look there's no talking him out of it once he sets it in writing dude.

Darkon: Please note the special summoning thing Trio talked about at the beginning happens only when Naruto personally meets and greets Jiraiya and that won't be next chapter either, Shion will appear after Naruto finally gets a chance to build his base, I'm telling you what will happen but not how it will happen how nice of me not to spoil anything, I also don't care what anyone says this chapter was written on utter crap I dare someone to state otherwise.


	11. Chapter 11

Darkon: Ughhh…. start the chapter, also copious amounts of needless Jiraiya bashing ahead.

Chapter 11: Painting the town with Orange. (Sir: It's going to be a bright orange shiny day.)

It was a nice morning in rather specific hotel room, the sun was shining, three people were sleeping in a one bed room with two of them using the floor and they soon would wake up to a rather entertaining day.

For today, havoc, prank making, fighting, collecting supplies for a mobile base of operations and turning everything in the general area upside down for the fun of it would be the least of what they were going to be doing to Tanzaku, this would be a huge stress reliever for Naruto, Viper and Isaribi especially considering how many targets they had after them in town.

Stirring from his place on the floor Naruto woke up to a very funny feeling, apparently Viper was gnawing toothlessly at his neck which he slowly moved away causing Viper to whine slightly and slowly blink herself awake before Naruto kissed her, this got her up instantly.

"Just to get it out of the way early today, for today we're going to be busy" it was Naruto's way of bluntly preempting Vipers administrating her daily allotment of mouth tag.

"So are we going to finally test and see if we can pass as viable ninja by our standards" blearily Viper yawned before slithering out of the sleeping bag.

"Hey, the test was Isaribi's idea not mine, besides she should know we will probably set the standards at an all time low to pass because one we're good, two we're in the bingo book with minor exception to you and three we play with some pretty mean explosive notes which I wouldn't want to be on the business end of too many times, not to mention if you ignore the fact that for people who can't perform all of the three basic jutsu we're doing pretty well for ourselves" the door to the bathroom closed as Naruto sat up and started to stretch out.

Naruto didn't really want to know what Viper would need to do in human a bathroom, he was waiting for his turn by waking up a rather comfortable girl who had gained a concussion back in Wave country and if anything she wanted to test her ability a little as part of today's plan.

Today was an exercise in misdirection, from what Viper had on Jiraiya through her contacts he frequents hot springs and is frequently beaten up because he likes to peep on women.

Isaribi had to do a little extra mission which was to righteously get angry and beat the snot out of what was posed to be Naruto's godfather then discreetly leave him a little surprise, if she can get away with it she'll consider herself fit to be a ninja.

"So… Isaribi… how many Mushroom Makers do we have left" it was the question of the hour, because they couldn't just keep exploding their way out of situations; not that it wasn't really fun to do so, they really didn't learn anything by making everything go up in a blaze of high powered explosives, except for the fact that if the ninja thing didn't work out they had a set future in demolitions and construction though they would have to be far from Fire country before they could do anything like that safely as a job.

"To answer your question; two, those things aren't easy to make or even replicate you know and the precision behind making the seals and let's not forget the exorbitant amount of resources to make even as many as I have already… other than that we're set on the flashy, loud and noisy stuff you asked me to make yesterday, we're going to be light on heavy armaments for a while" speaking of yesterday Naruto remembered calling Orochimaru a snake and the way he had worded what he said to make his godfather sound gay; it caused him to chuckle slightly considering his godfathers penchant for writing smut, apparently Viper didn't take offense to Orochimaru being called a snake except for the fact she was afraid to have anything in common with him given his legendary habit of creating monstrous abominations.

"The plan is set and ready to go then, we just need time to clean ourselves up, maybe eat something and then we'll move out" looking at Viper she looked particularly cheerful and awake as she slithered from the bathroom motioning for Naruto to go on in, Isaribi got off the bed and started a conversation with Viper waiting for Naruto to finish his turn.

Later Isaribi and Naruto were walking down the street when Isaribi was stopped by Naruto when he gripped her shoulder, Isaribi looked around not seeing any trouble and it was still early in the day and Naruto was wearing one of his many orange jumpsuits again.

"I don't believe it… we so have got to check it out" of course what Naruto was referring to was a 'snakes and fishcakes' ramen stand, which got Vipers attention immediately and she poked her head up to hiss an agreement unheard by Isaribi who got dragged into the stand under protest that they were both ramen eating lunatics.

Entering into the stand and wondering if they were open, they got a very familiar persons voice who exclaimed she'd be out in a minute.

Viper blinked before hissing a question to Naruto who raised an eyebrow as Viper slithered out of the jumpsuit and took up her own seat.

"Yeah that is a good question, what is she doing here… and are you conserving chakra because I noticed you aren't talking anymore" he got and affirmative hiss and the fact that she'd need her energy later today to last up to the grand finale especially if Isaribi does her part effectively.

"Sorry for the wait… welcome to… OH HELL NO! NOT YOU TWO AGAIN" it was the same girl from Wave country, who was receiving a sheepish tail wave from Viper, an embarrassed look from Naruto and moderately expectant look from Isaribi, why was it expectant? Because she thought that that kind of reaction had to do with their date that they won't talk about.

The long haired brunette girl sighed and calmed down before she just rubbed her forehead at least these two were paying customers and they paid quite well at that, but then she garnered an idea… what better way to test her new recipes then with these two self proclaimed ramen aficionados.

Not that they didn't eat everything she had last time she saw them; mostly the blonde kid but the snake had seven helpings and even stated she didn't usually eat that much, they were both really freaky at describing everything she put into every ramen dish down to the very last ingredient including how fresh the liquids used in it were, not to mention the fact that they were on a date.

It was a very, VERY, very strange world this girl lived in especially after the snake's offhand comment on them being married already even if they were currently on a date at the time.

"Um, excuse me can we get a little service or are you going to tell me how their date went" All three looked away from Isaribi not wanting to meet her gaze, the woman simply coughed into her fist and decided to introduce an idea to the two who were obviously still together and she wondered who the girl was having never met her before but she was obviously with these two.

"Um… are you with them like in a threesome" it was an awkward question to ask but she just had to know, hey Viper and Naruto were drowning her with innuendo's last time she met them and they weren't doing it on purpose either.

"No, but we are three ninja if that's what you mean I'm kind of his adopted sister and that would make her my sister–in-law and I'm not the least bit interested in a relationship at this point and we're still too young to do anything like that miss…" Isaribi handled that assumption well enough with a calm demeanor despite all the things that could have been suggested about them and the fact that she's seen too many weird things including being a weird thing herself she was immune to the bizarre things that happened around her.

"Old enough to travel by yourselves apparently, I'm Yumi Men-Tei and you two couldn't have found me at a better time, I need you to test out a new ramen recipe I'm working on and tell me what you think but it's not for free so I was wondering if you would pay for a bowl and tell me what needs to make it better" both Naruto and Viper had smiles and Isaribi groaned hoping this wouldn't take them forever, they had a busy schedule today that involved fireworks.

Minutes later Viper was flicking her tongue a bit and tilting her head from side to side trying to get a feel for her ramen and surprisingly Naruto was eating slowly like her, Isaribi swears it was either that or the laws of physics fell apart while she wasn't looking, naruto usually didn't stop to consider taste… or did he?

"Hmm… cut back on the salinity slightly and maybe add a cup of chopped chives" After translating for Viper Naruto just continued on eating, Isaribi had never thought that she'd see a look of concentration on Naruto's face as he slowly finished his ramen as well, taking a moment to put his hand to his chin and nod a few times before he looked to Viper thinking about her response on this concoction.

"What she said but add three more ounces of liquid and put a bit more bacon into it and you've got yourself a breakfast ramen made from the gods of ramen themselves" inside of Naruto a giant nine-tailed fox snorted about that as the ramen gods; though very good cooks, hardly ever blessed anyone as they are lazy and usually seen hedonistically bathing in giant bowls of broth though one did give the kit a nice dream once for his patronage to all things ramen and it even thought to use Viper as one of the noodles. So cute was the reaction of the kit waking up from that dream in cold fearful sweat of actually enjoying it.

Nabi wandered over wondering what made Kyan show a small bit of emotion instead of constantly being the master of all moody things everywhere, she started a discussion about why Kyan didn't ask her to deliver the message to the man hugger Naruto saw yesterday that looks to be targeted by a recently made clan of cats she's now hearing about that is rapidly expanding across fire country.

"Because someone's looking to let that asshole otherwise known as… darkness itself… free again from what you told me about those red cloud cloaked men and you remember what happened the last time that lunatic got free, he makes orochimaru look like a puppy hugging, rainbow loving, pink wearing friendly saint. That is the reason why I told Naruto to deliver the message as we need to lay low, he needs to work on his skills and if the man hugging kid manages to get the 'Light Bringer' then the world will be all the safer if the 'Cloakies' manage to crack the seal even without us" Nabi smiled cheerily at Kyan knowing she was doing this most likely to save her wife the grief of having to deal with HIM again and the animosity her foxy friend had was pointed in the right direction and at least she wasn't so sad anymore.

Outside the seal heading towards a building materials store was a beautiful young lady with a sway in her step, no whisker marks, long black hair done up and held elegantly in a clip and highly refined blue and purple clothing usually reserved for those of high finances.

It was without a doubt that if Isaribi had not known it was Naruto she would have completely thought that he really never existed given how well she sauntered up with a pack of three somewhat burly men of wildly varying description facial structures, clothing, hairstyles and etcetera, which was a wondrous bit of diversifying on Naruto's part as they all had different voices as well.

"Excuse me but I'm here to pick up some stuff for a project my people are going to be working on, is any of the material here good enough to match my level of refinement, after all we wouldn't want to ruin our company and yours by association of purchasing shoddy stuff now would we, hmmm…" that poor man sitting in his chair at a desk was swooning at the sight of her smiling glossy smiling lips and shapely hips, while Isaribi raised a brow to Viper as they left the scene on their way to set up a unnatural disaster the Uzumaki way with an odd clone carrying a lot more chakra than normal.

"Hey after I found out he could physically change into a female I had him working on Kunoichi seduction classes, it really helped in actually getting him any food that wasn't ramen" after having said; with a translation through the unusual Naruto clone, Isaribi had a really good question to ask Viper.

"Did you take those classes yourself, because I notice you have a tendency to tease other people who aren't Naruto and I think it freaks them out more than anything that a snake would do that" Viper didn't say anything and gave a sly wink to Isaribi before making a kissy face at her before smiling.

"I really need to learn how to speak snake" says the fish girl who might have the ability to talk to fish, she didn't know as she has yet to actually try and she'd rather not as she would like to eat sashimi without feeling guilty.

Once they made it to the correct location the Naruto clone set off to perform her (Not a typo) part as the lure summoning nine more shadow clones, while Viper concentrated on how her part was to go.

This square was going to get noisy soon and Isaribi set out to find Jiraiya wherever he was at around one of the local hot springs, she had the hardest part of the coming mess with having to slip under a high level ninja's radar and she would be rather thankful if that ninja could only sense normal chakra instead of the elemental kind.

The only problem with the plan is what to do with the other four Konoha ninja who were still in town because they were going to get involved and she had told the shadow clone they all had dubbed Orange as much, but the reply from her was not to be worried about it.

Of course Viper would be worried as they now had Orange; a supposedly sentient shadow clone, running around and was a living being that can siphon off Naruto's chakra from any distance and there were plenty of obvious drawbacks to having her out and about.

She was the clone Naruto originally made to the learn the **Shadow Weapon **jutsu, she had succeeded and then she started taking initiative instead of following simple programming of the jutsu which spawned her and that brought about the two combination techniques Naruto has been going on about, one of which he could perform and the other not so much as he didn't have a water elemental ability or the control to come close to matching it.

It only took an hour after breakfast to learn everything about her which really wasn't much except she was vastly different from every other clone Naruto frequently makes when she noticed she didn't know everything Naruto does after being summoned a second time and being told "you know what to do", she was likened to being a special summoning jutsu by Viper.

Thus led to a lengthy if boring Iruka style lecture about what a summoning jutsu entails. It involves the creature in question that is summoned, the contract that bonds them with their summoners; usually signed in blood, and the forming of a pact that has special requirements dependent on the creature not all creatures have requirements, though some requirements can range from being paid with money to sacrificing people.

Viper eventually laid it out to both of them that Orange is like a creature Naruto summoned if by accident, the contract was written in Naruto's own Chakra which Orange is bound to and as for special requirements she requires to feed off of Naruto at a mild constant rate which increases if she's damaged or if she personally runs dry of chakra she will either draw more to continue functioning or dispel back to wherever she came from. The fact that she can draw more chakra to keep her physical structure stable was a bit of a surprise and because of that Viper was immediately suspicious of what exactly Orange was.

The ever so interesting response from Orange about the "wherever she came from" was that she couldn't say exactly where that was, the odd clone missed the scrutinizing look from Viper.

Viper decided to break it up and explain that they would have to look into this later as they had fun to plan today and they told Orange what they wanted to accomplish, she readily agreed to be the bait and Naruto had already sent another clone to run ahead to start setting up the spot since Orange was not what he was expecting to get the first time he tried cloning today.

Now we're all up to date and the clone simply known as Orange walks into a bar… (Trio: Not one of those jokes again, you're a horrible joke and story teller dude)

Looking around Orange took in the description of every single person Viper had given to her via Genjutsu on who or what to look out for and this bar was full of them, since Prime Naruto wanted to start a riot and since she was around for the occasion to oblige there was only one way this could all go.

What's the most likely thing you'd expect someone like Orange to do, yell out loud that she was Naruto and run for it…? Maybe start talking to someone, maybe the bartender and then try to discreetly exit and fail miserably on purpose garnering the notice of all the people to start chasing after her…? Nope she did the one thing guaranteed to start a riot anywhere and will always piss off everyone in a room into an anger filled frenzy.

What was it that she did… she simply threw a chair.

Of course she then promptly multiplied it with the **shadow weapon** jutsu mid flight and thus multiple shadow chairs slammed into a bunch of people, things went downright hectic real fast and this was not a localized incident as nine other Orange clones were doing the same thing across the city.

Everyone knows what happens when you throw one chair but when you throw multiple chairs it only stood to reason what the response would be to said throwing of chairs, it wasn't going to be a pleasant 'thank you sir may I take another chair to the head sir', it would be instant opened can of fishing worms and those worms were biting for a big fish bounty. (Sir: Actually I would have that response of asking for another chair, it's in my job description.)

Outside the bar the main Orange clone was in, it seemed entirely peaceful for a second before a glass window exploded outward showering a few people in broken glass and they watched as the figure that broke the window roll into a standing position and then took off down the street at an extreme speed.

Said figure was followed by a hail of senbon launched from two small clawed gloves that belonged to a women with long extremely thick brown hair pulled back into a single braid, she was tall and wearing a simple black clothed garb that covered most of her body, it left a lot to the imagination what was under the face mask as only the top of her head and green eyes were visible.

"YOU WON'T ESCAPE ME UZUMAKI" Apparently Orange had found one of the three deadly sirens of assassination, she was simply known by her codename 'Puncture' for her senbon launching gloves that had metal blades at the end of the fingers, her two sisters were known as 'Stab' a expert knife fighter and 'Pierce' a duel spear wielder, they looked vaguely similar except Stab was the shortest and Pierce was slightly older looking which was the only difference other than their weapons.

In another point in Tanzaku an eerily similar scene was playing out with Stab who was busy pulling knives from who knows where on her body and launching them with dangerous accuracy as she did flips and cartwheels pulling a knife from a different spot each time, she wasn't a ninja but she carried a lot of her chosen weapon on her at all times and definitely was skilled in the use of them as she was at finding places to hide them.

At a third point Pierce just walked out of another bar; Tanzaku wasn't known as the party town for nothing, with a frown on her face and holding a pair of heavily blood stained spears, what was troubling her was the shriek Uzumaki released before he disappeared in a puff of smoke where she stabbed him hoping to incapacitate him. One thing more nobody told her that this target was a trained ninja when they specifically labeled him as a civilian, something was not right about all this and those stone ninja were not only after her target but her as well.

Someone was going to pay dearly for this as she wasn't specifically told about Stone countries exact involvement in the area; her informants were so dead when she finds them as she didn't like being set up and if it wasn't for Uzumaki's untimely intervention with the chairs she might not have seen the ninja coming for her.

Pierce disliked any ninja involvement on the job but stone country ninja were thankfully more about quantity with mild bits of diamond like quality than anything else and none of those ninja had anything on her swift actions to rip them apart; all eighteen of them at that, and she managed to stop the clone from escaping but that was pointless as she didn't know where the actual target was and she destroyed her only method to finding that out.

Thinking quickly Pierce darted into the nearest alleyway and sought out Stab and Puncture, they have to know that someone wanted them dead before it was too late.

Running down a street an Orange clone was being followed by a male of average height and build with his black hair spiking upwards slightly, who was running after the clone keeping a hand tightly one of his two swords, he was pissed if the large knot on his forehead had anything to do with it. They quickly passed by a bamboo and spiny rodent shop where in a flash of light the clone ducked and slowly the bamboo slid apart falling to the ground and the spiny rodents were all shivering and cowering in fear curling up into little balls refusing to uncurl till the danger passed.

The clone looked back at the angry man that was recognized as being a Samurai, they sure were scary and it's understandable why Ninja don't confront them in direct combat now that he barely missed dispelling the clone that suddenly start moving all the faster from the katana wielding man by jumping up onto a nearby wall and running along it followed by leaping onto a rooftop to the opposite side of the street.

"Hmmm… now this… is a challenge" the man smiled to himself and set off after the fleeing clone, it seems there was more to the bounty than what was known, no wonder so many people were after the orange jump suit wearing person but wasn't it posed to be a boy, in fact he looked to his left and saw a similar if different gendered orange jump suit figure heading in the same direction while dodging flying rocks from all different angles, now things were getting interesting.

Fighting had broken out everywhere and it was all being directed towards the square in one corner of Tanzaku, which happens to be the furthest from where Naruto and Isaribi actually were. Viper was prepping herself for this mentally and made sure all the normal Naruto clones were in place, she wanted this to be just perfect and Naruto would finally get his title she made for him into the bingo book, she was still thinking of one for herself so far she had "Vivacious Ventriloquist", "Venomous Veil" and "Vexing Veneer". Viper couldn't for some reason stop working the V angle for her title and she was still thinking about Orange the other shadow clone, for some reason that clone rubbed her the wrong way because it certainly felt odd to be near her. Maybe if she took a word from each of the titles she thought up and combined it to another title she'd get something like "Vexing Veil" or "Venomous Ventriloquist".

"Mistress Viper the four leaf ninjas are currently in pursuit of one of the Orange clones, do you need us to intercept" it was a cute little black kitten and Viper sighed to herself, she just couldn't stop liking cats they were all so cute and lazy except when pushed to driving ninja insane from years of "ninja dogs are better then you" syndrome to get revenge for.

"No, I'm sure the clone can handle it they'll just get caught up in the trap like everyone else we're not going to be choosy with our targets and if we can get the hyuuga into the trap it'll be even better to see his reaction, so what happened with Isaribi" What the snake wasn't saying was that she suspected something of the female shadow clone she was suspicious the instant she saw it appear, but now wasn't a time to do anything about that now was a time for action and she needed to know Isaribi pulled off her part of the plan.

"She has successfully planted her tags on the toad sage and is on route to your husband, as an added bonus his old teammate tends to frequent Tanzaku and she was at the hot springs so…" Thus a small flashback into when Isaribi crossed paths before fights started breaking out in the streets about who's getting the bounty on the orange jumpsuit wearing freelance teenage ninja marked civilian.

Isaribi kept a tight rein on her fluctuating elemental chakra, as she spied on the man with long spiky white hair and snuck up on him. He seemed to busy with his pleasure to notice the dangers of a very irate girl coming up behind him, Isaribi didn't need to pretend to be angry when she started to beat the living tar out of the man and then Tsunade arrived.

"What's going on here" Tsunade asked sternly as she realize it was her old teammate being beaten up by a young teen and she looked to be hitting him ridiculously hard to cause those bone snapping sounds she's hearing, but the poor girl apparently wouldn't do much what with Jiraiya always armoring himself to angry female chakra based hits.

"This guy was peeking on women in the hot spring and he made a pass at me the pedophile and he said when he finally managed to catch up with his bisexual male lover he'd asked if we could get into a threesome" she might have been going overboard with the teary eyes look, but the look on Tsunade's face pretty much said it wasn't a far cry from being possible and the look on Jiraiya's face was absolute fear.

A black kitten that shall remain nameless ran up Isaribi and leapt into her arms and whined pitifully then Jiraiya had to open his mouth making it worse for himself after Isaribi commented on him frightening her cat when he did something weird with his hands and danced around on a frog, something she only knew about because Jiraiya was a well known exhibitionist.

"Oh come on, I didn't even know about you or your pussy a second ago… I MEANT THE CAT…. I MEANT THE CAT" poor choice of words coming from a well known super pervert who just halfway admitted to what Isaribi had said without realizing it, he suddenly found himself held in the air by Tsunade the slug sage his neck was already wringed.

"Still doing those stupid dances of yours and trying to find our lost teammate, he was here yesterday with some guy so if you're looking to make him your boyfriend you're a tad late… ALSO A LITTLE GIRL, YOU'VE SUNK TO A KNEW LOW JIRAIYA… so this will probably hurt for a week…" While Jiraiya was cringing he reached back a hand to get a hold of something to help him escaped Tsunade's wrath and it fell on Isaribi's chest and she gasped while repositioning the cat that mewled angrily about putting Jiraiya on the clans blacklist of ninja to justifiably torture considering he even squeezed the poor girls chest after a moment, the results were immediately terrifying to any male in the vicinity when Tsunade's eyes narrowed.

Minutes later his beaten and bloody corpse was on the ground Isaribi knelt down and poked him with a stick to see if he was still alive, also managing to do what she came here to do as she discreetly snuck some special tags onto his person making sure to keep her back to Tsunade and the stick visible at all times. Ninja Rule forty seven always is to be aware of your surroundings, IE Tsunade was a leaf ninja even if she was a nice person that just offered her some food to get over her very trying experience and when in doubt… free food, sashimi and rice ball platter here she comes.

When looking up the first four ninja rules they are as follows: "Deception", "Double Deception", "?" and "Profiting from deception". Isaribi was curious about the question mark the first time but she knew what it meant now, that she thought of it in a sideways manner.

"I still feel so dirty" poor fish girl Isaribi was eating second plate of Sashimi on Tsunade's good will to pay for her food. Naruto was rubbing off his more natural survival habits in a hostile environment, which was to be the general area around here very soon.

"I didn't think Jiraiya would go so far down the drain, at least Orochimaru isn't like that he's just gay and evil… but mostly evil… what is this world coming to" with that the woman with blonde hair in twin tails started drinking her sorrows away of actually ever having respected Jiraiya even a smidge, nothing was wrong with Orochimaru swinging the other way it was just his evil complex that gave her the shivers. (Sure he might steal a younger person's body but he would never do anything outside his age range or given age range of a body he steals.)

While Isaribi bade Tsunade goodbye, seconds later the spirit of the three tailed turtle demon in the guise of a average ninja named Dan came in to start talking to Tsunade who while listening to him would be too drunk to remember she had this conversation with her dead love until later when it was most important for her to remember what he said to her while she was inebriated.

Jiraiya after getting over his most recent Tsunade mauling was still in quite a bit of pain and would in fact be feeling it for a month because he wasn't quite done being involved in pain involving situations today.

He saw a the riot and fighting breaking out, it was heading towards a square of the town and being an information expert he was and given he was here scouting out for Orochimaru and Naruto who is under suspicion of working with the snake...

Given that Tsunade has seen Orochimaru he could only hope he wasn't too late to stop the demon sealed boy from making a huge mistake, they really didn't need a demon powered enemy and with a demon like the nine tails how could the boy resist using those powers against Konoha?

Thus while Jiraiya was following the fight towards the epicenter, Viper was sending a small burst genjutsu to one of the hiding clones in the area under the disguise as; ironically enough by Naruto's bingo book description, a civilian.

The hiding shadow clone looked towards Viper and gave a nod, she had a knack for communicating silent messages through genjutsu and the best part is that no one can intercept what she wants them to hear as she can feel who the genjutsu is affecting and if there is anyone purposely drawing chakra from her genjutsu she'd know about it.

Slowly the people in the area started clearing out as the first of the Orange clones arrived followed by a man with two swords who stood still and didn't continue to attack the clone, it was like he was aware something was going to go down and he was standing there smirking as he watched another Orange clone run into the area being chased by a bunch of stone country ninja.

Around this time assassins, rogues, a few samurai and a number of stone country ninja that were supposedly missing ninja having all come into fire country for their own reasons, they all flooded into the area and took notice that there were nine Orange clones, eight standing around the one in the center of the square who with a flourish twirled and pulled out a megaphone.

"Hello, welcome one and all to the Naruto 'the ninjutsu howitzer' Uzumaki party extravaganza with your host me Orange the other shadow clone, just so you know you are now surrounded and have fun trying to figure out what's going on, HIT IT!" with that Viper dropped her second genjutsu the first was already covering a still intricately laid and hidden trap, the second was to hide Isaribi's serpent form water clones standing on the roofs surrounding the square.

With that the Orange and her clones dispelled, whereas Naruto clones revealed themselves and started drawing everyone to attack each other and promptly summoned a mass of intangible clones to run around causing even more of a distraction.

The Stone country ninja were the first to figure out and tried to dispel the genjutsu only nothing changed when they did so, they just decided to take a different approach and attack everyone without caring about the genjutsu as it was obviously nothing, before that they were soon knocked about when several of the water cloned serpent forms of Isaribi jumped off the roofs causing shockwaves when they hit the ground.

While all this was happening Maito Gai and his team arrived chasing the last Orange clone which immediately dispelled itself upon arrival, they watched as the people began fighting each other as well as the orange wearing people who had ninja style reflex's and some weird monsters were taking up a majority of battle.

At this point Neji went to activate his byakugan only to become dazed when an apple slammed into his face, which was followed by several Naruto clones attacked the group, dragging two of three well known assassins in the area into a fight with the Konoha team.

Viper had quickly leapt off the roof she had been sitting on and into a fruit stand, taking the first thing she could get her tail on she launched it square into the hyuuga's face, she smiled a bit that the clones and the assassins were keeping the Konoha ninja's distracted.

After that she set out to move among the fighting mass of people taking down a few of them with a leap and a flick of her tail to several important spots on their bodies, she had to constantly be on the move making sure that the last stage of the party went without a hitch, then she'd get to her cardboard box.

Fights that would be remembered broke out among everyone and a few of them were started with very little reason except to rid everyone else of the competition for Naruto's bounty, others were more morally stimulating like where Puncture took a particularly nasty blow from Maito Gai and before she could rush at him a sword was put in her path and the man who had been following the Orange clone to all the fun angrily stepped forth to challenge Gai.

"I don't care if she's a lowly assassin but she's still a woman and since you hit her on my pride as one of the great Miyamoto clan you will be given a very good fight, besides I'd like to see how all this turns out the kid has something big planned. The names Musashi after one of my many great ancestors who've been named that, let's see if your fist can match my swords, I challenge you to a duel." with that the samurai rushed Gai and swung both his swords outward creating a small shockwave that forced Gai backwards.

It started a epic battle of swords, fists and nunchucks when it was quickly found out that punching someone with the name Musashi while they wielded a weapon was next to impossible no matter how fast you were moving.

Puncture ignored the help and sought out someone else to fight she knew she shouldn't pick fights with ninja's or crazy ass samurai that were willing to fight someone with that kind of a punch and eventually ended up against Lee who was just fast but she wasn't a slouch either with her senbon launchers giving her a mild edge.

Stab had been throwing knives at the shadow clone that annoyed her until he was gone in a cloud of smoke and seeing another weapons thrower in the area… she threw a knife at Tenten who had been caught off guard and the hair on the left side of her head fell out of its bun.

Tenten slowly looked back to the wall the knife impaled and on it was the ribbon used to tie her bun in place it was the same color as her hair and that woman had manage to nail it to a wall without cutting any of her hair.

She turned to Stab to stare in shock before she grew angry and threw two kunai at her, Stab was unimpressed as she kicked the first kunai upwards with a small leap then shot her other leg forward kicking the second on upwards and grabbing both of the airborne deflected kunai she threw one, then upon landing she spins and throws the other.

Thus started what could only be described as two circus acts for the price of one, juggling and knife throwing with more than twenty objects in the air flying between the two at any given moment.

All the while Jiraiya arrived to stand on a nearby rooftop to gawk at the scene and stared flabbergasted he did, he couldn't tell where Naruto was and there were tons of clones; shadow and otherwise, running around beating the tar out of the rogues, minor assassins and stone ninja.

"That kid…" Jiraiya noticed those serpent things were water clones only a lot stronger than normal, he looked around seeing a Konoha team holding its own having been dragged into all this, this kid was pulling one huge deception and Jiraiya didn't know what to make of it except he thought he caught a glimpse of a seal.

Viper almost lost control of her main genjutsu of the many she had splayed all over the place, she was just glad nobody saw that slip in her focus, she was having a hard enough time fighting without drawing attention to herself to immobilize as many people as she could while making sure nobody blows the big surprise, nobody was tired enough yet for them to set it off and at least the auxiliary plan to incapacitate Jiraiya was already in effect if needed.

Across the square from Jiraiya two cloaked figures narrowed their eyes as they stood on the rooftops looking for their target, but apparently… he wasn't here, so they were waiting for him to reveal himself failing to do that they'd start searching for him again, they needed to find him with urgency.

Pierce arrived on the scene only quirking an eye at the wild party being thrown in the square, obviously this Uzumaki is a mastermind at causing chaos to have planned this all out but she couldn't help to follow that foreboding feeling to stay out of the square's center, the samurai though few they were fought exceptionally well even if they hadn't killed anybody yet, not for the lack of trying mind you given that the clones were specifically making sure no one died.

Taking in everything that's happening, she noticed that there were no civilians getting caught in the crossfire, the many clones of what used to be her target were not actively fighting to kill only to immobilize or tire…

It's a trap, but what kind and why would it require everyone to be pack so tightly into the square unless...

It took a moment but her eyes widened Pierce quickly made for Stab and Puncture, only to note that the hyuuga managed to finish off the shadow clones that were keeping him distracted, instead of activating his byakugan he went straight for Punctures back.

Pierce glared at the boy but he obviously was running a bit low on his chakra from having to deal with so many clones running about, Hyuuga's sometimes expended so much energy on their style of combat it was quite wasteful.

Before Neji could land a decisive blow on Puncture as she took another near bone shattering punch, a spear jammed its way through his left shoulder causing him to unleash an agonizing muffled scream as his blood painted the ground where he was forced down into it a second later.

"STAB, PUNCTURE, UZUMAKI ISN'T OUR TARGET ANYMORE WE MUST MAKE HASTE THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE IS NO LONGE OURS AND WE WERE NOT WARNED THAT NINJA WOULD BE INVOLVED THUS OUR CONTRACT IS VOID" she was yelling this because she was panicked, that and she was busy holding down a Hyuuga that was still in too much agony to do anything with one of her spears while using the other to bat away a stone country ninja, she stepped onto Neji's back eliciting a loud enough scream for his teammates to hear as she kept her spear thoroughly wedged in his shoulders not wanted to let the Hyuuga up quite yet.

"NEJI/MY YOUTHFUL STUDENT" Tenten and Lee immediately dropped what they were doing and went to help out Neji, Gai tried to move but Musashi just got in his way exclaiming that he wasn't done yet taking a swipe at the man with one of his swords which was blocked by the chain of one nunchuck while he brought about the other only for it to be knocked back by the samurai's other sword.

Taking opportunity from Pierce's distraction, Stab gathered as many kunai and knives as she could before making a quick escape, only to stopping to help Puncture make her escape and to lick their wounds figuratively.

Puncture was badly bruised with maybe a few crack bones, she certainly didn't care about picking up any errant senbon and once she was out of the area Stab shouldered her to get her further away from the action when she finally started actually feeling what happened to her body, that green wearing mini clone was a monster.

Pierce made sure to keep Neji pinned, she wasn't being paid to kill him so it wasn't in her interest to do so and earn the ire of ninja's though she was certainly paying herself by stealing all the stone ninja's wallets that had died at the bar she was at.

Tenten was the first to get close enough to Pierce only to jump back from her when she swung her free spear and narrowly missed, but she hit something as Tenten's other ribbon fell to the ground letting her hair loose in its full glory and boy was the kunoichi mad after that, she didn't get time to react on it when their other teammate blurred forward and forced the assassin to start using both her spears to defend herself.

Neji could have sworn he saw an angel in his agonizing pain as he was trying to get the woman off his back struggling slightly until the weight was released from his shoulder splattering even more blood around him.

Tenten knelt down to patch up his wound while Rock Lee; Maito Gai's mini clone, rushed in and started a short range assault which was hard when your opponent wielded powerful weapons that just wouldn't break.

"Why can I not break your spears" Lee was anything if interesting in the fact that his devastating standing axe kick and chops should have decimated her weapons thus making her useless.

"I had them specially made from rubber tree plants" With that she leapt back stabbed a spear into the ground and predictably Lee rushed forward, Pierce quickly pulled back on the spear she planted in the ground and released caused the wood end to spring forward and knock Rock Lee senseless.

Pierce seeing she has given her counterparts enough time to escape she would make do with escaping herself, pulling her spear from the ground she rapidly fled the area.

Not too far away Viper was catching a large rock and chucking it back at the stone ninja causing it to smack the girl straight in the face causing her legs to fly out from under her and the poor ninja ended up on her back as Viper turned to a different one and launched herself at him before tapping several pressure points in quick succession with her tail.

The stone ninja, Samurai and a few assassins had done quite well in dispelling a mass number of clones, but they were all tired so it was time to call on the great finale by Vipers estimate as she watched the stone ninja lose his lunch to the ground from her tail poking.

Well there was something you didn't see everyday rutabaga, potatoes, some kind of stomach acid altered tomato sauce and awkwardly enough lots of undigested corn, a few chunks of beets… was that ninja a vegetarian? Well it kind of stood to reason given Stone country had plenty of fields for crops which is why they can afford to fund large armies.

Viper sped by one of the clones that were staying on the edge of things watching as another Isaribi serpent clone was finally ripped to watery shreds, hissing a short message Viper stayed around to make sure her genjutsu stayed in place until the very last second and she was making sure that her cardboard box was still around as she'd need it in the next minute or so.

The clone quickly nodded at Vipers hissed statement and ran towards the edge of the fight jumping over swinging swords, diving underneath stabbings spears and dancing around flying stone dragons and balls of rock flying every which way to finally reach his destination.

In front of the Naruto clone sat another clone wearing a poncho and sombrero carving a wooden statue of Viper coiled around a parasol with a rusty Kunai, the Naruto clone made several hand signs to the poncho wearing clone and it nodded leaving the clone to drop back into battle.

The Poncho clone shoved the statue it had been carving under a nearby cardboard box and took out a carved wooden toad; Naruto had many a talent and he was recently picking up wood carving as part of an idea he was going to work into his future building project, he quickly wrapped the toad wood carving in a tag he had Isaribi set up for him to signal the finale.

With a counter clockwise spin the poncho wearing shadow clone threw the wrapped wooden toad as high into the air as he could making sure the time delay set off at the apex, when it did it created quite a blinding light and loud noise thus attracting quite a bit of attention to itself.

Where Naruto physically was…

Turning to the blinding explosion in the distance Naruto turned to Isaribi who had come along to help his three 'men' carry his supplies to their 'transport' otherwise known as one of Isaribi's sealing scrolls around the corner from where they bought a mass of wood and a quite a bit of metal.

"Zho Jei what was that" It was Naruto's false name while he was in the form of a woman, he just turned to Isaribi and quirked an eyebrow.

"I believe it was someone launching a fireworks display too early, but we must not dally for we have to be going" with that said Isaribi knew what Naruto's wry smile meant, time to set off the whole shebang.

Why it couldn't have been at a fairly nearby large bridge was something Isaribi grumbled about but decided to start by heading to the opposite side of the alley they were using to store the materials into the scroll near where they bought them.

Kneeling down Isaribi started doing hand signs and then placed a tag on the ground that led to a series of concealed tags that led all the way to the square, she set off the tag and a small line of minor pops and flashes shot off away from the alleyway in a domino kind of manner.

Around the square everyone was too distracted by the blinding flash to notice the genjutsu drop but when they noticed what the square was covered in they all went wide eyed.

Viper pulled the cardboard box over herself and noticed the statue of her; that looked like it could fit inside of a snow globe, she smiled then frowned when she realized that she should be pushing the box for all she's worth or else get caught in the trap as well.

Slowly but surely a cardboard box was seen sliding away from the field of battle as the last remaining clones; there weren't many at that, disappeared.

Soon a popping noise started to get louder and louder as the people around the square started to turn and run, but alas it was too late for them… to save their clothing and reputations.

In the distance Naruto and Isaribi watched from a safe distance on a rooftop as a humongous mushroom shaped pillar of orange paint shot into the air before dropping back down and flooding that section of town.

"Well there goes the last of them, got any money so I can make more" turning his head away Naruto didn't want to tell her that what money they had left was going into food for the next month or so.

"Let me guess, food? Ah well, I guess we can get by for a little while without mushroom makers, though it makes me question your sanity for having that much orange paint on you" snickering Naruto didn't say a word, he wouldn't dare mention he still had exorbitant amounts of pink, yellow and blood red paint.

"What can I say Isaribi, when it came to prank making the orange paint was always free as nobody in our village would buy it for the fact that it would give me much better camouflage points to hide in or they'd have to destroy buildings in the hopes that they can catch me, destruction of public property is frowned upon much more so then how much I defaced it as much as they defaced my apartment when I had one" Viper suddenly slithered up to Naruto's side smiling while dragging a cardboard box covered in orange paint up onto the roof with her.

"Well this was a successful venture, but there's still one thing we need to do" hearing Vipers voice Isaribi smiled and she formed a hand seal for the final blow to Jiraiya's pride as a spy master.

"I agree, but we better lay low… it's what we're good at and we're out of mushroom makers without those our previous battles could have gone so much worse, we need to change tactics as people are going to start expecting explosions around us" with that Isaribi let off a small pulse of water elemental chakra.

Elsewhere.

"I keep hearing news about this orange wearing Civilian and explosives, someone is stealing my gimmick and they are so going to get my art where the sun doesn't shine" Deidara said at the hideout of the easily self destructive organization of the Akatsuki.

Back in Tanzaku.

Naruto, Viper and Isaribi's heads were tilted back and they watched as the flying toad sage reached the apex of his arc before he started descending… straight toward shingled roof and he slammed against it hard.

"That had to hurt" speaking to soon Naruto watched as Jiraiya slid off the roof and flipped over so he was falling with his back facing down until he hit an awning and shot across the street in another arc flipping so he was falling face down…. over a bamboo and spiny rodents stand.

At the stand it looked like someone had looked to have sharpened the bamboo to a fine point and all the rodents were curling up and their spines were point towards the shadow in the sky.

"No… _that_... has to hurt…" the tittering of Vipers giggles just couldn't be held back, this was probably the funniest if not seriously deadly looking injuries ever incurred unintentionally.

"Happy birthday Viper, my wife" the orange clad mercenary ninja whispered to Viper who stood shock still and looked at him with teary eyes.

"Best birthday of our lives, huh" She whispered back while Isaribi watched as Jiraiya stood up and walked a few steps from the stand and then proceeded scream.

"I have no idea what you're talking about Viper and I most certainly didn't say that to you out loud" he was right he didn't say it out loud, but Viper just coiled around him not caring if he didn't say it out loud she squeezed him tightly to the point he could barely breathe, they both looked to Jiraiya and bit their lower lips.

Elsewhere in Sea Country.

They had traveled a vast distance to reach here overnight and they had scouted the area, now they were walking around bored out of their minds until they heard Jiraiya's scream.

"That was Jiraiya's Voice we must make haste to Pocky Country and the pocky eating tournament they're holding there soon, he'll never look for us there" the missing ninja of the leaf Itachi Uchiha had managed to travel very fast to get them here but it was a false clue, the three tailed demon turtles sister was nowhere near here or even an orange jumpsuit wearing person they were sent to find and capture.

"His voice sounds like it's actually coming from across the ocean, so he can't be that close also…" before the missing ninja of the hidden mist; known as shark swordsman Kisame, could go any further he found a sword at his throat and a kunai at his unmentionables.

"we… are… going… to… Pocky…. Country…" his calm demeanor and enunciation really belied the fact that he'd have no trouble killing Kisame, especially if he got in the way of a Pocky eating tournament and nobody said no to a crazy Uchiha unless they were ready to kill them or be killed.

Back in Tanzaku a little later, in their hotel room.

"Why in the world would someone sell bamboo and spiny rodents I'll never know" Isaribi had nearly died of laughter watching Jiraiya stand up covered in quills, not to mention two small bamboo spears sticking loosely out of two rather specific spots on his chest.

Viper had to force water down Naruto's throat to get him to stop laughing and when that didn't work she made ramen with a little help from Isaribi, it kind of saved his life as he took his ramen seriously.

"I know why, it's actually a Do It Yourself blow pipe, poison dart and organic senbon stand, assassins buy that kind of stuff in bulk when they want someone dead without being suspicious" Naruto just stared at Viper for a bit as she continued to stay wrapped around his body since before they even got back, even when they were making ramen she stayed wrapped around his body all the while he was still laughing.

"But isn't it kind of suspicious that people would buy bamboo and spiny rodents in bulk" this is around the moment that someone outside the door to their hotel room started commenting on what they were talking about, Naruto couldn't believe the conversations that would follow.

"I'm going to need some needles and something to make a splint with… I KNOW, I saw a nearby stand that sells porcupine quills and bamboo, Lee could you watch Neji for me" Outside the door was an orange covered Tenten, carrying and orange covered Neji who luckily didn't get any paint in his wound, followed by a brown and slightly orange covered lee.

"Did you say you've seen a bamboo stand; my panda has been getting hungry and I can pay you dearly if you run out and get me some, also get me a some of those quills my dressmakers are running out of pointy needles to use and they've been all about going organic being the wave of the future" It sounded like a noble that owned a panda was talking to the female voice all three of them were listening to.

"Hey I could also use some Bamboo; if I give you ninja's some money would you get me some so I can make a flute, I can make a cool weapon out of a second still functional after the fact bamboo flute if you want" Outside the door Tenten was getting exasperated as a third person walked in on their conversation.

"I want a safe porcupine to cuddle and keep as a pet; if you're going there can you find me one that's cute and won't hurt me" From inside their apartment Naruto was becoming more and more irritable, that gruff sounding strong man had him smacking his hand with his face.

He looked at Viper and Isaribi giggling at him, probably because he should be smacking his face with his hand.

"Okay, okay, but make the check out to Konoha and I'll take you up on that flute weapon offer" Tenten took all their requests and went off to buy from the bamboo and spiny rodent's merchant, only to barely get enough merchandise because some orange paint covered man destroyed most of the stand, not that he cared the man paid him lots of money in recompense for scaring his animals and destroying his bamboo.

"Okay, well I guess it can't be that strange" Naruto finally admitted while Viper rubbed her face against his neck still giggling.

"Just another thing to add to the story" Viper said as the book she was writing was going to be a best seller someday she just knew it. (Ironic echo)

Somewhere in Tanzaku one of the two cloaked stranger was laughing amiably, the target had a lot of guts and could have done much worse but didn't and he was sure they'd get along just fine as long as there wasn't any misconception as to why they were seeking him out.

The other cloaked stranger was crying about how his wonderful blue cloak was now a ugly lime green, but then he stopped and realized it reminded him of one of his favorite bags and stopped, he suddenly sneezed and a shuriken flew out his nose, he rubbed it idly and went back to staring blankly at nothing, the shuriken didn't even injure him flying out of his nose.

End Chapter.

Darkon: Next chapter Land of Snow… but wait a moment… how can we a do a land of snow arc without Naruto or Kakashi's team? In fact I still don't know how to introduce Kakashi or Sasuke into the story without explanation.

So if I do eventually get around to introducing them or whatever team they have they'll be horribly unbalanced in Sasuke's favor which is not saying much given Kakashi's training methods of focus on one person after making them wait three hours to train, Sasuke's progress will reflect that kind of work ethic. In short he's as strong as a nerf dart and definitely nothing.

Darkon: So far I haven't gone beyond belief, why? Because I don't have one person resurrecting entire armies on phlebtonium powers who should be long dead and that person will die in this story before the entire resurrection thing becomes an issue in a very cheap demeaning anti-climatic death, I'm looking at you Kabuto...


End file.
